| |
ALEXA
Laying underneath Eric, I stare up into his gorgeously beautiful face.
Many times, since he came back into my life, I feel like pinching myself just to ensure myself that I’m not dreaming.
That someone like him is here with someone like me...
Looking at me like he is looking at me right now.
Making me feel that I’m the only woman for him.
It’s been hard keeping him at arm’s length.
Since the day I encountered him in his vineyard, he has always been pushing for more.
Maybe it’s time I allowed him in.
Raising my hand, I trace the shape of his perfect lips with my finger, watching how he opens his mouth to gently nibble on my finger.
“Eric...” I whisper simply.
Releasing my finger, he lowers his mouth to mine, lightly feathering his mouth over my lips, making me want to give him what he is silently asking me for.
Sighing, feeling the last of my barriers fall, I wrap both of my arms around his neck, pulling him into me for a deeper kiss. He groans and then suddenly he’s kneeling before me. Reaching for me, he pulls me up and onto his lap, his cock needing no guidance as he slips immediately inside. Seated like this, my eyes are level with his, - my heart against his chest, his heart against mine, his breaths feeling like they are my own - and I feel a deeper connection forming between us.
“Alexa...” he whispers, reverently. “Kiss me like you’ve fallen in love with me.”
I feel my heart kick against my chest, mingling with the feeling of his beating against my breast.
I open my mouth, to deny him his request, – to push him away but his eyes are pleading...
And I can’t do it.
I can’t pretend anymore.
Leaning forward, I press my lips to his, inhaling his shocked gasp into my mouth, allowing it to fill me up.
Making me feel more alive than I ever had.
His arm cinches tight around my waist, his free hand moving to grasp a globe of my ass. I feel his fingers bite into my flesh and it causes a deep, hot flush to flow through me as he easily lifts me only to bring me down hard onto his throbbing cock immediately.
Leaning slightly away from him so that just the tips of my nipples brush over his skin, I hold his eyes, as he continues to hold mine. Slowly, I gyrate my hips, loving the feel of him so deep inside. He moans, his lips coming to mine as his hand once again squeezes my ass tightly in encouragement, prompting me to gyrate against him again. The sensations through my body are exquisite and finite. His strength, so very easily, helps me to switch from my gyrations to lifting and lowering myself up and down onto his cock repeatedly. Breaking the kiss, I hold his eyes as I feel myself let go and give myself to him completely.
“Eric...” I sigh out as I reach the peak of my orgasm, loving the feeling of him spurting deep inside of me, with my name on his lips.
Breathing heavily, he gently places me back against the pillows, kissing my face, my neck, and my breasts before I feel him slide out of me, leaving me feeling that I’m somehow not whole. But then he is settling himself comfortably between my legs, placing his head over my beating heart.
And I know it’s time...
The right time to let him know about everything that is my life.
Bringing my hand up to his hair, I sigh deeply, say a silent prayer that he doesn’t run away screaming, as I begin gentle strokes through his perfect blond hair.
“Jack is the name of Jenny’s dad,” I feel my throat threaten to close up, but I force myself to continue, “And he’s trying to get custody of her.”
Eric lifts his head causing my hand to fall away from him, his eyes penetrating me, his body frozen, as he asks, “I thought you said he wasn’t a part of her life.”
Lifting my hand again, I gently push the hair that has fallen over his forehead away from his face in reassurance as I continue, “He isn’t part of her life.” Then inhaling deeply, I admit something that I’ve never admitted to anyone since Jenny was born. “She doesn’t know him because I ran away before he even knew about her.”
I watch shock float across his face but also see the patience in his eyes as he waits for me to explain everything.
My heart beats in appreciation that he hasn’t been quick to judge me and it’s the encouragement I needed to know that now is the right time to tell him.
Tracing my finger over his lips, I continue, “I met Jack in university. He was everything that any woman would want. Handsome, suave and from a family who had never hurt for money. At first, I tried to keep him away, maybe it was some sixth sense, but he was so...charismatic, and he eventually beat me down. When he met my family, they were very vocal in letting me know of their approval and that he was everything they ever wanted for me. They most especially loved that his parents had a religious background similar to theirs.”
Inhaling, I feel my breath shake as I continue, “I fell in love.”
The statement hangs between us as Eric’s face reveals the wildness of his thoughts...
A deep and searing pain that I’d had once been in love with another man.
Little did he know...
Not yet.
So, I force myself to continue, “Having the approval of my very religious and very wealthy family, the awe from my friends in having someone like Jack as a boyfriend, I completely allowed myself to fall. Perhaps that’s why I was so blinded looking back at it.” I swallow thickly, gathering my strength as I feel Eric clasp my free hand, entwining his finger through mine, trying to give me some of his strength. Finally, I’m able to continue. Inhaling deeply, still tracing his lips, I feel my breath come out shakily as I say, “He asked me to marry him and it was, what I thought at that point, the happiest I’d ever been in my life.” I pause and then continue, “Then two weeks before we were to be married, I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic but kept it from everyone because I knew that our parents would be disappointed that we didn’t wait until after the wedding. So, I decided to wait until after the wedding to tell Jack too.”
