Be not afraid of shadows.
—Richard III, act 5, scene 3
Katherine wasn’t nervous about her clandestine meeting with Adam. Making the arrangements to meet him hadn’t been easy, but she found it exciting. However, she had much trepidation about trying to dance.
At first she’d wondered what on earth had made her challenge the earl to teach her, as he’d claimed he could. But she knew. In the heat of the moment, she would have said or done anything to get him to stay in London a little while longer. The truth was that she didn’t want him to go. The thought of never seeing him again caused an intense dull ache inside her.
There were times she gave in to darker thoughts and allowed herself to insist that life had been so unfair to her. She’d lost her family way too young. The accident and later the fall down the stairs had left her with a limp. She had lived in a good but quiet house, always longing for the sound of laughter, chatter, or even shouts of anger. Something other than the always polite, unemotional conversations between her aunt and uncles or the whispered mutterings of the servants. She never allowed those thoughts to stay and fester. Her happy nature would always return quickly.
But now, the one gentleman who stirred her senses, who challenged her at every turn, who had somehow managed to reach beneath her armor and touch her soul, was going to leave London. She didn’t know if she would ever see him again after he was gone. So coming to meet him today was an easy decision for her.
Before sending her maid off to the other side of the orphanage with the basket of clothing, Katherine explained there were some things she had to take care of and she would be returning late to the carriage. Her maid was to wait and not to worry. After the woman disappeared down the corridor, Katherine headed for the room where she’d last met with the earl. The door was closed when she reached it. She inhaled deeply to steady her breathing, knocked lightly, and stepped back.
Lord Greyhawke opened the door. Katherine’s heart skipped a beat and then soared at the sight of him. Blinking so her eyes could focus in the windowless room, she took in the dark trousers and white shirt that had no neckcloth or collar. The garment fit his torso like a well-worn leather glove, showing the breadth of his muscular chest and shoulders. She had no idea his waist was so narrow and his hips were so lean and slim. The legs of his dark trousers fit seamlessly into the tops of his shiny calf-high boots. He was so magnificent, he simply took her breath away.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Katherine.”
“Not a ghost, a man.”
His forehead wrinkled in concern. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Katherine. I won’t force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
He continued to question her with his golden-brown eyes as she walked past him and into the room. It took several seconds for her to realize he’d taken her hesitation as reluctance. It was astonishment. She’d never seen a man so casually clothed. Assuring herself she was doing the right thing, she reached over with her free hand and quietly closed the door.
“Does that settle it for you?”
“I believe it does.”
“Good. I have no doubts about being here.” Her gaze swept up and down his tall, masculine frame again. “It’s just that I’ve never seen a man without his coat on. My uncles always wear them. I have no memory of ever seeing my father without his on, either. In the summer, I’ve seen farmers and commoners on the streets without a coat, but never a gentleman.”
“Keeping the coat, collar, and neckcloth on is the gentlemanly thing to do in front of a lady, but as you know, I have been known to be far less than a gentleman on many occasions.”
“You are a very handsome man, my lord.”
He smiled his appreciation for her compliment. “I was beginning to wonder if you’d gotten my note after all.”
“I’m sorry I’m late. At the last minute I had to persuade my aunt she didn’t want to come with me.”
“I’m not surprised you managed to sway her in another direction.” Adam reached down beside her and turned the key in the lock.
A faint thread of puzzlement wove through her. “You found the key?”
“No. Mrs. Potts gave it to me.”
“Oh my,” Katherine said, thinking that might not have been the best thing for him to do. “You asked her for it?”
“Perhaps I should explain. I told her I needed the privacy of one of her empty rooms for an afternoon. She needs money to help take care of the children who live here, so we quickly came to an equally beneficial understanding.”
Katherine leaned forward. “She’s knows I’m here?”
“No, and she won’t. After I assured her I would do nothing other than hold a meeting in here, she had no interest in why I wanted the room. She was only interested in the donation I made to the orphanage, which will help her buy things like furniture to fill this room so she can use it, books so the children can learn, and other things that she needs.”
