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There was a picnic table near the shore. Gertrude sat at it, grimacing.
“You OK?” Samantha asked.
“No. I’m not. I think my back is broken, and I’m not used to walking without my walker. I’m exhausted. And I really miss my cats.” She didn’t want to admit it, but she missed Calvin too. She slid the photo she had snagged from Samantha’s bedroom mirror across the table.
Samantha peeked at it, her eyes filling with tears, and then she slid it into her pocket. “Thanks,” she mumbled.
“We need to figure out a way to get out of here.”
Samantha groaned. “You think we haven’t thought of that? There’s no way to get away, there’s nowhere to go!” Samantha spread her arms. “I mean, where are we? You want me to lead a bunch of old ladies into the forest? I don’t even know what state we’re in! We could be in Canada for all I know!”
Gertrude thought for a minute. Then she looked at Samantha. “You’re a hiker, right? So you’re pretty good at finding your way around in the woods.”
Samantha sighed and sat down across from Gertrude. She looked out at the water. “I’m a hiker, yes, but I hike on trails. I don’t just go out into the tickletuppy and follow the moss and stars.”
“Might be better than staying here,” Gertrude muttered.
“Oh yeah? You talk tough, but what are you going to say when the sun goes down and we’re out there”—she looked toward the forest—“with no bed, no food, no light?”
“She doesn’t have flashlights?”
“Nope. I’ve looked. So ...” She looked down at her hands. “Andy? Is he OK?”
“Yes. He’s worried sick. He hired me to help find you.”
“He hired you?!” Samantha looked appalled. “No offense,” she added hastily.
“Plenty taken. But don’t get too discouraged. He called the cops too. It just took a while for them to listen to him, but they did, finally. They’re looking for you. But let’s take notice that it was me, despite your lack of confidence, who actually found you.”
“Yeah, you found me all right. Now what?”
Wowsa. Super grateful. “Now we escape.”
“There is no escape! There is only wait-to-be-rescued. These women are old. You’re not exactly young yourself! How old are you, anyway?”
Gertrude ignored the question. “So you go. I’ll protect them while you’re gone. Then you send help.”
Samantha snorted. “Yeah, you’ll protect them. How do you plan to do that, without a weapon?”
“Fine. Then I’ll go. You stay here and protect them.”
Samantha gave her a deadly glare. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare put all of these women in danger just because you’re nuts.”
“Fine then. It’s settled. We have to go together. All of us.”
“Right. Which is impossible.”
“Has anyone tried to steal the van?”
“Not that I know of, but if any of us so much as heads in that direction, she gets suspicious and follows us. Also, the van key is always in her pocket. And before you ask, she sleeps with the door locked.”
“So we go outside and come into the bedroom through a window.”
“Locked.”
“So we break the window.”
“Gun.”
Gertrude paused.
“Look, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I’ve been here for two days, and I’m no dummy. There is no way out of here. If there was, I would have thought of it.”
“But Samantha, it’s ten against one. We can do this. I’m telling you. We just need to work together.”
They sat there quietly for several minutes, each lost in thought, staring out at the pond.
“You said the cops know about us, right? So aren’t they coming?”
Gertrude was torn. She wanted to encourage Samantha and tell her help was on the way, but she also wanted Samantha to help her escape. She didn’t want to wait around for Hale to figure things out. “Well, yes, they know. But they only know that two women are missing. And they have no idea where we are. Or who Sue is. Yes, they will probably figure it out eventually, but I don’t want to stay here till winter.” Gertrude paused, suddenly afflicted by a horrible thought. “What is her plan for winter? What is she going to do with all her ‘friends’ when her skidder trail fills with snow? When her water and her precious garden freezes?”
“We’ve discussed that too. And we don’t know what she’s planning. Maybe she’ll let us go. Maybe she’ll do something else.” Samantha looked at her somberly.
“What about poison?” Gertrude whispered.
“For her or for us?”
“That’s not funny. For her, of course.”
“We don’t have anything poisonous.”
“There’s got to be something poisonous out there,” Gertrude said, nodding to the forest. “Mushrooms or berries?”
“Do you know which mushrooms and berries are poisonous?”
“Course not.”
“Well, then, you’d better keep thinking.”
