Saturday, October 12, 2013
I´ve been thinking about Matthew all day. I called his cell phone a thousand times but it´s still off or out of range. I even tried calling all the numbers Joana´s had over the years, but every time a different person answered... Joana an her bohemian life, her damned betrayal.
At eleven forty two in the evening, I leave the house, I need to get out, get drunk, whatever. No friends, no husband and a murdered ex-lover, and a new lover handling the case. I feel wretched.
When I stop by the joint where I got drunk with Paul, Jimmy´s, and wonder if I should go in or not, I have to pause to make sure that what I´m seeing is actually true.
Joana is walking towards me with her characteristic happy swag.
“I knew I´d find you here!” She exclaims throwing her arms around me. I don´t answer her hug. No, no, I won´t do it, she´s my husband´s lover. How could I hug her? How could she be so twisted?
“Joana,” I greet her coldly, “do you know anything about Matthew?”
“What? He´s not at home?”
“Don´t play the fool with me, you´re not going to jerk me around. Where is he?
“Paula, I swear I don´t know. Don´t speak to me like that, I haven´t got the foggiest of what you´re talking about.”
“On Tuesday, when we got drunk, you were coming from my house, weren´t you? You´d just screwed my husband, right?”
Lowering her gaze, she sighs and then looks into my eyes.
“Paula... it´s not what you think.”
“Isn´t it? Well then tell me, what is it I believe?”
“Yes, I was coming from your house, but I didn´t screw around with your husband, I was looking for you but no one was home.”
“Matthew wasn´t there?” I shove her back, furious, frustrated.
“Paula, the other night I didn´t...” She puts up her hands to protect herself.
“Not the other night? Then which night”
She looks one way and then another.
“Yes!” She exclaims nervously. “When I got back to New York I went to see you, but you weren´t home. It was two weeks before we met. I waited for two hours but you were working late and...”
“Did you fuck with him?” I ask enraged. “Couldn´t you have waited like any normal person?
“It was just a kiss!”
“Just a kiss? Why?”
“I don´t know Paula! Just because. Because we felt like it, for old times’ sake.”
“For old times’ sake?”
I am paralyzed. People are turning to look at us, and the bouncer at Jimmy´s has had his entertainment for the night.
Paula, didn´t you know that Matthew and I were together before you two...”
“No, I didn´t know. He never told me. As a matter of fact, he denied it. He always denied it and you never told me anything either.” I whisper, still furious, wanting to slap her head off, but that´s not my style.
I feel like an idiot. An idiot who´s been lied to for nine years by her husband and her best friend.
“Honestly, it was just a kiss. And I don´t know where Matthew is, I haven´t seen him since that day. That would be two weeks ago.” She blurts out. She´s afraid of me, she knows I´d like to see her dead body just now. I want to believe her. I want to believe her story.
“I hope you are telling the truth.” I say, trying to calm myself down, “Now, get the fuck out of here” I mumble as if I was sparing her life.
“If you find out anything about Matthew, please let me know. You´ve really worried me.”
“You´d be the last person I would tell how this all turns out.”
“I´m sorry Paula, you don´t know how sorry I am.”
I watch as she walks away, turns a corner and her silhouette vanishes into the night shadows. I feel rage and impotence. I fear that she is lying to me and that she knows where Matthew is and won´t tell me. I´m afraid the slutty bitch might be laughing at me.
The bouncer at Jimmy´s is staring at me, hoping to continue enjoying the much welcomed respite from a boring night. He´s probably asking himself «What´ll the next move be? »
“What the crap are you looking at?” I ask with contempt. He just smirks, not deigning to answer me. “What are you looking at?” I insist raising my voice.
He laughs at me, and a fury I´d never known before takes over. I charge him, meaning to scratch his filthy eyes out of his mongrel face. Suddenly, before I can reach him, a pair of strong arms enfold me, leading me away from the disgruntled bouncer who is still laughing.
“Easy Paula, easy...”
I know that voice. It brings me comfort. He hugs me and the ape stops laughing.
“Paul.” I manage to blurt through my constricted throat.
The fury subsides, giving way to pain, tears and a feeling of despair.
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CHAPTER 8