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ERIC
Watching Jenny’s blond head, the exact same shade as her mother’s, disappear and reappear across the table from me as she places each of her horse figurines from her bag onto the table, I can’t help but be enthralled by her.
“And this is Paint,” she continues with her story, completely unaware of the effect she is having on me.
Just like her mother.
I was never one for children but Jenny’s innocence, her carefree laughter over the simple things in life, such as the swing I had rigged up for her in the large tree out front of her house on her sixth birthday, had somehow wormed its way into my heart.
These past five months since I convinced Alexa to let me date her properly have been some of the best months of my life.
I loved going to work each day, knowing that at the end of each day, I had Alexa and Jenny to go home to. My life no longer seemed monotonous or as if it was missing something.
I felt I had a purpose.
I love being a boyfriend, - I think to myself, feeling myself grin stupidly at the thought.
We hadn’t discussed our relationship since that morning Jenny walked in on us, what it was developing into, or the fact that I now slept here more than at my B&B. I was still okay with that because as long as Alexa was happy, and I was in her life as someone who was important to her, I wasn’t going to push her.
The only black cloud hanging over me was watching Alexa working so god damn hard every day. How that tiny slip of a woman managed to do what she did every single day and hold it all together still mystified me.
At first, when I’d begun my first official sleepovers as her boyfriend, I’d tried to convince her to stay in bed with me a little longer in the mornings, but she never gave in. As soon as her alarm went off, she was out of bed and off to do her chores which began promptly at 5am. I’d never been able to stay in bed, knowing she was out there working hard so I now rise with her, helping her out until 7am when Jenny got up. I then watched as she switched from a hard-working woman who mucked out stalls for a living, to a loving mother as she switched to her home chores of getting Jenny fed, dressed and off to school during the weekdays or her dance classes on the weekends. Much to Jenny’s delight, I’d taken to dropping Jenny off to school on my way back to my vineyard in the mornings. Thinking back, I remember how that first day, Jenny had looked up at me with wide hopeful eyes, asking if I would give her a piggy back into school. Unable to resist those eyes, I’d thought, “What could it hurt?” before I had knelt on one knee, allowing her to clamber up onto my back. She had wrapped those small arms of hers around my neck without hesitation, squeezed me tight as she said, “I’ve always wondered how this felt.” Every day from then on, it’s how she arrived to her classroom.
And I found that simple ritual always started my work day off right as I felt a warmth in my chest that I’d never felt before these two small females came into my life. At the end of every workday, I would return to Alexa’s around dinner time where Jenny and I always assisted her with dinner and then her evening chores around the barn.
But the truth was, I was becoming exhausted with the never-ending schedule.
So now as I sit, watching Jenny set up her barn playset on the kitchen table from where I’d just removed and cleaned our dishes after coaxing Alexa to take a long hot bath, I ponder what to do about Alexa and this crazy work schedule of hers.
There’s no way that I can sit back and let her do it all on her own.
But I also couldn’t keep up.
I’ve also tried several times for Alexa to open up to me about her plans once Beatrice sells the farm, but she always firmly refuses to discuss it with me.
I continue to watch Jenny, half listening to her non-stop chatter, as I try to come up with a resolution to her grueling schedule.
Finally, I decide I need to speak with Alexa soon about hiring someone to help her. She has to see reason and surely she is making enough money to hire help because why would she be working herself to the bone otherwise?
I remain with Jenny, contemplating how to approach the subject until I become involved with the playset myself as I hold the tiny ribbon Jenny has fashioned into reins for her small plastic horse as she pretends to wash him.
Her ingenuity in using items found around the house to turn into toys or part of her playset was always surprising me.
One day when I brought Alexa home a bouquet of flowers, Jenny had excitedly jumped up and down asking if she could have the green wrapping paper. As excited as if she had been given the next greatest toy on the market, she had immediately gotten her child’s scissors and then cut the wrapping paper to size to fit her made up playset, saying it was her new pastures.
She had played in that pasture all evening.
Yeah...she was pretty amazing.
