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HER DAUGHTER AND INTENDED had just departed after sharing the news that his father had forbade the match, planning to walk to Oakham Mount in the accompaniment of Mary, who offered to act as chaperone. They were both dejected, but Lizzy had striven to be supportive and hide her ire while speaking to them.
Lizzy hadn’t been surprised, but she had been disappointed that Fitzwilliam Darcy had resorted to such means. She hadn’t truly known whether he would make such an ultimatum when she’d warned William two days ago, but she remembered how he had ceased all friendship with Charles after hearing about his friend’s intention to marry Jane. Yet, a friendship could never be as close as a father/son relationship, so she’d hoped he wouldn’t sink so low.
She was angry and not fit company when the aging Hill shuffled in to announce a visitor. She thought it might be Jane, come to commiserate with the young lovers, and she certainly wasn’t expecting it to be Fitzwilliam Darcy standing in the doorway when she left the sitting room.
Lizzy got over her shock after a moment and said, “Good afternoon, Mr. Darcy.” She was struggling to be civil and pretend like the earlier exchange hadn’t happened, and that she wasn’t furious that he was hurting both their children due to his pride. Never mind her lips were still buzzing from the feel of his kiss against them. She should be shocked and outraged at his maneuver, rather than remembering how it had made her feel even into her toes, which had tingled and curled as their lips shared a tender moment.
“I wish to speak to you, Mrs. Collins.” He sounded far humbler this time, which was certainly a surprise.
“Of course.” Feeling slightly confused, since he was confounding her expectations, she led him down the hallway and into her study. It had once been her father’s library, and it still functioned for that purpose too, but Lizzy also conducted most of the estate business from there. She gestured for him to take a seat across from her as she sat in the familiar chair that had once been her father’s. “I truly did not expect you back so soon.” She winced slightly at blurting out her thoughts. “Pardon my manners. May I offer you tea?”
He looked around the study for moment, eyes wide, as he shook his head. “No, thank you. I am fine. I do not believe I ever saw this room when it was Mr. Bennet’s, but it appears you have not changed much.”
She frowned. “What gives you that idea?”
He gestured to the entire wall of books on estate management. “Surely, those must have been your father’s?”
“Some, though I have acquired many over the years since. My father was not quite as adept at estate management and saving as he could have been.”
“Was Mr. Collins an adept manager?”
She considered not answering, for she never liked to discuss that time in her life, but she had nothing to hide. She just preferred not to dwell on her short marriage to Mr. Collins. “Mr. Collins appeared to be of the same bent, along with the flaw of stinginess, while assuming he knew more than everyone around him. When the plow was stuck in the ground, he insisted he would be able to get it out when no one else could, not wanting to pay for extra assistance. That proved to be his downfall, quite literally.” She flushed as she said that. “I do not mean to be flippant, of course. The poor man stumbled and fell on one of the tines, and it ran him through.”
“I take it you were not married very long then?”
Lizzy shook her head. “It was a very brief marriage, and two good things came from it—Lottie, and being able to control Longbourn.”
He raised a brow. “Surely, you have a male guardian who oversees business for you, or perhaps a steward?”
She clenched her teeth, unsurprised he underestimated her. Most men did. “Of course, I have a steward, but I do not need a man to manage my property. Mr. Bingley was quite helpful in the beginning, as was my steward. I suppose, ostensibly, there is a male figurehead in the picture. Mr. Bingley occasionally has to sign things for me, which is quite irritating, but all of Longbourn’s success is owed to me.”
She spoke without false modesty, aware of the accomplishments she had achieved over the last several years. Particularly with being hindered by the patriarchal constraints of society, she had managed a great deal.
He seemed somewhere between impressed and unsettled. “You have done well with Longbourn then?”
Rather than answer directly, she said, “You expressed concerns about my daughter’s dowry.”
“It is not truly that important, except it matters in my social circle. My son does not need to marry for wealth as my poor cousin Richard did.”
She smiled for a moment. “I have met the colonel a few times. He seems quite content with his lovely wife.”
