CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I awoke to the sound of footsteps on the stairway and got out of bed and to the door practically in one leap. When I opened it and looked out, I saw Ava and Daddy quietly carrying Garson into their bedroom. He was apparently asleep.

“How is he?” I asked.

Ava put her finger to her lips and followed Daddy in. I stood there, waiting. Minutes passed. I thought I might just go back to bed, but finally, Ava emerged and softly closed the door behind her.

“He had epiglottitis,” she said. “Lucky we brought him in.”

“What is that?”

“The small lid of cartilage that covers your windpipe swells and blocks the flow of air into your lungs. It was caused by an infection. That’s why the doctor thought he needed some antibiotics. This belated teething isn’t helping any. We’ll watch him closely and bring him back for Dr. Ross to examine him tomorrow. His fever has begun to break, so we’re feeling more confident. Did you eat?”

I shook my head. “My stomach hasn’t been right since I came home.”

She nodded. “You looked peaked to me.”

She put her hand on my forehead.

“You don’t feel like you have a fever. Better get some sleep, and maybe stay home tomorrow. If you feel better, you can help with Garson later.”

“Okay,” I said. She just stood there. For a moment, I thought that she was working up the courage to hug me, maybe because she needed a hug more than I did. When she didn’t do it, I stepped forward and hugged her. Then I turned away quickly to avoid the surprised expression that was surely bursting out on her face and hurried to my room. A quote I had read and memorized from one of the literature books Mazy had used in my homeschooling followed me all the way into my room, like some chant. Oh, what a tangled web we weave… when first we practice to deceive.

Didn’t Daddy ever read that?

I fell asleep faster than I thought I would. In fact, I overslept, but since I wasn’t going to school, no one bothered to wake me. I was surprised at how bright it was when I sat up. Then I looked at the clock and quickly went to the bathroom, dressed, and peeked into Daddy and Ava’s room before descending. There was no one there, so I hurried downstairs, a little worried. Had things turned badly for Garson again? Ava was in the kitchenette feeding Garson, who looked quite a bit better and more alert. I relaxed with relief.

She smiled. “His fever’s gone completely.”

“Oh, that’s great. Where’s—”

I bit down hard on my lower lip. I was literally forming the word Daddy.

“There was some emergency at the office,” she said with a smirk. “My father is a very demanding boss, even after hearing about Garson. Your uncle will be meeting me at the doctor’s office later.”

“What about Karen?”

“I expect she went to school. I didn’t tell her anything. She’d only use it as an excuse not to go. How are you feeling?”

What if I told the truth? I thought. What if I said I was fine? How would I get out of attending the game with Hurley? Daddy would be furious.

“Still a little woozy,” I said.

“Eat something light. There’s oatmeal in the pantry, or just have some toast and tea. These stomach flus are usually gone in a day or so.”

“Okay,” I said, and decided on the toast. She finished feeding Garson and then, after cleaning him up, told me she was going up with him to take a nap herself.

“I had trouble sleeping with one ear listening for him all night. Your uncle can pass out. I didn’t trust him hearing anything.”

“I’m sure you never slept,” I said, and watched her go. I ate a little more than I would have with her there, and then, after cleaning up, went up to my room. Maybe a minute after I had closed the door, my cell phone sounded.

It was Tommy.

“Where are you?” he asked. “Karen doesn’t know anything.”

“She slept at a girlfriend’s house last night. I think I have a stomach flu. It started last night,” I said.

He was silent a moment.

“Do you think you’ll make the game tonight?”

“I’m not sure,” I said. “You won’t have time for me anyway while you’re out there.”

“Every basket I make will still have your name on it,” he said.

I could feel the tears floating in my eyes. “It better, and there better be more than ever,” I said.

He laughed. “I’ll call later,” he promised. “Got to go. Bell’s ringing.”

“Okay.”

“Saffron?”

“Yes?”

“I know who you are, and I like what I know,” he said, and then hung up.

I held the phone against my ear, touching my cheek as well. It was as if I could hold him there, at least for another few seconds.

Then I put the phone down, picked up my literature text, and began reading the next assignment as if nothing in the world had changed.

Just before noon, Ava knocked on my door to ask how I was.

“So-so,” I said. “I had a bit of the runs.”

“There’s some Pepto-Bismol in the cabinet above the sink in the kitchen. Try a spoonful or so. I’m taking Garson to Dr. Ross. There’s soup if you want. You should keep up the liquids. If it goes on past tomorrow, we’ll take you to Dr. Ross.”

