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ERIC
“You’re an idiot, you know that don’t you?” I hear my friend Borden say, as I sit staring out over the crowded dance floor from our stools in the VIP section.
I’m desperately wishing I was back at my B&B...
With Alexa in my bed.
I shouldn’t have called Borden, but I somehow, after all these months, still feel strangely...
Lonesome.
Since finding out about Alexa’s child a little over four months ago, I’d returned to LA and not gone back at all.
I was too afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her.
But I continued to feel more lost every day...
Like I’d left something behind.
It’s a strange feeling for me...
Because I’ve never felt this way before.
What I’d felt for Emma, it was incomparable to this.
Emma never haunted me.
I never once craved her.
It’s been a while since I last saw Alexa...
But this craving for her only seems to be increasing with each passing day...
Despite knowing that she has a kid has done nothing to help me get over her.
I know that taking Alexa on, the package deal of her and the kid, it terrified me. I knew it wasn’t for me.
But still...
I wanted her.
Only her.
In the past four months, I’d essentially become someone who stalks night clubs, still hoping despite my previous efforts to find something that matched the sexual chemistry, the pure magnetic draw that I’d only ever felt with Alexa, but I always leave just as empty as when I arrived.
The truth was, no one held a candle to Alexa for me.
I’d once thought that I was in love with Emma.
I now know for certain that I was never in love with her so much as I just loved her for the person she was.
Because this feeling, this empty void in my chest...
It’s the worst I’ve ever felt.
It’s not that I think that I’m in love with Alexa because truthfully, I don’t really know what love is. I’ve never experienced it in my life to know how it felt.
She just somehow seemed to possess some sort of magic over me.
“You should go back,” Borden says, drawing me out of my musing.
Shaking my head, I toss the last of my drink back and turn to the bartender to order another while Borden watches me.
I’m almost completely drunk. Just another drink or two is all that is needed, and I’ll be drunk enough to be able to go home...
To blissfully pass out.
I know Borden is observing me closely. I also know he cares, and sometimes despite our friendship, I wish he didn’t care so much.
Because I didn’t deserve it.
Nor did I deserve Alexa.
Running away from her like that...
Of all the countless mistakes I’d made in my life, I’m beginning to think that leaving her was the biggest mistake of my life.
And I didn’t know what to do about it.
Because she didn’t deserve someone like me.
Alexa deserved the best, and if there is one thing that I know for certain, is that I’m not, nor ever will be, the best.
And the kid...
I had no idea how to even begin to cope with that.
Tossing money at the bartender, I pick up my drink and take a deep sip. I relish in the fact that this drink sloshes over the side a bit because it means I’m almost drunk enough to be able to go home and slip away into drunken oblivion. It’s the only thing that keeps away the dreams of her. If I try to sleep on my own, I toss and turn, remembering everything about her.
Still desperately craving the aftertaste she left me with.
When I do finally fall off to sleep, she permeates my brain until I wake, with my chest heaving and my cock at full attention.
Several times I’ve had to whack myself off like a schoolboy to ease the sexual frustration that dreaming of her always stirred.
“Drink all you want, Eric,” I hear Borden say. “But tomorrow you’ll wake up feeling exactly the same way you do now.”
Turning to look at Borden, I stare at him hard.
“I shouldn’t have called you,” I mutter nastily, the anger evident in my tone.
Borden doesn’t react to my anger or my statement. Instead, all I see is pity in his eyes and that angers me more.
I wanted no one’s pity.
Shaking his head, he says in sympathy, “Eric, all I can say is that you remind me of me.”
Before I have a chance to ask him what he meant by that statement, I hear a female voice murmur, “Hey handsome,” just before I feel an arm slip through mine.
Turning, I look at a short brunette with big tits.
She is close to Alexa’s height and my heart leaps as, for a moment, I remember how Alexa’s head felt against my chest, how her head always rested perfectly against the beating of my heart whenever I tucked her into my side. This woman’s body isn’t as toned or defined, but I slip my arm around her anyway, hoping that her height will trick my body into being interested.
