AT FIRST MADDIE DIDN’T know what had awakened her. She lay in a curled-up ball under the covers. Her first thought was it had to have been the storm. She listened but heard nothing … and quirked her lips in relief. The storm had evidently blown over. That was good. So what time was it? She rolled over in bed until she could see her bedside clock. The glowing digital numbers told their own story. Three forty-three A.M. Maddie groaned. What was this sleeplessness of late? Why couldn’t she rest, get a good night’s sleep?
Her libido answered for her: because Hank is just across the hall in his bed. Smiling secretively, Maddie gathered a pillow to her chest and allowed herself to picture that … Hank in bed, that gorgeously muscled body all stretched out and relaxed … she sighed. And wondered if Hank was sleeping. In the nude. Maddie blinked and shook her head. Stop that. No wonder you can’t sleep.
She forced herself to be serious. Hank. What was she going to do about him, Mr. We Have Three Weeks of Time to Kill?
Maddie lay still, staring at nothing, yet seeing the night-gray shadows of her familiar furnishings. He wants to have an affair with me. That’s it. Then back to the city he goes. And me? I stay here. So what would be so awful about that? What if she did have an affair with him? Maddie thought about that. What would she have left when he left? A ton of money and total devastation of her heart. She made a face that said even pursuing this line of thinking was lowering her self-worth in her own eyes. She simply couldn’t do as Hank seemed to want. Because she wasn’t the free-and-easy, sassy kind of hip modern woman who wore short skirts and strappy sandals and moved confidently from one affair to the next with her heart unaffected.
No, it was her lot in life, no matter what Hank Madison thought of her, to be the marrying kind. A throwback to another era. An anachronism. Great. Maddie snorted, very unladylike. Marry who? No one’s knocking on my door begging me to marry him. And I only got jerk-doctor Stanton as far as the altar before he bolted, the pathetic loser. Which pretty much made me one, too.
That hurt. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I want to be happy. I do. It’s just that darned “no happy endings” rule that seems to control my life. Everyone I love dies or leaves me. No wonder I’m afraid to get close to anyone. No wonder I—
Maddie sat straight up in bed, staring blindly into the shadowed darkness that contrasted with her moment of enlightenment. “Ohmigod,” she whispered, clutching at her covers as sudden insight washed over her. “It’s not life that won’t give me happy endings. It’s me who won’t take another chance on them. It’s me who won’t let anyone get close enough to even try—because I’m afraid of losing them. God. What an emotionally stunted little coward I am. No I’m not. I’ve had some real losses. It’s no wonder that I’d be gun-shy. Who wouldn’t be? But still … I had no idea. I’m a coward.”
This was such a revelation. Had there ever been, she wondered, someone more afraid than her to risk her heart? Someone more afraid than her to act on faith and step out over the Abyss of Love? God, what a clam she’d been all these years, just hiding here in the wet sand of a lonely shore when her problem was so fixable. All she had to do was tell Hank how she felt about him and tell him she deserved more than an affair.
Her heart thumped heavily, hopefully. That was it. Take her chances. Risk her heart. Only then would she be truly alive. No. She couldn’t do that. Wait. Yes she could. Her thoughts collided with each other in their rush to be heard. That was true courage, they shouted—the willingness to take the chance. But what if it doesn’t work out? It doesn’t matter. It’s the willingness to risk being vulnerable and getting hurt that counts. It says you’re alive. The willingness to act even though it may not work out? Oh, I don’t know if I can do that. Coward. Maddie slumped with the weight of her troubling epiphany. Then she gathered courage to her as she had the pillow. Okay, what I have to do, then, is let go of old fears and embrace new opportunities, no matter their outcome.
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t known all this before. It was more like she’d anesthetized her senses to the truth of it. Like she’d squelched thoughts of love and happiness, had convinced herself she wasn’t supposed to have them, instead of admitting to herself that she longed for them yet feared she may never have them. So sad. How bitter she could have become. But then, Hank had come into her life, thanks to James. Sweet James. He’d given her so much. She meant his friendship and then this chance at happiness with his grandson. What a great gift, more so than any amount of money could ever be.
Maddie concentrated now on thoughts of Hank. She wanted him. And he wanted her. What she didn’t know was if she needed him. She believed she did. Need and want were two different things, she knew that. And need trumped want in the love department. Need. Did she have it for Hank? That bone-deep, aching, longing, hot, powerful, driving need to be with him? “Ohmigod, come on,” Maddie railed out loud. “Won’t somebody answer me? Hello, up there? Have want and need come together for me in the person of Hank Madison?”
