Conclusion
“Let us not look backward in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness.” — James Thurber
This book concludes in the same manner that it began: with the roll call of the dead.
Manchester, England. January 1999: Eight-year-old Marie Bentham hanged herself in her bedroom with her jump rope because she could no longer face being bullied at school. She is Britain’s youngest bullycide.
Invercargill, New Zealand. August 1997. Fifteen-year-old Matt Ruddenklau committed suicide. The coroner’s report stated, “Bullying and victimization were a significant factor in the boy’s life in the months leading up to his suicide.”
Victoria, British Columbia. November 1997. Fourteen-year-old Reena Virk died after being lured by schoolmates, attacked, and beaten unconscious. Reena’s arm, neck, and back were deliberately broken before she was dumped into the Gorge Inlet. Reena had tried to belong to the peer group, desperately wanting to fit in. She was regularly mocked and taunted about her brown skin and her weight. Hundreds of students knew about the relentless bullying and her death before someone tipped off the police.
These are our children. They are not Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez, or Charles Manson. We send them to school, where it was once safe in our own school days. Today, it seems that schools have become combat arenas replete with psy-ops and physical beat-downs. The combatants make use of the most up-to-date technological advances to torment their targets while others stand and watch, terrified to intervene lest they be the next target. Omerta, the rule of silence, is the only rule that matters.
The Encarta dictionary defines terrorism as “violence or the threat of violence carried out for political purposes.” The original concept of terrorism was that of acts of violence, kidnapping, bombing, and other forms of fear-inducing acts by warring nations. Schools are extremely political in their own way; they determine the social politics of these microcosms. Bullying, in all its forms, has become social terrorism.
The Columbine school shootings should awaken the conscience of America just as September 11, 2001 opened our eyes to the fact that our enemies will go to any lengths to make us afraid. To wage war with the radical Middle Eastern terrorists, our nation has an arsenal of weapons and well-trained soldiers to crush the enemy and bring to justice those who murdered our people. Thousands of innocent Americans died on 9/11/01. Reena Virk died in November, 1997. Just one child. Unless we understand that bullying in our schools is social terrorism and regard the loss of children dead by bullycide or homicide as seriously as we regard those who died in the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and in a field in Pennsylvania — heroes, all — the children will remain at risk. Heroes also are the teachers, the principals, the school district administrators, and the parents who have taken a stand on zero tolerance for bullying. The passengers of Flight 93, knowing their fate, saved hundreds, perhaps thousands of lives by sacrificing their own on September 11, 2001. In the equally serious war on bullying in our schools, many courageous students find the nerve to stand up and shout, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” We have a choice: We can follow their lead or we can stand and watch as more children either die or suffer irreparable emotional harm.
The stories and vignettes contained in this book are based upon actual incidents and people. They are people just like us and just like our children. Bully, victim, or bystander — they are our children. The problem seems so complex, it may be difficult to know even where to start, but here follow some suggestions:
Know and monitor what our children are doing on the computer. Check often. Homework is good. Cyberbullying is not.
Watch children for signs of bullying, being a victim of bullying, or being a bystander of bullying. After reading this book, parents and teachers know what to look for. If we do not act upon what we see and what our gut instincts tell us, we have failed as parents. Our children pay the price of our failure.
Schools must have a workable, clearly understood, at least annually reviewed policy for anti-bullying. If this does not happen, a school must be subject to legal action for any ruthless bullying that causes harm to a child. Sometimes people only listen and act when the judge bangs his gavel, establishing moral and civil guilt. If that is what it takes, do it.
Teachers, parents, other adults — talk to the children. They may have been afraid to tell us, but may eagerly take the opportunity to do so if they feel safe, supported, and believed. Perhaps even the bullies want to stop, but do not know how. Punishment here is not the answer; the “reformed” bullies must be accountable for their actions, and apologies are definitely in order; allow them to change. Allow others to accept that change.
Do anything we can to increase communication between us and the children we raise or teach. Stop at nothing. Even if they do not talk, we can talk, delivering the message that it does not have to be this way.
Make noise. Lots of noise. We must awaken our communities to the dangers of bullying, and that bullying is no longer child’s play. Bullying is a killer and should be treated as such.
We must make it happen. We are the only ones who can.
“I watch the sun go down like any one of us Hoping that the dawn will bring a sign Of better days for those who will come after us This time…..” – Ozzy Osbourne “Dreamer”