Looking at Borden, I smirk as I watch him disentangle himself from another female who has latched herself onto him. Deciding to leave him to his own devices, hoping this short woman can at least take away some of the loneliness tonight, I stand and pull the female along to the dance floor.
She immediately gets into the music, her arms coming up to tightly wrap around my neck, pulling me down to her. I close my eyes, pull her close...
And instantly wish I never instigated this because she feels all wrong.
My dance partner’s strong perfume now permeates my brain, completely turning me off and my mind begins to wonder in disgust why some women feel they have to douse themselves in it. The way she clutches me too tightly, rubbing her enormous breasts against me only makes my body recoil further.
Alexa... - my heart silently whispers. I never had enough of you.
Opening my eyes, I push my dance partner away, a little harder than I intended, and she stumbles.
“Hey now,” Borden says as he appears next to me. “I think it’s time for you to go home.”
Turning to the brunette, Borden flashes a wide smile as he apologies on my behalf by saying, “He’s had too much to drink. I’m going to get him out of here.”
Angry, I turn on Borden as I say drunkenly, “I’m not drunk.” But then I feel myself stumble, just barely able to keep myself from falling.
Borden quirks another pitiful smile at me and then slings his arm around me to escort me from the dance floor.
I allow him to keep his arm around me until we are outside in the fresh air, only because I’m done with this place and that over-painted, over-perfumed, large breasted woman. As soon as the doors swing shut behind us, I angrily shrug off his arm as I drunkenly weave my way up the sidewalk in the direction of my condo.
Borden catches up and walks beside me.
He remains silent, not bothering to offer to help as I bob and weave my way over, what has become for me, the well travelled path home in a drunken state.
“I don’t need an escort,” I say angrily, and then stumble and would have fallen if he hadn’t been there to catch me.
“Just here to keep you company,” he says easily once he releases me. The smirk on his face makes me want to throw a punch at him.
“You’re a bastard,” I say and try once again to walk in a straight line.
“Yep, I know I am,” he agrees, chuckling. “Still doesn’t change the fact that tomorrow you’ll still wake up missing her.”
I trip again at his words, and this time after he helps me to steady myself, I try to take a swing at him.
He easily ducks and grasps me by the back of my neck to pull me in close to say heatedly into my ear, “Eric, go back to her and admit to her you’re an ass.”
When he releases me, I stumble backwards but catch myself on a light pole before I topple over.
With my chest heaving, I yell at him, “Why would I do that? She doesn’t deserve me.”
I see the surprise in his eyes.
“She deserves way better than me,” I continue. “She’s better off without me.”
I then see understanding in his eyes before it turns back to sympathy.
I hate him.
Hate him for how much he knows me too well.
“Everyone deserves to be loved, Eric. Even you.” His words hang heavily in the air between us, making my eyes sting with tears. “And if you care about her half as much as I can tell you do, she deserves to know so she can make up her own mind on whether she wants you in her life or not.”
“Fuck you,” I say softly.
I hear him chuckle as he says lightly, “Oh how the mighty Eric has fallen.” Then he jeers me by saying, “I can’t wait to meet this girl.”
“How do you plan on meeting her?” I ask drunkenly, not hiding the sneer in my tone.
Borden smiles, still jeering me as he says, “Oh, I’ll meet her. You just need time to come to your senses and go back to her. But it’ll happen. Of that I have no doubt.”
Then wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he once again begins to walk me home.
“The child freaked me out,” I admit, trying not to slur my words.
Borden grins as he says mockingly, “Bet she was terrifying.”
I choose to ignore him.
I think of the small child that had called out, “Mommy.”
I have to admit, she was a stunningly beautiful child.
Just like her beautiful mother.
Whoever her father was, he hadn’t made his imprint on the girl in any way as she was a small, exact replica of her mother.
My heart beats painfully.
“She was so small,” I mumble, and look down at my feet, trying to concentrate on making myself walk a straight line. Instead, I trip and feel Borden cinch his arm tighter around my waist.