Just then, the hallway was flooded with a white and blinding light. Stunned into jerking upright, her heart pounding, Maddie couldn’t move her limbs. She blinked and sucked in a disbelieving breath, absolute fear and certainty assailing her. Was this a for-real heavenly revelation? Would there be celestial music? The fluttering of angelic wings? A deep and booming voice?
The quick answer to that was … the deep voice of a very earthly presence who had obviously flipped the hall light on and was now standing in her bedroom doorway, flanked by a yawning golden retriever. “Maddie? Did I hear you call me? I would swear I heard you say my name. Are you all right?”
The obvious answer was “Yes.” And the obvious behavior was an apology that got him to go away because of how mortified she was that he’d heard her talking out loud to herself—and about him. But none of that came out. “No, I’m not all right, Hank,” she said, sitting with her legs spread, but under her covers, and flopping her hands down in front of her. Even to her own ears she sounded pouty and put out with him, mainly because she was.
“You’re not okay? Then what’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“No.” With the light behind him and her room still in the dark, Maddie had no idea how much of her he could see. She brushed her sleep-mussed hair back from her face and tugged at her nightgown’s neck.
“You’re not all right and you’re not sick.” Following his recap, Hank leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his chest. His bare chest, Maddie suddenly noticed. His bare muscular chest with the fine line of dark hair that met and proceeded down his flat belly, only to disappear under the band of his boxer shorts. Which were the only article of clothing the man had on.
“What are you, then?” he asked her, drawing her attention to his face, which was totally in shadows.
“Wide awake now and over it.”
“Me, too. Wide awake. But over what?”
Apparently seeing where this was going, or that it was going nowhere, Beamer turned around and wandered off in the direction of the kitchen.
Maddie shrugged. “Over everything.”
“Such as?”
Maddie exhaled, reaching down deep inside herself for the courage to take the plunge. At the end of this conversation, she and Hank would either be trying to have something together. Or they’d be done with each other. It was so very scary. She couldn’t even have said for sure if her heart was actually beating, or if it was waiting for a sign that said it would have a reason to go on beating. “You, Hank,” Maddie heard herself say. “I’m over you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You. And you did hear me say your name. But I wasn’t calling you or talking in my sleep like you probably thought. I said your name because I’m mad at you.”
“At me? What did I do?” He pulled away from the doorjamb and pointed behind him. “I was across the hall in bed—”
“You don’t think I’m the marrying kind.” Maddie felt hot and sick all over. There. She’d said it.
And it had stopped him. Hank planted his hands at his trim waist. “I don’t—You’re not what?”
“The marrying kind. But I am.” Maddie still couldn’t believe she was actually speaking her mind for once. Or was it her heart? “Instead, you think I’m the mistress kind. Well, I’m not.”
“I have no idea where this is coming from, Maddie. Like yesterday, there in your kitchen right before the phone rang. You said you’re not ‘that kind of girl.’ Is this more of that?”
“Yes. And let me remind you, I’ll soon be in the same class as you, you know.”
“The same class? Maddie, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The money. The will. I just can’t do it, Hank.”
“Do what?”
How could he not know what she meant? “Have an affair with you, what else? God, Hank, pay attention. I just can’t do that. It’s not me.”
“Well, that’s fine because I don’t remember asking you to have an affair with me, Maddie.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t from anything being funny. “Did you maybe dream that?”
“No. And you did too say it. How about all that ‘we have six weeks together’ stuff? Huh? And then the ‘three weeks to kill’? What was that if not an invitation to an affair? It’s like ‘be with me now because tomorrow I leave for the war.’ Well, our mothers and grandmothers may have fallen for that, but not this generation.”
Hank stared at her as if he’d never seen her before. “Are you sure you’re awake? That you aren’t talking in your sleep right now? Because none of this is making sense.”
With a sigh of disgust, Maddie made a dramatic show of pinching herself and then waiting. Nothing happened. She shrugged. “Apparently I’m awake. But you’re the one who’s dreaming if you think you can have a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of relationship with me, Hank Madison.”
“Jesus, Maddie, I never said that was what I wanted. You misunderstood me when I said we had six weeks, then three. I meant we should use the time to get to know each other. To see if there was anything there we could build on. I never meant an affair or a one-night stand. How long have you been stewing over this?”