Gertrude thought. But not for long. “We’re just going to have to jump her.”
“Jump her?” Samantha sounded skeptical.
“Yep. First, we let others in on the plan, all sneaky like. Then, I’ll try to get behind her. You just keep your eyes on me. When I give you the signal, I’ll grab her gun arm, and you punch her in the face as hard as you can.”
Samantha laughed. “I don’t know how to punch someone!”
“Don’t you watch television? You just swing your fist through the air, while keeping your eye on the prize.”
“Oh yeah? You punched a lot of people in the face?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. I punched a stripper serial killer in the face while recording her confession for the police!”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Wouldn’t I have heard about a stripper serial killer in the news?”
“All right, maybe she wasn’t exactly a serial killer. Yet. She only killed one person, but still, I’m the one who caught her. That part’s as true as sunshine.”
“OK,” Samantha said, leaning toward her. “This is seriously a crazy idea, but I’m going crazy being here, so why not? And I know that some of these women need to see a doctor. But I think you should be the one to do the punching, since you have so much experience. And I think we should wait till morning. Sue is always a bit groggy before her coffee. I’ll tell everyone tonight. Then, in the morning, first thing, as soon as she steps out of the bedroom, I’ll grab her right arm, her gun arm, and you punch her in the face. And I’ll ask all the other ladies to jump on her then too. Man, I wish we had some rope.”
Gertrude burst into laughter.
“What?” Samantha asked.
“You just look so excited! This is going to be great fun!”
“Yeah. It just might be,” Samantha said thoughtfully.
“Vines,” Gertrude said.
“Vines?”
“Yes. Right now. You go in and distract her, and I’ll go get some vines out of the woods. We’ll use those to tie her up.”
Samantha’s eyes grew wide. “That’s a great idea!”
“I know. All my ideas are great. Now go.”
Samantha climbed the short slope to the cabin and disappeared inside. Gertrude took a deep breath and then stood up on shaky legs and slowly made her way to the woods.
Finding some vines was the easy part. Getting them out of the ground was not. Gertrude squatted, lost her balance, and promptly landed on her fanny, which turned out to be a fabulous turn of events. She was really quite comfortable in that position, but then she saw a spider a few inches away and decided she wouldn’t stay long. She pulled on a long horizontal stem that she assumed was part of a vine, and it came up easily, but it just kept coming up. She got her feet back under her and followed the vine, hand over hand, still pulling it out of the ground, until she had about eight feet. Then she stood up straight and gave the vine a firm yank, hoping that would break it, but all this did was hurt her hands. She twisted the vine around her hand and pulled even harder. “Ow!” she cried. She stepped on the vine with her foot and then yanked with both hands, but the dang thing wouldn’t break. She stooped a little and began to gnaw through it with her teeth. It tasted like the white stuff inside a grapefruit. She gagged, and then kept chewing.
Finally, she had a vine. She coiled it up and then shoved it down the front of her romper, tucking most of it into the waistband of her undies. Then she went to work on vine number two, praying those vines weren’t poisonous. She didn’t want to die with plants down her pants. That would be embarrassing.
When Sue called her from the house, she was gnawing through vine number three. She hurriedly stowed this one with the others and then made her way out of the woods, steadying herself on trees as she went.
When she stepped into the clearing, Sue was staring at her from the back steps. “Everything all right?” Sue called out.
“Right as rain!” Gertrude called back. “I was just exploring.”
Sue stood there silently until Gertrude finally made her way to the back door. Then Sue put a hand on Gertrude’s arm. “It’s all right, Gertrude. Most of the ladies go through this when they first arrive, looking for a way to get away. But there really isn’t anywhere to go, Gertrude. And I think you’ll find that this place will grow on you. Soon, you won’t even want to leave!”
Gertrude summoned up her best poppycock smile. Then she patted Sue’s hand. “You’re right, Sue. I think it already is growing on me. It’s so beautiful. So peaceful. Why don’t you call me Gert.”
Sue’s face spread into a giant smile, and she flung her arms around Gertrude, one hand still holding the revolver. Gertrude wasn’t expecting this, and she grabbed the doorframe to steady herself.
“There, there,” Gertrude said, patting the lunatic on the back.