After his eventual shower, alone in his room on his bed with some cooking show playing on his laptop that he wasn’t paying attention to, Trevor got a frustrating message.
You’re being quiet, Sky dared to say, as though he wasn’t the one who had been too busy to talk.
Trevor stared at the words for a good, long while, reaching over to turn off the cooking show and sit in broody silence.
I’m not going to get in your way, he typed finally, holding his phone afterward to watch the tiny dots tell him Sky was working on an answer.
In my way? He imagined Sky’s eyebrows raised.
I’m trying to do better. Trevor had done all right with G.G. today but he was so tired of fucking up. Sky must be tired of it too.
But Sky answered in a quick, typo-ridden snap: I keep tellng you u can do anythng u decide to do.
I make a lot of mistakes, Trevor typed, but then deleted it. Hope the campaign went well. Tell me about it?
The tiny dots went wild. Flashing and then disappearing. Flashing again. Sky trying to get his thoughts in order.
Right now I’m trying to be patient, he answered at last. I left clues, but people rarely follow those, do they? They do things I can’t anticipate.
Trevor shook his head. There was so much Sky must want and couldn’t ask for, and Trevor wasn’t clever enough to pick up on the signs. I’m sorry.
??
Trevor explained himself. That I didn’t give you what you wanted. I’m sorry.
More dots. Trevor watched them while his stomach tightened and tightened, making him grateful he hadn’t managed dinner.
He wondered if Sky sighed. I didn’t even know what I wanted half the time. No that’s not really true. Admitting it is difficult. I literally make you force it out of me.
Trevor scowled. Make me?
I worry sometimes. That was one message. The rest came altogether. That I pushed you into this. I mean I knew. Sort of. I saw it in you, like, looking at your drawings and knowing how talented you are.
Sky. It was all Trevor typed but he didn’t get a chance to send it or add anything else because Sky sent a stream of anxious fears.
I saw it but maybe you wouldn’t have acted on it outside of like, fairly normal stuff, like handcuffs or spankings if I hadn’t made you. I worry about it sometimes even though I know that you would think that wasn’t very smart boy of me.
Trevor had never actually spanked Sky but now he was thinking that he should have, that Sky had been bratty on purpose to get him to.
They had gone about this so backwards.
Still scowling, Trevor sat up. You didn’t force me. That was important to say first. But you could’ve asked me.
I can’t. He could almost hear Sky’s whine. But you give me what I want anyway. It must be exhausting.
It’s not exhausting. Trevor didn’t lie. But he paused, not to torture Sky, to give himself the moment to think. I think you should tell me what you want or what you might want. In some way that’s clearer than you have already. Just to give me an idea to start from, so I’m not always guessing. Even after… I don’t need a review. But you could tell me what was good or bad. He paused again. That sounds needy.
No dots. Then, I don’t think that sounds needy. That sounds like something I should’ve done. I’m sorry.
Trevor hadn’t been out to make Sky feel guilty. But Sky interrupted his attempt to explain that. Does gg do that?
The uncapitalized gg was surprising. Not for the lazy typing but because Sky usually referred to G.G. as Hot Neighbor.
Started to, Trevor revealed. But we haven’t had a real talk yet. About what he wants, I mean.
Proper protocols. He didn’t know how to interpret Sky’s response. He thought it was approving. But it seemed almost mournful when Sky continued. Don’t forget what you want, since I seem to.
No you don’t. Trevor got out part of his argument. Sky’s next message cut him off at the knees.
I want you. I can say that. I always want you.
Trevor sat there for at least a minute, maybe longer, trembling like G.G. when told to hold still after years of wanting.
But Sky would be worrying about his answer. Trevor couldn’t have that.
I want you too.
And you want gg, Sky returned, and he’s probably better at this whole thing.
Sky.
For once, an implied stern tone did not make Sky stop. You always call me genius but I’m bad at this. It’s ok. I was sort of expecting it. Tho not that he would be as great as he sounds.