Inhaling once again for strength, I continue after a deep exhale.
“The night before our wedding, I was so excited. I felt so on top of the world, and despite telling Jack to stay away that night because I didn’t want anything to jinx our wedding, I’d broken my own rule and went to see him. When I walked into his parent’s house, it was quiet. I could immediately sense that something wasn’t right. After a few moments, I heard a noise coming from the kitchen. When I walked in, Jack was there with his pants undone and with a woman, who was completely naked, kneeling before him...” I feel Eric’s hand tighten on mine, silently giving me strength, and then I try to continue, “She was...” I swallow thickly, not because it still hurt but because of what I have to tell Eric right after. “She was giving him oral sex. I turned, tried to run away, but he caught me.” I shudder as I continue, “He wrapped his hand around my wrist, and he pushed me up against the wall. I can still remember his hot breath, remember how it now sickened me as he gyrated his hips into mine.”
My stomach recoils now as I remember vividly how disgusted I was instantly by him. “I spat on him, opened my mouth to scream at him but that’s when he slapped me.” Swallowing, feeling as if Jack’s fingers are once again around my neck, I continue, “He then wrapped his fingers around my throat, squeezing until I was unable to breathe while he warned me that I’d better show up the next day and not give people reason to talk about him. That I’d better not shame him. I had no other choice only to agree in that moment, so I did. But I left that house, determined to never marry him. I went home, told my parents that I was breaking off the engagement. I also stupidly admitted to them about being pregnant. Being the religious pillars of the community that they are, they told me that because I was a whore and allowed a man to sleep with me before marriage, I had no other choice only to marry Jack. When I told them about his assault on me, I’ll never forget how their eyes turned cold and said they would never support me if I didn’t do the right thing and marry Jack. It was then I realized my parents didn’t love me, not truly like a parent should. They were only concerned that I was presented to the world, their world, as a well-behaved, obedient, and religious girl. I just stupidly didn’t see it before then. I packed a few things and left their house. I called a few people who I thought were my friends for help, but they wouldn’t help me. They had become close friends of Jack’s and were in disbelief when I told them what had happened. I didn’t blame them. After all, I’d been with him for more than two years and he had completely fooled me. I, too, perhaps wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t live through it. But I knew at that point I was on my own. I stayed in a motel that night, just a few hours outside of the town I grew up in. I remember being so scared, afraid that Jack would come looking for me in the morning. As soon as it was light out, I headed out, but I didn’t realize that I had made a mistake by taking my car. Jack tracked me down two days later and when he did...” I feel my breath catch in my chest. I’d thought that I was over those memories, that they no longer scared me, that Jack no longer scared me, but the truth was, deep down inside, I still feared him.
Because I’m now afraid that he will take everything away.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I listen to Eric’s heartbeat, its strong and steady beat giving me the courage to go on.
To trust him whole heartedly.
“When Jack found me, he beat me so much that when he forced himself on me, I had no strength to fight him off,” I feel Eric stiffen, hear his heart stop completely for a moment before picking up its beat in an unsteady rhythm.
“Alexa...” He whispers, his hand still in mine, squeezing hard, and then his lips are in my hair.
“I can still remember lying there, the feeling of his lips, tasting of alcohol, as he ground them onto mine, his hands as they clutched at my clothing.” Inhaling, and even though the sharp pain is searing through me, I now continue more easily as I find myself slipping back to that moment when it had felt as if I slipped out of my body, that I was just floating above his body, just watching as if I had no connection. I continue without any emotion, “He hurt me so badly, ramming himself, over and over, into me. Taking out his revenge on me for making a fool out of him.”
I feel a tear escape, but I ignore it as I end in a whisper, “I can still feel his breath on my ear, as he whispered I will never let you go.”
Shuddering, I come back to the moment and realize that I’m now sobbing aloud. I cling to Eric’s hand, my other arm now clutched tight around his back.
“He fell asleep next to me once he was done. I remember lying there, having no strength other than to look around the motel room. Then I thought of the baby and I felt something come over me that I can’t to this day express. I only knew I had to get myself out of there before he woke to save my baby. I managed to get myself together enough to escape from the room and head to the front desk. The lady who checked me in when I arrived took one look at me and called the ambulance. I don’t remember anything else other than waking the next morning in a hospital bed, next to Cass. We had both been brought in the night before. She had been in a car accident and I don’t know who looked worse, myself or her,” I try to joke but it falls flat. Sighing deeply, squeezing Eric tighter, so grateful that he’s here with me. “We became close friends as we both recovered in the hospital and she was beside me throughout my pregnancy, taking me in and allowing me to live with her. I never told Jack about the pregnancy and I can only think that he found out through my parents. I wanted a clean break from him, my parents, and my so-called friends so I never pressed charges. I’m not sure how he found me here as I’ve had no contact with anyone from my former life, not even my parents. That first night I met you was at his bar. I went to beg him to leave us alone, but he didn’t relent.” Then I feel my throat convulse as I continue, “I almost lost Jenny that night he found me at the motel.” I swallow thickly, savoring how Eric’s arm strengthens around me. “But thankfully, I didn’t. I managed to go almost full term with her but when she was being delivered there were complications. I ended up with scaring that will prevent me from ever being pregnant again. So, when we hooked up that first night and you asked me about birth control, it wasn’t even an issue because I can’t ever have another baby.”
