The next morning dawned cold and breezy. Not the best day for a ride, perhaps, but Eliza was determined. She needed to go, needed to escape, needed to run back to all that was familiar, to where she knew she was loved, at least by one person. Cat.
Freddy’s face popped into her head. He loves you, too, Lizzie. You know it, and you love him. Now you’re going to abandon him? It couldn’t be helped. Life lessons were often painful, but Freddy would survive. He wasn’t supposed to get attached to his governess, anyway, and that’s all she was. She wasn’t his relative, wasn’t really his cousin. She certainly wasn’t his mother. She had to let him go.
Her heart nearly ripped in two at the thought.
Steeling her shoulders, she walked down to his room. His door was open and he was playing with some small metal soldiers on his floor. He looked up warily upon hearing her footsteps then grinned.
“I thought you were Nurse Pritchett.” His eyes revealed how much the idea displeased him.
Eliza kneeled on the floor next to him. “Freddy,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. “There may come a time soon when I have to go.”
Freddy dropped the soldier he’d had in his hand. “I know you are going to London with everyone else. It’s all right. I’ll be okay here with Pirate.”
She smiled at both his use of okay and at his attempt to cheer her up—cheer her up, when he was the child and she the adult. What a precious kid. I hope he never loses that kind heart.
“I’m sure Pirate will love you as you love him.” She leaned across and drew Freddy into a hug. He tensed, momentarily startled, and then threw his arms around her. She buried her nose in his hair and squeezed him back. “As I love you,” she whispered.
“Papa says he will bring me to London when it’s a little warmer. He says he’ll take me to see the Menagerie!”
Eliza fought to keep the tears from falling. “I’m sure you will have a wonderful time.” She smoothed her hand over his hair. “Freddy?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being my friend. It was hard to come here all alone, but you have brightened my days for me.”
He gave her a grin. “Really?”
Another word he’d adopted from me. “Really.”
“Look, Lizzie,” he said, sliding out of her arms and back onto the floor. “My front tooth is wiggly!”
She watched him move it back and forth. “You’re growing up!” she proclaimed as she stood up. “Take care of yourself, Frederick. Don’t forget me.”
He gave her a wry glance. “It’s not like you’re leaving forever.”
Except it is.
Becca beamed with delight when Eliza asked her for a riding lesson at breakfast. “I knew it!” she said. “I knew you’d fall in love with horses, too! How can you not?”
“How not, indeed,” Emmeline murmured. “Maybe when you get close enough to smell them and realize they’ll bite or kick you, or throw you off their backs if they can.”
At Emmeline’s words, Eliza momentarily reconsidered her plan. Horses scared her, too. But the monolith was too far away for her to walk, not without her absence being noted, at least. Not that anyone would care.
“Oh, Emme, not all of them are like that and you know it. You just need the right horse. Hasn’t Buttercup been fine for you?”
Emmeline nodded. “I suppose. But I prefer traveling by carriage—so much more civilized.”
With a roll of her eyes, Becca rose from the table. “Are you ready, Eliza?”
No, her heart screamed. I’m not ready. I didn’t even say good-bye. But her mind locked those thoughts away. You need to go home, Eliza James. You don’t belong here. It was a freak of nature, a trick of time that you ended up here anyway, and clearly, the Universe has told you it’s a mistake.
“Yes.” Standing tall, she followed Becca out of the room. “Yes, I am,” she said in as strong a tone as she could muster. Which didn’t feel very strong at all.
Eliza pulled at the folds of the riding habit Becca had loaned her, once again feeling the stuffed sausage, as Deveric’s sister was definitely of a thinner build than she. How did women manage to ride a horse while draped in so much fabric? As they approached the stables and a horse whinnied, doubt enveloped her again. What am I thinking? I’ve never been on a horse. Like, ever. How am I going to stay on one all the way to the monolith?
Becca walked in and immediately over to Otto, stroking his nose before offering him an apple. A stable hand brought over a sidesaddle and hitched it onto the horse as Becca spoke to the animal in loving tones.
Eliza’s eyes widened. Crap. Sidesaddle? That thing looked downright dangerous. Becca started talking, explaining how to mount a horse, how to sit, how to hold the reins, but Eliza barely heard a word.
