SIR EDMUND HAD CAUTIONED HER ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF secrecy, but almost immediately Cassie sensed the stares and hushed whispers that followed her across the Raleigh campus, girls turning away to murmur to their companions, young men sending steely glares as they passed. Cassie told herself that she didn’t care. Let them gossip; they would never know the truth, and she didn’t need them to believe her side of the story.
But she did consider confiding in one person: Evie. Cassie returned to the attic after her meeting with Sir Edmund and the police already forming the sentences in her head, prepared to spill everything. She’d always held back her personal life, but now she needed to find an ally, someone who would reassure her that everything would be okay.
But Evie didn’t come home that day, or the next one either. When she finally did return, and Cassie found her sipping tea at their kitchen table, she looked distracted and absent.
“Where have you been?” Cassie asked, pausing in the doorway. Evie looked frailer than usual, dark shadows smudged under her eyes.
“We spent the weekend at Hugo’s place in the country,” Evie replied. “Sorry, did you worry?”
“No, I figured . . .” Cassie looked closer, noticing Evie’s taut expression. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”
Evie paused. “I . . . We’re taking a break.” Her voice twisted. “Me and Hugo. We broke up.”
Cassie immediately went to sit beside her. “What happened?” she asked.
Evie’s eyes began to water. “He . . .” She swallowed, correcting herself. “We decided to pause things for a while. You know, have a breather . . .” She tried to muster a smile, but her expression was pained.
“I’m so sorry,” Cassie offered.
Evie’s lower lip trembled, her eyes filling with tears. “I just don’t understand.” She let out a plaintive sob. “All weekend he ignored me. He acted like I wasn’t even there, and then, then . . . He said I was getting too serious, that I thought this was something it’s not. I don’t understand!”
Cassie patted her shoulder gently. “Maybe it’s for the best,” she suggested, her voice artificially bright. “You’ll have a chance to focus on your thesis. You’ve only been seeing him a few weeks now.”
Evie nodded blankly. “I just, I thought this was real. That he cared. And now . . .” She swallowed back another surge of tears. “Now it’s all over.” She offered Cassie a pale smile. “Thanks for listening. I think I’m going to go take a nap.” She slowly rose from the table and padded softly down the hall.
Cassie watched her go, feeling a shard of guilt. She’d known Hugo wasn’t taking their relationship seriously—the way he’d flirted with her, invited her out behind Evie’s back. She wondered now if she should have said something sooner. Would Evie have listened, or turned against her too?
Regardless, it was too late to tell her about the attack now. The moment had passed.
As the week wore on, Cassie noticed a worrying change in Evie’s usually exuberant mood. Instead of bounding around the flat, a whirlwind of activity, she now stared for hours at her notes, or pored over books, curled under a blanket on the couch. Hugo wasn’t the only one who had broken things off; Olivia and her friends stopped calling too, and Evie’s glittering social life faded into memories, replaced with days she barely moved from the sofa. She deflected Cassie’s concern, saying she was just buckling down for her thesis deadline, but Cassie feared the looming due date wasn’t the only reason for the change. The only spark of life Cassie saw was when Evie’s phone buzzed, late in the dark afternoons; Evie would snatch it up to check whatever text or call came through, then deflate, throwing the phone aside and retreating to her bed again to mourn the passing of her brief relationship.
Cassie watched the quicksand shifts in mood with a growing sense of fear. She’d seen them before, spent her childhood tiptoeing through sudden tempests, and now, watching Evie swoop between such extremes, she couldn’t help but be reminded of her mother’s manic phases. She warned herself not to overreact, but concern danced on the tip of her tongue every time she saw Evie reach hopefully for her phone, or found her yawning, dead-eyed, over breakfast the next morning. After her first few gentle nudges were met with stony silence, she learned to swallow her concern. This was just a breakup. Evie was a grown woman, making her own choices. She would be fine.
At the end of the week, Cassie set out for her morning run, lengthening her strides on the hard winter ground as the Raleigh campus receded from view. It had taken her body a few days to recover from Sebastian’s attack, but now she was back in condition, completing her long loop around the river walk and far meadow in ever-shorter times. She would need to strike out farther soon, Cassie decided, as she slowed to a walk and began her cooldown, her breath fogging the chilled morning air. Down past the fields on the outskirts of the city, or across the high street perhaps. There were long trails that wound out past Christ Church College to the wide spread of the river proper where the crew teams would race come summer, the riverbanks lined with genteel boathouses and flag-waving supporters.
