Chapter Thirteen

Wade felt awful over the way he had left things with Arden the other day. Damn, he was an ass. She’d said she loved him and he’d treated her declaration like she’d just complimented his pajamas. But her words shocked him, and he didn’t know how to deal with them. Guilt still tore through him.

He had to try to make things right between them. Even if he couldn’t give her what she wanted, what she deserved, he still wanted her in his life. He wanted her friendship. He wanted their deal to continue on for a while longer. He wanted…her. Which was why he found himself on her front porch.

He knocked on her door and a few beats later, she appeared before him. She looked beautiful—maybe not in a traditional way—with her hair piled high on her head, no makeup, and wearing a light-pink turtleneck, but he stood there greedily drinking in every ounce of her. Her expression was grim as she stared back at him with cool, clear blue eyes.

Not a promising sign.

“Wade, I wasn’t expecting you tonight,” she said with a frown.

“Yeah, I know.” He shifted the pizza box he had in his hands, giving her a little grin. “I didn’t think friends needed an invitation.”

For years they could always stop over at each other’s houses unannounced. So when she continued to stare at him, his stomach bottomed out. “I just got off from work and thought I’d bring dinner over, so we could talk,” he added. “It’s Hawaiian pizza.”

She bit her lip, hesitating another moment, then stepped back to allow him to enter. He breathed in deeply, relieved she wasn’t turning him away. Maybe there was a chance they could come to another agreement. But as he placed the box down on her kitchen table, he noticed a piece of paper lying there with scribbled notes and checkmarks. It looked to be a packing list.

With alarm, he looked up. “Going somewhere?”

She glanced at the list then to him and nodded. “Yes. I’m heading to New York City this Sunday.”

“Girls’ trip?”

“No. I’m taking on a job up there for a little while. Milena recommended me to two friends of hers who are getting married. One of them is even putting me up in a condo for free. It’s a wonderful opportunity.”

“I don’t remember you mentioning that before. When did this all happen?”

She looked away. “Recently.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I’m not entirely sure. Most likely a few weeks to a month. It really depends on schedules and the appointments I can make while I’m there. I’ll come back for Kinsley’s wedding, obviously.”

His entire body went rigid. A month. She was leaving for a month, but it felt much longer and more final than that. “But that means you’ll miss the Fur-Ball fundraiser,” he blurted.

“Yes, I know,” she replied evenly, wrapping her arms around her shoulders as if she was trying to give herself support. “My assistant Jessica will be there to run your event. You don’t need to worry.”

Your event. Not our event. “I’m not worried about that,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “What about our deal? Won’t people think it’s strange that my fiancée left town and won’t be attending the ball with me?”

“Wade, the ball wasn’t part of the arrangement. We agreed to break up after Kinsley’s wedding.”

“I know, but—”

“We’re getting what we both wanted. You’re being left alone, and like I said, these New York weddings are a wonderful opportunity.”

Was this what he wanted? It should be. No commitments and no ties was what he’d always wanted and enjoyed in the past, but for all this space she was now giving him, he only felt suffocation.

“You know how important my business is to me,” she added. “It’s something I need to do.”

“Something that you need to do all of a sudden, you mean. So, you tell me you love me and because I don’t say it back, you just pack up and decide to leave?”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “Wade, you make it sound like I’m trying to punish you. That’s not the case at all. It’s business. But to be fair, you’ve given no reason for me to stay, either.”

His mind frantically churned to combat that statement. But she was right. He was just being selfish. He’d given her no real reason to stay. He couldn’t. Even though he hated the fact that he felt she was pulling away from their friendship.

“The timing is perfect. Our deal has taken a path we both didn’t expect—and that one of us didn’t want—but our scheduled breakup was about to happen anyway. There’s no need to hang around each other anymore. Not now. Milena is thrilled with the work I’m doing for her wedding, so there’s no chance she’ll suddenly pull her account once she learns we’ve broken up, and no one will rush to match you with another woman so soon after our broken engagement. With me going to New York, this is probably the perfect time to make a clean break, if you think about it.”

That was the point. He didn’t want to think about it. Because it made him feel sick.

He clenched his jaw. “So that’s it then?”

She sighed. “Yes, that’s it. I’m sorry, Wade. I know our pretend-relationship deal is Kinsley’s wedding, but our real relationship is over now. Thanks to you, I now know I want the real thing. Commitment. Love. The happily ever after. All of it. I didn’t think I was made for it before—I thought my career was enough. But I now know it’s not. Not anymore. Real, lasting love is out there, and I don’t want to pretend that we have it or hope that you might change your mind and want it, too.”

He pressed his fingers to his forehead. There was a buzzing in his ears. “I told you. I…can’t.”

“It’s not that you can’t. You won’t. You don’t have the courage to love someone again, because you’re afraid they’ll leave you one day. Yes, Wade, that is a risk. But life has all kinds of risks. I’m just sorry you don’t recognize that what we have together would be so worth taking a chance on.” She turned and walked over to the door. “Thanks for stopping by, but maybe dinner isn’t such a good idea after all,” she said, her voice raw.

“But we’re friends, right? I still want you in my life.”

She slowly shook her head. “I’m sorry. That’s something I can’t do. It’s…too hard right now.”

His gaze lifted and he looked at her for a long moment. Seeing her eyes fill with unshed tears felt like someone laying a heavy brick on his chest. Panic rushed through him. He didn’t know what to do or where to turn. So what he did next was what he’d always done since Miranda’s death. He left.