“Hey, you,” I say gently, reaching out to tousle her golden hair. “It’s time for bed.”
She nods, never a child to throw tantrums or misbehave, and after sliding off her chair, begins to put her playset away in the designated place in the living room.
Once done, she comes back to me, her honest and innocent face looking up into mine as she asks, “Will you tuck me in, Eric?”
My heart kicks against my chest.
Reaching my hand out, I place it under her upturned chin as I reply honestly, “I would love to if it’s okay with Mommy.” Then, unable to stop myself, I lean forward to place a quick kiss to her forehead.
Jenny smiles wide, further devastating my heart, before she skips from the room and runs quickly up the steps.
Despite being here for the past five months, Alexa has not once allowed me to tuck Jenny in when I’ve offered, and I know it’s one of the remaining walls that Alexa feels she needs to keep in place for now.
I hear the bathroom door slam, then Jenny’s quick and surprisingly heavy steps for something so small coming back down the stairs.
She comes running back into the kitchen, her face lit up in excitement as she says, “Mommy says it’s okay.”
Surprised, but ensuring to keep it hidden from Jenny, I reply, “Ok then little girl! How about a horsey ride to bed?”
She nods quickly, giggling. Bending, I lift her to stand on the kitchen chair before turning my back to her for to climb on. Then pretending I’m a horse, I neigh and hop and skip to the steps before racing up the stairs. I arrive, breathless, at the top but Jenny’s giggles in my ear makes it all worth while.
Having already brushed her teeth and washed her face right after supper, Jenny’s bedtime routine only involves changing into her pj’s and then a tucking in with a story. I read aloud from her book as I kneel next to her bed, watching her eyes get droopy but she fights to stay awake. I know Alexa’s rules after having watched her every night tuck Jenny into bed. One story and then leave, whether she is asleep or not, otherwise Jenny would try to keep me there.
So, after tucking her bedsheets in tight around her like I’ve seen Alexa do, I lean forward to kiss Jenny on the forehead but as she slides her tiny arms around my neck, whispering into my ear, “I’m so glad you fell in love with my Mommy,” I feel my heart clench.
When she releases me, I stare down at her for a moment as her eyes slip contentedly closed.
She simply amazes me with her ease of an assessment of a situation.
Standing from my kneeling position, I exhale deeply.
Jenny’s statement reverberates over and over in my head.
Turning, I head from Jenny’s room to across the hall where Alexa is still taking her time with her bath. Opening the door, I silently slip inside.
I stand for a moment, watching Alexa as she relaxes in the bath with her eyes closed, surrounded by the candles I’d lit while running her bath.
She’s the most enchantingly beautiful and sexy woman I’ve ever met.
She’s also the strongest.
And she has me completely spell bound.
Crossing to her, I kneel by the bath, my cock instantly erect and ready from just watching her from across the room. I know she can sense my presence because a small smile crosses her face the same time her nipples tighten, peaking through the bath bubbles.
“Hello handsome,” she murmurs, keeping her eyes closed.
Leaning forward, I brush my lips over hers as I whisper, “Hi yourself, beautiful.”
Her eyes slowly slide open as I lean back once again to take in her beautiful, naked breasts.
“Jenny really wanted you to tuck her in tonight,” she says softly.
Nodding, I reply, “I hope that was ok.”
Alexa sighs softly, then replies, “Yes. It’s just a little weird for me. I’m used to looking after her on my own. It’s still sometimes strange for me to have someone help.”
Nodding, understanding what she is saying, I reach out my hand to release her hair from the clip she has piled high on her head.
“Can I join you?” I softly ask in a murmur.
She holds my eyes, biting her lip as she nods.
Quickly, I remove my clothing, loving how her eyes caress my body, making me feel like the most special man in the world.
Alexa slides forward in the soaker bath tub that I had installed for her as soon as she allowed me to do so. My argument had been that it was for me since I was too large to fit into the tiny tub that had been here before. She had reluctantly agreed and I’m thankful for it as I step into the tub and I am able to extend my legs on either side of Alexa. Pulling her back to relax against my chest, her head comes to rest on my shoulder.