“As I said, terrifying,” Borden once again mocks me.
“You don’t understand, I don’t want kids. Never liked them,” I mumble.
Borden only nods as he continues to navigate the sidewalk for both of us.
“But I can’t stop thinking of her,” I end in a whisper. “I thought I was falling for her, but I don’t know for sure. I’ve never loved anyone before.”
Borden remains silent, patiently guiding me home.
Once he has me safely back at my condo, he leads me to the couch and then unwrapping my arm from around his neck, he releases me to fall back onto the couch.
The world spins for a moment but when it rights itself, Borden is standing over me.
“I know you, Eric. You have fallen and fallen hard.” His sentence hangs between us for a few moments before he continues in a tone of regret. “We don’t always get what we planned in life.” He sighs heavily before he admits softly, “I’ve never told you this but there was this girl that I met once. It turned out to be a one-night stand, but I somehow thought she was the one for me. I never saw her again after that one night, but she has been here,” he places his hand over his heart before continuing, “Since the night I met her. If I’d had the chance that you have, to be with her...”
His voice breaks as he stares at me intently.
He swallows thickly before he’s able to continue in a tone of voice that reveals just how painful it is for him to think of her. “I know that a small child wouldn’t stop me. I would accept her, be with her, no matter what her circumstances were because it’s better than this wondering and searching feeling that I wake up with every day. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wonder where she is, if she ever thinks of me.”
I stare drunkenly up at Borden.
I’d often wondered what had happened to Borden. I’d noticed the change in him shortly after he really hit it big with his band. He gave up going through women, partying and taking anything and everything that was offered. I never asked him what had changed for him because we never had that kind of relationship where we discussed deep shit like that.
I hated showing emotions and discussing feelings. It always made me feel too uncomfortable and embarrassed.
So, reverting back to my usual self, I murmur, “Go to hell.”
Borden shakes his head at me, his gaze still pitiful, before turning and walking back out the door...
Leaving me seething in my own misery.
But as I lay there, Borden’s words keep repeating over and over in my head.
Heaving myself forward drunkenly, I manage to stand, and begin stripping my clothes off on the way to my bedroom.
Exhausted, I fall face forward onto the bed, and finally my swirling, alcohol sodded brain drifts off into blissful unconsciousness.
But when I wake in the morning, Borden’s words come back to reverberate in my pulsating head.
And I begin to wonder what if...
What if she’s missing me as much as I’m missing her.
Forgetting about the hangover for a moment, I swing my legs over the bed, and then have to immediately grasp my head until the room stops spinning and the hammers stop beating against my skull. Once I feel a little better, I send Borden a text:
You really think I should go?
His response is immediate as he replies:
Yes.
Sighing deeply, I rub my hand over my face, trying to still what feels like dancing butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing Alexa again.
But still...
I can’t shake the kid from my head.
Getting involved with Alexa would mean having to accept the kid as part of the package and that I couldn’t do. My feelings for Alexa had been so deep that I’d hoped that we could have had a serious, and my first ever, committed relationship. Prior to her, I never wanted one, but with Alexa, I wanted to be with her night and day.
I’m not sure what love really feels like but with her, it was the closest I’d ever come to it.
And I still wanted it...
I still wanted her.
But the kid’s face floats in the back of my mind and it scares me.
A committed relationship would mean I’d become some sort of step-daddy.
I mentally shudder at the thought.
Firmly shaking my head, I push away any thought of going back to Alexa.
But still...
I think of her face, her eyes soft as I remember the last time I was with her before that stupid decision I made to surprise her at home. She had seemed so...content...as I’d rubbed her tired feet after she had lain back on my bed, her body relaxing instantly at my touch. Her soft moans of pleasure had reverberated through me, making me feel simple pleasure at being able to give her this small show of affection.
I’d also felt appreciated.
Cared about.
My memory continues, remembering how she’d just arrived to my B&B, looking exhausted, and told me her day had been long and gruelling. She had also mentioned that she’d gotten some bad news. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it and I never pushed her to. I’d only been happy to provide that simple gesture to make her feel good.