Arden was doing him a favor, he reasoned. He’d always believed that if he was the first to leave a relationship, he’d avoid any attachment and thus any pain. He wouldn’t have to worry about losing anyone again. He’d protect himself. Protect his heart. He never dreamed there’d be something even more valuable at stake. Their friendship.

As the door closed behind him with a quiet and final click, his heart squeezed painfully. He rubbed his chest, trying to soothe the ache. He never wanted to hurt Arden. But in trying to protect his own heart, he broke Arden’s.

That’s what this pain has to be then. Guilt. It had to be that. And if it wasn’t guilt, then he was in serious trouble.

Because this feeling he was experiencing resembled something strangely close to a broken heart.

…

The rest of the week had gone by in a blur, which Arden was most thankful for. Between finalizing the fundraiser for the shelter and securing deposits and dates for Milena’s wedding and a few other parties that had come in, she kept busy.

And busy was the perfect balm to a broken heart.

But now that the work week had ended, she dreaded going home to her empty condo. Over the past few weeks, Wade had made it a point to come over on Friday nights even if he was volunteering at the shelter. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since he walked out Tuesday night. And as she pulled into her driveway, she was already missing him terribly.

She cut the engine to her car and sat there, staring into space. Maybe she should go to the Harbor Light and check out if they had a mah-jongg game going on. Maybe I should adopt a pet at the animal shelter as soon as I get back. But that meant she might run into Wade.

A tap at her window startled her. When she looked left, Kinsley and Elena were waving. Arden opened her car door. “What are you guys doing here?” she asked, grateful to see them.

Kinsley held up a grocery bag. “Elena needed an ice cream night. We figured you’d want in.”

“I brought my own spoon,” Elena said, holding up a utensil.

Arden laughed. “That’s not a spoon, honey. It’s a soup ladle.”

Elena sniffed. “I call it a time-saver.”

“Come on in.” Arden gestured them to follow. “Unfortunately, I could use a few ladles of ice cream myself.”

“Oh? Why?” Kinsley asked, walking into the condo. “My brother working too much?”

I wish it were as simple as that.

Arden removed her coat and flopped down on her sofa. “No. But apparently, we aren’t working out anymore.”

“Wait.” Kinsley looked confused. “What do you mean? Are you saying you guys broke up already?”

Just hearing the words out loud made Arden feel as if a weight was crushing her chest. She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh my gosh! Men!” Elena shoved a carton of chocolate peanut butter ice cream in Arden’s hand and stuck a spoon into it. “Now I’m doubly depressed. What did Wade do?”

Kinsley folded her arms. “Hey, why would you think it was something my brother did?” She then peered at Arden. “It was something Wade did, wasn’t it?”

“More like something that he didn’t do,” Arden said with a sigh. “I told him that I loved him, and that news was received about as well as a case of lice in a preschool.”

Kinsley stood speechless for a moment then blew out a breath. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Sadness seeped through her, and she handed the ice cream back to Elena. “But whatever you do say, please don’t let it be I told you so.”

Kinsley shook her head. “No. I won’t say that. But this…this isn’t good.”

“I knew he wouldn’t take it well, either, but I told him anyway. It was a mistake to say anything.”

“No, you were honest with your feelings and that should never be considered a mistake,” Elena said. “What you did took courage. And I’m sorry, Kinsley, but if your brother doesn’t want to take a chance on love again and spend the rest of his life with this woman, well, I think he needs his head examined.” She cleared her throat. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Kinsley said. She sat down next to Arden and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship.”

Arden leaned her head on Kinsley’s. “Never. At least, not our friendship.”

“What does that mean? We can all still hang out together, right?”

“Don’t worry. We’ll manage to get through your wedding for you,” she said, evading the answer.

Kinsley closed her eyes. “Oh gosh, I’m having middle-school flashbacks.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I feel like I ruined everything. You warned me that I was no good for Wade.”

Kinsley turned to her in surprise. “Hey, I never meant that. I just didn’t want things to change. You and Wade are so special to me. I wanted things to be like they were since high school.”

“Then I should probably tell you that I’ve had a crush on Wade since then.”

Kinsley’s eyes widened. “You did?”

Elena pulled the spoon out of her mouth and pointed it at her friend. “Wow, I kind of suspected that,” she mumbled. “But then I thought I was just being my usual romantic self.”

“And I was just being my usual selfish self,” Kinsley told them, hanging her head. “I made Wade promise to never date any of my friends. But now I see that I might have kept two people who truly care about each other apart.”

Arden shook her head. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. Wade doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about him.”

Elena cocked her head. “Are you really sure about that?”

“Extremely sure.” Painfully sure.

Kinsley leaned over and hugged Arden. “I’m so sorry. Just know that if Wade was ever going to find love again, I would have wanted it to be with you.”

Arden sniffed away tears. “I’m glad we’re still friends.”

“Me, too.”

“Me, three.” Elena, then frowned at the empty container. “I think we need real food now. Somebody ate all the ice cream.”

“I’m on it,” Kinsley said, popping up out of her seat. “I have Rizzo’s Pizza on speed dial. What’s that pizza you like, Arden? Hawaiian? Do you want me to order that?”

Arden shook her head. “No, not tonight.” Funny, how she could even have Wade-memories associated with ham and pineapple. Not only did she have a broken heart, but she couldn’t even enjoy her favorite pizza now. “I need real comfort food.”

“Unbelievable, Scott just texted me,” Elena said, looking down at her phone. “Like an I’m-sorry text will make me feel so much better about the situation.” She shook her head. “Better put in a couple of orders of cheese fries with that pizza, Kinsley. We could be in for a long night.”

Arden swiped at her eyes and stood. “If that’s the case, I better start chilling the wine.”