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ALEXA
I feel the room tilt...
Sway.
The slightest pin drop would have been like a shot gun going off.
Finally, I’m able to think again as I stare at the man that looks eerily similar to some guy I’d once seen on a Game of Thrones episode.
My mouth is completely dry, like someone had filled my mouth with tissue, absorbed all the moisture and left nothing.
I swallow.
The motion hurts.
And it’s my only movement since my mind was able to comprehend what Axton was suggesting.
That Eric and I marry.
I would have laughed aloud if I could have found enough of a volume to express it.
So instead, I just begin to shake my head, knowing that could never be an option.
I love my child but marrying Eric...
Unable to look at him, I keep my eyes trained on Axton as I begin my silent plea for him to come up with another suggestion.
I would do anything but marry Eric.
I feel a trail of fire begin from where his hand is holding mine, all the way up my arm, to my heart.
I would never, ever trap him this way.
But Axton remains quiet, waiting for some response from me at his suggestion.
Clearing my throat, I respond in a cracked voice, “There must be some other way.”
I feel Eric stiffen, his hand gripping mine tighter.
And panic fills me.
Overwhelming me.
“Unfortunately, given your history of running away, this would be the quickest, easiest way. There’s no documentation of his sexual assault on you to help with the case. You will be looked at as a single mom, struggling financially who has not only kept a child from its father but who also ran away. You will not be painted in a great light. By marrying Eric, we can then at least establish that the child now has a secure home life with two parents who are financially stable, and we could then argue that you had been young when you took off. Due to the passage of time, I feel confident that the court will award you full custody since Jenny would be negatively affected by suddenly being thrust into her father’s care. He would still get visitation rights unless we could somehow prove the...ah...” he struggles around the last word, before saying softly, “rape.”
That word, along with everything else, is my breaking point.
Shaking off Eric’s hand, I stand, uncaring that my chair falls backwards, connecting with the floor with a loud bang.
I just need to get out of here and get away from Axton.
Away from Eric’s penetrating gaze.
I feel as if I’m not living a real life, that I’m just some crazy cartoon character set in some crazy script as I push the door open.
Needing air, to just breathe, I go to the only one who can make me feel that way.
Sliding the stall door open, Onyx raises his head, his eyes zeroing in on me, instantly understanding what I need.
Not bothering with a saddle or reins, I let him out of his stall and immediately climb onto his back. Eric walks in at that moment but he’s the last person I want to deal with right now.
Placing my heels on each side of Onyx’s flanks, I relish in the feeling of power beneath me as he lunges forward, forcing Eric to take a side step or be run over. As soon as we clear the barn, I let Onyx decide on the direction.
Because right now I don’t care.
Not anymore.
I just want the world to go away, to just leave me at peace.
I know it’s futile to want this, but right now, I just needed a reprieve from the entire world.
I feel tears leak out of my eyes, flowing back into my hair from the speed that Onyx is taking. I’m unsure of how long we are racing around, me feeling like a mad woman, with Onyx feeding off my torment.
If only Jack’s lawyer could see me now, - I think cynically.
What have I ever done to deserve this? – my heart silently screams.
Before Jack, I was a girl who obeyed her parents, did well in school and had her entire future planned out. I’d been the quintessential good girl.
But somehow fate had intervened, delivered a bunch of blows, and left a mark deep within my soul. A sob escapes me, hurting my chest.
Onyx’s ears perk, and he slows himself to trot before coming to a slow walk. Feeling his sides expand and contract from his exercise, I focus on just listening to his breaths and allow myself to fall forward, wrapping my arms around his neck. Closing my eyes, trying to find an inner peace even though my life is in such turmoil, as he cools himself out. When he comes to a stop, I slide my eyes open.
Eric’s blue and haunted gaze stares back into mine.
My heart feels as if there is a fist around it, squeezing tight as I look at the man I love.
Because of that, I could never bring him into this, to sacrifice himself for me.
Still clinging tightly to Onyx’s neck, I whisper simply, “I’m sorry.”
His face changes, softening, as he steps towards Onyx and me, his hand coming up to smooth my wild hair away from my face.
“No need to be sorry. It’s a lot to take in,” he murmurs soothingly.
Nodding, a single tear escapes as my throat fills with emotion, making me incapable of speaking.
He stays like this, just calmly soothing me with lightly brushing strokes over my hair until I feel some of my inner strength return.
Sitting up, I swing one leg over Onyx’s back and easily slide off.
Eric immediately wraps his arms tightly around me as I listen to his heart thudding wildly in his chest.
Finding my voice, I murmur, “I would never expect you to marry me, Eric. I could never ask that sacrifice of you.”
His hand comes up over my hair, soothing me.
I feel him sigh heavily as he replies in a gentle tone, “It wouldn’t be a sacrifice, Alexa. Not with you.”
His words only tear at me further.
Marrying me, taking on all my problems would most definitely be a sacrifice. Especially for a man like Eric.
Any day, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the passion to fade and he would realize that Jenny and I were now a burden to him. Marrying him would make the separation a lot harder once the time came.
So I force out words that I don’t really mean.
“I don’t want to marry you, Eric,” I say softly.
I feel him stiffen just before he pushes me away to grasp my arms, shaking me slightly to look up at him.
“Why not?” and I can’t avoid the pain I see in his eyes.
Oh Eric, - I silently plea. Please understand that I can’t force you into something I know you never wanted.
“It wouldn’t be fair to you. This isn’t your problem. I don’t expect you to make a sacrifice for me,” I whisper truthfully.
He remains silent for a moment but then asks, “What about if I want to do this?
I open my mouth to reply, but he interrupts me, his eyes slashing through me as he continues, “I care about Jenny too. I’ll do anything if it means that it will keep Jack away from her. I know what it’s like to be with parents who don’t want you,” his voice cracks with emotion several times throughout this. “Jenny is too sweet to allow anyone to do that to her. I won’t allow anyone to do that to her, not if I can stop it somehow,” he finishes, anger now evident in his tone.
I swallow thickly.
I know he cares for Jenny, but marriage?
“Marriage is a big step, Eric. It’s not something we had planned or ever talked about. How would we cope?” I ask in a tearful whisper.
He sighs deeply, then responds, “We will cope one day at a time.”
His sentence hangs heavily between us.
Sounding so very simple when he put it like that.
I think of Craig, of his offer as a possible way out, but I know I don’t have enough time to make the move, to get my business up, running and profitable in time to fight Jack and it’s why I had told Craig a few days ago that I still needed time to figure things out.
Eric’s grasp on my arms tightens, drawing my attention back to him with his eyes holding mine as he continues, “We will take each day as it comes.”
What he’s offering, no promises other than to be there for Jenny and me when we need him the most, is too tempting to resist.
Biting my lip, another tear escapes.
His eyes are pleading with mine while my mind tells me this isn’t a good idea.
But my heart is beating thickly with the opposite.
Slowly, while holding his eyes, I nod my head.
He straightens and pulls me into him, his chest rising in a big inhale before he expels it heavily.
But I’m feeling like I’m grasping onto something that’s not real.