SATELLITE OF LOVE
I’m just home to London after nine weeks on tour, give or take a day. It’s weird being back in London, but I got really into the tour in the end and could have kept going. We lost Roxy Yarnold and Carl Hudson from the band for the last date that was snuck in by PK, a last-minute non-paying gig for stinking rich people in Aspen. The event is called ‘The Weekend’ and it’s attended by CEOs, leaders, politicians, music business types and movie directors.
I met director Ron Howard who I know from Happy Days and has become a hugely credible director. What a nice man with a humble energy. I actually found everyone to be really lovely, but Elon Musk walked out right in the middle of our opening song. We opened with ‘Sympathy for the Devil’, which is not significant but if a mix of Boy George and The Rolling Stones won’t float your satellite, what would? It’s very easy, as a gay man, to jump to conclusions and assume Elon hates queers, perhaps incorrectly, but if I was at his Ted talk and walked out during the opening monologue it would be noticeable. I think it would be considered rude. So, I consider it rude. Being one of the most famous people on the planet comes with a responsibility. Let me remove your tick!
You are expected to bomb at these events, but I go to corporate shindigs prepared. Confidence is key and a lot of self-talk. I tap my body anywhere, a soft continuing karate chop followed by the mantra ‘I am confident, I am charismatic, I am calm’. I believe I can always do better when trying to make a connection with the audience. Corporate or otherwise I tend to use the same methods. If it’s a male heavy crowd, I seek out the ladies. Thankfully the ladies came to the front and danced. Some of my favorite CNN anchors: Dana Bash, Clarissa Ward, Kaitlin Collins. There were lovely guys too, but I hardly know who anyone is. I sang ‘Do You Really Want to Hurt Me’ directly at Bryan Cranston who looks like a friend and acts like one. I met a couple of people who had more security than Beyonce, but I didn’t know who they were.
After the show, I was told by my agent that everyone normally struggles at this event, but we killed it.
‘I have watched Elvis Costello and Dave Grohl bomb on that stage. Trust me you did great’.
My mind goes straight away to the responsibility of the audience. All that wisdom in the room and you can’t embrace a legend for 30 mins? Wrap your arms and hearts around Elvis Costello and those who have fallen before him. If you are smart you know how important music is.
You’ve got to play your hits at these events, well, that’s what they say but, again, you would think a smart crowd could think a little wider. Maybe they can but someone always puts themselves between the artist and the audience. I like to think on my feet and not be told to do what I know how to do better than anyone in the room. Be Boy George. What if Rick Ruben is right when he says the audience doesn’t know what it wants or needs sometimes. It’s usually the agent or the party planner that tries to dictate the setlist. If this approach works every time, then why would any artist struggle? I’m not putting it all on the audience but it’s hard to be a bird that flies when someone has chopped off your wings.
Anyway, I’m not going to start walking backwards up a hill in loose Manolo Blahniks. We kick off with ‘Sympathy for The Devil’ which is one of many Stones’ songs I have sung live. I also do ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ and have done ‘Little Red Rooster’. I love the Stones and I want to be Mick Jagger when I grow up. Come on. Jagger is the go-to front man for any wannabe rock star and many of those who have made it. Jagger is in there for me, with the stance of Bowie, the arms of Siouxsie, Ian Curtis and Jim Kerr from Simple Minds.
Everyone is stealing a move from someone and adding something of themselves but only the best choreographers get to invent new moves. I hate choreography but only for myself. The way some people dance, blows my mind, but I rarely feel moved by much of the dancing pop stars I see. They always look a bit self-conscious. Michael Jackson pulled it off, James Brown, Prince and of course Beyonce and Tina Turner. God bless her. I have no idea why she could not warm to me. Hip Hop people seem to do the same moves, so it was a gasp of gorgeousness when Missy Elliot turned up. There are others but I’m not into aggressive messiah complex dancing or performance. You worship who you worship, I will love what I love. But why am I talking about dancing? I have moves but they are feral, and I’m happy to steal a bit of Mick or Joaquin Cortes. Most of my choreography is facial anyway.
When you walk on stage the entire world changes, and you can carefully lose control of the moment if you get into your own head. Look nervous and you make the crowd nervous. Dither and they get restless. There will always be someone who says, ‘You didn’t sing this or that,’ and I am moving closer and closer to the idea of never singing this or that again. Fucking smile, even if the sound sucks and try and deal with those sound issues calmly. I used to throw mic packs in frustration. You want everything to be perfect and on stage is the worst place to lose it. A big smile even through gritted teeth can help.
Thank God for Keith the Teeth, my new gnashers that light up the universe. They even made it into a song: ‘Fixed my teeth and now I smile’. Two songs: ‘I’m smiling more these days, even in pictures.’ I have had comments like, ‘fake ass teeth’ and funnily enough that got into a lyric: ‘With my fake ass teeth and my filtered eek, I’ll be the last man standing that looks like me’. The term ‘eek’ is gay slang for face.
