8
THE SWAY OF EMOTION
“Emotions cannot be permanent.
That’s why they are called emotions.
The word comes from motion, movement.
They move.”
– OSHO
One night after gathering firewood, Milarepa, most beloved saint of Tibet, came home to his cave high up in the Himalayas to find it filled with demons.
They had been cooking and eating his food, reading his holy texts, even sleeping in his bed. He immediately saw that they were nothing more than his own mind projections, yet he still wanted to be rid of them, so he tried to subdue them.
They simply laughed at his futile attempt. He continued to try everything in his power to get rid of them, but none of his efforts worked. He then decided to send the demons compassion and love, and though many did leave after this, a handful of the most tenacious ones remained.
When he finally came to see that he really didn’t know what to do to clear these last few demons, he let go and sat himself down on the floor, spontaneously inviting them to stay with him as long as they wanted to.
At this moment, every demon except the meanest and most ferocious one left.
Milarepa then deepened and surrendered himself even further, and placing his head into the last demon’s mouth said, “So, eat me if you want to.”
The demon vanished never to be seen again.
It is very easy to forget our awakened nature when we are caught in strong emotions, which are energized thoughts, and to either lose perspective or try to escape our distress through distraction or denial.
We may have an idea that “if only we were spiritual enough” we wouldn’t be experiencing any suffering from our thoughts and emotions. Our unrealistic expectations make us feel and think that our life is full of distress.
Really seeing the reality of what is here gives us back our sense of perspective and gives us insight into these strong thoughts, into these deep-seated beliefs that are creating our experience.
In order to release these beliefs, we first need to clearly see what is going on right now by paying close attention to what is actually here, including our “I don’t want to feel this” or “I should not be feeling this”.
The second step is to give the emotions a bit of space, a bit of loving kindness, as you would give to a friend in distress. All they need to dissolve is a little bit of space, because they are usually a bit overcrowded.
Don’t indulge them, but give them space and a little bit of compassion, a little bit of time for them to move through you.
In the face of strong emotions, it is easier to see what we are angry about than the actual source of the anger. We flow into the contents of awareness instead of seeing the source of those appearances, which is awareness itself.
If we look beneath the emotions, toward the source of those emotions, we discover an aware and alert spaciousness that doesn’t change, that’s always there for us, regardless of what happens on the surface.
Try to relax as your thoughts and emotions come and go. Without judging them, try to let go of everything including any thoughts about your emotions.
The more relaxed you become, the more you see the spacious presence/awareness that you are, giving rise to and containing everything, including the emotions you consider “bad” and all the emotions you aspire to have that you consider “good”. None of them are you.
When we stay with the actual experience and sensation of any emotion, without trying to change it, escape it or numb to it, we discover that our distress is not solid; it is constantly changing. At the bottom of that strong emotion is just a mix of old beliefs, thoughts and bodily sensations.
Once we see this, our distress begins to unravel by itself, becoming lighter and more transparent. Then the focus of our awareness will naturally expand to include the outer environment.
We will once again start noticing the sunlight streaming through the windows, the song of the birds in the trees, and the remains of our distress will dissolve on its own without us trying to get rid of it.
When a strong emotion like anger or fear takes me over, I lose awareness.
Even during moments of deepest identification with emotions and form, awareness is always present. You have developed the tendency to focus on the contents of awareness rather than the awareness itself. But even though your attention is on the contents of awareness, and you are overlooking the awareness itself, a little clear seeing reveals that awareness has not changed one bit or gone anywhere. How could it? Awareness is what is doing the seeing.
What is aware of the emotions? Look beneath the emotions toward their source and you will discover an aware, alert spaciousness that doesn’t change, that’s always there for you, regardless of what happens on the surface.
Once you start to see and realize this, the interest and focus on emotions spontaneously subsides. Once you realize that you are the space containing all things, including emotions, you just let them be, you give them space. They are merely fleeting shadows that never actually touch the real you.
I understand that there is nobody here, that there is no separate “I”, but I do not feel a sense of joy or peace. Where is the joy I keep reading about?
Be mindful of your contradiction in terms. You cannot say there is no “I” in one sentence and then say, “I do not feel it” or “I am miserable” in the next. How can an “I” that does not exist feel joy or misery? Can you see the contradiction in your concepts here?
True liberation is not about adhering to a new belief that “There is no I”, “everything is perfect as it is”, “there is nothing to do …” and so on. How can joy or peace arise under the burden of all these concepts? These are just more beliefs to supplant an old belief system. Any set of words by which we measure our success, or lack thereof, is just another set of words that reinforces the mind’s limitations.
If something gives you a glimpse of enlightenment or clarity, and your mind tries to claim it as a goal that you have reached, you have still missed the point. This is actually another thought for a non-existent “I” that thinks it has now arrived at its goal. But you cannot reach a point at which you already stand.
The recognition “nobody here/nobody there” is not a cold, empty, heartless space. When you truly realize that there is nobody here and nobody there, you also see that everything appears in this space that you are as the expression of you. Then how can you shut joy out?
You are imagining an enlightened, aware “I” that sees that the “I” is not there, but they are both the same “I”. That same “I” has come back in new clothes and proudly announced its absence. You see what’s going on here?
This is the story of the infamous enlightened ego. The moment you give interest to the story, however enlightened the story seems to be, you overlook the awareness that is always here. This is the moment where you once again begin to imagine yourself as a separate entity! This being the case, the suffering and doubts will return because you have not truly seen the root of it.
You still believe in an “I” that can be enlightened, but no “I”, no matter how enlightened, is you. You are the awareness in which every “I” appears and disappears.
True freedom is when all the stories, all the insights, all the realizations, concepts, beliefs and positions dissolve. What remains is what you are; a vast, conscious, luminous space simply resting in itself. This existence, presence, awareness is what this is all about.
Without truly deeply seeing this, you are missing everything.
Do you ever get in a bad mood and what do you do to resolve it?’
Yes, there are times when I get into a bad mood, but I don’t do anything with it. I know that I am not the bad feeling or mood, just as I know I am not the thoughts and sensations that cross the field of the pure awareness that I am. I don’t try to get rid of the mood. I simply allow it to be, knowing that it will leave of its own accord.
If you feel angry or sad, so what? It doesn’t matter much. Let the feelings come and let them go. This way the passing emotion doesn’t become entrenched in the mental field, the energy that comes from our mind, our attention. The more attention, the more it inflates like a balloon. Moods are not a problem unless they are in relation to any one entity that is personalizing their experience.
The sky does not care if there are clouds. The clouds may be light and small, or they may be dark and heavy with rain, but it does not affect the sky.
Everything constantly changes and there is no problem with that unless there is a separate entity taking it personally. Moods will continue as long as the mind and body are present and functioning, and they are not a problem unless they get attached to an entity that “has” them.