|
|
|
Chloe
––––––––
When I wake up for the second time with my alarm clanging too damn loud, I roll over to stare up at the ceiling. I can’t put it off any longer. Sliding off the bed, I go into the bathroom to find the pregnancy test I stashed here yesterday. We were supposed to do this together, it was the real reason I asked Enzo to stay home. I already know I’m pregnant; I wanted him to find out with me, though. Just an hour, he couldn’t give me an hour of his day. Stop it, Chloe, he’s a billionaire. He didn’t get that way by winning the lottery. He’s worked hard for it; he can’t turn it off like a switch. Except he’s going to when the baby comes. He’s going to go from fourteen-hour days in an office to five-hour days at home, for the baby.
The test takes all of five minutes from beginning to end, including me reading the directions twice. Two lines, no surprise, but seeing them there makes it real. I run a hand over my stomach. Nothing to see here yet. A baby, a little piece of me and a little piece of Enzo. The thought weakens my knees and I sag against the vanity. Why couldn’t he be here? Would he have been if I told him the real reason? Deep down I know the answer, and I hate it. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I open the bottom drawer of the vanity, set the test with the box and directions in the back where I can’t see it, and close it. I need to get ready for work.
***
Chloe
––––––––
After an early dinner we go to the opera. When we get home we have a late snack of buttered noodles Nonna makes. Nonna lets us go up to bed at eleven.
When Enzo reaches for me, I don’t tell him no. I don’t say anything, I need him too much, need this too much but when it’s over I push him off. Thankfully he doesn’t say anything. He pulls me into his arms the way he usually does, and even though I want so badly to push him away again, I don’t have the strength so I fall asleep in his arms.
And that’s how the rest of the week goes. During the day I try to pretend I’m not hurting, that I’m not pretty fucking sure I’m making a huge mistake. At night, Enzo fucks me until I don’t have a solid bone in my body. I wanted to say make love but I know I’m wrong, was always wrong because you make love to someone you care about and fuck someone you’re trying to knock up for the grand prize of a kid. I’m pretty sure Enzo feels my attitude, but he doesn’t care so he doesn’t say a word, doesn’t ask, and I’m done asking for things I can’t have.
***
Chloe
––––––––
It’s my wedding day; it’s supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Three seconds after I open my eyes I’m throwing up with my head in the toilet. Thank god Enzo is already out of the room. This happened yesterday, I was kind of hoping that would be the end of it. After I brush my teeth with only baking soda because I can’t stand the taste of toothpaste anymore, I go back and lie on the bed.
I check my phone, it’s almost ten o’clock. The ceremony is at noon followed by a half hour of pictures then lunch on our lawn. We actually only ended up having twenty-two people total, Adam included after Russell broke down and forgave him, so everyone will fit in the backyard. In forty-five minutes a woman is coming to do my hair and makeup, and although Bethany and Alicia aren’t in the tiny wedding party, they are coming over to have their hair and makeup done too. The wedding party will consist of Russell as my best man—no, he doesn’t get to wear a dress even though he asked a hundred times and Dante as Enzo’s best man. Nonna thought it was sweet I asked her to give me away, but her old-fashioned sensibilities wouldn’t let her so I nixed the idea entirely. I’m walking all of sixty feet. Even if I am wearing heels, I can make it on my own.
From the window I can see the backyard has already been set up for wedding splendor. There is a trellis covered in peonies in pink and white, and huge teacup roses also in pink and white. We’re getting married by a judge Enzo knows.
“I swear it looks like a floral shop threw up in your backyard. It’s gorgeous.” Russell opens the door without knocking. “Pussycat, what the fuck? You’re just lying in bed.”
I shrug, I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. “I just woke up.”
“You just woke up? Only you. You want me to get you something to eat? Enzo’s downstairs threatening death to anyone who fucks up today, so you can’t go down there.”
“I’m not hungry, it’s fine. Bethany is on her way over with the dress.”
“Why does she have your dress?”
“Because she’s as bossy as you are. She was sure Enzo would see it if I kept it in the house.”
“Oh, she’s so smart. Come on, up. Go take a very quick shower, and here, I bought you the most amazing lotion. It will not only turn your skin into the softest silk imaginable, it will make your skin glow. I’m jealous I’m not white.” Russell yanks me off the bed. I go, taking the lotion with me.
The next two hours pass in a blur as I struggle to smile. Gradually, through Bethany and Russell’s laughter and excitement, I’m not struggling anymore. As I stare at the mirror, I sigh. I never thought I would get married, never dreamed of this day. Maybe this won’t be a complete disaster, I’m not betting on it though.
