I’ve learned a lot of things from writing Cake Wrecks. I’ve learned that picking up the cake only thirty minutes before the party is never a good idea, fresh flowers actually can’t fix every wedding caketastrophe, and brown icing has a spectacularly good chance of looking like poop. Maybe it’s the texture, or the way decorators like to apply it in swirly little piles—I don’t really know. What I do know is that these cakes can make even the most die-hard carb addict rethink that dessert order.