My heart twists painfully.
Why did she have to have a kid?
Pushing myself hastily to my feet, I allow the tangled bed sheets to fall away from my naked body as I head to the washroom to shower.
Just go to work and forget about her, - I mentally chastise myself.
Stepping under the hot water, I allow my head to hang forward as I brace myself against the shower tiles, and hope that the shower helps with this rapidly expanding headache.
But it does nothing...
My hands form fists and I barely restrain myself from using them to batter at my head.
“This is so fucking stupid,” I whisper angrily, as the water continues to beat down on me.
Opening my eyes, I lift my head so that the water sprays directly onto my face and I silently pray that I’ll just suffocate somehow.
It would just make things so much easier.
This pain...
This torture...
It would end.
Angrily, I step out from the spraying water before turning off the faucet. Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around my waist before stepping out of the shower.
Walking over to the mirror, I avoid my own gaze. Having to look at myself only makes me angrier...
“Fucking kid,” I murmur aloud, furious, as I pick up my straight edge razor after lathering my lower face and neck in shaving foam.
I continue to try to avoid my own eyes in the mirror as I shave, but just as I take my last stroke with the sharp edge, pulling it down over my cheek and over my chin to my neck where my pulse is beating strongly...
I pause for a moment.
With just a gentle amount of pressure, I can feel the razor blade bite into my skin and I see a bead of blood.
My eyes meet my own gaze in the mirror.
As always, I hate what I see.
With just a little more pressure, and a quick swipe across my throat, I could easily put an end to this torture.
My hand shakes as I pause...
Contemplating...
Suddenly, I gasp and then my hand relaxes allowing the razor to harmlessly fall into the sink.
Taking a deep inhale, I turn on the faucet and splash cold water onto my face with my still trembling hands.
Exhaling, I brace my hands on either side of the sink as I lift my head to look myself in the eye.
“You’re a complete fucking idiot,” I growl out at the image that I have hated for so long.
Smirking at myself, I shake my head angrily.
Pushing away from the sink, I turn and head into my lonely bedroom.
A memory of Alexa, naked and in my bed on that first night she seduced me on the dance floor, flickers teasingly through my brain.
My cock rises to attention, but I ignore it and continue walking to my closet. It had failed me once too often these past few months, leaving me unable to fuck another woman because they all made me feel...uneasy.
Like I was lowering myself somehow after being with the most beautiful, fascinating woman I’d ever met.
Hastily, I grab a suit and manage to get myself together enough to look like a decent business man. While the business part of my look was true, I knew the decent part was just pretend.
There was nothing wholesome, virtuous, or demure about me.
In my irate mood, I ignore every single person I meet along the way down to my car. Upon returning from seeing Alexa that day and discovering the little blond-haired kid, I’ve gone back to being the rude asshole.
It was better that way, I’ve discovered.
Too little – too late.
It kept people at a distance which was good.
Because then you never got close...
Never got hurt.
Slipping behind the wheel of my car, I press the ignition button and as the motor roars to life, I wrap one hand around the wheel, grasping tight as the other shifts the car into drive. With a squeal of my tires, along with a silent hope that maybe I’ll hit one of the concrete poles that holds up my condo building, I quickly take the turns in the parking garage until I’m forced to stop to allow the gates to slide open. As soon as they are clear, I look both ways and then press the gas pedal heavily with my foot. Once again, the tires squeal, and I leave behind a cloud of smoke as I fishtail wildly into the fairly busy morning traffic. I ignore the hand gestures and horns as I speed away, leaving them behind.
I’m still angry when I arrive at the restaurant.
Shutting off the car, I force myself to take a moment to calm my anger.
Emma has warned me many times before that if I took my anger at myself out on any of the staff members, she would dissolve our partnership and sell her share of the business immediately.
And that I definitely didn’t want.
I knew I couldn’t run this place like she does, seemingly so easily. I would just fuck it up.