“Beautiful.” Nonna sighs.
“Nonna, what are you doing in here?”
“I come with your gift from Enzo. He wanted you to wear it for the ceremony.” She hands me a large velvet box.
The moment I see the box I know what it is. Opening it, I’m not wrong. Sighs are loud all around me. It’s the emerald necklace I looked at the day we went to get the replacement engagement ring. I don’t want it. I would have rather had the ring he gave me the first time. Forcing a smile, I turn so Nonna can put it on. Heavy and cold, the metal causes a shiver I can’t hide.
“It’s time.” Russell hugs me close. “Remember, five minutes. The music will start.”
Five minutes. I carry the heels down the stairs until I’m in the kitchen. Fuck I hate heels. A few more steps and I’m wobbling as I step out onto the deck. Okay, women have their dads walk them down the aisle so they don’t fall on their ass. This is not working, screw the line of the dress, I’m about to step out of the heels when an arm appears in front of me. It’s Tony. “Can I offer an arm?”
I stare at the arm, at the man. The dress won’t look as good if I’m not in heels. Taking his arm, I smile. “Thank you, Tony.”
“No problem, always here to help.”
Sixty feet, I counted them when we did it yesterday. It feels like more though.
Enzo is stunning. The moment I see him all my fears disappear because he’s looking at me like I’m every wish he ever made come true. Me, he’s looking at me, and when Tony gives my hand to Enzo I feel the shock of electricity from that first time. Enzo is so happy he’s nearly vibrating with it.
As we recite the plain vows I speak them clearly, meaning every word. When he kisses me, I can’t hold back my happiness, and it’s just a little longer and deeper than it should be. For the next hour I’m floating on air, until the moment we sit down to eat and someone hands me a glass of champagne. Before I can think of a way of getting out of drinking it without explaining why, Enzo reaches for it. Taking it, he holds it up.
“Can I have your attention?” Immediately, everyone goes quiet. “In addition to celebrating our wedding day, I want to share we’re also having a baby. Chloe is pregnant.” The oohs and ahs are deafening. I paste a smile on my face as I struggle to answer everyone’s questions at once. No, I haven’t seen a doctor. I just found out. No, I’m not going to quit working. I have the answer for why Enzo’s so happy, he had to have found the test. He’s gotten everything he wanted. A wife who won’t argue, is easy in bed, and who is so fertile that after less than a month of fucking he knocked her up.
We cut the cake, and by now my face hurts from faking a smile I don’t feel. Just when I think I can’t last another ten minutes, Cesare gets a call from the nanny: something is wrong with Matteo. She’s taking him to the emergency room because she thinks he has meningitis. Panic sets in, Alicia and Cesare are gone within seconds. Bethany and Dante follow with Tony in their car. Dominic disappears too, but I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to the hospital.
“Come on, I’ll help you change,” Enzo says.
Shaking my head, I look to Nonna. “I can’t leave Nonna alone. You go, call me when you know.”
He’s disappointed. While I feel bad, I’ve always hated hospitals. I told him that when he talked about Alicia not wanting anyone to come to the hospital when she had Nicholas. “You remember how much I hate hospitals, don’t you?”
“This is important. Would you stay home if it were our child?”
“Enzo, that isn’t fair. If it were our child or you, yes I would be there. Please understand, I didn’t go to the hospital when I had kidney stones. Russell had to pick me up and put me in the car against my will.”
He shakes his head, doesn’t say a word, and he’s gone.
––––––––
The next few hours pass slowly. Russell and Adam stay with me and Nonna. Then Everett, Enzo’s driver, arrives to ask if we were still going on our honeymoon. The pilot is calling. I shake my head. I still have no idea where we were going. Nonna speaks up and asks.
“Sicily.”
“Ah, I’ll take the flight, if you can delay it for a half hour while I pack.”
“Nonna?”
“I miss home, my darling. You and your new husband have a lot going on. I’ll leave you to it.”
I don’t bother arguing. I go up to help her pack. She chatters away at how excited she is about the baby. How she’ll be back to help me when the baby comes. When she leaves she kisses me goodbye and tells me to dream right, and we both laugh. When I was little she would tell me to sleep tight and dream right. I promise her I will.
Once Nonna is gone Russell hugs me. “You want to go to the hospital, pussycat?”
I shake my head. “You know I hate hospitals. Every time I’m in one, all I can think of is those three days while I sat in one watching my mother die and what felt like everyone around her die too. No, god no.”
“Okay, just checking. How about some poker?”
