It took nine years after the birth of our first child for my husband and me to take a real trip away together, on our own, without the kids.
Sure we’d had the odd night away for a wedding interstate or a night in town after a particularly late function, but never more than one, and never out of the country.
Booking was a hurdle. I’d spent weeks tossing the idea around in my head—should we, shouldn’t we—until John finally just booked our seats and said we’ll work the other stuff out later.
Of course the other stuff was what had me procrastinating. From who would look after the kids while we were away, to who would look after them if we never made it home.
The first part was easy. We made it a holiday for them as much as us. They packed bikes, board games, teddies and gifts and spent two days with Poppy, two days with family friends and the final two days with other friends. All were more than happy to have them . . . it also gave our friends’ kids someone else to play with.
The second question was not so easily answered.
The advice when you have children is to update your will. Distributing your assets on paper is straightforward but the details of working out a future for your children without you in it is another.
The most agonising decision was guardianship.
We thought about the grandparents, but realised in ten years from now they might be a little too old to deal with teenage angst.
We thought about our friends, and those we admire as parents. Our kids would do well to grow up in such loving homes, subject to the encouragement and discipline my girlfriends’ kids get. But that’s too much to ask of a friend: hi, I’ve left you my favourite tea set, oh, and my kids.
In the end we decided on their godfather. He is a very dear friend who loves them as much as we do, someone they are both familiar and comfortable with, and someone with whom we know they’d be happy. It was a pretty emotional conversation to have, but thankfully I don’t think he was surprised. And we were relieved he agreed immediately.
But even then you know that no one will ever love them the way you do, know them as well or know what is best. The fear of not being there for them was almost enough to stop me getting on the plane.
Of course we made it home, and of course we had a wonderful week away together.
Now I’m over the fear of leaving them I realise how valuable it is for them to see Mum and Dad having time alone together and respect the importance of our relationship.
It also does them good to miss us occasionally!