“I see. That was very generous of you. I’m sure it pleased her. I know she’s always grateful for donations.”
“It was a good bargain for both of us. What she doesn’t know is that I was going to do it whether or not she allowed me use of the room. Dixon said he was treated well when he lived here. Mrs. Potts was good to him. For that I’m grateful. I want to help her continue to take good care of the children who are here now and any who come in the future.”
“How are Master Dixon and Pharaoh?”
“Both at home this time, I’m happy to say, so there should be no mishaps today.”
“I shall miss seeing them.”
He looked down at her pale buttercup-colored dress. A lazy grin lifted one corner of his mouth. “I’m glad they aren’t here. You look absolutely fetching in that dress. I’d hate to see Pharaoh jump up on you and ruin it. So, shall we get started?”
Her pulse quickened. It was now or never. “Yes.”
He lifted his chin a notch and looked at her. “I’m thinking maybe you should take off your cape and bonnet. It will be much easier to dance without them.”
“All right.” She untied the ribbon of her bonnet and sash of her cape. Adam took them from her and laid them on the floor out of the way.
“Now, let’s see how well you stand without the cane.” He reached for it. “May I?”
She didn’t speak but allowed him to take the cane out of her hand.
While he laid the cane on top of her clothing, she stood perfectly still, waiting for whatever was going to happen next.
“Do you want to take a few steps without the cane? I’ll be right here to catch you if you fall.”
Katherine hesitated for only a moment before she stepped forward, first with her stiff leg and then with the other. She swayed a little but kept her balance. Adam backed up and she took another. She looked up at him, smiled, and took two more steps.
He grinned. “I think you have been fooling me about not walking without help.”
She laughed lightly, almost shyly. “I admit I’ve been practicing in my room.”
“And now you are walking without a cane.”
“It’s only a few steps.”
“For now. It will take time, but you’ll get stronger and surer of yourself the more you do it.”
Her eyes searched his. She wanted to believe he was right. She’d never really thought about how much she relied on the cane until she met Adam, and now she desperately wanted to be able to walk wherever she wanted without it.
“I know, and I hope you’re right.”
“Let’s see how much more you can do.” He took her left hand and placed it on the crest of his shoulder. He then grasped her right hand in his and with his other hand pressed just above the center of her back and pulled her body close to his.
Katherine felt his warmth and his strength immediately.
“You feel relaxed in my arms. That’s a good start. Some ladies feel stiff and awkward when I dance with them.”
She was relaxed because she enjoyed being in his arms and it felt heavenly to be so close to him again.
“Now, the first thing you need to know is that I’m going to step forward with my left foot and you will step back with your right foot. Do you think you can do that? That’s all we are going to do at first, all right?”
He looked so serious that Katherine had to laugh a little.
“Did I say something funny?” he asked ruefully.
“No, my lord.”
“My name is Adam.”
His gaze stayed steady on hers, and her breath hitched a little. It was so easy to think about kissing him whenever he was this close. Whenever she was looking at him. Especially whenever he looked at her with his enchanting, brandy-colored eyes.
“As you wish, my lord,” she said. “Adam, I’ve been watching ladies and gentlemen dance for over two Seasons now. I’ve studied their feet more times than I can count, so although I’ve never waltzed, I think I know how to do it.”
A grin played on his lips. “Do you now?”
“Yes,” she said rather confidently.
“So you don’t think I need to go over the basic steps with you before we begin?”
“No. I’m quite sure I know them and can do it.”
“Well, then perhaps you don’t need as much instruction as I thought and we should have no problem dancing. I’ll hold you tightly like this and give you a firm frame to brace against. Do you feel it?”
Oh, yes, she felt his strength and his warmth. She smelled shaving soap and fresh-washed clothes.
“All right. I’ll count to three and then we’ll start. One, two, three…”
His very first step landed on her toe. “Ouch,” she said.
