An overnight shower brought the cool breath of autumn, but Sunday dawned bright and sparkling with fat droplets of moisture falling from the trees into puddles below. Lily smiled with chagrin at having insisted Matt and Luke bathe in the stream last eve in such brisk weather. But they looked ever so nice in their Sabbath best, their hair slicked back, as they sang with the rest of the congregation.
She appreciated having her two lads flanking her. It effectively prevented Jackson and Robby from grabbing those seats. Elder MacBride would bring a message regarding the concerns she and Matt had expressed about the Lord’s supposed care of His people. She hoped the wise, older man would give the matter a perspective she could understand and accept.
The lyrics of “Hail Thou Once-Despised Jesus!” spoke to Lily’s heart as she joined the other folks in the third verse: “ ‘There for sinners Thou art pleading, there Thou dost our place prepare; Ever for us interceding, till in glory we appear.’ “ While the others continued on to the next verse, she prayed those weren’t merely empty words.
The song came to an end, and Brother MacBride offered a brief prayer then motioned for everyone to be seated.
Lily reached beside her and gave Matt an encouraging smile as she took his hand, then Luke’s.
The elder gazed over the congregation. “Ye’ve all heard that the Lord is our Shepherd, an’ that we’re the sheep of His pasture. So in light of recent happenings, some of ye might be wonderin’ where our Good Shepherd is, that He’s permittin’ wolves to snatch away some of His own sheep outta the fold.”
Lily squeezed Matt’s hand.
“We pray for His protection, yet the wolves still circle. We’re bein’ stalked like animals, an’ it dunna’ fit with our conception of God’s holy promise to be with us an’ look after us. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed”—he glanced down at the open Bible he held—“ ‘O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: Nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt.’ Our Father in heaven allowed His own Son to die a violent death. It has often troubled me that a father would ask somethin’ like that of his son. But God had a great and grand purpose beyond that death. Because of His Son’s sacrifice, those who believe in Him are assured an eternal life of love an’ great joy.”
His faded blue eyes focused on Lily. “ ’Tis a fact that all but one of the twelve disciples were martyred for preachin’ the Gospel, yet their message of salvation dinna’ die with them. It’s been carried forth through the centuries and to every continent. The apostles fulfilled God’s purpose for them in this life an’ are now enjoyin’ great rewards in heaven.”
The elder’s words far from soothed Lily’s unrest. She had expected comforting words for this life, not the next.
“Now we have the privilege of piercin’ the darkness of this continent with that same glorious news, the Gospel of Christ. As Christians, that is our commission while we dwell on this earth. The Lord never promised we’d all pass away gently in the midnight of our old age. The sudden death of a loved one or friend takes us by surprise, but it dunna’ take God by surprise. Every death comes at its appointed time. The Bible says the Almighty’s ways are higher than our ways, an’ His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Even though we canna’ understand some of the hard things, we must trust that He knows best.”
Elder MacBride thumbed through the worn pages of his Bible. “I’d like to read now from Romans, chapter eight, startin’ with verse thirty-five: ‘Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ ”
Ian’s voice droned on. “I’ll read a few verses from chapter eight that I pray will answer more of your questions.” He met Lily’s gaze over his spectacles. “ ‘Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is in the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
He closed his Bible. “Consider those last words. Are ye livin’ yer life accordin’ to His purpose for ye? Do ye start each mornin’ askin’ the Lord to guide ye through the day? Are ye servin’ the Lord in whatever He asks of you? Are ye lovin’ the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, as the Bible requires? An’ are ye lovin’ yer neighbor as yerself? Do ye pray for the salvation of yer enemies as well as yer friends? If ye do those things, the Lord will give ye peace in the midst of doubt and chaos.”
As their spiritual leader continued reading related passages, a heavy burden of guilt pressed on Lily. Had she been praying for God’s message to be sent forth? Had she even considered anything beyond her own household? No, all her thoughts had been for herself and her family, her desires and the needs of her loved ones. She’d tried to be a good servant to John and Susan, but it was all for naught unless her first purpose had been to serve the Lord. Never once had she asked God what He wanted of her on a particular day. Her prayers had always been personal wants and pleas. What an incredibly unworthy person she was. It was amazing that the Lord had bothered to save her from the Indians!