Her answer was simple. “Since you said it, obviously.”
He didn’t actually move, but Maddie detected a subtle shift in his weight, a tensing of his posture. “I don’t believe this. You waited this long to say something? Hell, Maddie, all you had to do was ask me what I meant.”
“Yeah, right. Like that’s easy to just pop into a casual conversation with someone you barely know. What was I supposed to say? ‘So, Hank, I hardly know you but I think I’m attracted to you, and you are to me, and since you as much as said you think I’m easy and want to have an affair with me to ease your six-week burden of having to be here and not work yourself into an early grave so you can get all your money back and go right back to working too hard. Well, okay, sure, here I am, your willing vessel, your goodtime party girl, let’s do it.’” Maddie crossed her arms. “I don’t think so.”
“Are you kidding me? Is that how I came across to you?”
He was so startled and angry that Maddie realized she’d probably really read him wrong. Struck shy with guilt, she lowered her gaze and suddenly found her hands to be of great interest to her. Sitting there in the semidark, with it being not yet four o’clock in the morning, she picked at her fingernails and shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Maybe, hell.” His chuckle this time was warm and did have to do with funny. Maddie’s heart thumped hopefully. “I cannot believe this. I mean, Maddie, all of this. Me and you.” She raised her head, daring a sidelong glance at him standing there in the doorway. “Yeah. Everything. Together. Us. Me and you.”
“Really?”
“Christ, I have no credibility here. How did this happen?” He scratched at his temple, looked around him as if he’d lost something, then faced her again. “You know what, Maddie? I think right now you’re pretty vulnerable. I think it’s the middle of the night and here we are, two healthy adults who are very attracted to each other.”
“So far, so good. But…?”
Sure enough, “But I don’t want to take advantage of you—”
“What if I want to take advantage of you?” Maddie caught her breath. And heard Hank do the same. She clapped a hand over her mouth. Had she really said that out loud? She flashed a mental image of short skirts and strappy sandals. Sassy. Confident. Take what you want. What you need. Yeah, baby. She threw her covers back.
Hank drew back, pointing at her. “Stop that. Cover yourself.”
Maddie ignored his orders as she slowly, sensually slid over to the side of her bed, allowing her gown to ride up her thighs, all the way to her hips. She knew she had good legs … and now was the time to use them.
“I mean it,” Hank said. “I’m warning you, Maddie Copeland. Don’t start something you can’t finish.”
Maddie stood up beside her bed. Her nightgown’s silky material flowed around her like water, the hem swishing to its proper place at her ankles. “What makes you think I can’t finish it, Hank?”
A modest, conservative tiny corner of Maddie’s brain held its ears and shrieked. Where had this vampy seductress voice come from? But the rest of her brain, the part connected to her heart said … you go, girl.
“Maddie, what are you doing?” Hank demanded, still standing in the doorway and clearly agitated.
She walked toward him. “Right now I’m walking toward you.”
“I know that. I can see that.” The man looked behind him. For reinforcements? To see if he had a clear path of retreat?
“What’s the matter, Hank?” She stopped right in front of him and smoothed her hands up his chest. He felt just the way she knew he would … warm, solid, his skin’s scent so clean yet musky. Intoxicating. “Don’t you want me?”
“Jesus.” Hank grabbed her arms and held her out, away from him. He leaned down until his face was even with hers and then peered deeply into her eyes. “Are you sure you’re awake? I’ve never seen you act like this. This isn’t like you.”
Instantly angry, Maddie snapped out of vamp mode and actually stomped her foot. “Dammit, Hank. I’m awake and I know what I’m doing. Being me, acting like myself, has gotten me nowhere. This is what I want.” She pointed to him and then to herself as best she could with him still holding her arms. “I want you, Hank.” She stared up into his dark eyes. “Do you understand? I’ve been taking the high road and trying to be good and do the right thing. And what has it gotten me? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Nil. The big zero. Well, I’m not satisfied with that anymore. I want you, and I want you now.”
Hank chuckled. It sounded warm and encouraging. He gently shook her, no more than waggling her shoulders. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Exactly what I hope you’re going to do with me. And me with you. That ‘us’ thing you talked about. I’m acting on it.”