Back at Raleigh, she was detouring to the lodge to check her mail when she noticed a familiar figure heading back across the courtyard. “Olivia?” she called. The blond girl was just inside the gates, clearly just returning from another night out.
“Cassie, hi.” Olivia swooped in for an air-kiss. She was swathed in a white coat with fur trim, her cheeks flushed from the cold, and her hair peeking out from under a looped scarf. “How are you? How’s Evie doing? Is she holding up okay?”
Cassie paused, not wanting to seem disloyal. “She’s fine. It was a little bumpy at first, but she’s doing much better.”
“I’m so glad.” Olivia sighed. “It was just awful. Such a scene.” She shook her head. “I could have warned her,” she added ruefully. “Hugo doesn’t do relationships. Everything’s fun and games until someone starts caring for real.”
“You should drop by to visit,” Cassie suggested. “I know Evie would love to see you. Or go for cocktails or something with the gang.”
“I wish I could.” Olivia made a regretful face. “But I promised Hugo I wouldn’t get in the middle of things. It would be so awkward, don’t you think? He’s a wretch but he’s family, you know?” She gave a helpless shrug. “But you should come out with us sometime,” she offered. “It’s Miles’s birthday, we’re all going out tonight. You must come!”
Cassie was taken aback at the invitation. She assumed from the dirty looks she’d been receiving around campus that news of Sebastian’s attack—at least, his version of it—was general gossip now, but Olivia was acting as if nothing was wrong. “I couldn’t,” Cassie said firmly. It wouldn’t feel right to take Evie’s place while she sat weeping at home—even if Cassie still had questions to ask about the secret societies in town.
“Well, you change your mind, just say so.” Olivia glanced over Cassie’s shoulder and grimaced. “Don’t look, but Tremain is giving you the evil eye.”
Cassie turned. The professor was approaching from the cloisters, his trench coat whipping around him in the wind.
“Ignore him, he’s always prowling around college looking grim,” Olivia advised. “Anyway, I have to dash. Call me if you ever feel like lunch!” She quickly skittered away, leaving Cassie just as Tremain reached her.
“Miss Blackwell.” Tremain scowled after Olivia. “I was just going to leave a note for you. I was hoping we could have a chat.”
“About?” Cassie tensed, remembering his silence during the meeting with the police, how he didn’t speak up for her, even for a moment.
Tremain looked uncomfortable. “Perhaps we could find time to meet in my office—”
“I’m busy,” she told him shortly. “I have essays due.” She turned to walk away, but Tremain trailed her across the courtyard.
“Miss Blackwell.” His voice was sharp. She reluctantly turned. “I talked with Sir Edmund,” he said in a low voice. “There won’t be any disciplinary actions against you.”
Cassie bit back another sarcastic retort. “Anything else?” she asked coolly. “I really do need to get to the library.”
Tremain looked pained. “College policy dictates that anyone involved in a . . . traumatic event must spend time with a counselor. I’ve taken the liberty of scheduling you an appointment, for this afternoon.”
“You’re kidding me.” Cassie blinked in disbelief. “You’re actually pretending like you give a damn how I feel?”
“Please.” Tremain looked away. “I think it would be for the best. Somebody to talk to, help you process things.”
“In case you’re forgetting, the official line is that nothing happened,” Cassie replied icily.
Tremain sighed. “It’s procedure,” he repeated, pulling a printed sheet from his satchel. He held it out to her. “Just one session. Then we can all move on and draw a line through the episode.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I’m trying to help here.” The professor looked at her. For a moment, his expression seemed almost regretful, but Cassie didn’t care. She snatched the page away from him.
“Then thank you for your concern,” she said, scathing, turning to walk away.
“If you don’t like it, you can always leave.”
She froze and turned back. “What did you say?”
Tremain met her gaze, cooler now. “Raleigh isn’t suited to everyone,” he continued. “After everything you’ve been through, perhaps it would be better if you cut your study-abroad program short.”
“Better for whom?” Cassie retorted. “The college? Sebastian? You?”
Tremain’s gaze didn’t waver. “There’s no shame in admitting you’re unhappy here.”
Cassie kept her jaw clenched. He thought she wasn’t cut out for her studies. That she wasn’t Raleigh material. “I’ll see the counselor,” she bit out. “But if you want me gone, expel me. I earned my place here, just like everyone else. I’m staying.”