Adam holds out the cards. “Texas hold ’em.”
Sighing, I nod. “Let me get out of this dress first.”
Russell comes upstairs with me. “How come you didn’t tell me you were pregnant? I almost fell over when Enzo announced it.”
“I almost fell over too. I haven’t told anyone, I’m not even sure how Enzo found out.” I go into the bathroom to check the bottom drawer, the test is gone. It hits me: the cleaners were here yesterday. Karen, who I do love, has cleaners who come in three times a week to do everything we don’t want to do, like clean toilets and things Karen doesn’t do because her pay grade is above all that. The cleaners had to have found it and she must have told Enzo.
“Hm, I wondered, you looked like you were gonna throw up when he announced it, but I thought that’s how all pregnant women look once they’re pregnant.”
“No, he announced it without talking to me. I can’t believe he did that. We haven’t even been to the doctor yet. This was a discussion we should have had together before he told everyone.”
“He was just really excited,” Russell argues.
“Yeah, he finally got kid number one of the prenup.”
“Don’t, don’t start doing that. He loves you. Anyone who looks at that man can see it.”
Swallowing my tears, I force a smile. I don’t want to have this discussion with Russell, and not when I know he doesn’t get it. “Of course he does. Unzip me please so I can get out of this.”
Changed into pajama bottoms and a loose T-shirt, we find Adam at the dining table with cards and poker chips and reading something on his phone.
“Hey, I was just reading. I had no idea meningitis is so scary.”
Great, now it’s time to admit my ignorance. “What is meningitis, exactly?”
Adam starts reading and my stomach flips. Fuck, that’s scary. Poor Alicia and Cesare, to have to sit and wait, not able to do anything more than worry. Should I go? It hits me again: the smell of alcohol, the moans of my mom, the crying of the woman in the room next door as her husband lay dying. Shaking my head, I grab my phone and text Enzo to ask how everything is going. Nothing. A response never comes.
Around midnight Adam and Russell go home. I go up to bed. The stupid necklace won’t come off. Before I lie down I send another text to Enzo, asking again how everything is going. He doesn’t answer before I fall asleep.
***
Enzo
––––––––
Bethany nudges me with her foot. “Why aren’t you going to answer Chloe’s text?”
“Because I’m not in the mood.”
“Enzo, don’t be like that. She’s worried.”
“If she were worried she’d be here right now.”
“Don’t be mean. She legit hates hospitals. Russell took her while she was in too much pain to fight him. She did tell you about how they wanted to keep her, but she just took a prescription for painkillers and took a cab because Russell refused to drive her home? Have you ever had kidney stones? Do you have any idea how painful they are? If she won’t go to the hospital for herself, why would she come for Matteo, who she’s encountered all of twice? Dominic isn’t here, no one knows why he hates hospitals, you’re not mad at him. Where did Tony go, by the way?”
“For decent coffee across the street, he’ll be right back. This is family. When something happens you’re there for each other.”
“Look who’s talking. You missed Matteo’s third birthday because of work.”
“This isn’t about a birthday. She’s not coming for Matteo, she was supposed to come for me. Her grandmother took our plane to Italy; the excuse she used for not coming wasn’t valid as of three hours ago.”
“It’s always about you.” Dante shakes his head. “Never mind what she needs. Like what the fuck on announcing she’s pregnant without talking to her first?”
How did he know I didn’t talk to Chloe first? I shrug. “I was excited. I couldn’t hold it in. How could she think I could not tell anyone?”
Bethany winces. “Please tell me you didn’t agree not to say anything then did anyway.”
“We didn’t agree to anything, we didn’t talk about it because she didn’t even tell me.” Thinking of it now, I shove down the anger at Chloe not telling me. How old was the test?
Dante sits up. “She didn’t tell you? How the hell did you know?”
“Karen told me by accident this morning when she came to oversee everything. She assumed I knew because one of the cleaners found the pregnancy test in the bathroom.”
“Wow, you...” Bethany shakes her head. “I can’t even believe you.” She gets up and walks away.
“What?” Dante is staring at me like he’s going to deck me. “What is the big deal?”
“I don’t understand how you can be intelligent enough to make several billion dollars, but so utterly stupid when it comes to women and relationships.”
He gets up and follows Bethany out of the room. What did I do?
***
Enzo
––––––––
Che comes in a little after four in the morning, looking like hell but with a huge smile on his face. Bethany and Dante only came back an hour ago and haven’t talked to me since.
“He’s going to be okay. It’s not meningitis. They still want to keep him in while they rule out other things less serious but the test came back negative on meningitis.”
