| |
As soon as they were back in Calvin’s car, Gertrude fished out her Android.
“You calling Hale?” Calvin guessed.
“Don’t you think I should?”
“I suppose.”
“Somerset Sheriff’s Department,” a tired-sounding woman answered.
“This is Gertrude. I need to speak to Deputy Hale.”
“Hold, please.”
“I’m on hold,” Gertrude whispered to Calvin.
“Congratulations,” Calvin said.
“Hale here.”
“Hi, Hale. This is Gertrude. So, I was just talking to someone from VardSale. Her name is Carol, and I met her at McDonald’s to buy a cast iron cat. I offered her ten for it, but—”
“Gertrude, I’m busy. Do you have a point?”
“As a matter of fact I do, and I would’ve gotten to it by now if you hadn’t interrupted.” She took a long, deep breath before continuing, “So, as Andy probably told you by now, Samantha was supposed to meet someone from VardSale, someone named Patsy Pelotte. Well, I just met someone else from VardSale, and she was supposed to meet someone named Martha Giles in the Catholic church parking lot, but when she got there, Martha wasn’t there. Just her car was there. Same M.O. as our case.”
Hale snorted. “Same M.O.?”
“What? I’ve been watching Hawaii Five-0. I just can’t get enough of Danno. You should watch it. You could learn a lot from him. Anyway, you might want to check it out. The lead, I mean, not Hawaii Five-0. See if you can find Martha Giles.”
“OK, Gertrude. We’ll do that.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” Hale paused. “Why are you being so forthcoming with your information, Gertrude?”
“What’s that supposed to be mean?”
“Well, usually you just go tearing off on your own and don’t tell me anything.”
Blood rushed to Gertrude’s head. “Hale, I’ll have you know, I have tried to tell you everything every time. It’s not my fault this is the first time you’ve listened to me. Good day!”
Calvin laughed. “Did you just hang up on the police?”
“Yes. And it felt good.”
“So you want me to take you home, or are we going back to my computer?”
“You can drop me off at home. I’ve got to feed my cats and take care of my new doorstop. Then I’ll walk over and we can do some more shopping.”
“Fine. But can you pick out some stuff you can pay for this time?”
“Oh, sure. And I’ll pay you back for that. I just really thought I could get her down to ten dollars, so that’s all I brought.”
“Guess we should also read the VardSale rules too. Maybe dickering isn’t the only no-no,” Calvin said.
“Maybe. You think it says anything about kidnapping in there?”
“I doubt it. They probably leave that one up to common sense. Though it might warn people against meeting alone in dark alleys. You really think this other woman was kidnapped?”
“I don’t know, but something hinky is going on.”
True to her word, Gertrude deposited her cat doorstop (with her four others) and then fed her living, breathing cats, taking time to greet each one by name. Lastly, she grabbed a quick bite herself, and then headed back down the street to Calvin’s trailer.
He was already logged onto VardSale when she got there.
“You haven’t committed me to anything else, have you?” she asked.
“Oh, right. ’Cause you’re such a discriminating consumer. Heaven forbid I should pick something out.”
“What have you found?”
“Lots of baby clothes. Some broken toys. Take a look for yourself,” he said, standing up and stretching.
“Really? You’re going to let me touch your computer?”
“I guess so, but don’t make me analyze my decision, or I may change my mind. You shop. I’m going to watch Gunsmoke.” He sat down in his armchair and reclined.
Gertrude sat down in his chair. “This is fancy!” she exclaimed.
“What?”
“Your chair. It has wheels,” she said, looking down at them.
“You’ve never seen an office chair before?”
“And it spins!” she exclaimed. She spun herself all the way around. “Wheee!”
“Gertrude, stop it. Either get to work or go home.”
“Fine,” she said, grabbing the edge of the desk and stopping herself mid-spin. “Haven’t you seen all the Gunsmoke episodes by now?”
“Haven’t you seen all the Murder, She Wrotes?”
“That’s different. I’m studying on how to be a good gumshoe. You’re not studying on how to be a good cowboy.”
“Maybe I am. Or maybe I just like to look at Miss Kitty. Or maybe there are so many episodes of Gunsmoke, by the time I get through them all, I’ve forgotten how the first ones ended. And maybe you should just do your business and let me watch my show.”
“Fine, fine. No need to get all huffy about it, Marshall.” She scrolled down the screen. “Ooo,” she cooed. She clicked on the “Set up a meet” button and then started to type her message.
“You type like a chicken.”
“What?”
“Peck, peck, peck.”
“Can you drive me to McDonald’s tomorrow at ten?”
“Sure, what are we buying?”
“A bathmat.”
Calvin looked at her, frowning. “Gertrude, that’s gross.”
“No, it’s brand new. She only wants fifty cents for it.”
“Fine. Set it up. But choose your suspects wisely. I’m not spending all day in the McDonald’s parking lot.”
Over the course of two Gunsmoke episodes, Gertrude had offered to buy fourteen different things, and three women had responded: she was going to buy a pencil sharpener from Penny, a snow globe from Jen, and a dress from Dolly.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Calvin said when he looked at the list. “A snow globe?”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I don’t really need another one, but I couldn’t really find anything else I wanted.”
“So you picked a snow globe?”
“I picked something that cost only fifty cents. You go look for something more exciting! I’ve been scrolling through bibs and onesies for the past two hours!”
Calvin rubbed his head. “I can’t believe people go to all this trouble to make fifty cents. Why not just throw the snow globe away? Then you don’t have to invest an hour of your life trying to get rid of it.”
“Throw it away?” Gertrude was horrified.
“Yes, throw it away! All this time photographing things and uploading things. Then you’ve got to communicate with people and then actually meet them somewhere? So you’ve got to get in your car and drive somewhere? And then they’re late, of course, because everyone is always late in this day and age. And then, finally, after all of that, what do you have to show for it? Fifty cents.”
“But the other person has a snow globe.”
Calvin was appalled. “Gertrude, you can go buy a new, sanitary snow globe at Walmart! And do you really think that’s why this woman is selling a snow globe? So that you can get one? Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not ridiculous, Calvin. I just happen to believe in not being wasteful.”
Calvin shuddered. “Fine. I give up. What happened to the bathmat?”
“She never answered me.”
“Well, thank God for small favors. OK, Gertrude, I need to go to bed. You want me to walk you home?”
Gertrude stared at him, speechless. Her stomach did a flip, and her palms began to sweat, despite the air conditioning.
Calvin must have noticed her discomfort, because he hastily added, “I’m not trying to get fresh or anything. I just ... if there’s a kidnapper out there, I want you to be safe.”
“I ... thank you ... I’ll be all right. I’ve got my pepper spray in my walker pouch.”
Calvin laughed. “Really?”
“Really.”
“OK, well, you holler if you see anything suspicious.”
“You sure you’re going to hear me over all that gunfire?”
“You should get going then, before the commercials are over. I turn the TV back up when my show comes back on.”