Then she collapsed on the floor and the shift faded. Her body was shaking, her arms wrapping around her own shoulders and hands clenching so tightly her knuckles turned white.
“Christ.” Sage fell to his knees, reaching for a phone that wasn’t there. He wrapped her quickly in the blanket and carried her back to the room with the double bed, pulling extra blankets over her before turning and making a run for the laundry room. He’d left the phone on the table near the front door. He grabbed that and continued to the laundry room, grabbing the dried clothing from inside and running back to the bedroom.
He flipped the phone open, tapping the direct number.
“Jess! I’ve got a problem,” Sage wedged the phone between his ear and neck, pulling his jeans up his legs and shoving one arm into his tee shirt before switching.
“Sage? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think she’s ever shifted before!” He looked around, there weren’t any more blankets in the room and she already had four on top of her and she was still shaking.
“I...what? Are you serious? Why do you think that? That should have happened when she was a teenager,” Jess was up from the sofa and pacing. “But not if she had a father who wanted that part of her gone. Christ. The scent Lexi caught and couldn’t remember…”
“Yeah, that was my reaction.”
“What happened? How do you…you got her to shift?” He asked incredulously. “Without knowing…is she shivering?”
“Yeah…and I’ve got her covered with four heavy blankets and she’s not awake. She passed out when she saw herself in the mirror. I didn’t fucking know!”
“I know, I know…” Jess paced, his head back and eyes closed. “Just…I don’t know, Sage. The whole thing focuses around the hormones that adolescents have running rampant inside them! That’s why they have elders and parents to help them navigate things. There’ve been rumors of people delayed…keep her as warm as you can and…shit…try body heat…be careful…she could shift every five minutes until things start to even out or she could just…her temperature could just stabilize and she’ll sleep it off. I don’t know. That’s possibly part of what was in the drug. Something to suppress her hormones.”
“Especially with that bastard filling her full of drugs to stop the natural order,” Sage went to the bed and crawled over the surface. “Thanks, Jess. I’ve got to go.” He snapped the phone shut and tossed it to the nightstand. He slid beneath the blankets. One hand went beneath her head, the other going around her middle, pulling her back against him, trying to share the natural warmth he had with her.
He moved his arm lower, sliding beneath her waist. He gripped both her wrists in his and hoped if she shifted, she didn’t kill him. He shifted his shoulders against the headboard, cradling her against him and resting his cheek against her head.
Sage didn’t let himself sleep. With his hands wrapped around her wrists, he could keep an eye on her pulse and her temperature. If Jess didn’t know about late shifting, he didn’t know who did.
And here he believed he was helping free her. Helping to bring back memories. Memories she’d never made because of a bastard father with racist beliefs against his own child. And god knows what kind of experiments she was used for.
He looked at the watch on the underside of his wrist.
The shivering had stopped. Ninety minutes.
She seemed to have settled into an uneasy sleep, her head tossing and little snarls breaking free now and then. He couldn’t say he knew much about cougars except what he’d learned being around Lexi briefly. And that wasn’t nearly enough for this duty.
Her body gave a little jump at the same time his phone sounded. Stretching and without releasing her, he reached the phone and managed to get it open without swearing.
“Yeah, Sage here.”
“Sage, I have Lexi here,” Jess said hurriedly. “Is she alright?”
“She’s still out but the shaking and shivering stopped after about ninety minutes,” he looked down at the still features, her head moving now and then in a negative shake. He had watched her upper lip curl back, the hint of sharp teeth flashing now and then. “Jess, I don’t know what the hell to do here. This is definitely outside the sheriff realm.”
“Sage, just relax,” Lexi had joined the call, pacing the living area of her home with Eli watching. She had her phone clipped to her jeans and a headset on. “Jess said Luna didn’t know. That explains the scent I was getting. Why it was off. He told me about the drugs and I think everything natural began happening once the medications started clearing her system. I’ve called and talked to a few people and so has Jess. The problem is, all the cases were different.”
“Swell. Thanks, Lex…just what I needed to hear.”
“What’s she doing? Describe it for us.”
“Sleeping…” He said tiredly. “But not…not peacefully. Her head thrashes now and then and believe me, the girl’s definitely got claws and canines. Little snarls break free and she…her body kind of jumps…”
“How did you start this?” Lexi winced at the curse from the other end. “I’m trying to help here, Sage.”
“I thought…we were only dealing with a loss of memory. I thought after Jess told me about the drugs, that I could give the memories a little push. I tried…I made a comment, she said I was crazy and tried walking out. I grabbed her arm…next thing I knew, I had four claw marks across my chest.” He dragged in a breath. “Okay…so now she’s sinking to the floor in shock…didn’t know how she did what she did and didn’t fucking know how to make the claws go away. I…fuck…I was floored, okay?”
“She must have been scared,” Lexi said softly.
