26

AT SEVEN THE NEXT MORNING, Rylan let himself into the O’Leary house, careful to keep his movements quiet so as not to rouse the occupants. A bone-deep weariness weighed him down, leading him to hope he’d be able to sleep at last.

He’d put his foot on the first stair when he heard the high-pitched voice of little Deirdre coming from the direction of the dining room.

“But where is Mama? I want Mama.”

“Hush now, sweetheart. Mama is with Daddy at the hospital. She’ll be home as soon as she can.”

Rylan closed his eyes at the sound of Colleen’s voice, his chest constricting with pain. How could he leave here, knowing he may never see her again?

God, please grant me Your strength, for I am weak.

His hand on the polished rail, he went to take a further step but stopped. He owed Colleen news about her father. With another quick prayer for guidance, he headed for the dining room.

No one noticed him in the doorway at first. Connor sat at the table, pushing the scrambled eggs around his plate, a scowl on his freckled face. But the sight of Colleen, holding Deirdre in her arms, brought an ache to Rylan’s chest. With the morning light playing over the loose curls on her shoulders, and her eyes closed, her chin on top of her sister’s head, she reminded him of a Madonna. She rocked the child back and forth, and for an instant, Rylan allowed himself to imagine her as his wife, rocking their child, an expression of such love on her face that his throat tightened against the emotion pushing upward. For the first time since he’d decided to become a priest, he mourned the loss of the children he would never have.

“Rylan!” Connor pushed away from the table and raced over to throw his arms around Rylan’s waist.

He patted Connor’s back, the boy’s simple affection adding further pressure to his chest.

“My dad’s sick.” Connor’s voice sounded muffled against Rylan’s shirt.

He laid his hand on Connor’s head. “I know, lad. But the doctor thinks he’s going to be fine.”

He sensed Colleen’s attention riveted on him. Shoring his courage, he met her eyes. The impact sent jolts of electricity streaking through his body. He swallowed. “I’ve just come from the hospital.”

She rose with Deirdre in her arms. “You were there with Mama?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t either of you wake me?”

The hurt on her face twisted his insides. “Your mother wanted you to be home for the little ones when they woke up.”

She moved toward him, anxiety evident in her tense posture. “How is Daddy? Mrs. Johnston said he collapsed, but that’s all she knew.”

Rylan longed to embrace her and tell her everything would be fine. But he couldn’t do that. For more reasons than one.

He looked from Connor to Deirdre, then back to Colleen, hoping she’d understand his message. He didn’t want to scare the wee ones by describing the frailty of their father’s condition. “The doctors are working hard to make him well.”

Without taking her eyes from his, Colleen lowered the little girl to the ground. “Dee-Dee, you and Connor go and get dressed. I’ll be up in a minute to help you.”

When Deirdre started to wail a protest, Rylan bent to whisper a promise of treats in her ear. The girl beamed a smile and took off out the door after Connor.

Rylan straightened and cleared his throat, conscious of Colleen standing mere feet away, looking so beautiful it hurt. There were so many things he needed to say, but his mouth seemed glued shut. Before anything else, though, he owed her the truth about Mr. O’Leary. “Your father has suffered what the doctors feel is an angina attack, a fairly serious condition of the heart.”

She clutched the back of a chair, instant tears welling in her eyes.

Rylan pushed his hands deep in the pockets of his pants to keep from reaching for her. “The fact that he made it through the night is a good sign. The doctors are optimistic he’ll recover. It will take some time, though.”

Colleen brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “Mama’s not there alone, is she?”

“No. Gil and Brianna have been there most of the night, as well as Reverend Filmore. Your mother sent me to let you know what was happening. I tried to persuade her to come home with me for a rest, but she won’t leave him.”

Colleen pushed away from the chair and crossed to the doorway. “I have to go, too. I want to be there when Daddy wakes up.”

Rylan caught her arm before she could go any farther. “What about Deirdre and Connor?”

“Mrs. Johnston will watch them.”