Hank let go of her as if she were hot. “I was wrong, Maddie. This cannot happen.” He turned away from her and rubbed at his forehead. His other hand gripped his waist. Then he looked up toward the hallway’s ceiling and the light … and shook his head. “I can’t do this.”
His words shattered Maddie. Her heart broke, falling in pieces to the floor. She thought surely she could hear its tiny tinkling little shards, like bits of fragile blown glass, striking the hardwood floor in notes almost musical. She gulped back a sob. And boy, if she’d thought telling him she wanted him was the hardest speech she’d ever made, then she’d been wrong. Because saying the things she was getting ready to say was pure hell and mortification. “Look, it’s okay. Really. I obviously misread the signs. I’m sorry.”
She had to swallow the thickening in her throat. Hank chose that moment to turn around and face her, his expression a hard frown. Maddie darned near lost her courage, but plunged onward. “How embarrassed am I. You poor man.”
He gestured with his hands out to his sides, palms toward her. “Now what the hell are you talking about?”
“You. And how you can’t do this. You’re not attracted to me. I didn’t—”
“What? Not attracted to you?” Now he was mad at her. “Are you kidding me? I’m absolutely crazy mad about you. I’m so all-fired on fire for you that it’s a wonder that damned bed across the hall hasn’t burst into flames.”
Maddie’s eyebrows rose almost of their own volition.
Hank took off, pacing up and down the lighted hallway like a man possessed. “Not want you? Maddie, I’ve damn near had to bite my tongue off to keep from saying something stupid to you like how much I want you. I thought you’d think, yeah right, buddy, this has to do with your grandfather’s will. When nothing could be further from the truth.” He’d completed a circuit of the short hall and begun another one.
“That’s what I meant when I said I can’t do this. When it happens, it has to be pure. Nothing to do with the will. When all that’s over, Maddie. Only then. Because then it would be as equals. A ‘want to’ thing only. Nothing that can be taken wrong or seem suspect. Do you understand? Like I’m seducing you to insure I get back my inheritance. I couldn’t risk that. Not with you. You’re different. You are the marrying kind. Who doesn’t know that? So feeling that way, but with you so close, I damn near had to tie my hands behind my back, if I could accomplish such a thing, to keep from grabbing you to me and kissing the hell out of you. And at night? Oh, let’s don’t even go there. Knowing you’re right across the hall and I can’t even come into this room? All I can do is lie there and picture you in that thin gown—which, by the way, you look great in—and your body underneath it and, damn, just torture the living hell out of myself and feel so hot that I’m in a cold sweat and have to grip the goddamned sheets and just hold on.” He began a third circuit.
Maddie wasn’t sure she’d even blinked yet. All she could do was marvel at the wonderful things he was saying and drink in the heart-stopping sight he made pacing, half-naked, up and down her hallway at four in the morning.
“And the cold showers? Damn. I think I could live naked on an ice floe, I’m so used to the cold now. I don’t think I’d even feel it. And why do you think I’ve been working so hard on that cottage out at the beach? I’ll tell you why. Sexual tension. It builds entire cities. I believe it because of the way I feel about you, and the frustration of not being able to do anything about it. Ho-ho, I could carve—by myself, with one hand tied behind my back, and using a toothpick—an entire village out of the side of a Swiss alp. And you know those Anasazi ruins? The ones in the side of that cliff out in Arizona? Ha. They’re no mystery. That was some poor guy who couldn’t have the woman he wanted. Hell, he had to do something.”
It was at the beginning of his fourth lap that Maddie stopped Hank with a hand on his arm and said, “Hank? I want to go to bed with you.”
He was still wild-eyed and revved up. He blinked, shook his head. “What?”
Maddie chuckled. Could he be more adorable, more handsome and sexy in his blue boxers, standing right here in her silly little hallway with the almost threadbare runner and literally declaring himself to her? Maddie felt so powerful—and turned on. “I said, Hank, that I want to go to bed with you.”
He frowned, looking as if he were trying to understand a foreign language he couldn’t quite grasp. “You do?”
“Yes. I do. I’m saying yes, Hank. To you. Right now. To us.” She pointed to her rumpled bed and added, “In there. Now. Me and you.”
Hank turned around to stare into her bedroom … he took a long time to do it, too. Maddie used the time to note the athletic musculature of his neck and fine, large bones of his shoulder. Hank suddenly faced her again. “Okay,” he said.
Maddie smiled, holding her arms out to him, stepping into his embrace. “Okay. Good.”
