Obviously when you label something a Cake Wreck it helps if folks know what that means. So here’s my working definition:
“A CAKE WRECK IS ANY PROFESSIONALLY MADE CAKE THAT IS UNINTENTIONALLY SAD, SILLY, CREEPY, INAPPROPRIATE-YOU NAME IT. A WRECK IS NOT NECESSARILY A POORLY MADE CAKE; IT’S SIMPLY ONE I FIND FUNNY, FOR ANY NUMBER OF REASONS.”
Thats right, folks, I make the call. Me! [rubbing hands together in fiendish delight] And if you don’t like it, tough cookies! Mwu-ha-ha-haaa!
Er, what I mean to say is: If you don’t agree that something in this book is a Wreck, then just remember that some Wrecks are a matter of opinion. (And mine is the only opinion that counts here. So there.) Also remember that Cake Wrecks are like car wrecks: They’re not always the fault of the driver/decorator. After all, sometimes a boozed-up idiot runs a red light, or demands a cake that looks like a giant fungus-riddled foot. In those cases, sure, the baker may have perfectly sculpted the oozing toenails, but guess what? It’s still a Wreck in my book. (Oh, and hey … it is my book! Suh-weet!)
The next thing people ask is what I mean by “professionally made.” The easy answer is “any cake that someone was paid to create.” However, that’s not entirely accurate; obviously if you paid your Aunt Edna to “give it a go” on your wedding cake, well first, you’re an idiot, but second, I won’t call it a Wreck. Why? Because that’d be too easy, and I’m not one to settle for cheap shots. (Unless they’re really funny, that is.) So I check sources, question the submitter, and basically do everything in my power to ensure your Aunt Edna’s little experiment doesn’t end up labeled an official Wreck. As such, you can rest assured that everything in this book (unless listed otherwise) really was professionally created. You may have to keep reminding yourself of that as you go.
I am not the consumer watchdog of cakes. I’m not out to shame cake decorators or hurt bakery sales. In fact, nothing in this book should be taken too seriously. I created Cake Wrecks to find the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places. If I’ve managed to make some folks laugh along the way, well heck, that’s just the icing on the … aw, you know.
All of the pictures in this book were taken and submitted by readers of CakeWrecks.com. They are not “artistic,” “properly lit,” or necessarily “in focus.” Most were taken on the front lines: in the bakeries themselves. Valiant Wreckporters the world over have risked their reputations, well-being, and continued shopping pleasure to bring us this documentation. They braved looks-to-kill from bakers, puzzled glances from fellow customers, and even the occasional managerial request to vacate the premises. Let us then applaud these heroic souls and enjoy their bounty in the spirit in which it was offered: with humility, appreciation, and minimal whining about window glare.
Oh, and you’ll notice that the bakery labels in the photos have all been removed. There is a very simple yet compelling reason for this: I hate lawsuits.
Now, on to the Wreckage!