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When Gertrude reentered the cabin, everyone turned to stare at her. But the stares were different this time. They all knew. They all knew the plan. Samantha had already spread the word. Good girl, Samantha. Andy was right about you. Gertrude gave them a small smile and then said, “What smells so yummy?”
Martha had made stir fry for supper, and it did smell delicious. Gertrude realized she was famished. She’d been so busy, she’d plumb forgotten all about food.
Gertrude gobbled up her share and then wished for more, but alas, none was forthcoming. She vowed to eat till she was full as a tick the next night, when she was safe at home with her cats.
She jumped. I can’t believe my cats will be home alone all night. She hadn’t spent an entire night away from them since they had moved into that trailer. She hoped they wouldn’t worry. Then she remembered they were cats, and that they would be fine. She was the one who wasn’t fine.
After the plates were cleared and the dishes done, Sue clapped her hands twice and said, “Who’s up for a game of Monopoly?” A few women dutifully made their way to the table.
Gertrude went to the small bookshelf, grabbed a random paperback, and then went to sit next to Samantha. “We good?” she muttered as she opened the book.
“Mm-hmm,” Samantha murmured. “But your book is upside down.”
Gertrude looked. Indeed it was. She flipped it over and pretended to read.
The women were still deep in the throes of real estate war when Gertrude stretched out on her cot. I’ll never be able to fall asleep, she thought, I’ll just rest my eyes for a bit. And then Gertrude promptly zonked out.
The next thing she knew, someone was placing a hand over her mouth. She awoke with a start and tried to swat away the hand, but then she saw Samantha’s gentle face hovering over hers, the pointer finger of her free hand in front of her lips. Gertrude nodded, understanding, and Samantha slowly withdrew her hand from Gertrude’s mouth.
Gertrude squinted to look around the dark room. Almost everyone else was awake, though it was still dark out.
“What time is it?” Gertrude whispered.
Samantha’s finger flew back into the “sh” position, and then she whispered, “It’s time.” She got up to wake up the few women who were still sleeping. She woke each of them in the same eerie manner, and one by one, the women sat up.
Gertrude felt them staring at her and was suddenly resentful that they all seemed to be counting on her. I didn’t ask for this, she thought, but then realized that yes, she had. This is exactly what she had asked for. She decided she was retiring from the gumshoe business. There was just too much pressure.
The last woman woken, Samantha tiptoed to her spot beside Sue’s door. Everyone else lay back down, but their eyes were wide open, and Gertrude could tell, even in the dim light, that their bodies were rigid with readiness.
Gertrude got up and stood on the other side of the door. Then she thought better of it. This wasn’t a very good angle from which to throw a punch. She decided to instead squat behind the table. Then she could come at Sue straight on, like a giant bowling ball.
The minutes seemed to stretch, and the sun came up, slowly filling the cabin with light. Gertrude’s left leg fell asleep, and she shifted her weight. Yep, definitely retiring. She realized she was holding her breath and tried to take slow, even breaths. She wished she had a cat to pet.
Finally, Gertrude heard rustling inside Sue’s room, and she saw Samantha stand up straighter. Gertrude got ready to pounce. And then they waited. And they waited. And the door didn’t open. Gertrude didn’t dare relax though, and it was a good thing, because when the door opened, it flew open.
Sue stepped out boldly and began to say, “Good morning!” but Samantha cut her sunrise greeting short by grabbing her right arm and twisting it hard behind Sue’s back.
“Ow!” Sue cried, sounding more offended than injured.
Gertrude leapt out from behind the table and ran at Sue, full steam ahead. Sue saw her coming and her eyes just had time to go wide before Gertrude’s chubby little fist slammed into the side of Sue’s jaw, and her eyes shut. She whimpered, and started to fall to her right. Samantha helped her get the rest of the way to the floor. Then women from all over the room descended on her, pinning her to the rough wooden boards beneath her.
“Grab the gun!” Samantha cried. It had fallen out of Sue’s pocket, but Sue didn’t even seem to be aware of that fact. She just lay there sobbing. Gertrude grabbed the gun and pointed it at her. She felt herself smile. This is kind of fun. Her back hurt, her fist hurt, her knees hurt from squatting behind the table, but she was actually having fun. She was so not retiring. Holding the gun steady, Gertrude reached into her romper and withdrew the vines. She threw them into the fray. “Hogtie her, girls!”