“Yeah…yeah, she was…hell, she still is…hell, I didn’t know. I told her I could show her. So I took her upstairs to a room with a large mirror,” he heard Lexi sigh on the other end. “And I helped her visualize herself. Her grandmother had photos of her mother in her other form. She’s beautiful. Her colors are far off from yours, all silver and gold and black. It worked…she stared at herself…put her paw against the glass…and lost the shift, curled up in a ball and passed out on me. That’s when the shivering began.”
“But it’s stopped now, right?”
“Yeah…but she’s kind of thrashing.”
“That’s normal. It’s the muscles stretching and kind of adapting. My mom held me through the night on my first shift. Then I felt like a weenie the next day,” Lexi picked up a pillow and threw it at Eli when he laughed. “I think it’ll be alright. Probably another hour or two and she’ll settle down and just sleep. She might sleep until noon or she might wake up right away. It’s hard to say. I woke up with a ton of energy.”
“You’re just trying to make me nuts, right?”
“Sage…are you coming back tomorrow morning? I have your information for you. I think Luna will be fine once all the garbage is out of her blood.”
“And what’s the doctor think?”
“Hey, she’s got my vote. If not…if we don’t hear from you by nine, I’ll send Lucas to check on you,” Jess told him. “Anything happens…not sure how I can help, but give me a call. You could bundle her in the car and bring her back tonight. I can monitor her…”
“I’ll manage, doc, thanks. And thanks, Lex…I’ll be in touch,” he closed the phone and dropped it behind him on the bed.
“I am not crazy.”
Sage heard the soft voice, relief in the simple words she spoke.
“No, baby, you’re not crazy,” his cheek came to rest on her head. “You’re not crazy. The photo your grandmother left you of the cougar…it’s your mother in her other form. Usually…your father’s been giving you drugs to try and ‘cure’ you, Luna.”
“It’s been a busy day,” she said tiredly. She could feel his hard body wrapped around her from behind, his hands, one around each of her wrists. She knew it was for protection. His protection. She didn’t know how, but she knew. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was laughing and hugging her tighter.
“Luna St. Germaine…that is the understatement of the year,” he opened his hands, releasing her wrists and leaning up enough to pull a blanket over him. He didn’t know what to expect and his two experts weren’t any more knowledgeable in this area than he was at the moment.
The cougar was an incredibly strong, adaptable creature. It roamed the high places, the deserts and forgotten cliffs; the forests and boundaries that man continually attempted to impose upon the land and creatures living upon it. It survived on its own rules and Luna had done the same. She showed him that now. Her father had treated her like she was weak. His serious mistake.
“I’m so tired, Sage but I…I have so many questions.” It was nice in his arms. Warm and safe.
“I’ll be here in the morning, Luna. I talked to Jess and Lexi…she can help you most, I think. She’s like you,” he went still when she inhaled very slowly through her nose.
“You’re not. You’re…different,” she sighed and snuggled back against him. “Nice. I like your smell.”
Sage looked at the clock. In just over twelve hours he’d gone from not being a cat person to not knowing how to be nothing but a cat person.
One cat. This one.
“You know you can’t stay here.”
“I know. But…I needed to see, I think. Maybe…maybe he had lied to me,” she turned, which wasn’t easy since she discovered she was wrapped up like a taco with four layers. “Good grief…It’s very warm in here,” she tossed blankets back until she had the one and fell back against the pillow, facing him, her face pressed into his chest. “I think I hoped he had lied to me and grannie was still alive.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know…no, that is wrong…I’m feeling too many things all at the same time,” she whispered, labeling, sorting and holding a tight leash on it all. “But I’m feeling. Before it was…there was nothing. It was muffled…everything…kept just outside my view…outside my reach…”
“Tell me the words, Luna. Tell me what you’re feeling,” Sage went still when she leaned up, keeping the blanket wrapped around her, she sat at his side, cross-legged. He didn’t move when her hand came out, tugging on his shirt and pulling it toward his face. “It’s alright,” he peered down at where the slash marks had been. “It’s healed and won’t even be noticeable in a couple hours.”
“But I…”
“You were startled. The drugs they’ve been giving you are leaving your system. I think Addy’s tea is helping with that, too. Listen to me, Luna, never feel sorry when you defend yourself,” he wanted to talk more with Jess and find out about the things they’d been putting into her. She’d described the fog, but he knew there was more. “You have a right to be safe.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Sage. You’ve done nothing but try and help me. I…I was so lost in thoughts about so many things,” her head shook, her eyes on her hands, remembering the long, lethal claws that had been there. “It’s all so…mixed up.”
“Luna…look at me…” He waited until the green eyes rose. “A lot of that will become…routine and fade to the back of your mind. Be patient with yourself. Lexi can help you ease into the other side of you and you can learn from her…she and Scarlet have already said when you return to Devil Hills, they can help you.”
“I remember them,” she said softly. “I saw them.” Her eyes sharpened, her head shaking. “Return? I can’t go back there, Sage. I can’t. You don’t understand. The people he travels with…him…he’ll…” she stopped, her nose twitching and brow knit curiously. “You’re angry.”
