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ALEXA
Seeing Eric’s car speeding down the gravel drive makes my anger spiral through me in great and overwhelming waves.
Not only was I angry that he had the nerve to come back here, but his stupidity in speeding when one of my horses could have accidently broken free and be out roaming only intensifies it.
My strides are angry as I walk to meet him at his car once he has parked.
When he emerges from his car, hate mixes with my anger...
Even as my heart thrums steadily harder and my stomach twists with longing as I silently – reluctantly, admit, - I’ve missed him.
But with that god damn cocky grin on his face that had once drawn me in, one that I’d once traced with my finger when he’d been teasing me as we tickled each other in bed after a long lovemaking session, I can only think that right now, I want to rip it off his face.
Not being able to do that, I settle for the next best thing.
And when my hand cracks firmly across that too handsome face, I feel satisfaction slide through me as the cocky grin instantly slips off his face in shock.
Turning from him, sure that I’ve made myself perfectly clear without having to say a word, I take a step back towards the main house where Miranda has emerged onto the front porch to also check out who the idiot was that had been barreling down the drive.
A strong arm wraps tight around my waist, easily lifting me from the ground just before I feel Eric’s hot breath on my ear saying simply, “I’m sorry.”
Immediately, my nipples pucker and between my legs flushes with an instant heat.
Just for part of a second, I allow myself to remember what it had felt like being with him and I feel my body soften into his.
But then I remember his eyes, his facial expression upon seeing Jenny.
It had been complete and absolute horror.
I’d used that look as my reminder every day since he’d left, to remind myself that he was nothing but an asshole when I would feel myself missing him.
I remind myself of that look now.
Bringing my right leg up, I bring my foot back down hard onto his shin like I’d been taught in a self-defence course that I took after Jack.
He instantly howls in pain and releases me.
Turning on him, I feel like a mad woman.
“Get the fuck out of here, Eric! I don’t want you here! You hear me? I don’t want you here!” I scream into his face as he bends over to grasp his shin.
Then, sure that I’ve made it clear to him once again that I want no further dealings with him, I head back to the barn.
Stepping inside, I try to control my heaving and heavy chest, trying to ignore how my tightened nipples are being stroked by the fabric of my bra with each deep inhale.
Christ, he’s so fucking handsome, - I silently and reluctantly admit.
“Alexa...” I hear him say from behind me.
Turning to him, ready to fight him again despite my unwanted desire, I’m unprepared when he steps close and sweeps me up into his arms, bringing us chest to chest.
I feel his deep gasping breaths as if they are my own, his breath on my lips and I can’t stop the yearning to be possessed by this man from passing through me...
At least one more time.
Yes, just one more time, - my body silently coaxes my mind.
I see his eyes change, feel the ridgeness of his cock pressed against me and I know I’ve lost this battle.
Because I need to taste him one more time.
Wrapping my arms around him, I angrily slide my hands up into his hair, tugging his lips to meet mine.
I hear his satisfied moan and I want to kick myself at the same time I feel myself completely let go of my anger.
I feel a wall against my back just before I feel his hand undo the button of my work jeans. Then I feel nothing but air against my skin as he uses both of his hands to quickly whip my jeans down my legs and completely off one leg, as I continue to cling to his neck.
“I’ve missed you,” he breaks our kiss to murmur and I shake my head.
I don’t want lies from him.
I just want this right now.
My world has been spinning out of control for me these past months and I just want to forget who I am.
To allow this man, the only man who has ever been able to do it, help me to forget myself.
To forget who I am and allow myself to be nothing but a sensual woman enjoying a beautiful, but yet untameable, man.
Quickly I undo his jeans, pushing them down his hips as I murmur hotly, “No lies right now, Eric.” Then reaching inside, I grasp his hard, long cock. “Only this. This is what I want.”
He pauses for a moment, his eyes reflecting for a moment deep pain and I can’t help the sadistic satisfaction that slips through me that I managed to cause just a small amount of the pain that he has made me feel over the past few months.
But then his eyes change again, brushing off what I just said as he grasps me by the waist, supporting me so I can wrap my legs around him. Then he is leveraging my back against the wall, removing my arms from around his neck, to hold my hands high against the wall in his steel grip, just before he surges forward with his hips.
I gasp as he completely and satisfyingly fills me.
He pulls out, all the way to the tip and then whispers, “It’s true. I’ve missed you.”
Then, holding my eyes, entwining each of his fingers through mine, he quickly pushes back in and I can’t help the gasp that escapes from me. I’m overwhelmed with the sheer pleasure from the feeling of him inside of me, feeling as if he is once again completely consuming me while his words curl their way dangerously around my heart.
He stays there for a moment searching my eyes, purposely not moving his body to keep me on edge and off kilter, knowing my defenses are down when he’s inside me like this.
