“You’re awake! You’re awake!” Freddy’s excited squeals bounced around the chamber.
Eliza winced from the noise, which reverberated in her skull like a thousand hammers. She smiled, however, when she saw Freddy next to the bed, holding Pirate in his arms. The puppy wiggled to get down, but the boy gripped him to his side. “Told you she’d wake up, Pirate.”
“Hi, Frederick.”
“Why have you been sleeping so much?” His lip jutted out in a pout. “I haven’t been able to visit the dogs much. I had to sneak Pirate in here today. Nurse Pritchett almost saw me!”
Eliza laughed, even as it made her head pound. “I didn’t mean to be sleeping. How long has it been?”
“A week,” came a deep voice from the entrance way as Deveric strode into the room.
“A week?” Her eyes widened. “What?—”
“You fell off that blasted horse. Hit your head.” His voice was gruff but tinged with worry, not anger.
I fell off a horse? How very Jane Austen, to secure a gentleman’s attention through injury. For Deveric was definitely attentive; his eyes never left hers, the fierceness in them enough to weaken her already uneven pulse. She cringed as a stabbing pain pierced her head. Not exactly the smartest way to go about it, Austen heroines. This sucks.
“Frederick,” he chastised, though his voice was gentle. “You should not be disturbing Mrs. James, much less have brought your dog into the house.”
Frederick gulped at being caught by his father, but Eliza interjected. “It’s all right. I’m happy to see a friendly face. Or two friendly faces, rather.”
“Nonetheless, outside you both go. Return the dog to the kennel, and see Nurse about a bath. You smell of ... stables.”
Freddy flashed a sheepish grin. “Pirate ran through horse manure on the way here,” he admitted, before ducking out the door.
Deveric remained a few feet from the bed. He wanted to throw himself at Eliza, to smother her with kisses and thank her for not leaving him, for not dying. She was still weak, however. Plus, truth be told, he wasn’t sure where he stood with her, or what he ought to do.
“Dev.” Her eyes brimmed with emotion.
“Eliza.”
She swallowed. “I’m still here.”
She’s still here? What does she mean? “Of course. I knew you would pull through.”
“I mean, I’m still here. In 1812. With you.” A tear rolled down her cheek.
Deveric sucked in a hard breath. What was she saying? That she didn’t want to be with him? That she had been trying to leave? He could feel the blood drain from his face.
“I’m so glad,” she said in a soft voice. “So glad.” Her eyes closed and she drifted back to sleep.
Something shifted in Deveric’s heart. It cracked. It expanded. It flew wide open. Tears pricked his eyes as he watched her chest rise and fall. He’d come so close to losing her. So close.
And yet, he didn’t know what to do. He loved her. He knew that now. He loved this American with her bewildering tales of the future, this American who obviously loved his son, and had helped breach the distance between them. This American, whose happy attitude soothed his dour disposition. Her warmth, her tenderness, her love for his family that she wasn’t able to hide; it was all he’d ever wanted. Yet so many things stood in their way. His mother. Society’s expectations. And his fears.
How could he love her, how could he marry her, how could he ask her to be his wife, when he couldn’t be a full husband to her? He wouldn’t risk hurting her. He couldn’t go through that a second time.
Yet the thoughts, the images, the possibilities cascaded endlessly through his head, crashing over him again and again like the tide beating at the shore.
Deveric darted from the room, desperate for something, anything to take his mind off Eliza. How cruel was the Universe, to send him an angel he couldn’t have? He stalked down through the main entryway, ignoring the startled looks from Emmeline and Grace, who’d stood conversing there.
Once outside, he ran for the stables, desperate for escape, for release. He saddled Lightning by himself, not waiting for a stable hand, and leapt on the horse’s back, kicking his heels into Lightning’s side, heaving a sigh of relief as the horse took off. He didn’t know where he was headed; he just knew he needed to go. He needed to clear his head. He needed to forget it all.
Eliza blinked at the bright sunshine streaming in through the window. She looked around the room. She was alone. I must have fallen asleep again. Deveric was here, talking to me, wasn’t he? Freddy, too. Maybe she’d been hallucinating, but she swore Dev had been at the foot of the bed, looking at her with the tenderest expression she’d ever seen.