* * *
Hank couldn’t get her to bed quick enough. Breaking their embrace, he picked her up—her weight was next to nothing—and carried her to her bed, placing her gently atop it. He leaned over her, his fisted hands braced against the mattress and to either side of her. Staring into her incredible blue eyes, not able to get enough of looking at her sweet face, he said, almost conversationally, “Maddie, I have waited for this moment for so long that I’m afraid this isn’t going to be pretty.”
She chuckled softly. “Good. I don’t want it to be. Pretty is for the movies. I want the real thing.” Her expression became slanted, seductive. “I want hot, and sweaty and good. Total body contact.”
Grinning, his gaze roving down her sultry length and then back up to her movie-star face, Hank assured her, “I can do that.”
“Yeah?” Maddie reached up a hand to cup his neck and pull him down to her. “Let’s see you, big boy.” Then she kissed him hard enough to bruise his lips.
Hank couldn’t have been more turned on, more hard, more on fire. Still with his mouth locked to hers, he lowered himself atop her, stretching out his length to cover her with his body. When she broke their kiss, Hank rolled to the other side of her and quickly tugged his boxers down and off his body. Maddie just as energetically shed her nightgown and panties. With no more preamble or finesse than that, Hank rolled toward her and Maddie turned to him, opening her arms to receive him.
“My God, you’re beautiful,” Hank breathed, almost frozen at the sight of her pink and lovely nakedness. She was perfectly formed. Not a blemish to mar her image.
“So are you, my fine man.” She squeezed the muscle of his arm and rolled her eyes in a girlish and silly manner.
“Stop that. You’ll embarrass me.” Grinning, shaking his head, and still lying beside her, Hank let his hands rove over her soft shoulders and down her ribs, to the curve of her waist and over her hip to her thigh in wonder. She was truly magnificent, everything he had dreamed, everything he had pictured. He met her eyes, finding them languid with desire. Her mouth curved up in a smile of welcoming that caught Hank’s breath and had his heart bursting with sudden emotion. He cupped her cheek, running his thumb over the delicate curve of her jaw. Then the sudden urgency of intense desire seized him, making his voice husky. “Maddie, I can’t wait. I’m sorry.”
“Well, I’m not.” She chuckled, a seductive sound from the back of her throat as she shifted her weight in such a way that encouraged him to move up and over her. At the last moment, she hesitated, a hand against his shoulder, stopping him. She lowered her gaze as if suddenly struck shy. “Hank … honey,” she all but whispered, “I … I’m so embarrassed is what I am … but I’m, well, ready for you already. This has never happened to me.” She now looked into his eyes, her expression of want melting him. “It’s you. You’re doing this to me. I want you and in ways I’ve never wanted another man. I swear it.”
Hank’s breath caught. “God, Maddie, I feel the same way about you. I can’t even imagine wanting another woman like I want you. Keeping my distance has been killing me.” With that said, and needing no further urging from her, he peppered her face, her neck, her jaw with nipping kisses. He then quickly obliged her, moving atop her and settling himself in her loving embrace.
Maddie immediately opened herself to him, putting her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a soul-searing kiss of such sweet sensuality that Hank was inside her before he was even conscious of having made the move. But inside her, he was. And nothing had ever felt better. Nothing. She was heaven. Hot, slick, tight, inviting. Moaning with desire, with intense need, Hank had to break their kiss before he passed out.
Gulping in air, hearing her do the same, Hank realized he was already steadily thrusting and thrusting, moving in and out of her with the age-old rhythm of lovers everywhere. Clutching her to him, his every muscle rigid with effort, Hank concentrated solely on satisfying her. Moaning, Maddie raked her hands through his hair and nipped his neck, his shoulder, and his collarbone with biting little kisses … and whispered the universal sounds of love, urging him on and on. Now almost mad with desire, Hank kept up his pounding pace, feeling the heat, feeling the tension in her body, feeling her inner muscles clamp around him and claim him. Shattering sensations exploded through Hank.
He knew the exact moment when Maddie reached her climax … she stilled, held him in place, tensed, gasped, called out his name—a long, spiraling cry erupted from her. Like a raging bull, Hank intensified his thrusts, quicker and quicker and quicker until he exploded inside her, until his body spent itself atop hers … until he could no longer hold himself rigid, until he collapsed atop her, a dead and sated weight. She whimpered, going limp, breathing hard. Hank swallowed, knew he should roll off her, but he didn’t think he was able. He truly was not able to move. But his skin slick and his temperature still high, Hank somehow found the strength to dislodge himself from her and to shift himself to her side. He still had an arm across her ribs and a leg thrown over her thighs.