Just like you fucked things up with Alexa, - my heart silently jeers.
Shaking my head, forcing myself to rid my thoughts of Alexa or how angry I am at myself, I get out of my car and head to the employee entrance with a forced smile on my face, feeling like I’m the Joker from The Dark Knight.
I manage to keep the forced smile on my face as I continue to the office area, suddenly making the decision to take Emma up on her offer to be there for me when I needed someone to talk to. I’d never taken her up on it before but today...
My emotions feel too wildly out of control.
And I finally felt like talking to someone.
Reaching Emma’s open door, I glance inside and see Lucas, not Emma, sitting behind her desk.
“Where’s Emma?” I grunt out to him. We had once been business friends that partied our way through women after women, but since Emma, we haven’t really repaired our relationship. Plus, we no longer had our partying ways in common. Lucas was settled down with the woman I’d once thought I wanted.
And I was too wrapped up in Alexa.
Lucas looks up, his eyes zeroing in immediately on my face, detecting my mood.
He smirks before pushing himself away from Emma’s desk to stand.
He doesn’t answer me as he walks around the desk to stand in front of me.
“My wife is in the hospital.” But then a big grin crosses his face as he says proudly, “She gave birth to my second child yesterday evening.”
My stomach pangs suddenly.
And I realize it’s jealousy.
Not because I want Emma.
But because this asshole has once again achieved another level of happiness.
“So, what are you doing here then?” I ask snidely.
Lucas only grins wider as he replies easily, “You know my wife. She asked me to swing by to pick up some work for her to do while she waits to be released.”
His grin irks me.
Turning away from him, I try to dismiss him but then I hear him say, “I know she’d love for you to go see her.”
Nodding, I ask in an agitated tone, “What hospital and room number?” Visiting hospitals was not my thing, but I needed Emma right now.
I needed her friendship.
Not bothering to say thank you after Lucas relays the information, I continue walking, forcing another fake smile on my face as I walk past my employees as I head back to my car.
The ride to the hospital doesn’t take long with the morning rush hour over and I’m there within fifteen minutes. The lady’s eyes at the reception widen in female appreciation when I ask her for directions.
“If you’d waited, I would have been able to tell you that I was on the way here and could show you to her room,” I hear Lucas’s amused voice behind me.
God... - I stew silently - His voice is so irritating.
Not giving into what I’m really feeling, I refocus my attention back to the female receptionist. But she seems unable to respond as her gaze now takes in Lucas standing behind me.
I can practically see the drool dripping from her open mouth.
Fucking women, - I fume silently as I turn from her and follow Lucas, who had thrown a thankful smile at the receptionist, making her swoon further.
There is a heavy silence between us even as the hospital noise buzzes around us as we wait for the elevator.
Once it arrives, we step on, and the silence becomes even more deafening with just two of us on it.
I watch, remaining quiet, as the doors slide shut.
As the floor numbers begin to tick away overhead, showing the location of the elevator, I can’t keep myself from asking in a low murmur, “How does it feel?”
Lucas, surprised, turns to me questioningly.
“How does what feel?” he asks.
Staring at the numbers, watching them light up as we pass each floor, I say, “To have kids.”
I keep my gaze on the numbers as he responds, “There’s nothing else like it. It’s a different kind of love. One that makes you want to be the best person you can be so you don’t fuck up their lives.”
I swallow thickly.
I would definitely fuck up Alexa’s kid’s life.
“And then when they get older, the boundless love they innocently show you. Well, there’s nothing like it,” he continues.
I feel a lump rise in my throat.
I have to force myself to swallow as the doors slide open and I follow Lucas out.
I ignore the ogling glances from the nurses, my brain whirling - around and around - at his words, as Lucas and I walk almost side by side down the corridor to Emma’s room.
When we reach it, the door is shut, and Lucas stops and turns to face me as he says, “Wait here. Emma may be feeding.”
Not understanding at first, I look at him questioningly as I wonder why I couldn’t go in the room while Emma is eating.