She sighed. Things hadn’t turned out as planned. By now, she thought she’d be back in Charlottesville, back in 2012, back with Cat ... and William.
You could try again. You never made it to the stones.
“No!” Eliza burst out, chasing away those thoughts. She wouldn’t try again. She couldn’t. She’d known when she opened her eyes and saw Deveric there, his eyes shadowed and his cheeks hollow, worry oozing out of every pore, that she couldn’t leave him. There was something between them, something strong. Something she believed could be love.
Not only that, but she loved Frederick. She loved this family. And they liked her. Except for Deveric’s mother. She ignored that voice in her head, shutting out the negative thoughts. She finally had the big circle she’d always wanted. How could she leave that?
Sure, she missed Cat. She missed her best friend terribly. But Eliza hoped Cat had found the happy-ever-after she deserved. And if so, there wouldn’t be space for Eliza anymore, anyway. She was okay with that; she was where she belonged.
She bit her lip. Was it enough? Was it enough that she’d fallen in love with the Duke of Claremont, with his son, with his family? One-sided love could never last. If he didn’t return her feelings, if he wasn’t interested in building a life with her, what would she do?
She could stay on as Frederick’s governess if the dowager allowed it. But eventually, that wouldn’t be enough. She wouldn’t be able to stand on the sidelines day after day, wanting to be a part of this family, a part of Deveric, but never achieving it. It’d be like darts to the heart. That was why she’d run for the monolith.
“Are you okay, my lady?” Betsy asked as she entered the room.
Eliza smiled at Betsy’s use of Eliza’s expression. “Yes. Yes, I’m fine. A bit thirsty, though.”
Betsy poured her a cup of water from the pitcher on the table to the side of the bed then handed her the cup. After a few sips, Eliza asked, “Was Dev—I mean, His Grace—in here earlier? I could have sworn I was talking with him, but perhaps it was my imagination.”
Betsy bobbed her head. “Yes, my lady. He hasn’t left your side, as a matter of fact. Lady Amara has had to force him to rest at times. He’s been nursing you himself, not allowing most of us near you.”
Eliza’s heart raced at Betsy’s words. He had? Surely that was a sign that he loved her, wasn’t it? Why else would a duke sacrifice himself, when he had plenty of servants who could have tended to her?
“I’m surprised he’s not here now,” Betsy added as she offered Eliza her tooth stick and baking soda. Eliza took them gratefully and rinsed out her mouth. “I’m sure he’ll be back any minute. Is there anything else you need, my—Eliza?”
“No, thank you, Betsy,” Eliza said, fatigue overtaking her again. “Just rest.”
Deveric stood within the circle of stones. He’d often come here as boy, relishing the peaceful feeling it gave him, a peace he sought now.
Who had put the stones here? What purpose had they served? Had others come here through the millennia to seek answers, as well?
Why had Eliza wanted to come here? How had she even known about it, this sacred place? He made a face. There were so many things he didn’t know, didn’t understand.
He sat down on a flat rock in the middle, watching as Lightning roamed around him, munching on grass.
“What should I do?” he asked the horse. Lightning whinnied in response. “Should I marry her? Could I possibly build a life with her, a life better than I had with Mirabelle, a marriage better than either mine or my parents’? Could it work?”
She certainly had responded to him in the few intimate moments they’d shared. Was it possible Em was right, Amara was right, and that it hadn’t been him, but Mirabelle? Could Eliza be different, be not only able to take but give as passionately as he? She was not the fragile flower his first wife had been; she was solid, strong, full of life. “Is it possible, Lightning?”
At those words, a ray of sunshine rose over the eastern rock, striking him full in the face. The warmth soothed him, even as the brightness blinded him. His body flooded with unexpected energy as if illuminated from the inside out. He closed his eyes, letting the feeling run through him. Yes, the sun seemed to whisper. Yes. The simple word echoed through his head. It’s worth the risk. Yes.
He sat a while longer, his body resonating with joy, his heart swelling with love, his mind convinced of what he needed. He needed Eliza.
Springing up, he called to the horse. “Let’s go, boy. I have a question I need to ask her.”