Preparing myself for resistance, I murmur, “Have you thought about hiring some help around here?’
Alexa stiffens and tries to pull away, but I keep her close.
“Eric...” she says warningly.
“Alexa...” I say just as warningly. “You’re working yourself day and night.”
She shakes her head as she says in a voice that indicates that she will not discuss it with me further, “I don’t need help.”
Sighing, wishing I could bend her to my will, while appreciating that she doesn’t so easily give in, I whisper, “Okay, okay. I’ll lay off.”
Unable to stop myself, I bring up both of my hands to grasp each of her breasts and I feel the rigidness from before, leave her body. Gently, I mold her breasts to my hands, lightly tweaking each nipple between my thumbs and forefingers as I listen to her breath catch, loving how she arches up and into my hands as she bites her lip.
Releasing one breast, I slowly move my free hand down between her legs and finding her ready and wet, I easily slide my finger up and into her.
A moan escapes her throat and I watch as she once again bites her lip.
Knowing she is as ready for me as I am for her, I move both of my hands up to grasp her tiny waist, prompting her to sit forward and lift up. My cock is pointing straight up in the bath and needs no guidance as I pull her down and onto it.
My breath hisses from my throat as I feel her stretching around me, accommodating me...welcoming me home.
I look across the bathroom, loving the fact that the full-length mirror hanging on the wall across from us reflects us perfectly.
Tightening my hands around Alexa’s waist, I lift and lower her repeatedly onto my cock, watching how her breasts bounce and sway in the mirror. There has never been such an intensely erotic sight to me as Alexa when I’m making love to her.
A few moments later, I feel her squeezing tight around me and I let myself erupt up and into her.
She collapses back against my heaving chest, trying to catch her own breath.
When I’m back to my regular breathing, I gently lift Alexa up and off my cock so that she is back to sitting in front of me, her back against my chest and my thickly beating heart.
I’ve come to realize and accept that it beats only for her.
Scooping water up with my hands, I let it run over her hair, repeating, and repeating until her hair is completely wet. Then, reaching for her shampoo, I squirt a small amount into my hands, rubbing them together before applying to her hair.
I hear her moan as my hands gently move through her hair, allowing the suds to form before changing my tactic to pressing my fingers into her temples, along her ears and then up underneath her skull.
She moans again, asking, “Just where did you learn this?”
Smiling, loving that I can bring her such simple pleasure, I reply, “My hair dresser.”
She chuckles, saying in a joking manner, “Now I know exactly how you managed to get women into bed with you.”
My hands pause at her sentence.
I know she’s joking but I suddenly and desperately need her to know that she is so very much different for me.
Moving my hands once again through her hair, I reply, “I’ve never washed a woman’s hair. You’re my first, just like the flowers I brought that day when I found out about Jenny.”
She doesn’t respond or say anything for a few minutes, but then she asks softly, “Why not?”
I reply simply, “Because none of them were you.”
Cupping my hands again, I rinse the shampoo from her hair before applying conditioner. This time, I concentrate on her neck and shoulders, applying my fingers to the knotted muscles there, as I wait for the suggested ten minutes that was clearly written on the front of the bottle.
“Eric...” she begins, but then seems to hesitate until I ask softly, “What?”
“Why didn’t you have a steady relationship before me?” she asks quietly.
I’ve never spoken about my childhood with anyone, not even my best friend Borden, but it somehow feels okay – no, it feels right - to talk to Alexa about it.
“Before you, I never really liked women,” I begin. “I mean, my business partner, Emma, was my first crush.” I feel her tense at that, but I quickly continue, wanting to reassure her that I now feel nothing for Emma other than friendship as I continue, “But Emma wasn’t meant for me. I see that now. She’s a great woman and she was the one that made me realize not all women are like my mother. That’s all it was plus deep inside, I was jealous and lonely. I wanted Emma to look at me like she looked at Lucas. Not because I loved her the way Lucas loves her. But because I wanted someone to love me like she loves him.”