I can’t do this. I can’t do this. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to breathe, in and out, in and out. Only that brought the pungent scent of horse rushing through her sinuses and she sneezed. See? I’m allergic to them. I’m allergic to escape. I shouldn’t be running away. Opening her eyes, she squared her shoulders, trying to restore her confidence.
Was she giving up too easily? Deveric was obviously attracted to her. Wasn’t that at least something? Not enough, her brain screamed. Not enough. She couldn’t keep fighting this war on so many fronts—the social gulf, Deveric’s mother, Deveric himself. Not to mention the time period issues. Their entire life experiences and expectations were so different. She was tired and wanted to go home. A heavy sigh escaped.
Becca turned to her. “Are you nervous?” she said. “Don’t be! You’re going to have so much fun. That’s Petunia.” She gestured to the horse on which the stable hand had just attached the saddle. “She’s so gentle. Here, Sam will help you up. Watch me first.”
The stable hand nodded without saying a word. Eliza watched as he assisted Becca into the saddle, noting the way she hooked her leg around the saddle’s front. When Sam came to her, Eliza smiled grimly and stepped onto the mounting block, swinging her leg in what she hoped was the correct manner. To her surprise, she got it on the first try, even if the sitting position was extremely awkward. She looked down to thank Sam, but he was blushing as he averted his eyes.
“Oh, your dress!” Becca burst out, a twinkle in her eyes. “It’s caught up around the pommel!”
Eliza glanced down. She was revealing a great deal of leg. Clothed leg, as she did have stockings on, but leg nonetheless. Who knew such a mild sight could elicit such a reaction in a young man? Like any man in her era would have paid attention. It was actually refreshing, the idea that a clothed leg could cause such a stir. She yanked on the fabric, finally disentangling it.
“Shall we go?”
Eliza looked toward Becca, who was giving her an encouraging grin. “Uh...”
“You’ll be fine. Just hold the reins and Petunia will follow after me. She’ll follow Otto’s lead, so all you have to do is sit and relax, I promise.”
Sure enough, the horse ambled after Becca’s at a slow and easy pace. Well, this isn’t too bad. Eliza clutched the reins, risking a quick peek over her shoulder at the estate. Deveric was somewhere inside. At least she assumed he was; it was possible he was also out riding somewhere.
How long before he noticed she was gone? Would he care? Or would he be relieved that this burden, this distraction, this intrusion into his well-ordered and socially correct life had disappeared?
She chewed the inside of her cheek, thinking of Freddy again. Oh, how she would miss him. She prayed the thawing of the relationship between Deveric and his son would continue, and that the little boy would grow up with all of the love that he deserved, Regency peerage expectations be damned.
She gave a final nod of acknowledgment and turned around again toward Becca, her eyes fixed firmly on the path ahead ... and the future.
“Let’s ride to the pond,” Becca called over her shoulder. “I don’t believe you’ve been there yet, and it’s a beautiful spot.”
“I was hoping to visit the monolith. I’ve never seen one,” Eliza answered, relaxing into the easy rhythm of the horse. How long until my leg cramps from sitting in this weird position, though?
“We will,” Becca promised. “The pond’s not far from the old stones.” As they neared the edge of the woods, she called out, “Hold on to the reins. I’m going to kick Otto into a canter; he’s itching to go faster.”
Eliza gripped the ropes in her hands, her heart racing as Petunia sped up to match the horse in front of her. Trees flew by on the left and right.
“Uh, Becca,” she tried to yell, but the wind ripped her voice from her. We’re not going that fast, she reassured herself as she closed her eyes. Petunia will keep me safe. Petunia will—
A rustling sound came from the right, and Eliza’s eyes flew open in time to see a fox race out from the underbrush, darting across the path in front of her horse. Petunia snorted and threw her head back, catching Eliza by surprise. She dropped the reins and Petunia bolted. Eliza grasped wildly for the reins and then the pommel, seeking something, anything, to keep her secure as she bounced along.
“Eliza!” Becca screamed as a tree branch caught Eliza across the forehead. Her leg wrenched loose from the saddle, and she felt herself falling, falling. The ground rose up to meet her, and everything went dark.