“Thank you.”

All this time, Daddy hadn’t called me. Wouldn’t Ava wonder why even an uncle wouldn’t be interested in how I was doing?

She started to close the door and paused.

“Your uncle called to see about Garson and asked about you,” she said, as if she had heard my thoughts. “He’s meeting me at the doctor.”

“Okay.”

I convinced myself that he was being casual about it to avoid arousing even the slightest suspicion. Daddy was so good at deception.

She left. I waited until I saw her pull out of the garage and drive off, and then I went down to get something to eat. I was actually very hungry now. I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then hid all traces of my eating it. Tommy called during his lunch hour. I told him I was about the same and to stop worrying about me.

“Concentrate on what you have to do tonight.”

“I have to see you,” he said. “That’s what I have to do.”

“You will as soon as I feel better.”

“I told Karen about you. She doesn’t seem terribly concerned for a potential new sister,” he said, anger coloring his voice.

“It’s okay.” I wanted to add that she was still a child and she was probably happy I wouldn’t invade her spotlight tonight, but I said nothing more. He told me he would call me before he got ready for the game.

“Maybe you’ll make a miraculous recovery,” he said.

There are no miracles for liars, I wanted to tell him, but I said nothing.

A short time after, Melina called.

“That sucks. Get over it.”

“Working on it.”

“Good. We’ll have plenty of celebrating to do. And… you and Tommy can celebrate privately after you’re better,” she said.

“Thank you, Melina. Cheer for Tommy for me.”

“Yes, I will,” she said. “I’ll have the loudest voice.”

Ava arrived before Daddy had picked up Karen at school. I heard her come in. I hurried to the stairway. She was clearly encouraged by Garson’s exam.

“All the swelling has gone,” she said, coming up. “How are you doing?”

“Better, but not completely.”

She nodded. When she paused, I looked at Garson, who was smiling at me.

“He’s already smiling at you more than he smiles at his sister.”

Could Ava see it in my look? He was smiling at his sister. I was swallowing the truth back, which probably made me look sick.

“Go rest,” she said. “I’ll make you something with rice tonight.”

She started for the bedroom, and after a moment, I retreated to mine. For a while, I simply lay there looking up at the ceiling. I should just go to the game, I thought, after having that miraculous recovery Tommy suggested. I should just risk it. Ava wouldn’t throw me out now, even if the truth was learned because students from Hurley recognized me. She would be angry at Daddy, very angry. He could lose his job and resent me forever. Maybe we’d both have to move out. Even if we went off together, how could that end well? He’d be apart from his son, too.

I felt so trapped and so angry. I was in such a deep sulk that I didn’t hear Karen and Daddy come home.

Suddenly, my door was thrown open.

“What’s wrong with you?” Karen demanded. “How could you get sick today of all days?”

“I forgot to tell the stomach flu about the game.”

She smirked but remained in the doorway. “Everyone was asking about you. You should have called me.”

My eyes widened with surprise and outrage. It was truly as if I believed my own lies. Daddy had taught me that was the way to make them work.

“Why didn’t you call me? I’m the one sick. And what about your brother?”

Her face softened.

“Daddy told me they were taking him to the doctor. I didn’t want to hear about it. I get too frightened.” She folded her arms and looked at the floor. “Mother says he’s all right now.” She looked up. “Daddy said he’ll go with me to the game. So did Tommy call you?”

“A few times.”

She nodded. From the way she was reacting now, I thought she actually felt sorry for me.

“I’ll call you the moment the buzzer sounds to end the game.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“I’ll make sure no one moves in on you at the celebration, either,” she said.

I fought back a smile. Did that include her?

“I’m changing and then going down to help with dinner. Mother said she thought it might be best for you to eat in your room. She’s going to bring a special meal up to you.”

“Really? I don’t think I’m infectious.”

“Whatever,” she said. “I’ll see you before Daddy and I leave for the game.”

She stepped back and closed the door. Tommy called again about ten minutes later.

“How are you now?” he asked, his voice resonant with hope.

“Much better but still a little shaky,” I said. “I wouldn’t want some-thing to happen and your attention be off the game.”

“Yeah,” he said, dripping with disappointment. “I’ll call you as soon as I get into the locker room.”

“Okay. Good luck.”

“I met you. I already have it,” he said.

I could feel the tears trickling down my cheeks after we said goodbye. I sat back against the pillows on my bed and glared at the wall, my emotions in a whirlpool. Now I really was feeling sick.