Trevor was so done with typing. Can I call you?
Sky answered with another stream of words. Did you know a contractor’s license is public record and requires an address? He listed his business address as one on your street. I had to scroll thru a lot of G.G.s and G names. I stopped there. But webpages exist for his old business. Someone else is running it now but some older pictures are still up. Probably on facebook too but I didn’t check that cesspool.
You stalked him. Trevor was not all that surprised.
Sky ignored the hint of judgment. I know it’s been a few years since most of the pictures were taken. They’re mostly professional ads and things. But… hot. He’s hot.
So are you.
Sky ignored that too. I told you he wanted you. You’re special, Brian Trevor. Talented and decent and sexy even when you don’t think you are. And you were right, you know? It irks me how right you turned out to be. I was bored before. Understimulated like you said. I was probably so annoying. This job keeps me busy enough.
Too busy if it’s not letting you sleep, Trevor answered, grumbling.
That’s temporary, Sky declared. I’m working my magic on them.
You should be turning off stuff and getting ready for bed. Trevor continued to grumble.
Unclear if that is an order.
It was tempting. No, Trevor answered anyway. But I wish it was. Since we’re being extra honest… you aren’t into this, I know, but I have schedules for you. I’ve thought about it a lot.
Schedules? There were more flashing dots. You mean eating and sleeping as you tell me to do. Like that?
That sounds more controlling than it is, Trevor typed defensively. You don’t need super restrictive. You need reminders, motivation to remember. But yeah. But I would like to ensure your pleasure and comfort. And punish you for forgetting. So I think about telling you to eat oatmeal in the morning with two precisely sliced up strawberries. And what smoothies you should make, and ordering your groceries for you. And what I will do if you fail to do these things.
Sky answered in seconds. Ellie would be jealous.
I don’t like that joke. Trevor especially didn’t like it after revealing that much.
Not a joke, Sky insisted. I would be jealous if you did that for some other pet.
Trevor’s chest went tight. Some other pet?
Not a very good one, I admit. Maybe I don’t deserve that kind of attention.
Maybe you deserve it and need it. And spankings and whatever else Sky wouldn’t admit to wanting. If you were here…
If I were there, Sky prompted, what would you do?
Something about the same as a spanking at the moment for making Sky twitch in his seat and pay attention. I’d tell you it’s all right, whatever it is you really want to call me. Or yourself. I’d tell you I’ve been waiting for you to say it.
His phone went dark, then lit up again. Could I do that from here? You’re not angry?
Trevor was and wasn’t angry. He was tired, and he’d been happy before Sky had messaged him, and now he was on the verge of being happy again.
I’m going to call you, Trevor said instead of any of that. You don’t need to talk if you’re working. I just want to listen to you for a while. I like knowing you’re busy… just not too busy, so you don’t get sick or anything.
Sky called him, exhaling shakily when Trevor said his name.
“Did you know I used to sit in the room while you were drawing, and I’d pretend to be doing something, but really I’d be listening to you, and breathing in and out, and wishing for that stillness all the time?” Sky asked all in a rush, then caught his breath so hard it sounded like a hiccup.
Trevor tried to be as cautious as G.G. “Stillness?”
“Peace,” Sky mumbled, probably biting his lip or his fingernails. “The stillness inside when I know that you want me there. That you weren’t asking anything of me but me. I slid to the floor once. We were on your couch, and I moved down so I could lay my head on the cushion by your knees. You were so in the zone, you didn’t notice for a long time. An hour at least. The best hour. Even though I was fidgeting and wishing… wishing that I wouldn’t fidget so much. That I could stay like that and keep you pleased with me.”
“Sky.” Trevor closed his eyes. “Oh, Sky.”