I squirm, wanting desperately for him to move, to stop penetrating me with those gorgeous eyes of his. I just need to desperately feel the pleasure I know only he can give me.
But he remains unmoving, only squeezing my hands gently but tightly as he asks softly, “Did you miss me?”
I open my mouth, to reply dishonestly that I never missed him, but I see something in his eyes.
Something that warns me that if I utter those words, he’ll walk away.
This time for good.
So even though I know he may hurt me, and hurt me deeper than anyone ever has, more than he already did, I can’t bring myself to deny it.
Because I can’t seem to be able to hurt him.
Unable to voice it, I only nod, bite my lower lip as a tear escapes my eye.
The tear is for me, the sadness I feel in allowing myself to lose myself to this man so easily.
Again.
But it’s too late.
I’ve already lost myself to him. Unable to inflict the hurt he had inflicted upon me.
His facial features change, becoming unguarded for the first time ever.
And when he leans forward to softly kiss me, I know I’ve just stupidly lost the remainder of my heart to him.
He squeezes my hands, and then straightening until he is at the perfect position to give me the best sensual feeling, he withdraws quickly, before slamming himself deep inside of me, holding my eyes the entire time.
I gasp, losing my breath but never letting go of his gaze as he pumps his hips a few more times like this.
And then my eyes slip closed as my chest heaves, my heart skipping a beat and then thudding strongly in my chest. I let go, feel myself slip over the edge, now focusing on the feeling of his release inside of me, hearing his satisfied groan, as my body absorbs how his release intensifies the effect on mine.
Opening my eyes, I stare at his strong neck muscles that are tense and rigid from having thrown his head back with his orgasm.
I watch how his pulse beats thickly, and unable to keep from feeling it underneath my fingertips, I gently trace his perfect jawline before pausing to feel its strong beat...
And I acknowledge that I’ve stupidly fallen in love with this man.
I also know I’ll never tell him.
Leaning forward, because I’m unable to look him in the eyes right now without him seeing just how I feel, I lick and nibble at the side of his neck.
I don’t know how long he plans to be here, and even though I know it’s stupid of me to allow it, I know I won’t ever send him too far away.
That he will always be the one that has to walk away from whatever this is between us.
Because I knew I’d never have the strength to leave him or make him leave.
I hear him chuckle as he releases my hands to wrap his arms tight around my waist.
“God. I’ve missed this,” he murmurs, and I know he’s only talking about the sex. It hurts but it doesn’t hurt as much as not having him at all.
So instead, I pretend a playfulness as I slip my hands up underneath his t-shirt to graze my nails over his nipples as I murmur, “I’ve missed this too.”
But then, before I let too much slip, I force my hands out from underneath his shirt as I unwrap my legs from his body.
He gently places my two feet back on the ground and I push him away, avoiding his eyes as I need a few moments to settle my emotions. I busy myself with inserting my leg back into my jeans before pulling them back up my legs as I struggle through my whirling emotions.
I feel his hand slip into mine, giving it a gentle tug to prompt me to look up at him.
His cocky grin that I love so much is back in place, tugging so very easily at my heart.
“So...I have an overnight bag. Where should I put it?” he asks eagerly.
My heart jumps, my stomach twisting.
While I would never be able to send him out of my life completely, I couldn’t let him be here.
“You can’t stay here,” I blurt out.
His eagerness leaves his face as he asks incredulously, “What?”
“You can’t stay here,” I again blurt out.
His eyes search my face as he asks, “Why?”
“Jenny. She’ll be home soon, and you can’t be here,” I say and slip my hand from his.
“Why?” he asks me again, and I see anger fill his face, feel the impatience filling his body.
Unable to stop the short, snide bark of laughter from escaping my throat, I reply, “Because your feelings about her were written clearly across your face that day you saw her. I can’t subject my child to someone who is so horrified by just her presence.”
“Then what was this?” he asks snappishly.
Angry, hurt...want, it all mixes together as I reply scathingly, “A quick fuck against the wall.”
His hand reaches out, his fingers biting into my wrist as he replies with an anger he has yet to have shown me, “I was never a quick fuck for you.” I watch as his eyes show me his statement is coming from somewhere other than my words. With his teeth gritted tight together, he states, “Never with you.”
Silence, filled with anger, hurt and something that Eric is struggling with, descends over both of us as we stare at each other, while our own emotions battle away internally within us.
Staring into his eyes, I see the vulnerability there, sense his feeling of being lost and I feel myself respond. I’ve seen that look, felt that feeling of being lost in several of my rescued horses to not recognize it.
I had also personally felt it.
Experienced it.
I feel some of my anger for him slip away.
