Chapter Thirteen

 

 

 

It was a novelty for Rowan to have so much time to himself and he found he didn’t like it. Without Lorcan he felt lost. He lay on the bed for a while, breathing in Lorcan’s scent, but after a while he got fidgety. He spent some time cleaning and tidying the room, changing the bed and scrubbing the bathroom until it gleamed. When there was nothing left to do he took one of Lorcan’s dress shirts from the wardrobe and shrugged it on. The tails just about covered his arse and would allow him a modicum of dignity while he walked back to his room. It was one thing to wander around naked when it was Lorcan’s wish, but somehow felt entirely different without him.

He scuttled downstairs, managing to avoid getting any new bruises and keeping his fingers crossed that nobody would spot him. He made it as far as the banqueting hall where he caught sight of the computer. Before he even realized what he was doing he had taken the seat in front of it and turned it on. The pressure of the hard seat on his recently spanked behind made him think of Lorcan and he nibbled his lower lip, feeling guilty before he’d even done anything. He brought up the search engine, typed Lorcan’s name into the box but hesitated, his finger hovering over the return key.

“Dammit.” He stabbed the plastic. Millions of search results instantly flashed onto the screen. “In for a penny…”

Shoulders hunched, he leaned toward the screen, scanning the rows of text. Lorcan was famous. There were hundreds of articles about his business dealings, his charitable work and his associates. There were pictures of social events with him dressed in a dinner jacket and those made Rowan’s mouth water and his cock twitch. But Rowan wasn’t online to ogle pictures of the man he shared a bed with. The real thing was far more attractive. He dug deeper, going back in time to when Lorcan had started his business, and it was there he found a reference to something disturbing. He clicked on the link, which took him to a newspaper article giving an account of a violent home invasion.

 

Lorcan Wilder, 17, adopted son of Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Wilder, was taken from the scene to the local hospital. There is no information at this time about his injuries. A police source informed journalists at the scene that Lorcan had been home alone at the time of the break-in. His parents are on their way back from a vacation in the Hamptons.

 

Rowan stopped reading and began to search for more information about the incident. It had been picked up by the national press and some of the more sensationalist periodicals and from a range of articles he managed to piece together what had happened.

Four men had broken into the property in the early hours of the morning. Lorcan had awoken and attempted to escape via a rear exit, having discovered that the phones had been disconnected. The gang had caught him then spent several hours assaulting him, before a concerned neighbor had reported the presence of a strange vehicle on the street. Hearing sirens, the men had made a run for it. Two of them had been arrested while the other two made their escape, but had later been tracked down. Lorcan had spent several weeks in hospital.

There was no information on what exactly had been done to him or what his specific injuries were and Rowan was relieved about that. His imagination was conjuring up quite enough horrors. He was convinced he had discovered the source of Lorcan’s nightmares. He stared blindly at the computer screen, not sure what to do. He couldn’t hide his knowledge from Lorcan but had no idea how he might react. Rowan powered down the computer and he was still sat with his fingers resting on the keyboard when Luke came into the room.

“Rowan? Are you okay? You’re as pale as a ghost.”

Rowan jumped at the sound of Luke’s voice, then pasted a fake smile on his face. “I’m fine, thank you, Mr. Redding.”

“You’re not a good liar, Rowan.” Luke went across to a sideboard and poured a tumbler of brandy from the decanter. He pressed the glass into Rowan’s shaking hand. “Drink.”

Rowan tossed back the golden liquid, which burned a trail down his throat into his stomach. He coughed, not used strong alcohol.

“I know you’re worried about the future, Rowan. You need to do what’s best for you. Mr. Wilder will respect that and I’ll support you in whatever decision you make.”

“It’s not that, well, not just that. I shouldn’t have been digging around, but I was interested. I wanted to know a bit more about him and he’s not very forthcoming about his past. Something happened, a long time ago. I think it’s the reason he has so many bad dreams.”

“Mr. Hoffman does extensive and thorough background checks into everyone who applies to stay here. I know what you’re talking about and I’m not surprised that the trauma has stayed with him, but it happened a long time ago and you shouldn’t let what you know affect what you feel about him now. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“I’ll have to tell him that I know,” Rowan said. “He’s going to be so angry.”

