If one of my patients was making out with a childhood friend, out of nowhere, after day drinking and being confronted by a cheating ex who triggers all their negative childhood trauma, I would have to assess whether their behavior was human error, recklessness, or at-risk behavior. Me taking the challenge and kissing Conner isn't human error. I purposely slipped my tongue into his mouth, and the way it was making my body wake up like it's been in a deep hibernation I didn't know about, well I don't regret it. At the moment.
This is fully and completely reckless behavior brought on by seeing Beckett and being submerged in those feelings of negative self-worth. I know it, but then Conner’s tongue sweeps possessively into my mouth and I simply don’t give a shit why I’m doing this. It feels fantastic.
I am kissing Conner Garrison. The scrawny kid I met when I was young is now a very bold, very grown-up, very muscled, and jaw-droppingly handsome man. My girl bits are going to set off the smoke detector.
What the hell kind of Christmas-time Twilight Zone did I tumble into? His hands are at my hips and they grip me tighter, yanking me forward even more. I can feel the long, hard bulge in his joggers pressed right up against the space between my legs and it sends a shiver of desire racing through me. I haven’t felt a man’s want for me in a long time. The last six months of my relationship with Beckett were sexless. And before that… well, I don’t remember feeling like he wanted me as brazenly and openly as Conner is exhibiting in this moment.
I hook my ankles behind that tight bubble butt of his, making sure the friction between us is uninterrupted. “None of this makes sense,” I whisper against his mouth.
“But it feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, his lips ghosting my cheek as they move to my ear. Oh damn, not my ear. I love… he nips at my lobe, licking and sucking, and I let out the most unfiltered groan of my life.
“Yeah, that feels right.” I let out a breath that’s shaky with desire. “Is this the alcohol, though?”
He kisses me again, softer than before, and ends it with a tug to my bottom lip just before his husky voice whispers, “I wasn’t kidding, Mac. You were my first crush. This… you… are a dream come true. And I fucking need that right now. A dream to come true. I think you do too.”
“I do,” I admit. I mean, he just watched me take my belongings back from a dude who ripped my heart out and, worse, dropped it into a vat of boiling humiliation. So yeah, I need a dream to come true instead of turning into a nightmare. Fooling around with the crown prince of hockey… definitely not nightmarish.
He pulls back again, and the heated look in his eyes cools a little. “If you aren’t down, it’s okay. I can—”
I wrap my arms around his thick neck and pull his lips back to mine. I want to be wild and free and I need to be wanted right now. “I’m down. Time for you to bring your A-game, Garrison.”
And without another word, Conner Garrison uses all that muscle and height and power to pull me right off the stool, cup my ass, and carry me toward my bedroom. And I don’t have a second to process that this is happening, that I don’t intend to stop him, because there’s a knock at the door. Actually, it’s more of a bang.
“Mac!” a female voice bellows. “Is Conner in there?”
“I told you he was,” Tenley’s voice filters through the door next. “Guys! Open up!”
Conner stops walking and drops his forehead to my shoulder. “Ah fuck. That’s my stepmom.”
“Conner Garrison I have a key and I am not afraid to use it!” Callie Caplan-Garrison hollers.
I unhook my ankles from behind his back and he gently places me on the ground. I smooth my hair. Conner runs his thumb over his lips and adjusts the front of his joggers as he swears again.
“Legally, you don’t have the right to enter,” Tenley says loud enough so we can hear. “You haven’t given notice to the tenant and you aren’t even the landlord.”
“Listen, Nancy Drew or Veronica Mars or whatever, I’m a co-parent and I don’t care if he’s twelve, twenty-five, or fifty-five, I am going to hunt him down when something is wrong,” Callie tells her niece.
Conner sighs and crosses the short distance to the front door. He flips the lock and swings it open. In a blur, his stepmom and cousin barge right in. Callie reaches up and grabs her stepson’s face between her gloved hands. “We love you.”
“I love you too, Mama C.” Conner’s voice is soft and sweet and my girl parts start to melt again.
Then Callie lets go of his face and pokes him in the middle of his chest so hard he winces. Her brown eyes get harder. “But what the hell is going on and why are you ghosting your family?”
“I’m not ghosting you,” Conner replies and turns to glare at Tenley. “You sold me out.”
She raises her arms and her big green eyes move from Conner to me and back again. “I didn’t want to tell her. She’s better at interrogation than me.”
“Spoiler alert,” Callie says, pushing her brown hair over her shoulder. A few strands of silver reflect in the light. “I already knew he was here. Tenley just confirmed, under duress. Theo and Grady saw Conner’s car drive by them this morning when they were on a donut run.”
“Shit,” Conner hisses.
Callie turns on him again. “Can we get to the explaining part? Are you okay? Why are you here and not playing with your team?”
“It’s a long story.” Conner glances over at me but I immediately look away. I’m… embarrassed? Shy? Overwhelmed? I don’t know what I am. I’ll unpack it later but right now, I just need to not look at him.
“I’ll give you guys your space…” I suggest and start to back up, toward my bedroom.
Callie shoots me a soft, friendly smile. "Hi, Mac. How are you?"
“I’m good. How are you?”
“You know.” Callie shrugs and motions toward her stepson. “Anyway, if you don’t have plans for Christmas, consider yourself invited to our house.”
