Friday, August 20, 2004
Since Josh left me for Charlotte, going to work at DIC each morning became a real pain. Josh seemed to enjoy watching me suffer and would rub my nose in the fact that it was the skinny blonde, with interminable legs who went to his bed each night, and would stay at the office all hours to “work”.
I know he was humping her on the copy machine, making love to her savagely as he had done with me only a few months back.
Lisa and Nicole, apparently oblivious to what was going on, turned out to be my best support. I suppose they suspected something had happened, but they were discrete and good coworkers.
It was scorching in New York City and I kept dreaming about my two week vacation. I didn´t know where I was going yet. My friends already had plans and Joana was in Paris. For all purposes, I was alone. This didn´t bother me as I have always been the kind of person who can sit alone at a restaurant or catch a movie with popcorn and a Coke for company.
As happened every Friday, Josh was meeting Samantha in her office. But that day I witnessed a heated argument; Josh waving his arms, and though
I couldn´t hear their conversation, it was obvious that she was furious, raising her voice.
Nicole and Charlotte were on vacation, so Charlotte and I were swamped with work, yearning for our Spring Break.
I made up my mind to take the lift down to the cafeteria in the lobby of the building and treat myself to a latte. I needed to take a break.
Being naturally curious, I wondered the reason for the argument I had just witnessed. I stirred my coffee distractedly when a masculine voice I had forgotten, greeted me.
“Paula?”
Looking up from my coffee I saw the man Joana had introduced me to at the exhibition I went to with Josh, back in February. I couldn´t quite remember his name but I recalled I had been attracted to him.
He smiled at me in a friendly way, obviously happy at the casual encounter.
“You don´t remember by name, do you?” he asked amused. “Matthew Hawkins.”
“Matthew! Would you like to sit and join me for a cuppa?”
“Sounds great!”
He sat in front of me, not quite sure where to start.
“Have you heard anything from Joana?” He asked.
Joana was the only thing we had in common, so I guess it was a good way of breaking the ice.
“I guess she´s still in Paris, but she hasn´t been in touch.”
“That is pretty typical of her.”
“Do you know her well?”
“Not really. Not much. About a year ago she hired me to build her webpage. We got along well and went out a couple of times. She´s eccentric and a bit crazy, isn´t she?”
“That´s Joana!” I agreed laughing. “What do you do? Design webpages?”
“I work for many companies as a freelance designer. Very often I get hired by people – professionals -,who need a webpage.” It was easy to tell he enjoyed his job. “What about you Paula?”
“I work at DIC, the agency that own this building. I am assistant to one of idea men at the office.”
“Sounds interesting.”
“I guess so. I´ve been there for a year and so far it seems good. It´s creative, which I´m thankful for.”
“And what about the guy I saw you with...” He began, nervously stirring his coffee.
“Josh. He´s my boss.”
“Not your boyfriend?”
“Josh? Oh, no! Not at all. There´s nothing there.”
He smiled. You could see relief in that smile.
“Well then, if Josh is not your boyfriend, and no one is waiting for you at home, we could go out for dinner tonight.” I was stunned by his bright, smiling green eyes.
“I have just one condition,” I said flirting, twisting one of my curls provocatively.
Which is...?”
“Just don´t take me to a restaurant up high. I hate heights.”
“Done.”
––––––––
Opportunity had come a´knocking, and I was as excited as a teen-ager. I surprised myself dressing and putting on make up to look my best for someone other than Josh. He was still on my mind, messing with it, but a part of me kept telling me that Matthew was the right kind of guy, that Josh was only a corrupt shadow I needed to get away from. The time had come: it was my turn to be happy.
We agreed to meet at seven that evening at 510 Broome St., in the Soho. Matthew lived close by, and being passionate about that area in New York, I envied him; there was no way I could afford an apartment in that area.
We were to have dinner at the Aurora, an Italian restaurant I had been to with Joana a couple of times. Her place was close by.
“You look amazing.” He greeted me, surprising me when he bent over and kissed me warmly on the cheek.
“You too. I mean, you look really handsome.” I replied awkwardly.
I could feel myself blushing. I put my hand on his shoulder, hard as steel under his navy blue shirt. His auburn hair was no longer messy as it had been some hours earlier, he´d styled it fashionably and trimmed his bushy beard. It was clear he´d taken the time to look good for me and I found that flattering. The way he was looking at me was very provocative and strongly influenced my desire to take my clothes off.
Bawdy thoughts aside, we had a marvelous evening, it had been a great opportunity to get to know each other.
“My parents live in San Francisco,” he explained, “about five years ago I decided to move to New York. I´ve always loved this city, there´s a lot more work for me here.”
“I have never been to San Francisco, I only know the city from what I´ve seen in movies.” I laugh. Gazing into his smiling eyes, I wonder if I should ask the question that´s been going around in my heart from the moment we met at the cafeteria. Why not? I have nothing to lose: “So, tell me, is there something between you and Joana?” Matthew seemed thrown by the question, he looked up, sucking up a spaghetti and shook his head.
“Nope... nothing.”
I smiled. That´s what I wanted to hear, but I had my doubts. I know he was lying to me; there had been something there, even if it was a one night thing. But it was better that way. It was better to believe there had been nothing between them, that left the road free for me. At any rate, Joana was in Paris for an indefinite time and I knew she was as anxious to commit as I was to run around naked around Central Park in the middle of winter.
“I feel relieved by your answer.”
“Why?” he asked distractedly.
“Because I´d liked there to be something between us.”
“Direct. I like that.”
“Why fool around Matthew?”
Two hours later we were making love in his apartment. I had to watch myself from talking about Josh while Matthew penetrated me sweetly.
There was such a wonderful rapport from the start that rather than it being the first time, it seemed we had been lovers for a lifetime. At first, Matthew was gentle and slow and I missed Josh´s savagery in bed, his passionate kisses and the way he bit my nipples, always taking me to the verge of madness. I had to get used to this new love-making: respectful, with utmost care and sweetness. I´d get used to it over time.
Time, the cruel enemy which, at certain points in our lives, is also our best friend, when what we want most in life, is to forget that which hurts us deep down in our soul.
Thanks to time and Matthew, my feelings for Josh waned and I was able to pull my life together.