Looking up from her emails, Lucy noticed PC Kat Everett and DC Maggie Jamieson in the reception area. The glass on the doors and windows in probation were one way: staff could see out, but members of the public couldn’t see in.
What the hell? They never confirmed they were coming today. Lucy glanced through her diary to see if she’d just forgotten, but when nothing was noted, her brain went into overdrive. Maybe they’re here to talk to Sarah or someone else. Please let that be the case. She nearly jumped out of her chair when her phone buzzed. It was reception, apparently the officers wanted to speak with her. Oh fuck. What do they know? Without thinking, Lucy picked up her bag and headed to the reception area.
Worry gnawed at her. Naturally with three people on her caseload recently murdered the police would, of course, want to speak with her. When she saw the look on their faces as they stood in reception, she knew for sure that something bad had happened. This didn’t bode well.
‘Hi, Lucy, how are you? Is there somewhere we can talk privately?’ Maggie asked her softly.
‘Sure, we can go into one of the interview rooms.’
Maggie nodded, and Lucy turned to the receptionist to advise her of where she’d be. Still hoping this was about collecting more information on the murdered men and nothing to do with Patrick, Lucy’s curiosity overrode her nerves momentarily.
‘Is this about those murders? Do you need to look at my records or something?’
The police officers looked at each other warily.
‘Well, sort of. But it’s best we wait until we have some privacy, OK?’
Lucy thought it was unusual for Kat to be so polite.
They entered the room, and the officers placed themselves directly across from her. Lucy laughed nervously. ‘Why do I feel like I’m about to be interrogated? So, uh … what is this all about?’
‘We’re going to be upfront with you. We have been asked to have an informal conversation with you about Drew Talbot, Robert Millard and Mick O’Dowd. Are you OK with that?’
‘Well, I guess so, Kat. I have nothing to hide.’
‘Right, so I’ll ask the questions and Maggie will jump in if she feels I’ve missed something. Do you understand?’
‘Yes. Am I under arrest or something? Am I under caution?’
‘You’re not under arrest or caution, we just want to have a conversation. You’re free to go at any time. However you should be aware that if you do leave, we may have to ask you to come into the station.’
Lucy began to shake. Why is this happening? Having nothing to hide, she knew that the best course of action would be to just answer the officer’s questions. ‘I understand. Ask away.’
‘We know that all three of the murdered men were known to you on probation. Did any of them express concerns about being harassed or followed?’
‘Any conversations where risks are raised are shared with Mark. Off the top of my head, I never met Drew, he was coming in so I could prepare a report for court. Neither of the other two men discussed any concerns they had about people after them. You would need to check the records if you’re looking for absolute certainty.’
‘Were you contacted by anyone who felt at risk from Mr Talbot, Mr Millard or Mr O’Dowd?’
‘Louise Millard never contacted me directly. I generally liaised with Sharon when it came to the victims, because it’s not appropriate for me to speak with them. As you know I did have concerns about Mick’s relationship with Vicki Wilkinson.’
‘So, no one threatened these men?’
‘No. Don’t you think I would have said something?’
‘Normally, we would.’ Maggie jumped into the conversation. ‘However, you failed to let us know when your husband …’ Maggie looked down at her notes ‘Patrick Quinn, was involved in an altercation with Mr O’Dowd … and we also learnt from our enquiries, that someone overheard Robert Millard tell your husband that he thought you were having an affair with a police officer.’
Lucy could feel the colour draining from her face. The room swirled before her eyes and she felt breathless. Why the hell would Robert say that to Patrick?
‘Are you OK, Lucy? Kat, go get some water.’ Maggie reached out and touched Lucy’s hand, but she snatched it away. ‘Calm down, Lucy. It looks like you’re having a panic attack. Breathe in and out, OK? I’ve just sent Kat to go and get you some water.’ Lucy bent over and put her head between her knees while Maggie rubbed her back. ‘Deep breaths, Lucy. That’s it. Deep breaths …’
Fifteen minutes had passed, and Lucy felt calmer. She had been given water and eventually managed to control her breathing. Now she was back at the table and the officers were about to continue. ‘Everything OK to carry on, Lucy?’
‘Uh, yes. Sorry, I don’t know what came over me then. You’re right. My husband did get into a fight with Mick O’Dowd. I didn’t think to speak to you about it because … well, I guess I figured you knew the story and if you had any questions, you’d come ask me.’ She couldn’t meet their eye. ‘Looking back, I suppose I should have said something. As for the other thing. I had no idea that Patrick knew or spoke to Robert Millard. I don’t talk to my husband about work stuff, I don’t frequent pubs in the evenings and there is no way I’m having an affair with a police officer … my god, my husband would—’ Lucy stopped short.
She was too ashamed to continue.
‘Your husband would what, Lucy?’ Maggie leaned forward.
Lucy gripped her hands together and tried to stay calm. ‘My husband would have told me about a conversation like that. He never did, so I can only assume he figured Robert was lying. But that’s only a guess. I suppose you’d have to speak to him.’
‘Yes, I suppose we might have to do that. All right, sorry to have had to put you through this. Are you sure you’re OK?’ Maggie frowned.
Lucy nodded. She felt sick and needed some fresh air. ‘Are we finished? Only I have a few cases booked in and if I need to organize cover, I’ll have to do it now.’
‘We’re done. If we have anymore questions for you – we’ll let you know. Thanks for your time.’
Lucy showed the officers out of the building and ran to the toilets barely making it into the cubicle before she threw up. She hadn’t been feeling well lately and speaking with the officers had not helped. But she also feared it could be something else. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out the pregnancy test she’d picked up at the chemist earlier.
She needed to know.
Oh God. Is Patrick involved in any of this? Why did Robert Millard say I was having an affair with a police officer? Why didn’t Patrick say anything to me?
Lucy recalled a night that Patrick had come home from the pub fuming. His anger was unleashed full force.
She traced the scar above her eyebrow slowly. Another reminder of his so-called love.
She was broken.
She felt broken.
Physically, financially, but most of all … emotionally. He turned her from a confident, carefree, intelligent woman, into a shell. She felt like nothing. Like she was in someone else’s body, skin, mindset. She leaned her head against the cubicle wall and her thoughts wandered.
I actually preferred the beatings. I knew what to expect. Bruises fade or could be covered up. But emotional scars stay. Eat away at my very existence. Until I believe I am nothing, too.
I gained weight in the hopes that this would turn him off sexually. Leggings, PJ bottoms, and oversized jumpers to make myself less attractive. I even stopped wearing make-up unless I absolutely had to.
‘Look at you, you ugly, fat, bitch!’
‘Fucking slag.’
‘Stupid bitch!’
The words and phrases I’m greeted with on a daily basis.
When Patrick first started with his insults, not long after we were married, I argued back.
‘Don’t call me that!’
This just encouraged him more. The twisted grin and empty, drunken stare.
‘Who do you think you’re talking to, bitch!?’ I could feel the tension rise in the room as he approached and towered over me. His forehead pushing against mine and if I tried to turn away – he’d push harder. Teeth clenched and that sneer mocking me.
‘Why do you make me do this? Why do you have to piss me off?’
If I answered, I got a slap, or a shove. If I didn’t answer, I got a slap, or a punch. So instead, I cried, and Patrick laughed. I wish I had the courage to stop him.
Lucy snapped back into reality and looked at the pregnancy test she held in her hand.
It was positive.