There was a light knock on the door, and then Daddy stepped in and closed it behind him.

“You’re doing great,” he said. “We’ll get through all this. Everything’s been a little more hectic with Garson and all, but I was on your case today with Amos and the judge we’re using. It’ll be fast, and there’ll be a lot less tension for you after it’s over.”

“Won’t I still have to stick to the fictional life you created for me?”

“Yes, but it will be lost in a fog. You’ll be too busy with this life and your future. You’ll have a great school life and then go to the college of your choice, no costs to worry about. Amos really likes you, too. He wants to make you a great party. Karen will be ecstatic. We’ve done it. Together. Let the past drift off, and think only about the future.”

“Karen said you’re taking her to the game.”

“Yeah. And Ava’s decided to call Celisse to watch Garson and come, too. She wants to keep an eagle eye on Karen at the after-party. It won’t run late. Tomorrow… tomorrow is the start of a really new life for you, Saffron. I know it’s a sacrifice for you to miss the game, but we both know it’s best for now. I’ll make it up to you.”

He smiled. Make it up to me? The door was closed. No one would see. Why didn’t he come to me to hug and kiss me? Hadn’t I done everything he wanted? He was behaving as if he really believed I was sick, too, or he was terrified I would be unable to hide our real relationship. Either answer left me cold.

“Okay,” I said.

As soon as he left, I closed my eyes and forced myself to vividly remember my mother. One image I could never forget was her sitting in the backyard with me and laughing at how close the hummingbirds came to her, one practically a few inches from her face, as if it thought there was nectar on her lips. There was something melodic about her laughter. It made me feel so safe in a world without tears or pain or encroaching dark shadows. Flames in a fireplace were still beautiful; candles on my birthday were still full of joy and celebration. Sometimes she sang an old song she said her mother loved. Her eyes would be so bright. I recalled the way her voice lifted with “There’ll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover…”

“Where’s Dover?” I once asked her.

She laughed and said, “It’s out there. You’ll see.”

Would I ever?

Ava brought me a bowl of rice and chicken and some tea. She was so happy about Garson that she lost any of her regal personality. She seemed warm and caring, as warm and caring as any woman who had agreed to become your mother and embrace you as a member of her family. I was speechless, really, and feeling even more terribly guilty.

“This will be good,” she said. “Something substantial. Celisse is here and will help you if you need anything. She’s quite capable. She’s had some nursing experience in France. I wouldn’t even think of leaving the two of you if I didn’t believe she could handle it.”

The two of you? She was including me in every way now, including me as one of her own.

I thanked her, keeping my eyes low so she couldn’t see how guilty I was feeling.

“I’ll be calling in regularly,” she promised. “And keeping my eyes on your soon-to-be sister,” she added with a stern look. “Derick and I are official chaperones. There’ll be no repeat of the Toby party. I assure you.”

“Okay. Thank you for dinner,” I said.

She stood there a moment and then left.

I listened to all the movement in the hallway, heard Celisse’s voice and Karen urging her parents to move faster. She wanted the best seat in the bleachers. No one stopped in to see me before they all left. When they did, the house became so quiet that I could hear the whistle of the wind over the roof shingles.

I rose and carried my tray out of the room and down the stairs. Celisse was sitting in the kitchenette having some tea and biscuits. Garson was asleep in the bassinet and looked very content.

“Sorry you are ill, chéri. Is there anything you need?”

“No, I’m fine, Celisse. I’m getting better. How’s he doing?”

“He’s well. A scare, I’m sure.”

She had such a sweet, soft smile.

“Are you happy you came to America?” I asked, after I put my dishes and silverware in the sink.

“Ah, oui, but sometimes…”

“Sometimes?”

“I miss my famille. I have two older sisters, both married and both with three children. They all live in Rouen. You know it?”

“I think that was where Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.”

“Oui,” she said. “Très bien, but it has more to it than just that history. One day you’ll go. There is much to see and learn.”

“Peut-être,” I said.

She smiled. Garson moaned, opened his eyes, and then closed them again.

“Babies are sweet,” she said. “It is frightening when they get ill. So fragile. Oh. I think I have to go up and get his new teething ring. Mrs. Anders forgot to give it to me. They were in such a rush, such excitement about the school game.”

“I’ll get it for you. Where did she say it was?”

“On her vanity table. In a box not opened.”

“Okay.”

“Merci,” she said, and I hurried up the stairs, reminding myself I was supposed to be sick. When I stepped into Ava and my father’s bedroom, I paused. Ava was really in a rush to get herself together. Drawers were still open, clothes tossed on the bed. So Mrs. Perfect could be a little sloppy sometimes, I thought, and smiled.

