I’m not surprised when I hear tapping on the door. Ali left ten minutes ago, but something makes me think she’s back. I want the knock to be Ali. Desperately. Without even looking, I open the door.
“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you.” A very vulnerable Ali stands in front of me. “You came here for me and I just don’t want to go. I’m afraid if I do, you won’t be here tomorrow. Can I stay? I’ll sleep on the other bed. I just want to be near you.”
My heart jumps and threatens to spill out right there between us. I’m wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, toothbrush in my hand, and I couldn’t be further from sexy if I tried. I want to throw myself at Ali, but instead I push the door open farther and motion for her to come in.
“I’m so tired,” she says, resting her head in her hands. I sit across from her, on my own bed. I want to comfort her, but I’m afraid any more contact will set us spiraling into a bout of passionate sex. I can’t handle that right now.
“Why don’t you go take a shower? You might feel better after that. You’ll probably sleep better,” I say. “I can give you something to sleep in.”
She’s quiet, her head still in her hands, her expression hidden from me. Finally, she nods and heads straight for the bathroom. I quickly dig through my clothes to find a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I knock on the door softly and slip inside, putting the clothes on the shelf where she’ll find them.
I don’t want to look at Ali, but I can’t help it. The shower curtain is frosted two-thirds of the way down, but I can see her head and shoulders. She’s leaning forward, hands pressed against the wall, the water beating down on her. She looks so alone. I just want to shed my clothes and join her and tell her it’s going to be okay. I leave instead because I don’t even know if that’s true.
When Ali emerges from the bathroom, our eyes meet and I feel the jolt again. She always takes my breath away. Even beaten down and exhausted, she’s still as beautiful as the day we met.
“Did that help?” I ask her. I’m leaning up against the headboard, dead center, my laptop on my thighs with a few papers surrounding me. I’m sure Ali thinks it’s a fortress, but I really am working. I have an idea for another book and, with Ali this close to me, I’m going to have a hard time sleeping.
“Yes, it did. Thank you for taking care of me,” she says. She pulls back the covers of the other bed and slides between the sheets. She rolls on her back and covers her eyes with her forearm. I quietly gather up the stacks of paper and my laptop and put them on the desk. Ali doesn’t move. In a way, I’m disappointed. I thought for sure she’d somehow work her way over to me. She hasn’t even budged from her spot.
I turn off the lights and try to figure out what’s going on. Our initial meeting today was intense, but we both pushed through the uncomfortable and unknown feelings. I try to make out Ali in the dark. I hear her steady, even breathing and know she’s asleep. I miss her. I’ve been miserable without her. I miss talking to her late at night. I miss hearing her seductive voice. I miss hearing her sultry laugh and the way she whispers my name. Now that she’s done with her tour and I’m done writing, we can work on us. My edits won’t be too demanding, I hope. I don’t mind. I love the characters I’ve created and miss them like I do real people. It’s sad that I still have imaginary friends at age thirty.
*
Ali’s moans jar me awake. I stop and listen, my body on high alert. Did I imagine the noise? A few seconds later, I hear Ali again.
“No…please don’t,” she says. She’s starting to get louder and moving around in the bed more.
“Shh, Ali, it’s okay,” I say. I want to soothe her but not wake her. Without hesitating, I slip into bed beside her and hold her. She stills and her breathing evens out. I know I should move back into my bed, but I don’t want to. I just want to hold Ali for a little bit longer. There’s no harm in that. I want to feel her against me and smell her and feel her warmth. God, I missed this. I’m aware of the intensity of my feelings for Ali. One minute I’m wallowing in self-pity and the next I want to fall down at this woman’s feet and pledge my eternal devotion. I don’t know if this is love or not. It feels more intense. I’ve never felt this way. I know I should be disappointed in myself, in my lack of conviction, but I’m way past that. I’m an addict when it comes to Ali Hart.
When I open my eyes sometime later, I’m surprised that I’m still in bed with Ali. During the night, Ali rolled onto her back and now I’m tucked into the crook of her arm. My hand is settled under Ali’s T-shirt, my fingertips resting on her warm stomach. My leg is nestled between hers, and I can feel the warmth of her core against my thigh. I freeze. How the hell am I going to get out of this? Then I ask myself if I want to get out of this. As I’m trying to answer my own questions, I start rubbing Ali’s stomach with my fingers. I stop and rest them flat down against her stomach again.
“I can tell that you’re awake,” I say. I’m not going to jump and run to my bed. I’m caught, but I don’t even care at this point.
“How can you tell?” Ali asks. Her voice is gravelly and sexy.
“Your heart started beating faster and you have goose bumps,” I say. We’re both silent for a few seconds. “Is this okay?”
“I don’t want you to stop. Ever,” she says. Her arm tightens against me and I melt into her. We hold each other quietly, both of us aware of the magnitude of this moment. Thousands of unspoken words hang between us, but we’re content to communicate via small touches. I resume touching Ali’s stomach and catch my breath when I hear her moan softly. She runs her fingers up and down my arm. I feel the pressure of Ali’s lips against my forehead as she kisses me softly.
“As much as this pains me, I need to get up and go to the bathroom. I feel like I’ve been asleep for days,” she says. I begrudgingly untangle myself from her long limbs, missing her heat immediately. I sit up and allow her to slip by me, watching her in the dark as she makes her way to the bathroom. Should I head to my own bed? I’m not sure what to do. I end up staying right where I am.