“Lessons, Luna,” he said tensely, too aware of the change at her response. “Tell me how you knew.”
“Your smell changed,” she said very softly, her eyes going to his hands, expecting to see claws.
“I’ve been in control since I was twelve. You’ll learn how to call them at will, along with these,” he waited until she looked up, her eyes suddenly saucers. She sucked in a sharp breath, staring. One hand rose slowly, a fingernail touching the elongated enamel he’d called into place. He laughed, her hand was snatched back when he made the fangs recede.
“Oh, my.”
She wasn’t frightened. He’d know. Fascinated. Curious, like a child.
“You played with the cougar, didn’t you, Luna? When you lived here with your mother and grandmother,” he saw the instant evasion. The child would have told them. Because she’d miss it. She’d know. And repressed it all for fear of being punished. He let the silence settle around them for a moment. “Luna…no one is ever going to punish you again for speaking what’s inside you.” Her head rose slowly, green eyes searching his. “I promise.”
“I don’t remember a time when I did not play with the cougar,” she said very softly, blinking as the tears ran down her cheeks.
“It’s how parents orient their kids, Luna. So you know that it’s just another part of you, that it’s nothing to fear or hide from,” his palm went to the side of her face, his thumb swiping at the tears. “It’s how you become accustomed to their scent, their presence.”
“I was always in the woods and at the lake with her,” she stared off at the window. “Either my…they were both my mother…she said she would show me, teach me. I don’t think I understood…or maybe I didn’t believe…it feels like those memories belong to someone else. I wasn’t allowed…” Her head shook.
“I imagine as a child you had a very busy brain,” he teased.
“When they first came here and took me from grannie, I was so scared. He had people with him from one of the government agencies. I heard them talking, but I don’t…”
Sage went still when she just unfolded from his side and stretched out beside him, her arm across his chest. She didn’t move. There was no savage crying, nothing. He wasn’t sure which he would have preferred. At least the emotions wouldn’t be shrouded with drugs now.
“Luna?”
“Yes?”
“Done talking?”
“I suppose.”
“Tired?”
“No…no…thinking. Worrying. Afraid.”
“I’ll take care of you. You can’t stay here alone. This is the first place they’ll come to look for you,” Sage said logically.
“They’re on their way. I’m sure they’ve already asked questions in Devil Hills,” she sighed. “He hates me because…I thought…I believed he was strict to…to shield me. That he was protecting me. Or because he cared…but he doesn’t.”
“I’m a cop, Luna. I don’t know the man. But I know you don’t drug someone…I know you don’t drug a child and take away their willpower…their curiosity and rights,” he said quietly. “And it might be difficult to accept, but that isn’t love. You had love with your mother and grandmother. I think you know the difference.”
“There isn’t fog around me now, Sage. I felt it when I first was in the clinic and woke up. So many thoughts and emotions came rushing into me…and there was nothing stopping it. They were mine! All mine! No one was ordering me to…to think a certain way, or behave a certain way. These are my feelings. My anger. I’m angry at him. But afraid, too. I’m afraid for you and the people who helped me.”
“Let us worry about that, Luna, believe me, Lexi and her friends are very skilled at taking care of themselves. And they’ll teach you those skills, too, if you want them. Your anger is justified, don’t deny it. But I think you also need to see Jess and make sure all that stuff…whatever they were doing to you…is out of your system.”
“You people don’t know me.”
“We do now. Are we supposed to pretend you’re not in trouble and need our help?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you do?” Sage chuckled when her head tilted against his chest. “With your day.”
“My father is a high level politician in Montreal. I’ve been trained to act as his hostess. I read and take classes. I handle his calendar and schedule as well as his correspondence.”
“Do you choose the classes?”
“Some. Some are chosen for me,” she rolled to the side and onto her stomach, her head resting on his stomach and eyes curious. “Why do you think it matters that he keep me?”
“I don’t know. Do you think he’d answer honestly if you asked him?”
“I don’t believe he knows honesty. I know I was…I was very upset when they took me. Perhaps he drugged me for that reason.”
“It’s not justified, Luna. You console a child; you don’t drug them into submission.”
“I know. I believed them when they said I had allergies. But sometimes…the fog would clear enough for me to…to wonder and want to claw my way out because I felt I was missing something. But I didn’t know how.”
He was silent. Her eyes had been drifting lower and lower and in his silence, the sleep finally claimed her. Sage adjusted the blanket to keep her warm and stared for a long time at the dark ceiling.
He had to smile. She never once questioned her ability to see him clearly. And the change in his scent had fascinated her, not frightened her, as he would have expected. He suspected her exposure from birth to whenever her mother was killed was ruling her now that she could think clearly.
Sage felt the acute change in himself at the thought of the man who had drugged his own child in the name of genetic purity. He had definitely lied about having control, his eyes on the claws that had sprouted suddenly. He focused and forced them to recede, closed his eyes and didn’t have to search long before sleep captured him.