Adam swore under his breath. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, it’s all right,” she said. “It was my fault.”
“It’s never the lady’s fault when a man steps on her toes.”
She gave him a grateful smile but said, “I didn’t get my foot out of the way fast enough. Let’s try it again.”
Adam counted to three and moved forward and stepped on her foot again.
Apologies and excuses were mumbled a second time. Katherine insisted they try once more. They did, with the same outcome the third time.
“Oh, the devil take it!” she exclaimed, her frustration quickly mounting to more than she could bear.
“Did you just swear, Katherine?”
She grimaced. “Don’t say anything.”
His lips twitched with humor. “I am not one to lecture anyone about their language.”
“Let’s just try it again,” she said in an annoyed tone. “I know I can do it.”
“So do I, but you don’t have to hold my hand so tightly and you don’t have to try so hard. Take it easy and the steps will come. All right?”
Katherine looked at her hand clasped in his and saw that her knuckles were white. She drew in a long breath and slowly loosened her grip.
“That’s better,” he said. “I think you need to take a longer step back. Stretch back as far as you can and I’ll take smaller steps, too.”
“Yes, that should work,” she answered, though her confidence was waning with each start.
Adam counted again and they made it to the third step before his foot landed on hers. Katherine mumbled something about the devil under her breath again. What had made her think, what had made her hope, that he could teach her to dance? It wasn’t going to happen.
“All right,” she said in an exasperated voice. “I admit it’s not as easy as every lady on the dance floor makes it look.”
He smiled understandingly, and her heart melted. She so wanted to learn how to dance for him, and for her.
“No, it’s not, but I know you can do it. Why don’t we try it my way this time and start with just walking through the basic steps before we try dancing them.”
Katherine nodded, and so it went for the better part of half an hour. Hands clasped. Backs straight. Starting and stopping. Toe to toe and sometimes toe on toe.
Frustrated that it was harder than she’d thought it would be, disappointed that she wasn’t doing better than she’d expected when she was trying so hard, Katherine finally stopped, dropped her hands to her sides, and said, “I can’t do this. I’m never going to master this because my knee doesn’t bend enough and there’s a catch in my hip that won’t let me step back as far as I need to.”
“Never is a long time,” he countered.
She let out a huffing breath and said irritably, “I know how long never is.”
With his fingertips, he lifted her chin and looked deeply into her eyes. “Then don’t get upset if you don’t learn how to dance in thirty minutes. You have plenty of time to learn.”
Not if you are leaving, she wanted to say but remained quiet.
“Look,” he continued, “you are standing on your own without benefit of your cane or me for support. You didn’t do that the first night we met and now you are.”
“Standing still is different from walking,” she said.
“Is your leg hurting?”
“A little,” she admitted honestly. “More tired and aching than hurting.”
“I don’t want you feeling either. Let’s rest for a few moments.” He looked around the room and then strode over, grabbed his cloak, and spread it out in the center of the floor. “I’m sorry there isn’t anything in here to sit on other than this.”
“I don’t mind,” she said as he took hold of her hands and helped her to sit on top of his cloak.
He looked down at her and said, “I think if you work your muscles by practicing and don’t depend on the cane every time you walk, one day you will be dancing. You do know the steps. You just have to learn how to adjust your weight from one leg to the other when you move.”
Feeling defeated, she said, “Maybe one day I’ll walk completely unaided, but you don’t know what you’re saying about dancing. I think I just proved you wrong.”
“No one learns to dance in thirty minutes, Katherine. You’re being too hard on yourself. Your injuries were healed a long time ago. The muscles and joints in your leg just need to be used.”
“My aunt and uncles were being kind to me by never letting me try to dance. They knew I couldn’t do it. Dancing is so beautiful and graceful and I made it look—”
Adam dropped to his knees in front of her and pressed his fingers to her lips, cutting off her words. “Don’t say it,” he said, softly outlining her lips with the pads of his fingers. “Because whatever you were going to say, it’s not true. And I don’t want to hear it.”