“Damn,” was all he said.
“I’ll say,” Maddie replied, holding his arm to her chest. He could feel her heart racing, knew every breath she took.
Several minutes passed in which Hank felt his pulse slowly returning to normal, felt his nerve endings settling down. A loving lethargy seized him. He could barely think, yet he could hardly not.
Their first coming together had been cataclysmic, earth-shattering. The want, the need, the pent-up frustration, the weeks of holding back … it had taken over and the result, he told himself, had not been a pretty picture. Their bodies had collided and an act of pure sex had taken place. A hot and heated one, yes. Satisfying … oh, baby, yes, Hank verified for himself. But not pretty. And not like he’d wanted it to be with Maddie. She deserved better. More romantic.
He smiled at her lying there on her back, her perfect, beautiful body naked and sated and glistening. The sheets were everywhere. Hell, it was a damned wonder they weren’t shredded and the mattress wasn’t in the closet. Hank tugged his arm from Maddie and slid his leg off hers. Turning on his side, he propped his elbow up so he could support his head with his hand and see every creamy inch of her. “Maddie, honey, you’re everything I thought you would be. You are so damned beautiful.”
“So are you.” Smiling, her eyes half-closed, she turned to him, putting her slender arm around his neck and tugging his head down so she could kiss him. Just before his lips met hers, Maddie gripped his face in her hands, her mouth not even an inch from his and whispered, her breath warm on his lips, “I want you, Hank. Again.”
“Oh, Maddie.” The words were no more than a sigh as he claimed her mouth and his tongue found hers. Lying half across her now, Hank eagerly returned her kiss, one that instantly deepened with hunger and ardor, one that made up for all the lost time and the empty nights. His arms slipped around her shoulders and waist. He pressed her to him, feeling the sweet fullness of her breasts pressed against his chest. Her moan in his mouth as his tongue danced with hers, as she moved her head to better accommodate his mouth, ripped through Hank, hardening him. He lifted his mouth from hers and looked down at her, at the slender, pink, delicateness of her, the aching fragility of her, the sweet blond beauty of her. “I don’t think I can wait, Maddie. And I want to. I want you to have … I don’t know … music and roses and romance—”
“I’ll have all those, Hank. One day I will. We will. But now, for tonight, I want only you. I need only you.” With that, she gently pushed him off her, urging him onto his back.
Hank complied and she rewarded him with her hands and lips roving over his body even as she pulled herself up and over him, her long blond hair falling forward as she lowered herself, hips first, then belly, then breasts, on top of him. Her smile was that of the seductress. Hank could barely breathe. He was damned near gasping as Maddie showered his neck, his shoulder, then his chest with sweet little nipping kisses. She inched herself lower and lower down him, her mouth never leaving his skin, her hands never still.
Hank had taken all he could. “Maddie, ohmigod,” he gasped, gripping her under her arms, pulling her up his length and gently depositing her on her back on the bed. And there she lay smiling softly, proud and posing for him. Hank’s breath damn near left him. As if in a trance he hoped never to awaken from, he lovingly caressed Maddie’s body, his gaze following his hands’ path. The sweet mounds of her breasts captivated him. So round and firm. Lying beside her, scooting down some, Hank lowered his head and captured a nipple, gently sucking it and nipping it until it was an erect bud, no less hard with desire than he was. Maddie’s moan was his reward, and his body throbbed. He quickly moved to her other breast, giving it the same loving attention.
She cried out, arching her back, and with her hands on his shoulders, pushed him down lower on her. Hank needed no further urging. He shifted his weight and eased himself atop her, sliding down, down until he could kiss her concave and creamy belly, her belly button, her soft-skinned, gently arching pelvic bones, and finally … he was where she wanted him, where he wanted to be. Hank drank slowly and steadily of her womanhood. Maddie’s breath caught, she tensed, she called out his name, thrashed her head from side to side. Hank held her to him, showing no mercy. He knew the moment she was there, that she achieved her climax. The shuddering, undulating waves held her rigid and in their thrall. Hank damn near exploded with her. When she was gasping and limp, wet with her need, Hank pulled himself up her and, with her eagerly urging him on, settled himself in the circle of her hips and entered her, his entire length sliding into her inviting wetness.
