Chapter Sixteen

Jenna shivered as she bent down to relace her running shoes. Damn, February 15 had to be the coldest loneliest day in New York City. She stood on the corner, looking at the bodega next to her. Half-frozen flowers hung out of display containers and others lay trampled on the road, victims of last evening’s rush to romance. People shuffled their feet as they pushed by her on their way to grab dirt water dogs from a nearby vendor. An old card shop across the street displayed a “Half-Off Valentine’s Day” sign and a gym next door advertised: “Get Better Buns, for Better Luck Next Year.”

There were so many lonely people in the world. So many people who would give years of their lives to experience what Jenna had with Trevor and yet here she was, alone the day after Valentine’s Day.

She wasn’t proud of her actions, but the man was playing Hamlet again later that day. And leaving him a note was certainly the polite thing to do. She had to go and let him get some rest. That’s why she had sneaked out of his penthouse like the unpopular girl at school running from the “in” crowd. Which, ironically, was exactly what she was. The complicated elevator gate was far less complicated for this, her second escape. Unfortunately, the same wasn’t true of her feelings. “He needs his sleep,” she muttered as she left his building and went into the bitter cold of New York. One step out onto the brutally frigid street, and the wind had slapped her face, deservedly.

What a coward. She should have at least told him she was leaving.

Jenna trudged on. A note? She left a freaking note? How would she feel if he had walked out on her? Shaking the horrid thoughts away, Jenna began jogging again, moving faster and faster until she broke out into a run. She pounded her way up the avenue, hoping her steps would bring her clarity. Instead, they brought a throbbing headache. Up ahead was the entrance to the park. Should she take it?

Like an old horse who knew the trail, her body instinctively swerved toward the usual running route. Her fingers tingled…she wanted so badly to take it. She wanted him to wake up, notice her missing, read the note, and come running after her. Jenna forced her chin down, concentrating on the ground before her. Life wasn’t a soap opera, even if your life was intertwined with a soap star. She pushed harder, passing the entrance, her heart aching more than her body.

****

“Ow!” Jenna grabbed her thigh then plopped down on the next step. She used the handrail to drag herself upward. After hours of running, her legs were rubber and climbing the stairs to her apartment was torture.

Jenna used one hand to support the other as she fought her fatigued trembling arm muscles. Finally, the last lock of the four locks clicked open and she threw herself inside. She slumped down on the floor by the door, not sure she would ever be able to move again. Her tummy grumbled so she craned her neck to peek into her near-empty kitchen cabinets. Great. Freaking peanut butter. Forget it. What she needed was a hot shower to loosen her aching muscles. After all, he wasn’t the only one performing in a few hours.

The warmish water ran down her body, but thanks to her lousy water pressure, the gentle stream felt more like a caress than a cleansing. Damn it. She didn’t need to be caressed, she didn’t need anything that would remind her of Trevor, not that he was ever out of her thoughts, anyway.

Closing her eyes, Jenna leaned against the shower wall, her fingers making their way to her lips, thinking of every detail of their time together…no. Enough. It was one night only. That’s all it could be. She opened her eyes and scowled at a smiling Papa Smurf.

****

“What the hell?” Jenna clamped the top of her robe closed as she stared at Trevor and Luis standing in her living room. She shuffled from foot to foot, conscious that, in her white robe with the white towel wrapped around her hair, she looked like a mini marshmallow. “Wait…is Toby okay?”

“Yes. He’s fine. Recovering well.”

“Thank God.” Relief washed over her, as she balanced the towel on her head with her hand. “Then what the hell are you two doing in my living room?” Jenna glowered at the two men. This time they had really overstepped boundaries.

“We came to make sure you were all right.” Trevor’s voice was low and measured. His chest heaved as he spoke, a worried look etched on his face.

Jenna narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean if I’m all right? And how dare you barge in like this? I—I was naked in the shower.”

“I’m not interested.” Luis stepped back.

“And I’ve seen it all before,” Trevor said sharply.

Jenna gasped, glaring at Trevor. He gazed back at her—his eyes alive with fire. He moved closer, his aura filling the tiny room. He was so tall, and smart, and gorgeous, and the way he looked at her…hell no. She needed to focus.

Trevor scratched the scruff on his chin. “I am so relieved but so angry right now, I don’t know if I should hug you or put you over my knee.”

“Huh!” Jenna’s mouth dropped open and she released her grasp on her towel. Heat rose in her cheeks, and her heart raced from embarrassment and desire. A misplaced smirk threatened to make an appearance, but she couldn’t let it happen. She needed to stay strong and regroup.

He grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her closer. Her body fell forward. A warm, prickly sensation flushed over her. Her nipples hardened, a sharp ache forming between her legs. She looked up at him, her body flooded with desire and excitement. He pulled her closer still, her breath moving in time with his. Finally, he shook his head and released his hold on her. He turned away. Droplets of water dripped down her neck. She exhaled, audibly.

“Jenna.” Luis stepped forward. “I let him in. The man called me, really upset.”

“Why were you upset?” Jenna turned to Trevor who looked at her in that same unnerving way.

“Because you left a note saying you were going running. And when I went to catch up with you, you were nowhere on our running path. So I went back to my place to wait for you. But you never showed,” Trevor said through clenched teeth.

“I went a different way.” Frustration swirled in Jenna’s chest. “I don’t have to explain myself.”

“No?” He raised his eyebrows. “You have no cell phone. What if something happened to you?” he asked sharply.

Drip, drip, drip…droplets of water trickled from the sides of the turbaned towel in her hair, annoying her. She fought with the towel, finally letting it drop to the floor. Her wet hair hung down over her shoulders.

Something flickered in Trevor’s eyes then, a different kind of passion. His voice softened. “It’s a big, bad city, Jen.”

“Oh geez.” Luis whistled, moving away.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Anger poured forth out of every cell in Jenna’s body. Her fists closed into balls and she squeezed them tightly.

“What?” Trevor scoffed, looking at Luis and back again. “No one’s allowed to say anything bad about New York?”

Jenna stepped toward Trevor, taking a deep breath, checking her anger. “People who hate the city try to get other people to leave it.”

“What?” Trevor’s eyes narrowed. “Why would I want you to leave the city? I want you here. With me. I just want to take care of you.”

“I’m not a responsibility.” Jenna spoke slowly. “And I’m certainly not your responsibility, Trevor.”

“But what if I want you to be?”

Jenna rocked back on her heels, tears forming in her eyes where anger danced only moments before. “I am a person, Trevor. Not a responsibility. I can take care of myself.”

“Jenna…” Trevor’s shoulders dropped a bit. “I know that. But part of being a man is taking care of the people we l—”

Jenna’s heart pounded and perspiration dotted her forehead.

“I want to take care of you, Jenna. I want to be with you. Why won’t you let me?”

“Because it’s not possible, Trevor.” She saw the ache in his eyes. Damn it. She hated that she caused it.

“Why not?” Trevor stroked her cheek.

Jenna swayed into him, almost giving over. “I—I can’t tell you.”

“Fine.” Trevor dropped his hand.

“Oh, just tell him, Jenna,” Luis said from the other side of the room.

Jenna wheeled around to face Luis. “Luis, I shared that with you and Loretta one night in confidence. And I was drunk. You said you’d never bring it up. I love you like a brother, but this is none of your business.”

“No, Jen, it’s all of my business, because I have been the one who’s been here for you. Time and again. And I have a family now. Besides, life is made for couples, not groups. There will be things you need—big support, and you should have someone for that.”

“That’s exactly the reason I can’t, Luis…you know that.”

“Jenna, this guy is a good guy.”

“I know that.” Jenna’s gaze dropped to the floor as she collected her thoughts. “But why are you pushing me?”

“Because you need more than a friend. You deserve it.”

She was losing the battle with her tears.

“I think you’re making a mistake, Jen. Don’t shut him out. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

Jenna bit the inside of her cheek, her breath shallower. She looked back and forth, from man to man—she was cornered, trapped like prey. A bitter taste formed in her mouth. Hateful words swirled in her brain—she knew they were poisonous, but she couldn’t help herself. “And tell me something, Luis. Isn’t there just a tiny part of you that thinks he’s the best thing to happen to you as well?” Jenna raised an eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

“The audition. The new show Trevor’s friend just happens to be producing.”

“That’s it.” Trevor moved forward. “I’m not going to allow my unrequited feelings for you to hurt Luis or your relationship with him.”

“No, man.” Luis put up his hand. “It’s cool. Yeah, well, Jenna. Now I know what you really think of our friendship.” Luis fished Jenna’s keys out of his pocket and dropped them onto her small kitchen table. He stared at Jenna for a long moment. “Later, man.” Luis pulled open the apartment door and left.

“Shit.” Jenna bowed her head. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.” With her damp robe wrapped around her, she shivered in her chilly apartment.

“You know…” Trevor clamped his hand to the back of his neck. His head dropped backward and he exhaled audibly. “You don’t seem to understand, Jenna. To have people in your life you love, it means they get to love you, too.”

Jenna’s head snapped up. She gazed at Trevor, knowing this may be the very last time she would ever see him offstage. “No, Trevor.” Jenna’s voice was soft. “That is exactly what it doesn’t mean.”

****

Before he left, Trevor handed Jenna an extra Valentine’s Day gift.