Thoroughly humiliated, she bowed her head. Lord God, thank You for all You’ve done for me. I beg forgiveness for my selfishness. My mind has been cluttered with my secret hopes and desires that do nothing but war with my decision about whom I should marry, when all the time I should be seeking what You want of me. From now on I shall try to seek Your will alone. Thank You for a father and sister who tried to train me in the way I should go. And thank You for being my heavenly Father even though I’ve been a silly, wayward child. I pray this in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.
Lily could hardly wait for the rest of the service to end so she could find out how Matt reacted to the pastor’s message. But Robby descended upon her before she had the chance.
“May I have a private moment with you, Lily?”
“Before dinner?” Lily dreaded another proposal.
He nodded. “Could we step into a side room?”
“Very well.” From the corner of her eye, she saw Jackson looking daggers at Robby as she preceded him into the bedroom she now shared with several of the women.
He closed the door behind them. “Cissy overheard Jackson tell his pa he asked you to marry him.”
Not appreciating being the latest topic bandied about, Lily grimaced. “I’d hoped that would remain a private matter until if and when there’d be a public announcement.”
Her words did not deter Robby. “Well, did you say yea or nay?”
“I’ve not yet given Jackson an answer. After hearing the sermon this morning, I don’t feel it’s an answer I can give, as yet. Not unless the Lord directs me to do so.”
He looked puzzled momentarily; then he grinned. “Whew. At least you didn’t say yes. I hope that means you’d rather marry me. You must know I’d be a more pleasant fellow to live with. I’m real slow to anger, and I’d build us our own cabin just like Jackson’s doin’. Far ‘nough away so’s you wouldn’t have to listen to all the screamin’ young’uns. Mr. Waldon says he’s gonna let me apprentice with him, you know, so I’ll be able to make us some fine furniture real soon. What d’you say?”
Lily took his hand and did her best to smile. “I must say, that was a fine proposal of marriage, Robby. However, my answer to you must be the same as it was to Jackson. I shall not marry anyone until I feel the Lord is leading me to do so.” She tilted her head and searched his eyes. “Did the Lord direct you to come and propose to me?”
His gaze faltered. “I…uh…I guess not. I mean, I told God how much I want you, but I never asked if He wants me to have you.”
She gave him a reassuring nod. “Well, if we’re both praying for God’s leading, it shouldn’t take long to receive an answer. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to help get our Sabbath dinner on the table.” With a polite smile, she took her leave.
Several people stared at her when she exited the room. Lily knew it was most uncommon for an unmarried couple to go into a bedchamber alone. There was sure to be more talk.
She spied Jackson leaning against the wall by the front door, his expression morose. Thankfully, Matt and Luke were closer. She headed straight to her boys and pulled them into a hug. “Nothing’s changed,” she whispered. They relaxed, and their fisted hands uncoiled. “Better get these benches out to the tables now. We’ll be having sweet potatoes to go with that tasty ham you boys were turning on the spit all morning.”
Glancing up, Lily saw Jackson shift his attention to Robby, who carried a bench board in the direction of his seething rival.
“Jackson,” she called out, hoping to forestall more fodder for gossip. “May I speak to you a moment?”
He eased his angry stance and moved away from the wall, starting toward her.
Much to Lily’s relief, Robby walked on out.
She accompanied her dark-haired suitor to the relative shelter of the loft above. “I thought I should be the one to tell you Robby has asked me to marry him.”
He shot a glare toward the door.
Lily caught his arm. “But I told him what I told you. If and when I marry, it will be to the person the Lord chooses for me. Especially after hearing Grampa MacBride’s sermon this morning, I’ve no right to take matters into my own hands.”
Jackson’s eyes dulled with puzzlement. “God ain’t talked out loud to nobody since Bible days. How d’ya expect to know for sure?”
Lily realized this young man was as confused about God and His power as Matt was. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I believe you need to talk to Mr. MacBride about what you just asked me. Perhaps he can help you see how truly awe-inspiring our God is.”
He opened his mouth to speak but apparently thought better of it and just looked at her momentarily. “If that’s what you want me to do, I’ll do it. But I’m gonna feel downright silly doin’ it.”
“You’ll not regret it. I promise.”