Sighing deeply, wanting to keep going, wanting Alexa to know this about me, I continue.
“My parents were not the greatest parents.” I pause again. The next revelation, saying it aloud for the first time...
Really hurts even after all of this time.
“My father pretended I didn’t exist when I was growing up. He still pretends I don’t exist. I never hear from him. I can seem to live with that but my mother...” I swallow thickly. “She used me. One night during one of their many parties, her friend spiked my drink and then took me out to the backyard where she seduced me. My mother saw us but never did anything, never stepped in to stop it. In my drug induced brain, it didn’t feel right that it was happening. It also somehow didn’t feel right that my mother didn’t step in. The next day I had my answer as to why she never stopped what was happening to me. When she never said anything other than to tell me to keep it wrapped because she didn’t want to be a grandmother, it was then that I knew she never really cared for me.” Sighing heavily, my childhood memories begin to swell around me as I continue. “But she did love the attention I was drawing from her so-called friends. It fed into her need to be at the top of the social ladder and because of me, her friends attended her parties. Because I didn’t know any better, I allowed it to keep happening.” My heart thrums heavily as I think back on my childhood, how I’d wanted my mother’s attention so badly that I had subconsciously pushed away any feelings that things weren’t seemingly right about what was happening to me. “She also has a perverse sexual side.” My voice cracks for a moment but I need to continue. “She needs young men, to have sex with them because it makes her feel young again. Dangling me...” Swallowing thickly, I continue, “I was the bait that attracted the rest of her middle-aged friends to her parties. She lured them to her sexually depraved and drug filled parties by allowing her so called friends to drug me so that she wasn’t alone in using young boys to satisfy her sexual cravings.” Memories flow through me, hurting as I relive them but still I continue because it was time for Alexa to know this about me. In a rough voice now filled with the pain of my past, I continue, “Allowing her friends access to me, it made her feel better about what she was doing to other young men because she wasn’t alone.” I pause before continuing quietly, “She never once thought about, or cared about, what it was doing to me. She forced me to attend all her parties, and at that age, I had no idea about the real world, or about women. I only knew, at first, that it felt good physically, even though mentally, I was struggling with what was happening. It took me some time to realize I only felt good because of what she allowed them to slip into my drinks, tricking my mind into accepting their attentions.” My voice catches, and I pull Alexa closer, now needing her strength as I continue, “I remember that night so vividly when I had finally realized what they were doing to me. My eyes had watched my mother, in shock but with comprehension, as I headed back unnoticed from the bathroom. It had seemed surreal as I watched her hold out my glass, her eyes disconnectedly and uncaringly observing her friend as she slipped something into the drink I thought was safe to leave next to her. I can still remember the sick feeling swirling through me. It was in that moment that I realized she never cared about me and never would. That she was using me. As I left the house that night, my father spoke to me for the first time in a long time that I can remember. I can even remember now how his hand felt on my arm, as he lurched at me, his spittle flying from his mouth into my face as his hatred, anger and jealousy all overwhelmed him as he told me that I was an ungrateful bastard and that some day I would be old and like him. I also understood my father for the first time that night. He was jealous of my looks and of the attention from the females. He wanted to be me. To be young again. I pulled away from him after barely refraining myself from punching him and kept walking. I had no where to go, only to my friend, Borden’s house. While he never knew exactly what my childhood was because I’ve never been one to allow myself to get close to anyone, he was the only one who knew that something wasn’t right. He never asked any questions and neither did his parents. They just welcomed me to stay for however long I wanted, and I was thankful for that. The only contact that I initiated with my parents after I left was in a threatening letter, in which I threatened to expose them for what they were if they didn’t sign an emancipation letter and give me the money I needed to rent an apartment and buy a car. The emancipation letter was returned the next day by courier along with a bank card and keys attached to a key chain belonging to a car that was parked in Borden’s driveway.” I take a moment and pause, forcing myself away from recalling the hurtful part my past, before I continue. “I never looked at how much money they gave me. I didn’t want to know how much it meant to them to be rid of me and keep everything quiet. I only knew that at the beginning of each month, there was enough to cover the basics of what I needed for my rent, groceries, and my bills and I kept track of every penny I withdrew. When I finished high school, I bought myself a ticket to Europe and that’s when I discovered my passion for wine. I came back here, searched for a piece of land to start my own winery. After another threatening letter to my parents, I received the funds to buy my dream. Since then, I’ve repaid every cent they gave me, but my mother shows up from time to time, trying to draw me back into her sick and twisted circle.”
