The unceremonious deposit of William Collins in front of number twenty-seven Gracechurch Street by a carriage much too refined for a post-chaise spoiled the pretty party of the three Bennet sisters with their aunt and uncle. The Gardiner family took in their distant cousin, all aside from Elizabeth curious as to the circumstances surrounding his abbreviated Kent visit. Unwilling to betray his patroness, the pastor explained away concerns with a romantic tale.
"I'm afraid I am fallen victim to, as the poets say, a most violent affliction. No sooner had I arrived in Kent and attended my business affairs but Lady Catherine announced she was returning to London. I found myself anxious to return to the side of my beloved cousin Elizabeth."
This explanation sated Jane Bennet and Mr. Edward Gardiner, devastated Mary Bennet, and raised the suspicions of Mrs. Gardiner. It wasn't the words the pastor had to say, but more the flat and disinterested tone of his delivery that rankled her nerves.
"Mr. Collins, what a handsome compliment to pay our Lizzie." The encouragement of Mrs. Gardiner spurred Elizabeth into pulling a gruesome face at her aunt, which only elicited a wink from the older woman.
"I find I am ever in the happy position to pay ladies compliments. A kind word or phrase raises the spirit in a way few other affections may accomplish. In fact, I am myself a diligent student of the handsomest of compliments for the exalted ladies of my acquaintance." Mr. Collins clasped his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels.
Elizabeth Bennet failed to resist such a keen opportunity to poke fun and ridicule. "Would you say then, sir, your compliments are the fruit of such practice or are they only the spontaneous thoughts and feelings you find yourself in the throes of when in the presence of such ladies?" Elizabeth tried to conceal her mirth but only managed a half smile awaiting his pompous and ridiculous response.
"I have, on occasion, taken time to write down the prettiest words and phrases so I am not victim to my faulty memory, but even in the situation where I deliver such compliments, I do take ever such care to give them an air of unpracticed recitation."
Elizabeth opened her mouth to retort, but her aunt's nod made her hold her tongue. She wanted nothing more than to inform the windbag his compliments were no sooner unpracticed than his manners would be considered practiced! The anger and meanness burned her chest, how violently she disliked her cousin! Mary took Elizabeth's silence as an opportunity to fret over Mr. Collins' wellbeing and inquire as to his plans for lodgings while in London.
Removing a handkerchief that appeared quite soiled from his pocket, Mr. Collins elicited an unappealing sound as he cleared his nose and sinuses. "I do believe I will inquire about a room for the two days we are to remain in London. The cost of such is an extravagance for most men of my station, but thanks to the economy of traveling with the generous Lady Catherine de Bourgh, I suppose I do possess those funds to spare . . ."
"Oh Mr. Collins, you should not rent a room! Why, you are a part of our family. Perhaps I might share a room with Lizzie and Jane, Aunt? Mr. Collins may take my room," Mary sounded quite hopeful for such an arrangement, even though it would mean she would need to sleep on a crude mattress on the floor.
"There's no need for you to run off to the nearest inn, Mr. Collins." Mrs. Gardiner scarcely gave him a warm invitation into her home.
Mary volunteered to move her belongings from her current room into the larger suite with Lizzie and Jane right away. Mrs. Gardiner left the room for a moment to instruct a servant to move a spare mattress to the larger suite for Mary. All three girls would be cramped, but only for two nights of their weeklong visit.
Not wishing to remain in the parlor with Mr. Collins and Jane, Elizabeth suggested a walk in a small familiar park in the neighborhood.
"It is colder today than yesterday, Lizzie. I'm not certain I'm in possession of your vigor for a second walk today." Jane Bennet offered her regrets to her sister.
"I promise we shall return before Mr. Bingley arrives for dinner." Elizabeth tried to persuade her sister with a concession.
"Truly that is not my concern . . ." Jane glanced down as she affirmed her position. "Yesterday my hands were chilled to the bone. I am so very sorry, but with the wedding next week, I don't want to risk catching cold."
"No, it is I who am sorry. I should not expect so much from you during your wedding week. What you say is wise, but as there is no wedding with myself as the bride, I shall ask Uncle if I may take a maid with me." Elizabeth smiled at her sister to show there were no hard feelings. "I wish to keep my foot nimble and strong for the ball."
Mr. Collins cleared his throat, attracting the attention of both ladies. "I'm afraid to say I believe you are making an error, Cousin Elizabeth, in seeking a second stroll in this wretched weather. I'm sure your Uncle will support me on this matter. If Cousin Jane feels it is a risk to her health, it must be a risk to yours as well."
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, and glanced to her Uncle Gardiner with her usual smile. "Mr. Collins, I do appreciate your attention but as our acquaintance is little more than a few weeks, I wager you'll find Uncle Edward will not think a second walk a hindrance to my stamina."
Mr. Gardiner frowned as he studied the faces of the young people remaining in the room. Ordinarily, he would side with Elizabeth without question, but Jane did raise a valid point concerning the family hosting a rather large social event the coming week. Mulling the needs of Elizabeth to take a second walk against the shrill complaints and abuse he would undoubtedly receive from his sister Fanny Bennet should either of the girls fall ill, Edward Gardiner made his decision.
"Lizzie, I must side with Mr. Collins and Jane. Your mother will heap abuse upon me if any of her girls are ill next week for the wedding. I won't go so far as to prohibit all walks, but I do think it wise you limit yourself to one per day."
The hideous, smug visage of Mr. Collins inflamed Elizabeth. She was able only to control her anger by fantasizing of rushing over to him and scratching out his eyes! Why was her family against her?
Inhaling three measured breaths through her nose, Elizabeth spoke through gritted teeth. "I believe I will go upstairs and assist Mary with the room arrangements." Elizabeth made a minor curtsy and bowed her head, quitting the room before any might object or dismiss her. She struggled to walk quietly up the stairs and resolved to avoid the parlor until she was required. If only she might take dinner upstairs!
When Elizabeth reached the room, she spied Mary glowing with perspiration as she tried to move her effects alone.
"Here, let me help." Elizabeth offered.
Mary blew out a labored breath and together the two girls lifted the trunk, tiptoeing it into the already packed room now expected to sleep all three girls. "Did you place everything in here?"
Mary nodded. "Yes, and now I need to unpack it all."
Elizabeth held up her hand. "Why don't you allow me? I need to move a few of my things in the closet to make room for your dresses regardless."
"Truly? You do not mind? I thought you would not desire my move in with you and Jane." Mary said quietly.
Elizabeth laughed and hugged her sister, her earlier anger no longer stewing, but not forgotten either. "Mary, if you want to sleep with Jane I could just as easily take the smaller room. I am simply used to her snoring since we share a room at home."
Mary gasped. "She snores?"
Elizabeth nodded vigorously. "Loudly." The two girls shared a giggle until commotion downstairs alerted them another visitor had arrived. "Poor Jane, Mr. Bingley has arrived early. Go, go, I'll arrange the room and you can allow Jane to give her attentions to Mr. Bingley."
"You wish for me to talk to Mr. Collins?" Mary's voice did not hold her normal sermonizing tone, for once she sounded like the young woman she was.
"Of course, you share so much more in common with him than I." Elizabeth hummed as she stared at the closet, wondering how she was going to fit their things when many of their new dresses were to arrive tomorrow. She hid her smile and continued her work as Mary started to leave, then doubled back, dug in her trunk for her trusty volume of good old Fordyce, and then hurried out again. With a fervent prayer, Elizabeth wished more than anything that her cousin William Collins would recognize the perfect wife for him if she placed Mary in his way.