There’s a great episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray and Debra finally get out of the house for a date night. They spend hours getting ready, savour the build up to being alone, then, before the entrée is even served, they run out of things to say. A long boring silence is met with ‘Pass the breadsticks . . .’
Funny, but true!
It usually takes a wedding anniversary or birthday for John and me to finally book a babysitter and head out for a romantic dinner. The delay is not for any reason other than we simply don’t get around to it. We’re just as happy to hang out at home, order take-away, watch a movie and be together as a family. Once you have children, they tend to take over your life and dominate your social calendar.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the every day and forget to take a little time out for yourselves as a couple. Particularly when the kids were little; I felt guilty, as though I owed my non-work time to our children first and foremost.
It took me a while to realise that nurturing my children is just as important as nurturing my relationship and myself.
Happy parents make for a happy family.
It’s almost like you go into this child-cocoon for a few years when you start a family. You are focused purely on home base. Babies are completely reliant on you for everything and that can be all consuming and draining on your time and energy.
But then you come out the other side. You’re ready to hit the town again and happy to see your partner as the spunky young man you once married, not just a nappy-changing assistant. You want him in your bed, and not just so you can shove him out when the baby cries during the night.
The mother of a friend of mine has a lovely saying: ‘You have your kids on loan but each other forever.’
So we continue to strive for the right balance. Time alone as a couple, time alone as individuals, and time together as a family.
I snatch moments for myself when I can. It may be as simple as driving home from work with the radio blaring and the windows down, or, on days when I’m all talked out, switching the radio off and enjoying the silence. It can be pottering in the garden given the kids find that way too boring to hang around for long, or being home alone in the middle of the day, ignoring the ironing and instead watching TV without feeling guilty.
Time together as a family can be a picnic blanket at Saturday morning sport or a barbecue just for us on a Sunday afternoon.
And time together as a couple can be as simple as a nice dinner out, or even a quiet dinner in and a movie uninterrupted—and, of course, a basket of breadsticks.