“Eric...” I begin and then stop on a sigh when his eyes flare in anger but also a fear, so I decide I need to be truthful with him. “When you looked at Jenny with that look of horror, when you turned tail and ran away, you hurt me. I never expected anything different from you and despite knowing this, you really, really hurt me. Her father...” I stop for a moment and swallow thickly before I continue, “Her biological father...he could never be a true father to her, so I’ve been raising her on my own. Everything that I’ve done...” I gesture with my free arm to the stables, “I’ve done for her, to make her life better than mine. I’ve done that because she’s my whole world.” I once again swallow thickly, my throat now burning as I whisper, “To have you look at her like that, I could never have a man around her who feels that way about her.”
I watch as his eyes change, becoming soft and then I’m shocked as they fill with a moisture that I know shocks him just as equally.
“I’m sorry, Alexa. Truly sorry,” he says in a gruff whisper. “But I’ve never been around kids and I never had a parent who cared about me the way you do for her...” He swallows thickly before he corrects himself to say, “For Jenny.”
His words about his parents causes my heart to stop as I finally begin to - if only partly - understand the hurt in this man. I want to pry for more information, desperately wanting to know what had happened to make him so angry, but I also know it’s not the time. Whatever demons Eric has yet to reveal to me would have to wait until after this discussion about Jenny. She was forefront in my mind.
“It doesn’t change your reaction to her,” I say softly. “I can’t have you here, around her, when you quite obviously don’t want any interaction with kids.”
His grasp on my wrist lightens slightly as replies, “To my defense, you never told me of her existence and you never gave me a chance to know what it was like to be around her. I was shocked that day. I only knew at that point that I was not equipped to deal with a kid.”
His last statement catches at my heart.
“And now?” I ask.
“I still don’t think I should be dealing with a kid.” He sighs heavily as he replies, “But I want you, Alexa. Only you.”
My heart throbs in pain while a thrill slips through me that he wants me.
“We’re a package deal, Eric,” I whisper.
He nods, his eyes dropping to take both of my hands in his, enveloping them, making me feel a solace I shouldn’t.
Then he looks down into my face in sincerity, as he replies, “I know and although I don’t think I should be dealing with a kid, I’m ready to at least try to have the other part of the package to like me. For me to like her.”
My heart skips, jumping in my chest that this beautiful man is willing to at least try to accept me with Jenny.
Standing on my tippy toes, I wrap my hands around his neck to bring his head down to mine to lightly kiss his lips in acceptance of what he’s offering. If he was at least willing to give things a try with Jenny, I could at least give Eric a chance to be in the same room with her and gauge his reaction. So, as I come back to standing on the flat of my feet, I accept what he’s offering as I link my fingers through his, unable to keep myself from touching him now that he’s here.
“We have to take this slow, okay?” I say to him in a firm voice.
He nods but a slow and sexy smile quickly crosses his face and I give a little moan. I shouldn’t be letting him back in so easily but I’m unable to help myself when it comes to him.
Tugging lightly on his hand, I pull him along behind me to the house.
Jenny would be home any minute and Eric had to pass that test before this proceeded any further.
As I swing the kitchen door open and Eric fills the space behind me with his sheer size, I see Miranda’s intuitive gaze settle firmly on him.
They remain there, drilling into him and I feel him shift uneasily behind me.
Tugging slightly on his hand, I silently encourage him to step into the kitchen.
There is a heavy awkward silence until I stutter out, “Ummm...Miranda, this is Eric,” and my voice trails off as I register just how angry Miranda is.
Her eyes run scathingly over Eric, from top to bottom, and finally she asks, “You here to stay this time or are you going to run away again like the weak man I seen running away before?”
I can’t help the gasp that springs from my throat, nor the unexpected smirk from spreading across my face.
Eric clears his throat and I watch in amazement as a red stain flushes his perfect cheeks as he replies uneasily, “I’m here to stay.”
Miranda holds his eyes, as if assessing as to whether his words are truthful or not, but then finally, she drops his gaze to move to the kitchen counter.
“I was just making some afternoon tea to force Alexa to take a break. Why don’t you join us?” she says, and even though her back is to us, her meaning is clear.
If Eric is intending to stay, he’d better accept the non-negotiable invitation to tea.
Eric looks at me with a panicked gaze and I can only smile in amusement that he’s intimidated by Miranda.
“I’m sure Eric would like nothing more, Miranda,” I cheekily reply on behalf of Eric as I hold his panicked gaze.
Miranda pretty much grunts in response and I can’t help but shake my head in amusement while also appreciating that Miranda cares so much. It was nice to know that I had someone on my side.
Taking a little bit of pity on Eric, I suggest helpfully, “Why don’t you sit, and I’ll grab the cookies Jenny and I made last night while Miranda makes tea?” I feel Eric’s reluctance to let go of my hand as I move away from him. Even though it amuses me to see him so off balance by just the action of having tea, I give his hand a slight squeeze in reassurance before releasing it. I watch as Eric, unsure of himself, takes the few steps to the kitchen table and hesitantly pulls out a chair for himself.