“Thanks, but I’m working.” I give her a grateful smile and slip into my room. I’m about to shut the door but a foot wedges itself in the way.
Tenley’s blonde head pokes through the small space. Her green eyes are pleading. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get involved in this.”
I smile and let her push her way into my room. “I know. It’s probably for the best that this is happening. He should talk to his parents.”
“What is happening? I didn’t realize when I saw him today he was bailing on a hockey game,” Tenley says. “That’s not at all like Con.”
“You’re going to have to ask him,” I tell her and she pouts for a minute, but I can tell it’s jokingly. Then Tenley gives me a quick, tight hug as I gently push the door behind her to give Conner and Callie some privacy. Tenley lets me go and plops down on my bed. “So…” She looks around the room. “You and Con have sex yet?”
My mouth drops open in an indignant O. My eyes flare like she’s just asked the most bizarre, impossible, ridiculous question I’ve ever heard. But my cheeks turn red. Full-on, Rudolph’s nose red. Tenley, being the Olivia Benson wannabe that she is, doesn’t miss it. She grins, it’s devilish and lights up her whole pretty face and it’s easy to see why men do double-takes when she’s around. Tenley is stunning. “You and Con! Oh my God, the dufus actually took my advice!”
“Your advice?” I repeat, and she stands up.
“I ran into him this morning buying you a breakfast feast and I may have said that you both could use a little naked therapy. Some sexy times, a hit of oxytocin,” Tenley explains, and when I just stand there dumbfounded she moves closer. “Sex. I told him you two should have sex.”
“I understood. I just…” Oh my God was that a pity kiss? Was I a second away from a pity fuck? Because Tenley made it sound like I was a sad, desperate scorned woman who needed it? I rub my forehead and close my eyes.
"Oh God…. Was it horrible? Does he suck in bed?" Tenley asks and then squishes her pretty features together like she accidentally sucked a lemon. "Don't answer that. I do not want to know how my cousin is in bed. I'm sorry if it sucked. I have other cousins you could try."
“I’m sure he’s fine at sex. I don’t know because we didn’t and I don’t want to.” I swallow and close my eyes again as humiliation burns through me hot and fast. “Not with Conner. My God, I don’t even really know him. I appreciate you were trying to do me a favor but I don’t want pity hook-ups, so don’t ask men to give them to me, okay?”
“It wouldn’t have been pity,” Tenley argues. “If anything, you’d be the one doing him a solid. I mean, have you seen the tension knots in that man’s shoulders? The crease he’s developing between his eyes? The scowl that’s almost permanently glued to his face this year? He’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, all because his team sucks. It’s a bit much. He needs to unwind. I thought you could scratch each other’s backs if you know what I mean.”
“I know what you mean, and thanks but no thank you. I don’t want Conner to scratch my itches.”
Before she can argue there’s a knock on the door, sharp and hard. I call, “Come in!”
The door, which didn’t fully close when I swung it earlier, opens just enough for Conner to poke his head through. “Mama C is driving me home. Thanks for everything.”
I nod because words don't want to form on my tongue. The tongue that knows what his feels like. Tenley's head is bopping from one side to the other, watching us like a particularly intense Wimbledon final. Conner stares at me, but something is off. He looks more than just tense. He looks angry. No… hurt? Maybe it's his concern over facing his parents presenting an odd expression on his face. But… I feel like it's personal. About me and him.
“Everything alright?” I finally ask.
He huffs out a hard, sharp breath like I just told a very sarcastic joke. "Thanks again, Mac. Sorry, I had to bother you. Take care."
“Umm… okay.” I want to ask about the party. Is he still intending to go with me? It doesn’t feel like it, but I also don’t want to talk about this in front of Tenley.
Conner disappears from the doorway and I follow him out into the living room, Tenley right behind me. Callie is standing by the door and she looks worried, so I wonder how much Conner has told her about his hockey situation. She flashes both Tenley and me a quick smile. “If anything changes with your schedule, Mac, remember you have a place at our table.”
Callie blows an air kiss, opens the door, and disappears down the stairs. Conner follows without even looking back before he firmly shuts the door behind them. Tenley looks as startled by his cold goodbye as I am. I mean, didn't he just have his tongue in my mouth less than five minutes ago?
“If you do come to Christmas, you won’t have to even see him,” Tenley promises and gives me a hug. “There’s a ton of us, you can avoid him without making it obvious.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I step out of the hug, still too humiliated to be consoled. “I’m fine. It was nothing. Clearly.”
Tenley looks like she’s going to challenge that statement but she doesn’t. She shoots me a sympathetic smile and offers, “You wanna come up to the main house and have dinner with me? I’m making veggie lasagna.”
I shake my head. “No I was hoping for alone time and a self-care day and now that my squatter is gone, I’m gonna do it.”
Tenley nods and heads towards the door. “Okay, well offer’s open all night. Or text me. Or whatever. I feel like… I should apologize for my relative.”
“No. Don’t. Honestly, it’s fine. I’m fine,” I assure her, hoping I sound more believable than Ross from Friends even though I don’t feel more confident in my words than him.
Tenley leaves and I stand there in my finally empty apartment. This is what I wanted, right? I walk into my living room drop onto my couch and lie there trying to wrap my brain around the last twenty-four hours.