Coming back to the present, I realize that Alexa has almost stopped breathing, her whole body frozen. But then she moves away from me, turning to face me, as the water sloshes around us.
A choked sob escapes her throat and I watch as tears stream down her face as she gasps for breaths.
With a jolt, I realize she is crying...
For me.
“Shhhh...” I say, bringing up my hand to wipe away her tears, never wanting her to shed tears over me. “Please don’t cry, Alexa.” I murmur, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck to pull her forward so I can catch some of those tears on my lips as I try to kiss them away. “Not for me. I’m okay now. I got myself out and now I have you.”
Her arms instantly come up around my neck, pulling me into her, tucking her head into my neck as she openly sobs.
“I’m so sorry, Eric. I know you don’t want me to cry for you, but I can’t help it. I keep picturing you as a small, overly beautiful child, and her...” she drops off her sentence, unable to continue.
Wrapping my arms around her small, shuddering body, I return her embrace, knowing somehow that she needs to do this.
And somehow, weirdly, her tears for me seem to cleanse me.
Making me whole.
Squeezing her tight, I lift her until she is straddling me, and we are chest to chest. I feel her heart beat steadily, as she feels mine.
And with each beat, I feel us connect on a deeper level than we ever had before.
I also know Alexa feels it too.
We stay like this for a long time until the bath water starts to take on a chill, prompting me to murmur into her neck, “I think we need to rinse your hair and get out before this water gets any colder.”
She nods, and giving me one more squeeze, making me feel even more cherished then ever before, she leans her upper body away from me, as I once again scoop water into my hands, rinsing her hair all while holding her eyes because in them, I see that something has changed.
Because I opened up about my past, she has become a little more unguarded over hers.
I can feel that she is almost ready to let me into the rest of her life.
Into her past and deep secrets.
I couldn’t ask for a better gift. I tell myself silently to be patient just a little bit longer.
Leaning forward after I’ve rinsed her hair, I kiss her lightly – appreciatively.
My life was so empty before her...
And Jenny.
Helping her move to a standing position, I then stand myself and reach out to grasp a towel to wrap around my waist before stepping from the bath.
Taking another towel from the rack, I hold my hand out to Alexa, assisting her to stand before me on the bath math where I begin the privileged task of drying off her perfect body. Once done, I wrap her hair in another towel, towel drying it as best as I can, before wrapping her bathrobe around her.
Then lifting her, I carry her to what has essentially become our bedroom. Gently laying her underneath the pulled back covers on the new king size bed that I’d purchased shortly after she allowed me to sleep over, I then stand and look down at her.
She looks so perfect, so small but perfect, lying in the bed waiting for me to join her.
Quickly crossing back to the bedroom door, I shut it and then twist the lock button on the doorknob I had installed the same day that Jenny had first walked in to find me in her mother’s twin bed.
Pulling the damp towel from around my waist, I hang it on the hook behind the door before heading back across the room and joining Alexa underneath the bed covers.
Alexa easily turns into me, placing her head on my chest, her fingers lightly tracing the tattoo of the vine that I have over my heart.
Alexa was just like that tattoo.
The tattoo had started out at my wrist as a simple vine, a simple gesture to the place that had taken my heart but then it grew and kept growing up my arm, and then over to my heart where it stopped and curled tightly around it.
So too had Alexa initially made her small mark on me that had steadily grown, until it had overtaken my everything - my heart, my soul.
I’ve felt everything from lust to hate, and that’s how I know when she looks up into my eyes a few minutes later, as my heart silently whispers, - This feels like falling in love, – that I’m irrevocably and definitely in love with her.