Bethany starts crying. “Ugh, I promised I wouldn’t cry. I’m just so damn relieved.”
Che hugs her. “Me too, kiddo—I understand completely. You need to go home and get some sleep.”
Dante nods. “I’ll get her home. Call me though when you know what it is for sure.”
I’m caught off guard when Bethany lays a hand on my chest and pushes. “I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t think you deserve it, but Chloe does. A woman’s wedding day should be all about her feeling like a princess, where she wears the prettiest dress she will ever wear and she gets to marry the man of her dreams. It wasn’t a huge deal to me because Dante makes sure I feel like a princess every day, but I know for a fact you haven’t been doing that for Chloe. Then you went and made it about her pregnancy, which sucks so hard because the moment a woman becomes pregnant, it’s as if the world loses their minds and her body and choices are up for public consumption and advice. It’s not just about them anymore, and on her wedding day it should have been all about her. And maybe, just fucking maybe, you should have talked to her and asked her why she hadn’t told you yet. Maybe there was a valid reason and even if that reason was just that she wasn’t ready, it was a fucking valid reason.”
Dante nods. “What she said.”
***
Chloe
––––––––
For the first time I’m awake before Enzo. Studying him, I can’t help but sigh. He is stunning; we really are going to have gorgeous babies. Longing wells up inside me. I run a finger over his jaw, then he moves. I snatch my hand back and roll over off the bed, as I do the necklace comes off. Catching it, I study it, wondering why he bought it. In the closet, I stash the necklace in the island. I dress quickly in leggings and a T-shirt. Back in the bedroom, Enzo is still asleep, so I grab my phone then close the door behind me.
Going downstairs I blink twice: the whole house has been cleaned. There’s no sign of anything to indicate a wedding happened here yesterday. I check the time, it’s only nine thirty.
“Oh, hello, Chloe. I’m sorry if I woke you,” Karen exclaims. A tall thin woman well into her sixties, Karen is sweet, thoughtful, and a great cook.
“No worries, I’m pretty sure you didn’t. Thank you for seeing to everything.”
“It’s my job. How about some breakfast?”
“Sounds good, oatmeal has been better for me lately.”
“Ah yes, for the baby and morning sickness. I couldn’t eat anything the first few hours of my day except some saltine crackers for the first six months of my first pregnancy. I do want to apologize, I had no idea you hadn’t told Enzo about the pregnancy. Looking back, I should have known if the test was buried in the bottom of the drawer.”
Shrugging, I don’t look up from my phone. Relief comes over me as I read the text from Bethany letting me know Matteo is okay. “It’s not your fault. It wasn’t the best hiding place. I wasn’t ready yet.”
Karen nods. We don’t talk much as she cooks the oatmeal, then sets down the sugar and some toast beside my bowl. She leaves with a pat on my hand.
I’m finishing breakfast when Enzo comes downstairs. “Good morning,” I murmur as I chew my toast.
“Morning.” It’s abrupt. “Matteo is all right, in case you cared.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath then another. It doesn’t work. I run for the half bath and lose the breakfast I ate. Enzo touches my back, the touch stings, I shrug him off. Once it finally stops I rinse my mouth out. It’s not enough, though, so I head upstairs to brush my teeth.
“Chloe.”
I ignore him and keep walking. I’m brushing my teeth when I see him in the mirror behind me. Wiping my mouth clean, his hand goes down on my arm. I shrug him off. “I’m sorry.”
Climbing onto the bed he’s made, I work to breathe deep to keep the tears at bay. I won’t let them happen where he can see them.
“Chloe, I’m trying to apologize.”
“You apologized. Please leave me alone, a headache is coming on.” Trying to shut him out, I close my eyes.
“The pilot will be back this afternoon. Do you want to leave tonight or tomorrow?”
“Leave where?” I don’t bother opening my eyes.
He sighs. “For our honeymoon.”
“We don’t need a honeymoon. You got the job done. I don’t want to go on a honeymoon.” The idea of ten days of nothing but Enzo feels like torture.
Another sigh. I swear to god if he sighs again I’m going to deck him. “I would like for us to go on a honeymoon, please.”
“I would not like to go on a honeymoon. Please go away.”
“Look...” I refuse to open my eyes even though I can feel him hovering over me. “I’m sorry about announcing you were pregnant at the wedding without talking to you. I didn’t think, I was excited.”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes closed. “Whatever, what’s done is done. I really want to take a nap.”
“Fine. I’m going into work.”
I squeeze my eyes tight. That’s what you get, Chloe—you pushed him away and he went.