Fitzwilliam nodded. “I believe he truly loves Violet, but it did not hurt that her father was a wealthy merchant. Fortunately, William does not need to consider such things to make a suitable match.”
She inclined her head. “I understand. Lottie is in a similar position.”
His eyes narrowed, and he sounded skeptical. “Indeed?”
“I learned from my father’s poor example, though I suppose I was fortunate to only have to provide for one daughter. I have set aside ten thousand pounds for Lottie’s dowry.”
Fitzwilliam looked like he nearly choked, and she was glad he hadn’t accepted her offer of tea, or he likely would have sprayed it all over both of them. He cleared his throat, appearing shocked beyond reason. “Ten thousand pounds?”
She took great pleasure and a strong dash of pride in nodding tightly. “With a further one thousand pounds per year for maintenance.”
He sputtered. “How can you possibly afford that? You do not need to put yourself in deep debt. If I decide to approve the match, dowry would not matter.”
“It does though. It assures my daughter has funds of her own and a way to take care of herself. I will not have her in a situation where she is forced to marry someone she does not love to take care of herself or others. That has been a driving motivation for me as I built up Longbourn to what it used to be before my father mismanaged it.” She shuddered at the slightly disloyal words, but they were true.
“He was a good father in some ways, but mostly, he was self-absorbed. I have not made the same mistakes. My daughter is well provided for, and though she doesn’t have the same social standing as your son, I had planned to send her to London for a Season after Christmastide. She will find a good husband there—or she would have, but she appears to already be settled on your son.”
“You did not have a Season.” He uttered it as an observation and still seemed to be trying to absorb her claims. He had no reason to doubt them, and she’d soundly assure him of that if he indicated disbelief.
“I did not. Neither did my sisters, for my parents considered it unfair to fund a Season for only one. Lottie asked for a Season last year, but I expect her to marry in her first Season, as beautiful, kind, and accomplished as she is in drawing, dancing, and modern languages, so I selfishly told her to wait another year. I cannot regret that, for she seems to be happy with William, and whether they choose a short or long betrothal, I support their union.”
“My son mentioned as much.” He scowled at her. “He indicated you have offered him refuge here if I disown him.”
“I did, for he seems like a sensible and sweet young man. He must get that from his mother.” She almost laughed at the way his lips pursed. “I must admit, I had my reservations when she first told me he was coming to propose, but all it took was observing them quietly for a few minutes alone to realize there is genuine love and affection between them, Mr. Darcy.”
“Perhaps, but is it enduring?”
She was surprised at his small concession. “I do not know if it is enough to last them a lifetime, and if perhaps they might outgrow their sentiments, so I still stand by my urging of a longer courtship and engagement, but I will not insist upon it. If you choose to disown the boy, he will find a home here with us. After all, I need someone trained in how to run Longbourn when I have passed. I had planned to teach Lottie, but it would be sensible for them both to know.”
He seemed uncomfortable as he shifted. “I saw them together too.” He spoke abruptly, clearly unhappy with those words and the admission he had to make. “They appear to have a strong bond between them. I could see the affection between them. They are willing to sacrifice for each other, and though I am not entirely convinced due to their tender age, I will withdraw my objections.”
She blinked, shocked to hear that. “Truly?”
He frowned at her. “I am capable of revising my opinions upon occasion.”
She snorted. “If I recall from many years ago, you are not one to change your opinion once it is set, according to Caroline.” Her lips twitched as she recalled that time, back when Caroline had been so very haughty and convinced she could set her cap for Mr. Darcy despite his engagement. Of course, she must have known, unlike the locals of Meryton, that it hadn’t been formally announced yet and still had hope.
Fortunately, Caroline had mellowed over the years and was content with Mr. Carter, the man she had married the year following the Darcy/de Bourgh union. She was also far more pleasant these days, to Lizzy’s relief, since they saw each other at least a few times per year, with her sister married to Caroline’s brother.
“I do not write my opinions in stone,” he said in a harsh manner.
“I have seen very little evidence of that, Mr. Darcy. For example, when Mr. Bingley returned to court my sister again and proposed, you cut off all contact with him. You have maintained your stubborn silence for eighteen years, have you not? I merely question whether you can truly change your mind so quickly.”