Eric has said nothing, the only sign of him still listening is the tenseness in his body and the thick beating of his heart.
Slowly, I lower my head back to the pillow from where I had lifted it to listen to his heartbeat as he listened to what I had tried so hard to keep out of his life.
Then I look up at him.
The anger that has settled onto his face is now palatable.
“I’m going to kill him,” he whispers.
Shocked, panicked, I quickly reach my hand up to smooth it over his jawline, trying to ease some of the tension.
“No Eric, he isn’t worth it,” I shake my head as I whisper.
His eyes slash into mine as he asks, “How can I not?”
My heart starts beating erratically, fear now snaking its way through me mixed with the regret that I told him.
“No Eric, you can’t do that. If you do, I’ll lose you and I...” I whisper, my throat hurting so very much. “I just can’t lose you.”
I watch as his eyes change, becoming softer, showing an emotion that I’ve never seen before.
“Alexa...” then he reaches up, sliding his hand behind my head, as he lifts me to his lips for a soft kiss.
When he lifts his head, I stare up at him pleadingly, “Please promise me.”
I see the fight within his eyes, feel the inner turmoil in his body. He lowers his head, murmuring against my lips, as he reluctantly sighs, “I can’t promise you that I won’t beat him to within an inch of his life if he crosses my path, but I won’t go looking for him.”
Nodding, satisfied with that much, I give him a light kiss. His hand, still entwined in mine, squeezes mine tightly. Gently, I nudge him onto his back, and slowly trail kisses down his chest before settling myself against him.
The relief that I feel in no longer having to hide, to keep Eric separate from my past, is so very real and is now flowing freely through me.
Tracing circles over his beautiful tattoo, I continue, “I’m no longer afraid of Jack attacking me physically because right after Jenny’s birth, I swore I’d never be at any other man’s mercy and enrolled in a self-defence course. I wasn’t scared of him when I went to confront him at his bar. But now he’s trying to hurt me in another way. He has sent a lawyer here on his behalf. Jack intends to take Jenny away because in his eyes I made him look like a fool. He actually thought that I would show up and marry him after what he did.”
Lifting my head again, I look up at Eric
But Eric doesn’t respond, his jaw now clenched even tighter.
I once again caress him, trying to soothe some of the anger out of him as I continue, “I’d hoped to buy this place, give Jenny a permanent home but with this custody battle, I have to take the money I saved as a down payment to fight him. The only problem is, I don’t have enough saved for a decent lawyer and I know he has hired only the best.”
Eric holds my eyes as he says, “I can help you.”
Shaking my head, I smile softly at him because I knew he would offer that. I also knew that I would never accept it. I wanted, - no needed, to be independent.
Tracing his angry lips, trying to soften them into that handsome smile of his that I love so much, I reply, “No, Eric. I don’t expect you to help. I just felt you finally deserved to know what was going on with me.”
But his anger only seems to be growing as he replies, “I’m helping you, Alexa, whether you want it or not.”
Now I feel my own anger begin as I push away from him and slip out of the bed. Wrapping a robe around me, I look back at the blond Adonis in my bed.
“I don’t want your help,” I state firmly, raising my chin.
Eric flings back the bedcovers, his beautiful nakedness taking my breath away even though I’d just had him and there is a wild mix of emotions running through me.
Taking my hand in a firm grasp, Eric says in a deceitfully calm tone, “Don’t be stupid about this, Alexa.”
Tugging my hand free, I state, “This isn’t your problem.”
His eyes change, becoming sad as he says softly, “Jenny is not a problem to me.”
My heart catches.
Reaching out for me again, his fingers tangling through mine, as he pleads softly, “Let me help, Alexa.”
Holding his eyes, I see the plea in them.
“I won’t take your money,” I state firmly.
Finality ringing through in my words and my stance.
“Forget about the money for now,” he says, backing down just a little before continuing, “Jenny is the most important person in your life. If I can help, why not let me?” he asks softly.
It’s those words that convinces me...
To allow myself to lean on him.
“But how can you help?” I ask.
He smiles softly, as he says, “I have a friend who’s a lawyer. I’m sure he can help us. First thing in the morning, I’ll call him.”
Nodding, I feel some of the weight lift from my shoulders.
And when Eric pulls me into him, I lay my head on his chest and I can’t stop the uncontrollable and grateful sobs that begin to escape from me.