We did a paying corporate gig in Phoenix for Cox Communication a few days before Aspen, and I was told, ‘No Cox jokes’ so I did them all in the room before hitting the stage. We had Roxy on backing vocals but she’s more than just backing. I call her my secret weapon and Carl Hudson on keyboards is a bundle of jazzy light. This is no diss to anyone else as we have brilliant musicians with us on the road. Jermaine Whyte, who replaced Joan Moist on the drums, is incredible – his solid playing keeps us from swaying. Kevan Frost is our Musical Director and plays additional guitar, percussion and sings while controlling the computer. Everyone uses technology and tracking these days. Some people only use technology. Our mix of the two feels modern without losing the soul.
We have Vangelis on backing vocals and I would have more if I could. Vangelis is the other gay boy, and his outfits are a constant red flag for Roy to calm down. I met him on my first and only season of The Voice in the UK. His voice is beautiful and strong, and he can hit some ridiculous notes and I say, ‘You need to be able to do that in those shoes’.
There is an uptightness in the world right now and as a gay performer, is that what I am? You need to read the room and have fun with the issue without saying the wrong thing. I’m lucky that my sexuality is not a big deal to me. PK says you need to own the LGBTQI+ movement but I already jump-started the bus years ago. I was queer when it was just as bad as having a big nose and bad shoes.
We all went to see Sam Smith, talk about reading the room. I wasn’t shocked and I loved some of the outfits more than others. He’s brave getting his tits out. His voice is beautiful, and he did my favorite song ‘Latch’ with Discloser. It was great to go out with a bunch of people from the band, me, Roxy, Jermaine and Sadie, who doesn’t play anything but works for us on the road and runs my art business alongside Dean Stockings.
Back to Elon. Nothing I say about Elon will change his life or his mind, he has far too much Cancer in his chart. Like Amanda Ghost, he would tell me I was shit to my face and after I cry say it again. Do we want a world where no one has an opinion, and everyone is terrified of getting cancelled? This conversation I am having with myself has inspired a new song ‘I was a punk’. You can turn adversity into art. It’s what I have always done but I think I do it better now. Wait, I can hear a chopper over my house. Let’s all just say nothing and we can fester in our own brain fog or run the risk of appearing obsessive and bitter. No, you lot are obsessed, and I was bitterly disappointed by my Elon moment. It’s over. Move on.
I will watch Breaking Bad now I’m emotionally invested. I will watch Ron Howard movies with more intent. I can hate a band but dig its music, but when humanity is involved I’m all in. Same for everything. I met Tom Hardy without my hat, and he found me see-through but he’s a dish. If he kissed me, I’d buy the calendar. Is there one?
‘Be honest’, everyone tells you until you are and then no one has your back. What about the truth? I find it elastic. These situations give me tons to write about. I write without having the answers because my songs are questions asked out loud. It’s hard to be in the world with so many lies and not say anything. I have my own lies and things I’d rather not talk about. Do I want to go into detail about why I went to prison. Probably not because who will it help? I wonder sometimes when is it that we get to say something helpful? Am I finally allowed to say what I feel without the filter of Piers Morgan? Is it safe to say what I know in my heart is true? It’s a strange world that allows Jimmy Savile and others to roam free while others are persecuted for not being biologically female. You may shudder at the comparison. I’m not being general because many things are unforgivable but when they are, and we know they are let’s give our energy to real suffering. If you are truly bad, you will get found out. If you are seriously bad, you need help. When recovery from drugs isn’t helpful then you are probably out of excuses. It’s funny what you remember in these heightened states of self-doubt. At the Brits in 2011, which I had struggled to get a ticket for, Ceelo Green got an award and said something sweet like, ‘Oh, I just met Boy George’. The weak, hardly reaction was a sign of the moment I was in. It was too soon to cheer a criminal and the music industry will turn its back on you quicker than a Grinder hook-up. I only get invited to The Brits to give out awards these days. So let me say it right away: Fuck the music business because music is my business. Now I operate outside of the business I helped to create. When Culture Club had its first hit, I saw the Virgin offices move from people’s living rooms in Denmark to proper office blocks. Country by European country, we watched the buildings rise alongside Richard Branson’s empire. There were people from the clubs who diverted like Diana Ross seeing Marilyn when they saw me in daylight. I was like that song lyric, ‘You can bring Rose with the turned-up nose but don’t bring Lulu’. Yet, here I was helping to build an empire with its own boats and planes. I didn’t think about it at the time, but I do now because I’m writing a book. Back then Jon Moss was my only obsession and what a waste of obsession. It wasn’t just Culture Club that helped Richard, but we opened a queer can of worms. We were and are much more than a band, just like Bowie was more than a pop star or an alien.