Lucas gives a short bark of laughter before he says, “Breast feeding, Eric. Breast feeding. Are you really that out of touch with how some women feed their babies?”
Weirdly, I feel my cheeks burn.
Lucas chuckles again before shaking his head and turning to push the door open to Emma’s assigned room. I stand outside feeling awkward, never more uncomfortable in my life, as I wait for Lucas to reappear.
Thankfully, it’s only a few minutes later when Lucas opens the door.
My eyes move past him to Emma, looking so happy and content, as she reclines in the hospital bed.
“Eric!” she says with an excited warmth in her voice, her pleasure at seeing me lighting up her whole face. She holds out her hands to me, silently inviting me to stand by her side. Reaching her, I take both of her hands in mine, and I feel her give me a gentle squeeze of reassurance, as she murmurs, “What a pleasant surprise. Thanks for coming.”
I once again feel awkward, which quickly turns to making me feel like an ass, as I realize that she has mistaken my reason for coming. It hadn’t once crossed my mind that I should come see her to see how she is doing. I was here selfishly because I needed something from her.
I needed to talk to someone who would give me some indication of what I should do.
Feeling like the biggest asshole to walk the earth, I disconnect my gaze from her.
Feeling another gentle squeeze of her hands around mine, I hear her say, “Why don’t you sit with me for a bit while Lucas tries to find me a decent cup of coffee somewhere in this god forsaken place?”
I feel myself exhale immediately in relief. Turning to look for the chair behind me, I try to release Emma’s hands, but she only allows me to drop one of her hands as I sit in the chair next to her bed.
“Well, I’ve been given my orders,” Lucas says from where he has moved to stand on the other side of Emma’s bed. He leans down, brushing his lips over her forehead and I watch Emma’s face, one of complete happiness, as her contented smile spreads wider across her face.
Another lump forms in my throat.
I watch as Emma reaches up with her free hand to grasp his shirt, pulling him back down to her so she can plant a firm, very appreciative kiss on his lips.
My heart throbs hurtfully.
I just want what they have, - it silently acknowledges.
When she releases him, she says cheekily, “And make sure it comes with cream.”
Lucas chuckles, plants another swift kiss on her lips before he straightens.
Once he’s gone, Emma’s full attention comes to me. Her eyes sweep over me and she loses a bit of her smile as she asks, “How have you been?”
I shift in my seat.
I don’t even know how to begin to talk about myself.
“Fine,” is all I’m able to manage.
Emma shakes her head pitifully, once again her hand squeezing mine as she replies, “Bullshit.”
My eyes go to hers. She was always so intuitive to what I was feeling.
“Come on, Eric. You’re not a hospital visiting type of guy who came to see me and the new baby, armed with a card and flowers that most people know is the right thing to do. Plus, you never even once glanced at the baby on the other side of this bed,” she says softly.
It’s true. To be truthful, a card or flowers never crossed my mind and I hadn’t even noticed the baby lying in some sort of glass container. It was wrapped up tighter than a butterfly in its cocoon and had been placed within arm reaching distance of Emma. My eyes linger on it, how tiny it is, and I feel apprehension well up deep inside.
That tiny thing scared the shit out of me.
“Don’t worry, Eric. She can’t walk yet. You’re safe where you are,” Emma gently chides in amusement.
I tear my eyes from the tiny creature to look at Emma.
“You’re not scared you’re going to drop it?” I ask. It’s all I can think of. How a person was able to hold something so small without fear of dropping it...
Emma lets out a small laugh before she says, “No, Eric. I’m not afraid I’m going to drop my daughter.” Once again, she squeezes my hand as she continues to rib me softly, “You’re really terrified of them, aren’t you?”
Picking up on her amusement at my expense, I decide to force myself to relax, as I quip back, “Just look at her. So intimidating, so soft and tiny, just lying there. It is most definitely terrifying.”
But Emma loses her amusement as her eyes zero in on my face.
“You would be an awesome dad,” she says softly.
I feel my heart jump...
Then twist.