Crossing to the counter area where Miranda is busily pouring tea into three small tea cups, I can’t help but feel a little happiness in my heart.
Eric is here, - my heart sings, feeling as if it has suddenly sprouted wings and wants to fly from my chest. I know the biggest part, when Eric meets Jenny again, is yet to come but I allow myself to have this small moment of joy.
Taking the plate of oddly formed chocolate chip cookies that I made with my daughter last night, I proudly lay them on the table in front of Eric just as Miranda places our teacups on the round table along with cream and sugar.
Miranda, unhesitantly, pulls out the chair on Eric’s right while I sit on his left.
As she stirs her tea, her eyes turn back to assessing Eric as she asks, “So, Eric...tell me a little about yourself.”
Eric faulters a little before he replies uneasily, “I own the vineyard next to this property along with a restaurant in LA.”
“Oh! So, you’re the ass that tried to get Beatrice to sell this farm a few years ago,” Miranda says abruptly, her voice one of censor.
My gaze goes back and forth between Miranda and Eric, as my stomach twists.
Eric shifts in his chair uneasily, his gaze connecting with mine before going back to Miranda.
“I...” he swallows and clears his throat, “I’d considered buying this property to expand my vineyard a few years ago but Beatrice and her husband told me no.”
Miranda harrumphs as she replies, “You didn’t take that no too well from what she told me! Pestering them every week for almost a year!”
Eric’s gaze comes to mine, pleading silently with me as he says, “That was then. I’ve changed since then.”
My heart beats, its throbbing loud in my ears as I silently pray that it’s true.
You have to trust him just a little at some point if you want this to work, Alexa, - I silently remind myself.
“I hope so for Alexa’s sake,” Miranda says pointedly. “She’s had enough on her plate as it is without having you add to it.”
Not wanting my past brought up, I quickly jump in to steer the conversation down another avenue.
“Here,” I say as I hold out the plate of cookies, “Why don’t you try our cookies?”
Eric shifts again, his gaze sending me a silent and grateful thank you as he reaches out to take one. I watch as he bites into it before setting it down onto the napkin Miranda had provided him.
His hand unbelievably trembles slightly as he reaches for the teacup and I begin to realize how much this is affecting him, but yet he hasn’t run like he did before. The dainty cup looks ridiculous in his hand and my amusement returns as he tries to clutch the cup delicately in his large, masculine hands.
The kitchen door swings open, interrupting the awkward atmosphere, and Jenny, in her young and youthful way, runs into the kitchen. She’s already half way through describing her day by the time she reaches my side to climb into my lap, all while throwing side long and curious glances to Eric.
I wait patiently as she finishes telling her story before offering her a cookie.
As her little hand snakes out to take one, I squeeze her tightly to me before I say softly, “Jenny, this man here next to me came to meet you today.”
Her wide innocent eyes move to Eric before coming back to mine.
“But I met him before,” she says, her eyes clearly showing her confusion.
I take a deep breath as I reply, “Yes, I know but he had to leave rather quickly that day and he came back today to meet you. His name is Eric.”
Her eyes go to Eric as she asks bluntly, “Are you here to date my Mommy? Because my friend at school was telling me how her Mommy had a strange man come that wanted to meet her but then he took her Mommy out on a date.”
I watch Eric’s face blanche and I try to hold in my mirth. I often made the mistake that Jenny was too young to figure this out and I should know differently by now. Since starting school. Jenny seemed to soak up everything and every situation around her which made her even more inquisitive. Her innocence kept her from asking her questions in a less direct manner.
“If he was, how would you feel about it?” I ask softly, taking pity on Eric by bringing Jenny’s attention back to me.
Her eyes stare into mine as she tries to comprehend what I’m saying.
“So, he’s going to take you to movies and stuff?” she asks.
Nodding, I squeeze her again gently in reassurance, as I ask, “Is that okay?”
She smiles her sweet smile as she asks, “Is he always going to eat my cookies?”
Not knowing exactly what’s on her mind, I reply, “He may from time to time.”
Her attention then swings from mine to her cookie as she says, “That’s okay because I love to bake cookies.”
Kissing the top of her head, I pull her into me for a snuggle as my eyes connect with Eric’s.
And I see panic reflected in them, but I give him credit for remaining here.
I smile in reassurance at him and listen in amusement as he clears his throat.
Miranda’s pager abruptly goes off into the awkward and heavy silence and I instantly recognize Beatrice’s emergency alarm tone.
Without thinking, I stand along with Miranda and plunk Jenny into Eric’s lap before saying to Jenny, “Stay here with Eric. Mommy has to help Beatrice.”