It took the women several minutes to untangle the vines, and when they did, they didn’t hogtie anything. Martha daintily tied Sue’s hands, while Agnes politely tied her feet. But it didn’t matter. Sue was not trying to get away. The only movement coming from her body were the tears sliding out of her eyes and down her cheeks.
“Is she all right?” Betsy the besty asked.
“She’s fine,” Samantha said.
“Shouldn’t we let her go to the bathroom?” May asked.
“Seriously?” Samantha said.
May looked down at Sue, crumpled on the floor. “Well, she just woke up, and we’re going to leave her here, right? All tied up? Shouldn’t we at least let her use the bathroom first?”
They all stood there silently, looking down at their captor, appearing to think over May’s suggestion.
“She kidnapped us,” Samantha reminded them.
“I’ll do it,” Dorothy said. “I used to be a nurse. I’ll take her.” Then she looked at Samantha. “Can you help her up?”
Samantha rolled her eyes, but she helped Sue up and to the bathroom. Sue and Dorothy wouldn’t both fit into the small room, so they left the door open. All the women turned around, so as to give them some privacy.
They heard a flush, and then Sue said, “Thank you, dear friends.”
What an absolute fruitcake, Gertrude thought.
Samantha helped her sit back down, her back against the wall.
“Samantha, do we have the van key?” Gertrude asked, eager to get this show on the road.
Samantha’s brow furrowed. She reached into Sue’s pocket and then her face relaxed with relief. She tossed a set of keys to Gertrude.
Gertrude tried to catch them, but they bounced off her ample chest and landed on the floor.
“Good stop,” Samantha said.
“That’ll be enough out of you, wise guy.” Gertrude grunted as she bent over to retrieve the keys. “Is she tied up tight?”
Samantha gave the vines a good tug. “Seems to be.”
“Let’s go then.” Gertrude opened the front door of the cabin and started shooing women outside. “We’ll send you help, Sue,” Gertrude added, and then stepped outside, pulling the door shut behind her.
The women were standing clustered in the clearing, looking up at Samantha and Gertrude.
“Let’s go,” Gertrude said.
“We don’t know which way to go,” Dorothy said.
“We go north,” Gertrude said. “Just keep the sun to your right.”
“We can't see the sun,” Dorothy said.
Oh Mylanta, Gertrude thought in exasperation. “It's right there,” she said, pointing to the brightest area of the dawn sky.
They started walking. Gertrude turned around to look back every few steps, but there was no one behind them.
“How far is it?” Samantha asked.
“Sh, I’m counting.” They walked in silence for several minutes, Gertrude once again longing for her walker, and then she abruptly stopped.
“What is it?” Samantha stopped too.
“That’s it. We should be here.” Gertrude looked around. “That was 543 steps.”
“OK, well then, we’re close. Ladies,”—Samantha turned her attention to the rest of the women—“we are close. Fan out a little and look for the van, but don’t lose sight of one another in the process.” She looked at Gertrude. “It’s OK, Gertrude. You did it. You got us out. We’re almost home free.”
The women spread out to look. Gertrude sat on a log and kept watch against spiders.
In just a few minutes, a woman called out, “I found the road!”
The rest of the women hurried to the sound of her voice, and sure enough, there was the road.
“Which way?” Deborah asked, panting.
“That way.” Gertrude pointed.
“Isn’t that back toward the cabin, though?” Deborah asked, her voice sounding tired and scared.
“Yes, but it’s also toward the van. You can walk the other way, if you want,” Gertrude said. “We’ll pick you up when we go by.”
“Can we just wait here?” Deborah asked. “We’re not all young pups like you.”
Gertrude smiled. “Of course. You girls take a break. We’ll go fetch the van.”
Gertrude and Samantha headed up the road. “You know,” Samantha muttered, “you can stay here too. I know you miss your walker. I can go get the van.”
“No way, José. Deborah just called me young.”
Samantha laughed.
“You have a pretty laugh, Samantha.”
“Thank you, Gertrude.”
They rounded a corner, and there it sat.
“Tally ho!” Gertrude cried.
Samantha groaned. “I hate that thing.”
“Me too,” Gertrude said, and handed her the keys.
Samantha took them. “You don’t want to drive?”
Gertrude put her hands on her hips. “Not that it matters on this road, but I don’t exactly have a driver’s license.”
Samantha frowned. “What kind of a private investigator doesn’t have a driver’s license?”