She didn’t want it to be true, but it was.
“I want to look at your leg. Do you mind?”
There was no command in his voice, but his words caused her heartbeat to skip with apprehension. Her throat suddenly felt dry and her lungs felt void of air.
“You want to see my leg?”
His cocked his head back and let his gaze waft up and down her face. “Only with your permission,” he said, and then without waiting for it, he wrapped his strong, warm hand gently around her ankle and held it. “I don’t want to frighten you.”
Katherine’s stomach tightened. Her weak leg was out straight in front of her and the other was bent underneath, helping to support it. “It’s ugly and you don’t want to see it,” she answered, and made a move to pull her foot from his grasp. He held it firmly. The strength of his hold told her she must put up a tougher resistance before he’d let go.
A hint of a smile touched the corners of his lips and he sat on the backs of his legs. “Does it have scars on it?”
“Three,” she answered. “And they are not pretty.”
“There isn’t anything about you that isn’t pretty, Katherine. You are the most beautiful young lady I’ve ever seen.” He carefully rested her foot on top of his knee and slipped her shoe off her stocking-clad foot. “You have gorgeous green eyes, shiny auburn tresses, and lips that are … well, are gorgeous, too. You are tall and slender, and from what I can tell beneath your clothing, you are beautifully shaped. I have no doubts that your scars are as pretty as the rest of you.”
Katherine laughed and shook her head. “You cannot make me believe that, any more than you made me believe that champagne bubbles pop in my brain and cause me to have headaches.”
“I agree that one was questionable, but not what I said about your beauty.” An easy smile came to his lips. “To me you are the most beautiful lady I have ever known.”
She wasn’t sure she believed him, but she said, “Thank you for telling me that.”
He took hold of the hem of her dress and slowly started easing it up her leg. “Now, may I continue or are you going to stop me?”
His implication was clear. She could stop him, but she had to put forth a worthy effort. Determined not to show her fear, Katherine watched her dress rise up her leg but said nothing. To her surprise, the intimacy of what he was doing wasn’t horrifying or even uncomfortable. It felt natural.
He pushed the skirt of her pale yellow dress up past her knee to about midthigh. Holding her ankle with one hand, he squeezed her leg all the way up to just past her knee and back down. His hands were large but gentle. She watched his wide, lean-muscled chest and thick arms ripple with movement beneath his shirt.
“Does it hurt when I do that?” he asked.
“No. It actually feels wonderful.” To have your hands on me, she added silently.
“Good. I’m going to pull down your stocking.”
Her gaze shot up to his and a shiver stole over her.
“Stop me whenever you want,” he said quickly.
Katherine didn’t want to stop him. Instead, she instinctively leaned back and placed her hands on the floor behind her. If he wanted to see her leg, she would allow it. His gentle touch had started a slow heat of yearning deep in her lower stomach, and she wanted it to continue.
Katherine wasn’t prepared for the shock of pleasure that flowed through her as he rolled down her stocking to her ankle. Her stomach quivered and a teasing warmth tingled across her breasts. How could such a simple, everyday life occurrence fill her with such anticipation that more was to come?
Adam caught the calf of her leg in the palm of one hand and held her ankle in the other. With confident hands, he turned her leg to the left and right. He bent her knee as far as it would go, and then he straightened it and looked at her scars. There was a three-inch scar below her knee and two smaller ones above it.
“The scars have almost faded away,” he said. “They aren’t red.” He ran his fingers gently over them several times. “They aren’t raised or welted, but definitely the wide stitching of a physician and not the small, delicate needlework of a woman.”
“Men are not usually very skillful with a needle.”
“These aren’t ugly. They are hardly even noticeable. I think you have a beautiful, shapely leg.”
Katherine hadn’t looked at them in a long time and admitted to herself that they didn’t look as horrifying as they used to.