“I think you should give him more credit.” Luke squeezed Rowan’s shoulder. “Go to your room, take a nap. Everything will seem better once you’ve rested. There’s a lot going on in that pretty head of yours and you have some decisions to make. I know you find it hard without Mr. Wilder here, but these decisions have to be yours, Rowan, made without his influence. Come to dinner in the kitchen later. As Mr. Wilder is out it will be nice for us to get together.”

“Okay.” Rowan gave him a tentative smile. “That sounds good, and I am a little tired. I think I’ll take a soak in the tub then snooze.”

Luke nodded and strolled away in the direction of his office. Rowan unfolded himself from the uncomfortable chair then headed for his bedroom where he ran a bath, adding far too many bubbles. He had his choice of the same products used in the guest bedrooms and, as with everything at The Retreat, they were great quality. He put Lorcan’s shirt on the back of a chair, grabbed his Kindle then clambered into the steaming water. As he lay back, he realized just how much tension had built in his neck and shoulders. The hot water soaked into his muscles and he moaned, relishing the deep heat treatment. He changed his mind about reading, put his Kindle on the floor, closed his eyes and tried to get his thoughts in order. He was distracted by the glint of metal beneath the water but realized that the chastity device meant that Lorcan was still with him, in a way.

Rowan wondered if that was how it would be if he decided to take Lorcan’s job offer. The attraction of never being alone, never having to worry about making decisions by himself, was strong. Not that he didn’t know his own mind, but Lorcan’s presence always made him feel as if he was being looked after. He felt the same in bondage. Safe. Secure. Ropes and chains were just a replacement for Lorcan’s arms.

His thoughts were invaded by visions of Lorcan as a young man and how terrified he must have been on that night all those years ago. Rowan couldn’t bear to think what might have happened to him, been done to him, and he had no idea how he was going to raise the subject. Lorcan would know there was something on his mind. He had a way of looking into Rowan’s soul and there was no hiding from his gaze. Rowan could be fully dressed yet stripped bare beneath Lorcan’s uncompromising examination. Not that he’d been dressed that often in the last few weeks.

He caught himself drifting into a doze, so decided to get dried off. He lay on his bed wearing a pair of light pajama bottoms because it didn’t feel right to call his aunt when he was naked. She answered the phone at the first ring. Rowan pulled Bilbo close but the expected tirade didn’t come.

“Rowan love, it’s wonderful to hear from you. How are you doing?”

“You know, I’d prefer if you just yelled at me. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call more often.” Rowan rolled his eyes at Bilbo.

“And there was me trying for sweet and understanding.” Rory snickered. “Should have known I couldn’t pull that off. Now, what’s up? There must be something or you wouldn’t be calling me.”

“You have a suspicious mind.”

“And you’re not denying it so spill.”

Rowan debated how much to tell her but decided that she’d get the story out of him eventually anyway, so he might as well be honest from the start.

“I’ve been offered a new job. It’s with the guest here at The Retreat, as his personal assistant.”

There was a moment of silence.

“And you want to take it.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I think so.” Rowan stuck the phone beneath his chin so he could massage his temples. There was headache developing in a tight band around his head. “I like him, Rory. A lot.”

“I’m guessing the job description involves a little more than keeping his diary and answering his calls.”

“Yeah, but those are details I’m not going to share with you, so don’t even ask.”

“Spoilsport. You’re all grown up, Rowan. You don’t need me to help you make a decision like this.”

“I think I’ve already made it, if I’m honest, but it helps to talk things through with someone who understands me. Everyone here is very kind and I’ve made some great friends, but I think this new opportunity will be even better for me.”

“Then you should take it,” Rory said. “But I want to meet him and that’s not negotiable.”

Rowan giggled. He could just imagine the kind of interrogation his aunt would subject Lorcan to. That would be fun to watch.

“Okay, I’m going to call Ed now while he’s still between shifts. I’ll let you know where I’ll be once I know.”

“You told me the client was American. You won’t be moving abroad, will you?”

“I’ve been helping him house hunt over here. He’ll probably have to rent somewhere for a while but he’s looking for a place in London and another in the Cotswolds, so we won’t be far away. His home is in San Francisco, so I imagine he’ll want to spend some time there too.”

“I’m hiding your passport until I’ve had the chance to make sure he’s good enough for you.”

Rowan didn’t know what to say to that so he made his goodbyes and selected Ed’s number from his contact list instead.