His satisfied moan matched hers. For long seconds, Hank didn’t move. He held his weight off her, but leaned down to kiss her passionately. Maddie’s hunger matched his. But only when he felt her hips begin to move did Hank begin to do the same, matching his thrusts to hers. In this way, they coupled, a loving give-and-take that joined their bodies in the ancient ritual of mating. Their pace increased, smoothly, rhythmically. Hank’s muscles tautened, he waited for Maddie, felt her body tighten around him. Felt her legs go around his hips, felt her hands tightly gripping his biceps. Maddie’s body pulled him into her and held him there. A cry escaped Hank.
Then Maddie made that sound at the back of her throat that Hank had been waiting to hear, the one that told him her moment had arrived. She arched her back and tensed her thighs against him. Hank felt the ripples tearing through her and thrust harder and deeper … until he joined her in the long, slow, heated fall of agonizing sensation that pinned them to the bed and to the moment. When it was done, Hank collapsed atop Maddie, unable even to spare her his weight. But she seemed to welcome it, holding him close, her arms up under his and stroking his back. She planted feathery kisses along the ridge of his shoulder. And breathed in concert with him. Hank felt her heart beating against his, its thrumming pace as ragged as his own.
Nothing ever, at any time in his life, with any woman, had ever felt like this. This was magic. And this was good. This was right and beautiful and—
Someone with a big slurpy tongue was licking his arm. Hank jerked up. “What the hell?”
“What’s wrong?” Maddie cried, tensing under him.
“Her,” Hank tattled, nodding his head to indicate she should look to his right, her left.
In the dawn’s gray light, Maddie turned her head to see the culprit. “Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
There, beside the bed, was of course Beamer. Her big face, grinning, wonderful dog-breath and all, with lolling tongue and brown eyes alight, her ears held at neutral, was about two inches from the lovers. She woofed. Enough of this foolishness. It was time to get up. The sun was coming up and a girl needed her breakfast.
* * *
There was no way they could go back to sleep, anyway. Too excited, too adrenaline-pumped. Besides, it was already six A.M., so what was the point? Dressed again in her nightgown, with a silky matching robe over it, Maddie made a pot of strong coffee and fried up a pan of thick bacon. For his contribution, and dressed now in a white T-shirt and jeans, Hank worked over a pan of a dozen eggs he was scrambling, half of which had Beamer’s name on them. With toast and homemade jam—not from Mrs. Hardy’s kitchen of death—topping it all off, they sat happily around the drop-leaf table and ate and talked.
“Wow, Hank,” Maddie teased, not able to get enough of looking at him. “A man who’s great in bed and he can cook. I’ve hit the jackpot.”
“Don’t get too excited,” he said, sipping his coffee, yet still managing to send her an arch expression. “Breakfast is about the extent of my talents in the kitchen.” He grinned devilishly. “Well, my culinary talents, that is. Later on, if you want, we could test the sturdiness of this table or those countertops.”
Maddie feigned shock, even while feeling her cheeks warm up at the very notion of Hank sweeping everything off the table or a counter and taking her atop them. “Hank Madison, I’m shocked at you.”
“And titillated by the idea, right?”
Grinning stupidly, she looked away, shaking her head. “Yes. Totally.”
“So, while we’re on the subject, there’s something we didn’t do that we need to talk about, Maddie.”
She showed him her best aghast expression. “Hank, please. Are you insatiable?”
“No. Well, yes. Sometimes. But I mean safe sex.”
His words cured her hots and left her cold and gaping at him. “Ohmigod, I never even thought about that.”
“Neither did I.” Hank looked sheepish now. “But you should know that I’m okay. I’ve always before used condoms. And I—oh, hell, Maddie, I hate this. I’ve been tested. Pilot’s licensing, et cetera. What I’m trying to say is I’m clean.”
“You’re a pilot? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah. Not commercial. Private.” Hank reached across the table to affectionately squeeze her hand. “Focus, honey.”
“Right. Okay. Me too. Clean, I mean. Stanton always used a condom. And I haven’t been with anyone else since.” Maddie found that talking about this, she couldn’t quite hold Hank’s gaze. She resorted to tucking her hair behind her ears to keep from looking directly at him. “That said, can we not talk about this anymore?”
“We have to. Two words: birth control. I’m hoping since I was stupidly condomless that you practice some?”