“It’s true, Katherine. And I know with a little hard work, your leg will get stronger, too.”
Adam’s warmth, kindness, and encouragement drew her like the heat of a fire on a frigid night. In reality, she should be frightened, or appalled, or at the very least feel somewhat compromised because she was showing him her leg, letting him touch her in such an intimate way. But the only feelings she experienced were desire and wanting. His touch felt good and natural.
“Your hands are gentle,” she whispered, watching his fingers massage her muscles.
“It’s easy to be gentle with you.”
With care, he rubbed up and down the lower part of her leg, tenderly massaging the back of her calf all the way up to the back of her knee and down again. His movements were seductive and languorous. Breathtaking sensations stirred and mounted inside her. The sensual touch of his hands heated her. The warmth curled and wove its way once again up to her breasts and teased them before spiraling down to the center of her womanhood and settling there.
She watched the bulge of his taut muscles flex and tighten beneath the fabric of his shirt. He was a powerfully built man, but his touch was tender. His hand caressed and massaged her leg, sending delicious feelings spreading throughout her body.
Adam’s half-closed gaze remained on her face. The cold, hard truth was that he knew exactly how he was making her feel, but she didn’t know what he was going to do about it.
She leaned forward a fraction and before she could stop herself asked, “When can we meet again?”
He continued to caress her leg. “I don’t know. I’m not sure we should.”
The intensity of his gaze forced her to lower her head and look away from him.
“Not because of your dancing, Katherine.”
She knew he wasn’t referring to her dancing. She exhaled a steadying breath. “Then why?”
“Look at me,” he said.
She acquiesced.
“Because of how I feel when I’m alone with you. Because of what I want to do but can’t.”
She swallowed hard. “What do you want to do?”
Watching her carefully, he said, “Kiss you, of course.”
Feeling fortified, she said, “I like your kisses.”
He grunted a half laugh. “I like yours, too. Believe me, I do.”
He reached over and placed a sweet brief kiss on her lips before resting on the backs of his legs again.
“That was like a first kiss, Adam. We are way past kissing like that, are we not?”
He let out a heavy breath. “Don’t tempt me any more than you already have, Katherine.”
“But I want to.” Katherine scooted closer to him and wound her arms around his neck. Looking deeply into his eyes, she admitted, “I enjoy kissing you.”
“I enjoy it, too.” He stopped. “I should be strong enough to deny you, but there are times your powers of persuasion overcome me. Like now. When I kiss you the way you like to be kissed, it makes me want to touch you like this.” He slid his hand up her midriff and caught her breast in the palm of his hand.
Katherine’s stomach did a delicious somersault as bone-melting pleasure raced through her. Tingling warmth settled low in her abdomen as he fondled her breast, feeling its weight, its shape, and its firmness beneath the fabric of her dress and stays.
“I don’t mind you doing that,” she said, realizing her breaths were coming faster and shorter. “It’s quite pleasurable.”
“For me, too,” he said huskily. “But when I touch you like this, it makes me want to kiss you like this.” Adam wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. His head dipped low and covered her lips with his in a long, hard, urgent kiss.
He kissed her again and again and again. She savored every taste, every breath. She loved the feel of his lips on hers and the touch of his hand caressing and shaping her breast.
She opened her mouth and Adam’s tongue swept inside with satisfying swiftness.
“Yes,” she whispered as her hands dug into the fabric of his shirt, pressing him closer to her. “Kiss me like this.”
They kissed deeply, hungrily, and eagerly over and over until Adam finally lifted his head and whispered breathlessly, “And when I kiss you like this, Katherine, and touch you like this, it makes me want to also do this.” Cradling her back with his arms, Adam gently tumbled her onto his cloak and lowered his body on top of her.
Katherine had never felt anything more powerful than Adam’s weight settling on top of her. She welcomed it. Automatically, her legs spread and he fit his lower body up against her womanhood. It was the most glorious experience. She couldn’t imagine that anything could ever rival the exquisite feeling.