“A smart phone?” She held the cell in her hand like it was a bomb about to detonate. “I can’t afford this, Trevor. But thank you.”

“It’s paid for.”

“No way.” Jenna gave the phone back to Trevor. “There is no way I can take this.”

“I’m not asking, Jenna.” He pried her fist open and stuffed the phone back into her hand.

Her body tingled at his touch.

“It’s for work. As your boss I insist you have it. In case I need to inform you about…something… anything. And that means answering the damned phone when I call. Understood?” He raised his eyebrows, no doubt waiting for her to disagree.

Her heart raced again, her body warming with the strength and power of his voice. “Fine.”

“Fine.” Trevor nodded. “And before you get all angry at me for not knowing who you are and all that—listen.” Trevor pushed a button playing a ringtone that sounded like an antique phone. “And yes, I understand you’re not a cell phone type of girl, but I don’t give a crap.”

“What?”

“These things keep you safe. And I don’t care what your deep, dark secret is, Jenna. There’s no way I’m going to let you walk around without a cell.”

He turned to leave, and her stomach cramped.

He whirled back. “And one more thing.”

Jenna looked up at him, swallowing hard.

“I’d like you to accompany me to a charity dinner in two weeks.”

“Trevor, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Her voice cracked.

“I was just being polite. It’s not a request.”

Jenna gasped at the demand in Trevor’s voice. Her body warmed with a definite pull toward him. She narrowed her eyes.

“It’s for business.” He rubbed his unshaven chin. “Kat has the details. They asked for Hamlet and Ophelia.”

“I don’t…I don’t have anything to wear.” Her cheeks reddened.

“I’ll take you shopping.”

“No.” Jenna put up her hand, stopping him. “No. I’ll…I’ll handle it.”

“It’s black tie.”

“Crap.” Jenna dropped down on the chair in her kitchen.

“Let me help you, Jenna.”

Looking at Trevor standing there in running pants and a sweatshirt, all Jenna wanted to do was to say yes. To everything he was offering. Instead, she shook her head.

“Fine.” He looked away and then back to her. His eyes softened. “Honestly, even if you wear that same damned blue dress again, you’ll look stunning. But you don’t have to.” Trevor’s gaze stayed on hers. “I’ll buy you whatever you want, Jenna.”

“I know.”

“I’m free of at least some of my obligations now, and I was really hoping we could still spend these next couple of weeks getting to know each other…even if it is as friends…” He moved closer to her and leaned down. “Jenna, I don’t know what suddenly scared you off. If we went too far—”

“No. It was perfect.”

“Then why?”

Jenna shook her head, unable to look at him.

“Yeah, well…okay.” Trevor stood up, reaching to rub one shoulder. His hand dropped. “We have a show in a few hours. I’m going to get ready.”

Trevor opened the door but it was all too final. Jenna jumped from her seat, and burst forward.

“Trevor?”

He turned quickly. “Yes?”

The way he looked at her, so strong and protective, all she wanted was to throw herself against his chest and hold him while he held her.

“I’m…I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” He walked out the door.

****

Performing with Jenna every night was the only thing Trevor looked forward to. Thankfully, the tension between them didn’t spoil their performances. If anything, it heightened the stakes even more. But he would have given that up in a minute if it meant they could go back to their dinners of cherry pie at dive bars.

Each night at the theatre Trevor stole glances at Jenna, and every time he looked at her, she was even more beautiful and talented. The only problem was she also looked sad…very, very sad. Not at all Jenna. He wanted so badly to hold her and make all the hurt go away but she wouldn’t let him. At least he had the nunnery scene when he could hold her. His acting had never before been quite so alive and in the moment. Don would have been proud. But unfortunately, all of this would be over soon. Long before he was ready, their limited engagement would end…and Jenna would walk out of his life forever.

He couldn’t let that happen.

****

Performing opposite Trevor every night was the only thing that kept Jenna going. She would spend all day, every day, thinking of nothing but him. She lived to get out onto that stage with him. Every night in their opening scenes she would smile at him, real smiles onstage, allowing Ophelia to live the life Jenna wished she could. Every night her heart would race when Trevor held her closely in the nunnery scene, hoping and praying he would break protocol and kiss her…and every night her heart would break when Hamlet abandoned Ophelia. Ophelia had been driven mad over her love for Hamlet, and Jenna now understood Ophelia completely.

After the final curtain call of every performance, Jenna moped through the hallways on her way to her dressing room, fighting her tears. Some nights she’d walk past his dressing room when his door was opened, and she’d peer in to see him still wearing Hamlet’s customary black, his demeanor every bit as melancholy as the Prince of Denmark himself. And why wouldn’t it be? He was falling for her, just as she was falling for him. Damn it.

She couldn’t let that happen.