“Hey, kink boy. I thought someone locked you in a dungeon and threw away the key.”

“Funny, Ed. You and Rory should get together. You’d make a good comedy duo.”

“She’d have to be the straight guy.”

Rowan groaned.

“So how’s the rich, Dommy dude?”

“Dude?”

“He’s from the U.S., isn’t he?”

“The rich Dommy dude is in London.”

“Oh, I get it. I only get a call when his highness is elsewhere. Charming.”

“Sometimes I think I’d get more intelligent conversation out of Bilbo.”

Ed snorted. “Has he met your bear yet? Hairy, cuddly, in competition for his affection?”

“Bears are more your type, Ed. And leave Bilbo out of this. I need advice. Dommy dude has offered me a job—and I can’t believe I’m calling him that. He’d whip my arse if he found out.”

“And you’d enjoy it. Wait…he did what?”

“Asked me to leave The Retreat and be his personal assistant…amongst other things.” Rowan was glad Ed couldn’t see his smile.

“You’ve gone all gooey.”

“Have not!”

“Have. So, you’re going to take it?”

“I… Yes, I think so.”

“You don’t know so? There are far too many rhymes in this conversation, by the way.”

“It’s a huge decision. Whatever I do, I’ll be letting someone down and I hate that.”

“Sometimes you have to put yourself first, Row. I know that’s against your religion, but for once be selfish. What do you want?”

“I want him.” Saying it made it real.

“There you go, then. Simple.”

“Is it though? It’s a job, not a relationship.”

“Have you asked him that?” Ed snickered. “Of course you haven’t. I think you need to talk to him. If he’s as good a Dom as you say, he’ll want to know what’s worrying you, won’t he?”

“’Spose,” Rowan mumbled, knowing Ed was right.

“Uh-huh. Listen to Uncle Ed, for he is wise and all-knowing. I want to meet this bloke that has you all tied up in knots. He needs my seal of approval.”

“You sound like Rory.” Rowan pummeled a pillow, releasing some pent-up frustration.

“She and I have a date tomorrow for fish and chips.” Ed smacked his lips together.

“Are you replacing me with my aunt?” Rowan whined.

“No, just making sure our mutual interests are discussed. That’s you, by the way.”

“Oh my God. I’m going. I’m psychologically scarred by the idea of my best friend and my aunt discussing my love life. I hope you’re happy.”

“Ecstatic. Ring me tomorrow with an update, ’kay?”

“If I can. Bye, Ed.”

Rowan pulled the covers up and snuggled beneath them, hugging Bilbo close. The events of the day had caught up with him and he drifted into a doze, though sleep proved to be impossible. There were far too many thoughts and worries whirling around in his head and it was still several hours until Lorcan’s return. He tried counting sheep but his mind managed to turn them into fanged, woolly mutants with glowing red eyes. Squeezing his eyes tight shut didn’t help either and his nagging headache wouldn’t go away. He tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. Utterly miserable, he wished the time would pass quicker. He needed to confess his knowledge about Lorcan’s past and make a final decision about his own future. Until then, peace of mind would remain out of reach.

 

* * * *

 

Lorcan got back into The Retreat just after midnight. He was surprised to find Luke waiting for him in the hall.

“I hope you had a good evening,” Luke said. “I wanted to be here to reassure you that Rowan is okay. He had dinner with me and the kitchen staff. He was a little subdued and I suspect suffering from a headache, but he ate well and chatted with everyone. He went up to the Blue Room after the meal.”

“I’m glad to hear it. I have to admit I spent most of my evening thinking about him and my friends noticed how distracted I was, hence the relatively early return. I just wanted to get back to him. I should be here taking care of him.”

Luke nodded. “I understand. There’s something else you should know. Rowan spent some time on the computer this afternoon—he was researching.”

Lorcan didn’t need Luke to tell him what Rowan had been curious about. “My past.”

Luke nodded.

“I should have been open with him from the start. He experienced the long-term effects of what happened to me firsthand. I can understand him being curious about what must’ve happened to give me nightmares.” He sighed. “I didn’t forbid him to use the computer. I just wish I’d had the courage to tell him before he found out for himself. The full details aren’t in the news reports. He must be wondering exactly what happened.”