Adam continued to kiss her and caress her with the fierceness and passion she wanted as the hardness of his lower body pressed against her softness. At times his kisses skimmed over her cheeks and down her neck, but he’d always find his way back to her lips and ravish her mouth again. It was thrilling to know that he desired her as desperately as she desired him.
He lifted his head, gazed down into her eyes, and whispered, “And when I am on top of you like this, I want to do this.”
With his strong hand, he reached up and tugged on the neckline of her dress and undergarment, sliding them off one shoulder and halfway down her arm. With tender fingers, he pulled down on the clothing and exposed her breast.
His eyes were glazed with passion as he looked at her. “You are as beautiful as I knew you would be. Your skin is flawless. Your breast is perfectly round and inviting.” He bent his head, and his mouth covered her nipple quickly, tasting her eagerly.
Katherine gasped and arched her back. Shivers of exhilaration flooded her. Her breath jumped erratically. A tremor of desire shook his body, too. He was as affected by her as she was by him. That thrilled her even more. All she could do was moan with pleasure and wrap her arms around his firm, strong shoulders. His tongue flicked and played with her breast, sending shivers of delirious tingles shooting throughout her body.
Her hands moved down his broad back and she cupped his firm buttocks, pressing him closer to her. He moaned and trembled again. His hand raked down her other breast, her rib cage, over her hip and thigh, to press her tightly against the hardness caught between his legs.
Leaving her breast moist from his tongue, he suddenly placed his hands on either side of her face and dragged his lips from hers. Breathlessly, he looked down into her eyes and said, “Can you feel how desperately I want you right now?”
“Yes,” she murmured.
“But I cannot have you. Now, do you see why I don’t know if we should meet again?”
“No, I don’t see. Something wonderful and thrilling is happening between us. I don’t want it to stop.”
“It must. I fear you will drive me insane with wanting. I swear by heaven I have never wanted another woman with the intensity I want you, Katherine. Not Annie. Not anyone. But I cannot make you mine. My fear for you overrides my wanting you.”
His words were so sincere, she suddenly felt close to tears. She touched his cheek. “But I don’t understand. What fear?”
“There’s always the possibility you could have a babe from our coming together. I can’t allow that.”
She stiffened and suddenly she felt cold. She reached down and pulled her dress up her shoulder and over her breast. “Because you don’t want to marry me.”
“I can’t marry anyone.” He rolled away from her and rose to his knees again. He reached out to help her sit up.
Feeling bereft, Katherine refused his outstretched hand. “I can do it by myself. Thank you.”
“You need to understand that I was able to stop this time, but I fear the time will come when I won’t, and that is too dangerous for you.”
She could see that he was very serious about what he was saying, but she still didn’t comprehend his meaning. “Why would it be dangerous?”
“That’s a personal question, and we both know how you feel about them,” he said. “Just take my word for it that my reasons for not marrying are good ones.”
“So you will never have the warmth of a woman in your bed again?”
“You are so innocent,” he whispered. “Mistresses are schooled to know how to keep from getting in the family way.”
His words tore through her heart like a knife. “You have a mistress?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Not at present.”
“But you will have one. You would rather have a mistress than a lady who loves you.”
“Katherine, I don’t want to talk about mistresses with you.”
Does it embarrass you?”
“No. No, it makes me angry. I want you. I want marriage and a son, not a mistress. But there are reasons I can’t have you and you’ll just have to take my word for that because I’ll not say more.”
He rose and walked over to pick up her cape, bonnet, and cane. While his back was turned, she pulled her dress and stocking into place and then, with a little effort, stood up.
Adam’s expression was somber as he handed her things to her.
“Will I see you again before you leave?”
“I don’t know. Katherine, you have known almost from the first night we met that I did not come to London looking to make a match.”
Aching from his rejection, she said, “And I believe I’ve told you before that I’ve not asked you to marry me. Now if you don’t mind unlocking the door, I’ll take my leave.”