Sky pulled in a long breath. “I have work to do,” he went on, too brightly to be anything else but terrified. “But it will feel like that again, knowing you’re listening to me. That you don’t want anything from me but me. I can be…” he stopped himself, moving so restlessly that his chair creaked, then finished, “yours.” Sky swept on, talking around the fingernail he was anxiously chewing, “I don’t think you know what it did to me to say that the other night. I shouldn’t have ignored you the next day but I thought… I should have known better.”
“You should have talked to me.” Despite the warmth flooding through him, Trevor was angry after all. “We should talk now.”
“Later,” Sky promised breathlessly. “I really am busy.”
“You keep saying that and then never talking.” Trevor didn’t give in, but also didn’t hang up, listening to Sky’s breathing ratchet up and then even out, only to kick back up again with whatever panicked thought Sky was having while his brain got stuck in hyperdrive.
“Trevor,” Sky said at last, “give me this now. Please. It’s all so much and I just… I can only focus on the one thing. It’s like… everything hinges on that and if I stop to feel anything, I’ll break or explode or… or cry or something and that doesn’t help anybody. I’m trying to be good.”
“You are good. You’re so good, doing your best.” Trevor interrupted the panic, his tone calm, his voice low. “I believe you. We can talk later—but soon, Sky. I can’t not talk to you like we did before. We are not doing that again.” Which was a bullshit thing to say because Trevor had been the one to break up with Sky in the first place, but Sky didn’t need to hear that in this moment. “You work, and I’ll be here, listening to you. You can tell me everything later.”
“That’s what you’re like.” Sky’s answer didn’t seem to make any sense, but Trevor was used to not following the genius and waited. “That’s what I meant to say. When I started telling you all these things. Sorry. I… that’s what you’re like.”
“I don’t understand. Explain yourself, genius wizard. Breathe, then explain yourself.”
Sky huffed, but his breathing was slowing down and staying that way. “Understimulated. Like I was when you made me realize it. You’re understimulated in this one way, Brian Trevor. You have so much drive to take care of people. That’s why I expected you’d find someone else, or eventually want to go to clubs or meetups so you could make some other sub—some other submissive happy. Long before this, I thought you would do that. But I should have guessed something more personal and intimate would suit you better. That’s your way. You take care of two people, and a dog and a cat, but that’s not enough for that heart of yours. I don’t mind about G.G…. No, I do. I do mind, a little, for dumb reasons and not-so-dumb ones. Like that he gets to touch you and I can’t. He gets to look at you all the time. Which is hateful. And then it turns out he knows about these things and isn’t weird about them like me, and I don’t like it when people are better than me at things I want to do. That’s also hateful.”
Trevor frowned slightly. “Sky…”
“But I don’t mind for whatever reasons you think,” Sky sailed onward. “You’re already different with me because of him. You’re learning. You’re less forgiving with me, and you might feel guilty about it but it’s… it’s good, Trevor. It’s good for me when you’re mean. You can’t let me get away with things or I’ll keep trying. But you aren’t a dick about it. Even if you hurt me, punish me, it’s not because you’ve been drinking Asshole Alpha Male Juice. It’s not like that at all, and now you get to spread your wings and be even better. It will make you sharper, you clever, clever dragon.”
Trevor stared at nothing for several seconds. “I’m not…”
“Hmm.” Sky hummed into the phone and must have finally pulled his hand from his mouth. “Are you going to stay with me now while I do this? It’s not too much?”
Trevor had been the one to want this. He shut his eyes and nodded before saying, “You barely ask anything of me. You could ask for more and I wouldn’t mind.”
Sky groaned. Trevor would have said he was annoyed but then Sky murmured, “I want to, so much,” before raising his voice and growling with determination. “Ah, fuck, I have to finish this. But soon, we’ll talk. I will try. I promise.”
“Good boy,” Trevor said deliberately.
He listened to Sky’s silence and then his worried, “Am I? Am I really?”
“If you finish your work and then go to bed,” Trevor allowed, and eased back down on the bed. After a few minutes of nearly inaudible murmuring as Sky complained to himself and tried to regain his focus, the occasional soft clacking of keyboard keys resumed.