Borden and Emma were the only ones I had told why I left Alexa.
“What you just said...” Emma murmurs, “It shows that you care an awful lot.” Another hand squeeze as she adds on, “You just lack the experience to feel confident around them”
My eyes hold hers as I reply truthfully, “I’m scared I may fuck something up. I don’t want to fuck up a little girl.”
Emma then smiles, and I wonder what she is smiling at as she replies, “I think she’d be lucky to have you.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “I don’t even know what to do with her.”
“That may be so, but you do know what not to do. Just start with that. Everyone has to start somewhere,” Emma says softly.
I stupidly feel tears burn my eyes.
“Knowing you, you were probably a complete ass when you found out about Alexa’s daughter,” Emma says truthfully and it’s why I’m here.
She always gives it to me straight.
I nod as I reply, “Yeah, I was.”
She smiles gently at me as she says, “Go back to her, Eric. Do whatever you have to do to prove to her that you were an ass but that you now have regrets.”
I sigh heavily and turn my gaze to our connected hands.
“It was the happiest I ever saw you, “Emma continues.
My gaze comes back to her.
She is right on so many things.
She gives my hand another squeeze as she says, “You deserve that happiness, Eric.”
My heart once again throbs.
“You just need to start believing it and do as I once asked of you. Just open your heart to her and to her daughter. Let them in and I guarantee you that your life will change for the better,” she finishes.
Emma and I hadn’t had a long conversation but that was the way our friendship had always been. She understood me somehow despite not knowing everything about me. We never had to have long drawn out conversations for us to be able to understand each other.
This time, I squeeze her hand in thanks.
She turns her gaze to the tiny human in the glass container.
“She really is small,” I say in wonder.
Emma nods, and releasing my hand, she reaches for the baby, scooping it up easily into her arms. Turning to me, she asks, “I don’t suppose you want to hold her?”
Instantly, I reply, “Not a chance.”
Emma only chuckles as she replies, easily, “I figured.”
The door to the room opens and Lucas reappears, carrying a steaming mug of what I can only assume is coffee.
“Oh my god! Did you get it?” Emma asks in excitement.
Lucas grins, looking like he’d just achieved the highest award in some sort of contest, as he places the coffee on the stand next to the bed.
“I sure did. Here, let me take little Erica so you can enjoy it,” Lucas says, glancing at me meaningfully, as he bends to take the small bundle from Emma’s arms.
My heart drops in my chest.
Surely...they didn’t...
“Yes, that’s right, Eric. My wife named our second child after you. I protested but after much convincing, I gave in as usual to Emma. It was her statement that our second child reminded her of second chances and that since you gave us a second chance, she thought the name appropriate.” Then he continues in an irritable tone, “So, I finally accepted it, even though we all know you were the reason why we needed a second chance in the first place.”
“Lucas!” Emma says over the rim of her treasured coffee cup. “We also know that if Eric hadn’t given me the opportunity, I would have always wondered what if. But now, thanks to him, I know the what if and I couldn’t be happier.”
I squirm in my seat from their light banter, unknowing how to respond to their gesture by naming their child after me. I certainly didn’t feel like I deserved it.
“I should get going,” I reply awkwardly and then stand hastily, needing to get out of here.
Lucas only grins at my reaction while Emma smiles gently in understanding.
Leaning down, I swiftly kiss the top of Emma’s head as the door to the room opens once again and a pretty nurse steps through.
I smile at her as I pass her to head out the door but as the door slowly swings shut, I hear Emma say, “No point in asking about him, nurse Cathy. His heart has already been captured. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Her statement causes me to smile.
Because it’s absolutely true.
For once, I’m going to listen to what Borden, and now Emma, had been telling me all along.
I’m going back and I’m going to convince Alexa to give me another chance.
As to her daughter, it’s not like I had to help raise her or anything. Alexa and I could easily go back to the mutually satisfying arrangement we had before, and now that I know about her kid, I could spend the nights with her at her house.
At least then I would have a small part of Alexa.
That was better than having nothing at all.