He shifted in his seat. “I would like my son to be happy.” He seemed to speak from the heart when he said that. He cleared his throat and looked down. “Truthfully, Anne and I did not have the happiest of marriages. We were good friends, but I loved her like a sister, not a wife. It is very difficult to have a good marriage with someone you consider a sister, especially when she loves another.”
Lizzy nodded slowly, startled to hear Anne had maintained a tendre for another. “In my case, it was very difficult to have a good marriage with someone I could not respect. I tried to make the union work, and he seemed to genuinely try too, but Mr. Collins was never a good match for me. If my father had not died the very day you left Netherfield, I never would have accepted his proposal.”
Fitzwilliam winced. “I am sorry. I had not heard that detail.”
“I am surprised Lady Catherine didn’t say anything to you about it.”
“My aunt and I are not particularly close.”
Lizzy couldn’t hide her disapproval. “Which is unfortunate, because once you get past her overbearing manner, you can find a genuinely lovely woman inside. She wants what is best for you and for everyone. The only problem arises if you deviate from the course she has deemed best for you.” Her lips twitched as she added that.
He seemed surprised. “You sound fond of my aunt.”
“Surprisingly, I am. She proved to be an unexpected ally once we got past our differences when I was at Hunsford. I think she liked that I stood up to her. She has gotten quite close to my family over the years, and I know she shall want to be included in Lottie’s engagement party.”
He frowned. “What happened to a long courtship?”
Lizzy shrugged. “I am being realistic. I do not believe they have it in them to wait long. For that matter, perhaps it is best to let them marry sooner rather than later, for young love is quite intense, and passions can run high. There could be...indelicate complications if we try to make them wait too long.”
He surprised her by standing up and moving around the desk. Lizzy refused to yield any ground, but she trembled a little inside as he leaned closer, propping himself against the corner of her desk. “It is not always young passions that run strong, is it?” As he asked, he trailed his knuckle down her cheek and pushed a stray hair that escaped her chignon behind her ear.
Lizzy’s mouth went dry at the casual touch, and she couldn’t help recalling the way he’d kissed her earlier. It had been tinged with anger, but this time, she wanted a different memory.
It had been a long time since she’d acted impulsively, forced as she had been to be disciplined and think of everyone’s future and all that was at stake with a wrong choice, but as he leaned down, she stretched up, and their lips met.
This was a far different kiss than the angry one they had exchanged earlier in the afternoon. It was gentle, but there was certainly a surging inferno of passion underlying it. She put her arms around his neck as she stood up the rest of the way, and he pulled her against him.
Lizzy had kissed a man before, and of course, she had lain with one, but Mr. Collins had never managed to make her senses feel like this, like every nerve in her body was strung taut in a blazing conflagration. When Fitzwilliam moved his mouth, nibbling on her ear before sucking on her neck, she whimpered and pushed herself closer to him.
Only catching sight of them in the mirror across the way brought her back to her senses, and she gently pushed him from her. “This is hardly the time or place for that sort of thing.” How prim and proper she sounded, though she didn’t feel that way at all.
He cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. “Quite right. I must speak with my son anyway. I suppose there will be contracts to negotiate and a betrothal party to plan.”
She nodded her agreement, remaining where she stood as he walked around her desk and headed for the door. When he paused in the doorway to look back, she held her breath as he said, “This is not over between us, Lizzy. I walked away long ago, and though I suppose it worked out for the best, because we couldn’t have the lives we have now, I cannot help feeling an ache of remorse. I would like to know what might have been and what could still be.”
She was incapable of answering him, shocked as she was by the revelation, though it shouldn’t have been all that surprising in light of the fact they had kissed each other twice in since their reunion. She was still afraid though. What would he want from her? She was a widow, which put her in a position to enjoy certain delights of the flesh that a young maiden hadn’t been deemed entitled to indulge. Did he want something from her that was strictly physical, or was he thinking of something more?
Lizzy watched him go, still not certain how to feel.