I spotted the new teething ring box and started for it. Then I stopped and stared at what was displayed on the vanity table. She had put out some jewelry and some watches, probably deciding that these three were too elegant to wear to a basketball game. The one in the middle made my heart stop and start. Slowly, I reached for it. Just touching it sent a chill up my arm and down my spine.

It was gold, not with a round face but shaped more like a triangle. It had a tiny diamond next to each number. I turned it over. On the back was inscribed Love, D. I would never forget it. When Daddy first had given it to Mama, he proudly told her it was custom-made. Back then, she wore it often, practically every day. When she stopped and put it in her brown antique jewelry box, he was upset, but she had stopped wearing everything he had bought her by then.

I clearly remember hearing how our house had burned to the ground and how everything was reduced to ashes. I didn’t want to hear about Mama, but I did remember Daddy deciding that combing through the rest of it was useless, and it was wiser to bulldoze away the remains and put the land up for sale.

The fire not only burned away everything we had, but it burned indelible memories into my mind. For nights and nights after, I would wake to the vision of Daddy coming into my bedroom, his arms full of my clothes to wear, his face ripped with panic. I cried for Mama, but he said he had to get me out first and fast. The flames were so big, snapping at us, as he carried me down the stairs. When we emerged from the house, I heard something crash down behind us in the house, maybe the dining-room chandelier.

People were all over the street by now. The flames were visible in the doorway. Daddy couldn’t go back in. I was so dazed I thought Mama must be out, too. Where was she? I could see flames in her bedroom window. Glass exploded. I clung to Daddy, who was in his pajamas. Some neighbors were rushing over to us with blankets. The sirens were screaming all around us. Daddy had me change into the clothes he had quickly scooped up for me. Then, for a while, we both stood there watching the firemen start to battle with the blaze. I was pressed against him, softly crying, “Where’s Mama?”

All of this thundered back at me. The watch seemed hot in my hand, as hot as it could have been if it had been rescued from the flames. It looked absolutely immaculate, untouched. I remembered the tiny scratch next to Love, D. This was the watch. For a moment, I really did feel woozy. The room seemed to spin. I put my hand on Ava’s vanity table to keep my balance. The dark thoughts that blossomed in my mind didn’t simply happen now. The seeds of them were always there.

I scooped up the teething ring box and walked out with it in my left hand and the watch in my right. Before I turned to Celisse at the bottom of the stairway, I closed my hand around the watch.

“Merci,” she said, taking the box and opening it. “I’ll wash it off.”

I nodded, hoping she didn’t see any changes in my face, and then I hurried back to the stairway. Would I cower in my room? Would I cry? Would I pack a bag and run off? When I stepped into the room, I saw the card Amos Saddlebrook had given me on the top of the dresser. I looked at it for a moment and then made up my mind. I would not cry.

I called the number.

“This is Tyson,” I heard.

“This is Saffron. I need to see Mr. Saddlebrook right now.”

“You’re home?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he said.

For a moment, I stood there stupidly. Then I thought, I have to go. I have to get as far away as I can. But first, I would see Amos Saddlebrook. I had good reason.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a warm blouse. I put on one of the pairs of running shoes Ava had bought me, and I packed my old bag with more clothes and the things I would need. I included all the money I had and then put in the watch, my mother’s watch. I scooped up the jean jacket Ava had bought me. For a moment, I looked around the room. There was nothing else I wanted to take with me. I wasn’t even going to take the coloring book. Instead, I left it on the bed with the old crayons.

Then I went out. I could hear Celisse in Ava and Daddy’s bedroom singing some French lullaby to Garson. For a few moments, I stood there listening. As softly as I could, I descended the stairway and went to the front of the house. When the headlights of Mr. Saddlebrook’s car appeared on the street, I stepped out. Tyson turned into the driveway and stopped. He got out and opened the rear door for me.

“Did you tell Mr. Saddlebrook I called you?”

“Yes,” he said. “He’s waiting for you.”

I got in, and he closed the door, backed out of the driveway, and turned up the street. I looked back at the house. The water running in the dark pewter fountain with a sculptured little boy and girl under an umbrella glittered. It seemed like just yesterday I had first stepped up to this house, that motion detector light putting me in a spotlight. As the house drifted back, I could feel my body tying into knots of anger and sorrow.

Everything had begun with a lie, I thought. Why shouldn’t it end like this?