Maddie’s eyes rounded. “Ohmigod, Hank. No. I cannot believe this. In this day and age. But no. I had no reason to. Until you. Until now.”
It loomed there between them like a blinking neon sign: Baby. Baby. Baby. The word actually pulsed with a life of its own. And echoed.
Maddie watched Hank set his coffee mug down. He picked up a piece of bacon, bit off a portion, and chewed it … all while staring at her. He swallowed and said, “This is your call, Maddie. I’ll support whatever you want to do.”
She stared at him. That wasn’t exactly the loving declaration she suddenly realized she’d wanted. As if a baby with her would be the end of the world? No, in his defense, she argued with herself, he was being practical. And supportive. And PC. And clinical and cold. Well, so could she. “I don’t know what I want to do, Hank.”
He nodded, his expression that of a veteran poker player. “All right.”
Oh, had the room cooled. Maddie felt the distancing begin. The pulling away. It was only normal, she tried to tell herself. She’d read that somewhere. After making love, many couples fussed with each other. It was a way of reestablishing boundaries after such profound intimacy. Well, normal or not, it felt terrible. Like a betrayal somehow. Which was really ridiculous because the odds were more in favor—given her quick mental calculations of her last menstrual cycle—that she would get a negative response on a … a pregnancy test. She winced, more mentally than physically. She could barely even think those two fateful words, much less stand Hank’s quietness. Of course, she hadn’t said anything, either. But she didn’t feel it was her place to do so.
“Maddie, we should really talk about this.”
She crossed her arms, suddenly defensive, self-conscious. “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”
“I do. We didn’t use protection. You could be…” He inhaled, exhaled deeply. “Pregnant.”
God, he would hate having a baby with me. Didn’t that tell her everything she needed to know about how much he cared? Or didn’t care? What had all that in the hallway been about? If you loved someone and wanted to commit to them, wouldn’t the prospect of a baby, an expression of that love, make you happy? Once again Maddie had to gather her courage and step out over the Abyss of Love—and actually say something. “Would that be so awful, Hank, if I was?”
He shrugged. “You tell me. As they say, it’s your body.”
She crossed her arms and leaned over the table. “As they say? Do you know how cold that sounds? How impersonal? This is me and you. Admittedly, if asked to define right now what you and I are to each other, I probably couldn’t. But, still, Hank … it’s me and you. And we have that whole hallway speech of yours and what we just did in my bed. Am I right?”
“Yes you are. And because of all that, I don’t want to get this wrong now.” He looked around the kitchen as if he searched for something he’d lost. Then he focused on her. “Look, the storm’s broken. So maybe we should take some time, not say anything more right now. Maybe I ought to see about going back out to the cottage on the beach. Maybe give us each a little space. Work some things out in our heads.”
The big kiss-off.
Her emotions on a roller-coaster ride, Maddie made a show of not bolting from the table, although that’s exactly what she did. She headed purposefully for the sink as if she meant to wash the dishes. With her back to Hank, and hurting inside as she hadn’t since her parents had been killed in that car wreck, Maddie plugged the sink, squirted soap into it, and ran hot water. But it was nowhere near as hot as the scalding tears that filled her eyes. She refused to cry. Absolutely refused. She kept her back to Hank and fought for control. He didn’t say anything. Neither did she.
Finally, when she thought she safely could, she turned around and played at nonchalant. “Sure. That’s a good idea. Why don’t you do that—go out to the cottage? But this time, leave Beamer, okay? This is her home.”
“All right.” He wiped his mouth and stood up. He cast a glance her way, opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. Then he tried again. “I’ll just go pack and … leave.” His black eyes were edged with some strong emotion. “I’ll call you, Maddie. I will.”
She nodded, quickly looking away and hugging herself. “Sure.”
With that, Hank left the kitchen and strode down the hall.
Maddie exhaled and looked over at Beamer, whose head and tail were drooping. “Oh, you poor thing. Come here. It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Snapping her fingers, Maddie called the dog to her. Beamer padded over, tail wagging slowly. Maddie squatted down in front of the golden retriever and got her face washed for her efforts. “Thank you. I needed that.” She ruffled the dog’s warm silky ears and hugged her thick furry neck. “I can’t believe I was ever afraid of you.”
Beamer woofed her understanding.
Maddie nodded. “If only it was that easy with people. You wouldn’t believe how stubborn and silly we can be.”