There’s always a certain degree of romance when you take to the skies. The fact that we are now able to soar higher than any bird has ever flown, and cover extreme distances in mere hours, has an almost surreal, dreamy feel about it. Us creatures of the land have been able to overcome our physical limitations, our impractical bone structure (for flying, that is) and our featherless bodies to conquer the skies.
This notion of romance in the air has been taken one step further by the tried-and-tested formula of using sex in advertising. Southwest Airlines had stewardesses dressed in hot pants, Kingfisher Airlines Chairman Vijay Mallya calls his stewardesses “walking models in the air”, our favourite Singapore Girl promises “A Great Way to Fly” and Virgin Atlantic proudly proclaims “Your airline’s either got it or it hasn’t” in their latest advert, complete with the unabashed glamour of a James Bond-esque opening sequence.
Lured by the allure of flying to exotic destinations, I joined Singapore Airlines immediately after graduation. As part of the airline policy then, I was able to fly in First Class on duty travel if the cabin wasn’t full. Ahhh… First Class… the champagne, the caviar, the fully reclining leather seats, the 14-inch TV screens, the soft plush duvets, the noise reduction headsets, the attentiveness of the leading stewardesses… it was another universe altogether, and not just a part of the aircraft. The joy was in the journey, and the journey was pure joy. As a young executive searching for his “wings”, I looked forward to every trip with great anticipation and enthusiasm. I was out to conquer the world, one country and one city at a time.
Progression though, can be an ironic thing. There is a standing joke that says the higher up the corporate ladder you go, the smaller your balls become (in relation to the type of sports you play as you progress in your career!). It has been 15 years since I joined the airline industry, and as my career progressed and I worked my way through different companies and different airlines, the width of my seat has shrunk and the seat pitch has become smaller. I now rub elbows frequently with the strangers next to me, and need to get up every now and then to flirt with the stewardesses in order to prevent myself being a victim of DVT1.
I’ve been to some airports on duty travel so many times I can get from the departure hall to the aircraft gate with my eyes closed if I have to. I cut immigration queues with my frequent visitor cards, and my passport has already run out of pages… twice!
Duty travel has therefore quite literally become a pain in the neck, and I now have the distinction of being a frequent flyer on some budget airlines, as a “jet star” of sorts. The only comfort I take is that CEOs such as Richard Branson travel on budget airlines too. The only difference between the two of us is that he doesn’t want to pay for a seat and would rather dress up in drag and serve passengers for a free flight.
With the recent popularity of budget carriers, I have become accustomed to the advent of add-ons, and to reading pages and pages of legal jargon just to find out if I need to pay more than my airfare for checking in a bag. A sip of water costs at least three dollars, a blanket is eight dollars… and a seat next to the emergency exit? Priceless.
As for the future, perhaps things can only get worse. Ryanair is contemplating installing coin slots on toilet doors to make customers pay a pound to relieve themselves. One suspects that if the CEOs of budget airlines had their way, we would all also be paying for a demarcated square on an aircraft with no seats, just railings on the ceiling of the aircraft with hand grips hanging from them. Customers who pay only surcharges may choose to either be strapped to the wings or to the tail of the aircraft, and those who managed to get free tickets would be tied to the landing gear.
The exponential expansion of budget airlines in Asia does, however, have a silver lining. More destinations than ever before are now connected to our little red dot, and these days I can hop over to many leisure destinations for a fraction of the price I used to pay — if my plans don’t change, and if I travel with nothing but my birthday suit and a single toothbrush.
For a travel addict like me, this has been a welcome development — definitely not where my work is concerned, but for my still insatiable desire to see more of this world. So I guess I’ll just have to adapt to the new norm in the skies to get to new destinations and experiences.
Alternatively, would anybody care to donate a private jet?
1 Deep vein thrombosis, a blood clot in one’s leg veins due to excessive periods of inactivity from sitting down