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It wasn’t easy loading those tired, sore, scared women into the back of a seatless van. One by one, Samantha and Gertrude helped them up and in. Most of them were able to sit on the floor. Ruth said it hurt to sit, so she lay down, resting her head on Martha’s lap.
Gertrude and Samantha climbed into the front, and Samantha put the keys in the ignition. She turned the key. The van started. Samantha let out a big puff of air.
“Were you not expecting it to start?”
Samantha shook her head and put the van in reverse. “I had my doubts. So far this whole escape has seemed a little too good to be true.” The van was pointed in the wrong direction, so Samantha had to do some creative maneuvering to get it turned around in the narrow road, that was really more of a path. Finally, the van was pointed south.
“And we’re off like a terd of hurdles,” Gertrude said triumphantly.
“What?” Samantha asked.
“I said, we’re off like a herd of turtles. It’s an expression.”
“Except that’s not what you said.”
Gertrude gave her a dirty look. “You’re not making any sense, Samantha. But it’s all right. I know you’ve been through a lot. You’re not used to the crime-fighting life like I am.”
Samantha drove over the muddy, bumpy one-lane road for over an hour before she reached an intersection. The van rolled to a stop. She groaned and put her head on the steering wheel. “Now what,” she muttered.
Gertrude looked around. “Straight ahead looks like it gets traveled more often. Let’s try that one.”
Samantha looked up. “What if it doesn’t go anywhere?”
“We’re traveling south, Samantha. We’ll get somewhere eventually.”
Samantha pushed on the gas pedal. “What the heck. Maybe we’ll get to Mexico. I could use a Corona.”
They drove for another hour, and finally reached an intersection with an actual road. It was still gravel, but it looked maintained. “Which way, now?”
Gertrude pointed to the right. “South.”
Samantha turned right.
“How’s the gas gauge?” Gertrude asked.
“An eighth of a tank.”
“It’ll be all right. We’re on a real road now. Someone will find us eventually.”
Now that they were on a smooth road, Gertrude had trouble keeping her eyes open. She started to nod off and then felt guilty, as she was all comfy up front, while the other women were crammed in the back. She forced herself to open her eyes. And that’s when she saw it. “Look!” she cried, pointing.
Samantha gasped. “What is that?”
“It’s a building!”
“Well, I can see that, but what kind of a building?”
“It looks like a house.”
“But who has a house way out here? What if it’s a relative of Sue’s?”
“First of all, that’s not funny. Second, I’ve still got the gun. You just go knock on the door. I’ll cover you.”
“OK.” She pulled the big clunker into the short driveway, and climbed out of the van. The women in the back all pressed against the windows to watch.
Samantha didn’t even get to knock. A man met her on the porch. Gertrude leaned out her window to try to hear what they were saying, but she couldn’t hear a word. Still, the man looked friendly enough, and Samantha’s posture seemed to be relaxing. Soon, she was headed back toward the van, smiling.
“He says he’ll call the police, but it will take them a while to get here, so we can go inside if we want. He says he’s got more guns than God, and he’ll let us use them if she comes after us.”
“Really? He’s going to arm the Red Hats Society?”
Samantha blinked in confusion.
“Never mind. Did he say where we are?”
“Yep. He said we’re in 5R11. Not even a real town.”
“Does he live here?”
“Says it’s his vacation home.”
“Hm. Well, that’s suspicious.” Gertrude looked over her shoulder at all the nervous faces. “You girls want to get out of the van?”
Samantha opened the back door, and the women slowly tumbled out. Samantha had to help most of them, but getting them out was far easier than getting them in had been. There was a lot of stretching and a little crying. Gertrude wanted to comfort the women who seemed really upset, but she had no idea how to. Sure do wish Pastor were here. He’d know what to say. This thought made her feel guilty for skipping church so often. Get me home, God, and I’ll go to church Sunday. Promise.
Samantha led the way to the small house, and Gertrude brought up the rear. When she stepped inside, it took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the indoor lighting of the cabin. Their host shut the door behind her, and she took a good look at him. He was a small but muscular man, dressed like a Mainer, in boots, blue jeans, and a plaid flannel shirt. Gertrude could make out the outline of a holster under his shirt. He caught her staring, and she tried to smile.
He nodded stoically.
“My name’s Dave,” he said, and she knew that it wasn’t.
She nodded back. “We are much obliged for your help, Dave.”
He smiled, as if they had just shared some secret, but she didn’t know quite what it was. “Happy to help. But I’d be also be much obliged if, when this is over, you all forget you ever met me. I’m not really a people person.”
Gertrude nodded. She took a step closer to him, and whispered, “Are you a spook?”
He chuckled dryly, and shook his head. “I’m not anything. I’m just a retired guy who likes to live in the woods. Like I said, not much of a people person. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable. It could be quite a wait.” Then he walked away, making it clear that their conversation was over.
No way he’s old enough to be retired. Unless he’s retired from the military. They can retire a lot younger, right? Gertrude surveyed the room. All the available seats were already taken. Samantha was sitting on the floor, her back against a wall, her eyes closed. Beside her stood an impressive gun cabinet, and it was chock full of weapons. Beside that, another gun cabinet. More guns. She looked at “Dave.” He was talking to Martha. There was definitely something weird about him, and yet, he wasn’t giving her the heebie-jeebies at all.
At the other side of the cabin was a small kitchen. Beside that was a doorway, but a blanket hung in it, blocking her view of what lay beyond. Trying to act casually, she strolled along the wall, nodding to the women in her path, and eventually made it to the blanketed doorway. She reached out to move the blanket. She was only going to move it a bit. She only wanted a peek. But seemingly out of nowhere, Dave’s hand covered hers. “I think there’s plenty of room for all of us out here, don’t you?”
She looked up at him.
He was smiling.
“I was just exploring,” she said.
“I know.”
“Could I trouble you for a glass of water?”
“Of course.” He stepped back and used his right hand to make a sweeping invitation. He wanted her to walk toward the kitchenette, and he wasn’t going to move until she did. So, grudgingly, she headed toward the sink, and he followed.
He rummaged in a cupboard until he found a glass. Then he held it under the faucet.
“Thanks, Dave,” she said when he handed her the drink. “So, this place is awful neat and tidy for a man who lives alone.”
“I understand you’re the one who rescued all these women,” Dave said.
Gertrude was aware that he was changing the subject, and that he was using flattery to do it. “I had some help,” she said.
He nodded. “I wish I’d known something was going on up there. I saw that van go by frequently. At first, I just thought that woman was someone like me, someone who liked living in the woods, but I did get a little suspicious when she drove by so often. People who like to live in the woods usually stay in the woods. Anyway, I should’ve checked it out. I’m sorry that I didn’t.”
Gertrude nodded. “You strike me as a man who doesn’t like to get involved.”
Dave smirked. “Nice try, but really Gertrude, there is no mystery to be solved here. I’m not a fugitive. I’m not a spy. I’m not anything. I’m just a guy in the woods.”
“What’s your last name?”
Dave began to show signs of exasperation. “Don’t you want to drink your water?”
Gertrude took a small sip. “Could I use your phone?”
Dave looked at her, seeming to think about that. Then, apparently, he decided against it. “I’ve already called the police. They should be here any second. I’m sure they’ll take you to a phone.” He leaned back against his counter, crossed his arms, and looked out a window facing the road.
Gertrude drank her water.