Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Lisa and I walked in the office. I look at her and it´s as if we´d stepped back in time ten years. We were just as nervous as the day we started at DIC.
It´s half past eight. You can feel the tension. All the employees come and go aimlessly glancing furtively at the cordoned area. Lisa and I are also looking in that direction and I can´t help putting my hands to my head. The murder took place in exactly the same place where I was with Josh last night. In the meeting room. There are five cops working there, the broken partition and glass shards scattered all over, and blood, blood everywhere. In the adjoining room I can see Charlotte, Josh´s wife. Ten years ago she was one of the assistants, my comrade in arms. It saddens me to see her cry and scream, deranged by the pain. She´s standing by and older man, perhaps her father.
“This is really heavy,” whispers Nicole as she joins us, looking compassionately towards Charlotte. “They killed Josh.”
I don´t react. I can´t react. Last night he was alive, with me and he tried to abuse me. «What if someone saw it? Did someone take vengeance because they thought he was a sexual predator? My goodness... What if it´s my fault? »
“How did it happen?” Asks Lisa, who doesn´t seem to be as upset as Nicole or myself. I find I can´t even speak.
“Apparently his throat has been slit. This is terrible. Terrible” Nicole repeats through her tears. She glances sideways at me and shakes her head, rests her hand on my shoulder and attempts to smile. “You were his favorite. Did you know?”
I nod uncertainly. I want to go to my office and appear to be normal. The truth is I´m shaking and there´s an oppressive knot in my throat, a gnawing feeling of guilt. Guilty because I left Josh alone. If I had stayed he might still be alive. Or not. Maybe I´d be dead too.
A cold hand on my shoulder stops me and as I turn I see a strong, tall man with dark hair and extraordinary brown, slanted eyes. He looks tired, overwhelmed, the bags under his eyes and his pallor attest to it. But even so, he smiles candidly at me.
“Paula Hawkins?” He asks. His voice is deep, but there is a melancholy tone to it that attracts me.
“Yes, that´s me.”
“I´m detective Paul Tischmann. We are questioning all the employees at the firm; nothing personal. You were the last person to see Josh Parker alive, right?” He asks, spacing the words in an exaggerated manner, like when you want someone who doesn´t speak the language to understand you.
His question echoes in my head. I am paralyzed, I don´t know what to say or how to react. Yes, it was I, the last person to see him alive. Alive! Damn it! What happened afterwards?
“Miss Hawkins?”
I can´t even tell him it isn´t miss, bur Mrs. And I feel guilty because I find it pleasing. I am young in his eyes, and I can see in them that he feels as attracted to me as I do to him. Theres´a hint of curiosity in his expression and he hasn´t stopped smiling, regardless of the circumstances.
“I´m sorry,” I manage to say with a fake smile. “it´s been too much of a shock, arriving and finding all... this... Yes, I was the last person to see him alive. Well not the last one, of course, I...”
“Time of death has been set at between ten and eleven. At what time did you leave the office? Can you remember?”
“At nine thirty.”
“I normally can´t recall the time at which I do things so clearly.” He says frowning and writing something in a small notebook.
“I’m obsessed with time, as if I might lose it or something.”
“Did you find anything strange in Mr. Parker?”
Should I tell him? Would he believe me? Could it get me into trouble?
“You see...” I look at my toes, feeling thedetective´s fixed stare above my head. “Could we go to a quiet place Mr. Tischmann?”
He nods, and with a dazzling smile, he gestures for me to go ahead and guide him to that quiet place. We walk in front of the Agency Director´s office, Samantha Hemsley. She glances at me and smiles painfully. Bad time for Samantha, I know she was fond of Josh.
We walk into a small meeting room. I turn on the lights, close the door and look fixedly at the detective. He is waiting for me to say something, but I´m not sure I should tell him about last night. Was it worth it? Would it help solve the case?
“What is it you want to tell me?” he prompts me curiously.
“Well you see, last night... Last night he tried to abuse me sexually.”
“Do you know if he was on drugs?” he asks as if he wasn’t surprised at all by what I just told him.
“Yes, he seemed somewhat agitated,” I reply brooding. Somewhat... he was very agitated. I was terrified but I avoid revealing that information. “Some time ago we had an affair. Well, it was just a couple of dates and a one night thing, you know. Right after that he began to date Charlotte, another of his assistants and our thing was over.”
«Why have I told him all this? », I ask myself as soon as I finish speaking.
“Were you resentful? I mean, that he chose Charlotte?”
“No, no, no not at all detective. No hard feelings. We got along well, it was a professional relationship. That was just flirting.” I expound. “But last night, just as I mentioned before, he tried to rape me.”
“I´m really sorry about that.” He sympathizes, again writing something in his small note book.
“I don´t know if any of this has been useful. As you can imagine, I left in a hurry to get home, got there at ten past ten. Though I met a friend and we stopped for a drink. Shouldn´t have done it, I have a splitting headache,” I want to laugh, but I just can´t, “By five minutes to midnight, I was in bed.”
“You and the time!” he laughs shaking his head, “very precise. Thank you for the information miss Hawkins.”
“Detective Tischmann...”
“Call me Paul.”
“Paul, I´d like to help you in the investigation,” I say sincerely, daring to use his first name, “I feel guilty. If I hadn´t left, Josh would be alive, If I hadn´t...”
“Paula,” he interrupts me gently, “you are not guilty of anything. Stay in town, it´s all I´m going to ask of you. We´ll get to the bottom of this. We always do. Thanks for staying available.”
As he walks out the door I want to stop him. I don´t know why but I want him to stay. His smile, his gaze, his gestures... something in this guy has made me powerfully curious and I have to find out what it is.