“Those children need the comfort of their family.” He gave a rueful shrug. “I’d do it, but I haven’t slept in two days, and I’m afraid I’m about to keel over.”

She grew very still, her head averted. They remained like that, not moving for several moments. “It’s because of me, isn’t it? Because of the kiss. That’s why you haven’t been home. Why you haven’t slept.”

The steady beat of the clock on the mantel matched the rhythm of his heart beating in his chest. He dropped his hand from her arm and took a step away. “Yes.”

Colleen’s pulse pounded in her ears, muffling all other sounds in the room, except Rylan’s shallow breathing. What would he say now about that wonderful, terrifying moment when he’d kissed her and changed her life forever? Did he regret it so much he couldn’t look at her?

“I owe you a most sincere apology, Colleen.” His voice, a mere whisper, raised the hair at the nape of her neck.

“No, you don’t.” She turned her face toward him.

“I do. I took an unfair liberty with you at the orphanage. Unfair to both of us. It’s even more reprehensible when I think of what that priest did to you when you were a child.”

Her whole body trembled with the significance of this moment. She’d have one chance to tell him how she felt, and she needed to do it in a way that didn’t send him running for the sanctuary of his church. “I don’t see it that way at all.” She took a step closer, grateful he didn’t move away.

The stubble on his face, the dark circles under his eyes, told her of the depth of the suffering he’d been through. She longed to reach out and brush the hair off his forehead. To smooth the lines of worry from his face.

“Please don’t feel guilty,” she whispered. “I don’t regret it for one moment.”

He shook his head, sorrow shining in those warm brown eyes. “I had no right to kiss you like that. Not when I’ve committed my life to God.”

“Our feelings for each other gave you the right.” She kept her eyes trained on his as though he’d disappear if she blinked. Tentatively, she reached out to lay a hand on his arm. He flinched but didn’t retreat.

Did she dare tell him she’d fallen in love with him? Or would that only make matters worse?

“I’m going back to Boston.”

She jolted as though he’d stabbed her. “Rylan, no. You can’t leave.”

“I must. I told Reverend Filmore what happened, and he’s sending me back.”

Her mouth fell open. A film of tears blurred her vision. “You told Reverend Filmore?” Why did that feel like a betrayal?

“I didn’t mention your name, if that’s what’s worrying you.”

Relief loosened the grip on her lungs. She should have known he’d never compromise her reputation, but what about him? Concern shot through her. “What will happen to you now?”

A ghost of his endearing grin hovered on his lips. “Don’t worry. They won’t torture me or anything. I’ll have to do a solitary retreat with a whole lot of prayer and penance, I suppose.”

“Penance? For comforting a friend?”

He lifted one eyebrow. “You and I both know it was far more than that.” He placed the palm of one hand against her cheek, sending warm shivers through her body. “I think I’ve gone and fallen in love with you, my beautiful Colleen. And I need God’s grace to help me figure out what to do about it. If it’s still His desire that I continue as a priest, then I’ll have to live with that.”

She could no longer contain the hot tears that spilled down her face, rolling over his hand. “What about me? What do I do?”

Compassion and regret played over his handsome features. “Pray, love. Pray hard. For both of us.”

She’d need a lot more than prayer to survive this. Her world was unraveling around her, the earth shifting beneath her feet. How would she ever regain her footing?

She reached up to clamp cold fingers over his warm hand. “You won’t go before we know if Daddy will be all right? I couldn’t bear to lose Delia and you and Daddy, too.”

He gazed at her with ravaged eyes and sighed. “Very well. I’ll stay a few more days—until we’re sure your father’s on the mend.”

“Thank you.” She closed her eyes for a brief moment, until he gently disengaged his hand.

“Now I’d best get some sleep before I keel over.” He moved past her into the hallway.

She straightened and took a deep breath. As he started to climb the stairs, she rushed after him. “Just so you know, I’m praying that God’s changed His mind and doesn’t want you after all.”

Rylan’s low chuckle warmed her battered heart.