I got famous so quickly that going out was a nightmare. I had no idea how to enjoy being famous. I should have been like Marilyn on the bus with a can of Elnett but fame made me more uptight. I could give lessons on how to be famous these days but the fame I experienced just doesn’t exist now. Back then the press hounded you and photographers hid in trees. When I went out, I got driven mad by everyone and I didn’t know how to handle it.
I can switch it off now and I know I could have back then, if I had the thinking skills I have now. At F1 in Singapore recently I was pursued relentlessly for selfies. I must have done 600 at least and my team were like, ‘Sit there and we can stop people’. Whoopie Goldberg say’s when she leaves the house, she remembers she is Whoopie Goldberg which isn’t supposed to be arrogant. Twenty-fourhour recognition is the price you pay for fame. Do it with a smile, disarm people and tell yourself to remember what you get from all of this.
I had an incident with a punter backstage at our Hollywood Bowl concert. I had come off stage and had a strong Margarita. The guy wanted to tell me a long story and I guess I drifted off. PK may have been exaggerating by saying the guy said, ‘Never meet your idols’. Lord, it’s too easy to upset people these days like the guy who asked me to play some Faithless in my DJ set in Singapore. ‘I don’t have it’, I said and it was true, but he walked away fuming. I should be firm like Fat Tony when I DJ. No requests.
I mentioned that I was drinking. It’s true. I drink a little now, removing myself from the notion that I am forever an addict. I am surrounded by people in recovery, so I have safety rails in place. I must be who I am right now. Right now, is all there is.
I am not interested in my laurels or the past, except to scream about a song I loved that only three other people know about. I’m not interested in staying in the space that your minds think I occupy. I am not ‘you were’ but I am ‘you are’. They sign you to a record deal because you are brilliantly original and then stamp on your creativity with their commercial instincts. It’s an old familiar lament called ‘Working Class Hero’ penned by John Lennon:
‘As soon as you’re born they make you feel small’.
I don’t want to sound bitter because I’m not. Cynical, sure, I am as cynical as fuck but always prepared to change my mind. What is a TERF and why do I get shouted down every time I say something positive about the ‘Trans’ community? I saw my friend India Willoughby on Question Time battling some real hostility. If you’re so uptight that you need to destroy the confidence of another person, then who are you helping? No one made JK Rowling’s the gender headmaster but let her say what she likes. She is a brilliant writer and I love Harry Potter, which is full of creations that pull on the imagination. Medical science is way beyond us and yes, anyone can identify as anything they want.
It’s just not as simple as putting on a dress and pretending. It’s deeper than even JK’s imagination. I know Trans people and, while I’m not privy to every complication, I know most just want to get from A to B without getting attacked. There is no one type of Trans person or any other person, or surely every biological woman would be on the streets. Some women have a real issue, but they confuse blokes in drag at stag parties with the Trans community. Is ‘safe spaces for everyone’ as controversial as ‘all lives matter’? Everyone matters and we must share this space whether we like it or not. Let’s find solutions to remove the fear on all sides.
It’s weird when men like Ben Shapiro or Matt Walsh talk about safe spaces for women but don’t make space on their podcasts or social media for any of the people they are discussing. If you’re talking about women or Trans people, they must be part of the discourse. Intelligent debate is a safe space for all of us. I don’t know much about anything, but I know what it’s like to feel outside. Feeling outside has also brought me many advantages. Not everyone can join a band or hop into the theatre. Some people are forced to live in the real world where people do and say rotten things.
I probably sound like Jack Nicholson if I say ‘Why can’t we all just get along?’ but, seriously, why? I feel like we are all over stimulated. It’s the internet, it’s Elon Musk’s satellites. It’s everything in front of us all the time. Naomi Campbell can insist, ‘I never touched my dress’ and double down even when there’s video; Donald Trump says anything and even if you hear it you’re told he meant something else.
Life is like an annoying song right now that is played over and over. But hearing things over and over can make you believe them. Just like the stuff we tell ourselves about ourselves. These visions of Tran’s activists rubbing their hands with glee as young kids are given puberty blockers. Is it real or is it the ogre over the hill, the sound of the gossip tree being shaken. Please show me some actual evidence.
I think if I wanted to change my gender it would be very emotional and very painful. I don’t imagine any doctor is giving out puberty blockers on a whim or that any parent choses this route for their child without serious advice. I have friends who are mothers to Trans children, and I know how they struggle to do the right thing. A stranger with an axe to grind on the internet cannot be the deciding voice.
What you’ve read about me isn’t the whole truth but I’ve been guilty of letting myself down. In Narcotics Anonymous, the first question they ask is, ‘What you are going to do about your problem?’. Like the Joni lyric, ‘It all comes down to you’.