The address Tremain had given Cassie was a stark series of buildings on the edge of town: The Center for Psychology and Neural Research. Cassie entered through spotless sliding glass doors and looked curiously at the steel and chrome decor, a world away from the musty libraries of the rest of the university.
“Cassie?” A woman breezed toward her, hand outstretched. “Thessaly Mortimer. You have perfect timing, I was just getting a coffee. Want one?”
“Uh, no. Thanks.” Cassie quickly looked her over. Thessaly was in her late thirties, with a mane of glossy auburn hair and perfect makeup. She was wearing a silk blouse and a dark pencil skirt; a lab coat was folded over her arm and her stilettos tapped on the polished floor as she led Cassie down the hall to a coffee machine.
“Terrible habit.” Thessaly sighed, filling a cup. “I should know better, especially in my profession. Everyone knows you feed rats caffeine and their brains just light up, they go crazy.”
“So why don’t you quit?” Cassie asked. She was still studying the woman, trying to get a read on her.
Thessaly took a sip and gave Cassie a rueful smile. “The eternal mystery of human behavior: we know something is bad for us, but we do it anyway.” She glanced at her watch, a thin gold band on her wrist. “We better get moving. My day is packed, and I’m sure you don’t want to hang around here a moment longer than necessary.”
“Well, no,” Cassie answered, taken aback, but Thessaly was already striding off. She led Cassie back through a maze of offices and labs to a room that was as stark as the rest of the building: a leather couch and chairs, a glass-topped desk, framed sketches of the human brain on the far wall.
“So let me tell you a little about myself,” Thessaly began as Cassie drifted around the room, examining the framed diplomas. Master’s in neurological, Ph.D. in psychology. “As you can see, I’m not a traditional counselor, but I like to offer my services to the university and give support to students dealing with emotional stress.” Thessaly gestured for Cassie to sit on the couch. When Cassie hesitated, she laughed. “Don’t worry, it’s not like psychiatry. I won’t ask you to lie back and talk about your parents.” She paused. “Unless you want to, of course. We can chat about anything.”
Cassie took a seat on the very edge of the couch. “I thought you were supposed to talk to me about the attack,” she said.
“Only if you feel like it.” Thessaly settled opposite her in one of the chairs and gave a reassuring smile, but Cassie didn’t relax. “It’s okay,” Thessaly added, as if reading Cassie’s reticence. “This is all private now, patient confidentiality. I’m not going to report back to Raleigh, or anything like that.”
Cassie shrugged. “There isn’t anything to report. I’m fine. I don’t know why I need to be here.”
“Probably because Raleigh doesn’t want to get sued for student welfare failings.”
Cassie looked up, surprised at the other woman’s candor. Thessaly studied her a moment, then relaxed back in her seat. “Look, I understand. Something traumatic happened to you, and you’d rather not talk to a stranger about it. And that’s fine too, as long as you have your own way of processing it.” She paused. “Have you talked to anyone yet: a friend, roommate?”
Cassie slowly shook her head. “I . . . was going to,” she replied. “But my roommate’s going through her own stuff right now. It’s not something you can just lay on a person, and she’s got her own problems.”
“Oh?”
“She just broke up with her boyfriend,” Cassie explained, “And I’m . . . worried about her.”
“But not yourself?” Thessaly commented.
Cassie paused. “No, I’m fine. I can handle it. But Evie’s . . . she’s fragile.”
“It’s common to focus on other people after a traumatic incident, to distract oneself from your own problems,” Thessaly noted.
“It’s not like that,” Cassie protested, but then she reconsidered. She had been focusing on Evie, on her mother, on anything to keep her from reliving that night over again. “Maybe,” she admitted.
Thessaly gave a small smile. “So, if not Evie, is there anyone else you have to talk to? Friends back home? Your parents, perhaps.”
“No.” Cassie shook her head. “That’s not . . . I mean, I’m fine.” She pressed her lips together determinedly. “It happened. It’s happened before. But I’m fine, I don’t need to talk about it.”
“All right then.” Thessaly stood. Cassie blinked up at her in surprise. She’d been expecting more questions, an hour of well-intentioned interference, but instead, Thessaly was walking back to her desk and scrolling through her phone. She looked up, catching Cassie’s expression. “I’m not going to keep you here.” She smiled gently. “It sounds like you have a handle on things. Just know you can call and arrange to see me anytime.”
“Oh. Thanks.” Cassie grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“And tell your roommate to come see me if she needs to,” Thessaly added. “Mental health is important, especially in these pressured environments. We don’t want anyone slipping through the cracks.”