“I’d suggest it’s time for the two of you to have an open conversation. I suspect he’s conflicted about the job you’ve offered him because he doesn’t want to let Mr. Hoffman down. I think I have a solution for that. I spoke to Carey earlier this evening and suggested that Rowan remains an employee of The Retreat.”

“But…”

“Hear me out,” Luke said. “He will remain an employee under contract, but be attached to you in the same capacity he has been here. That will give him security and take away the personal element of the agreement. He wants a relationship, not just a job. He needs to submit to you and this solution will remove some conflict of interest. The two of you will have the time you need to get to know each other better but it will remove the pressure he’s feeling to make a decision too quickly.”

Lorcan thought for a few minutes, pacing the hall, running the idea through his head.

“It’s perfect. The ideal solution. I’ve never been in love so I’m not sure what I’m feeling. It must be the same for him. Here at The Retreat, reality is suspended and it’s hard to think long-term.” He extended a hand, which Luke shook. “Thank you, Luke. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness.” He thought he detected a hint of color on Luke’s cheeks, but the light wasn’t bright enough to be sure.

“Go to him. I doubt he’s asleep.”

Lorcan jogged up the stairs. He paused outside the door to the Blue Room, taking a couple of deep breaths before going inside. A single lamp provided light, the dim glow casting a shadow across one side of Rowan’s face. A glint of blue gave his wakefulness away.

As soon as Lorcan pushed the door closed, Rowan slipped from the bed to his knees. The metal cage around his cock caught Lorcan’s eye. Tracking his gaze, Rowan’s hand strayed to his groin.

“You never left me, Sir.”

“Come here, Rowan.” Once Rowan was on his feet, Lorcan pulled him close. He cupped his neck with one hand, his ass with the other, then kissed him—gently at first then with increasing aggression. He was hard and the need to possess Rowan’s body almost overwhelmed him.

“Get back into bed.”

While Rowan slipped beneath the covers, Lorcan stripped. He joined Rowan in bed, so close that skin touched skin from hip to shoulder. He entwined their fingers.

“You want to know what happened to me?”

Rowan stiffened. “You know?”

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“Please don’t be mad.” Rowan spoke in a whisper.

“I’m not angry, not with you. With myself—definitely. I should have been honest from the start about the cause of the nightmares.”

Rowan moved to rest his head on Lorcan’s shoulder. Lorcan nuzzled his hair, breathing in his scent.

“When you asked me how I knew I was a Dominant, I told you the truth. What I didn’t explain was how much inner turmoil I went through to accept it. Can you imagine how it felt to want to do things to another man that had been done to me by force? How the hell could I ever expect to tie a man up, make him helpless, beat him, hold him down and fuck him…?” His voice trailed off. He’d told Rowan more than he’d told anyone since signing his statement for the police.

“It’s not the same thing. Not even in the same universe.” Rowan’s breath hitched. “Consent. Everything you do to me, you do because I allow it. Want it. Need it.”

“I know…but it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to understand and I still…still can’t get those bastards out of my head.”

“I’ll help you, Sir.”

“You already have. More than you know.”

“I want to come with you when you leave, Sir.” Rowan rolled over, straddling Lorcan’s body. He knelt, making eye contact. Lorcan could detect no doubt in his eyes. He rose, positioning himself over Lorcan’s erection.

“Wait. We need lube.” Lorcan gripped Rowan’s hips.

“I made sure I was ready for you, Sir.”

For once, Lorcan allowed Rowan to take control. The warmth and grip of his channel was like coming home.

“Take the key from around my neck,” Lorcan said. “You can remove the cage.” He kept as still as he could while Rowan fiddled with the lock. As soon as he was free, his cock stiffened.

“Need to come so bad, Sir.” Rowan began to rise and fall, fucking himself. He reached for his dick but Lorcan knocked his hand away.

“That’s mine.” One brief tug was all it took for Rowan to come all over Lorcan’s hand and belly. He wailed, tears rolling down his cheeks, eyes squeezed shut. Watching his reaction was enough to push Lorcan toward his own orgasm. He thrust into Rowan’s body, claiming him with his release. Then, for a while, the only sound was a combination of gasping breaths.

Lorcan pulled Rowan onto his chest, sealing them together. Exhaustion and relief combined to push him into sleep moments after Rowan’s gentle snores vibrated through his body.