17.

 

With only a few hours before the golden rays of sunlight started to push their way across the sky, Sadie finally went to bed. She slid between the sheets and turned off the bedside lamp.

Time passes more slowly when sleep doesn't come. Waiting for Kevin to return home left every cell in her body focused on the noises of the house. She listened for his feet coming up the front stairs, for the key in the lock. Nothing. When the sunrise finally announced another Monday morning she got up.

 

Bacon sizzled in the pan. Marcus sat at the table drawing on a piece of computer paper. When he pressed too hard the pencil point broke. "Oh no," he said each time. Then he'd click the top of the plastic mechanical pencil until more thin lead peered out of the bottom.

"You don't need to press that hard," she always reminded him.

"I don't like it when Daddy has to go to work early," Marcus said.

"Neither do I." Sadie took the bacon from the pan and placed it on a paper-towel-covered plate.

"This time he had to work super early." Marcus carefully drew a circle on his sheet of paper.

"Yeah, but you'll see him after school." She smiled and fixed his plate: bacon, eggs, and potatoes. She'd made this breakfast because it was Kevin's favorite and she had hoped he'd be home to eat it.

 

Work was like swimming in a pool of molasses. Customers and coworkers oozed past her speaking in slow deep tones that she could barely understand. She tried to call Kevin every chance she could, but he never answered. His phone didn't even ring but went right to voicemail. She left the same message each time. "Hi. Just wondering where you are?" Her voice increased in sweetness with every message.

In the craft store storage room among boxes of glitter and paint, Sadie called Gloria. She was crying before Gloria even answered. "Gloria," she said softly into the phone. She glanced up at the clock, aware that the manager would be looking for her soon. "I told him, and he left." That was all she got out before sobbing again.

Her eyes still red from tears, Sadie told her manager that she was sick and needed to go home. She didn't even remove the powder blue cardigan she wore to protect her arms from the chill of the air conditioning before stepping out into the afternoon heat. She walked through the parking lot, her black purse bouncing against her body with each step. She wished she could make herself invisible. She'd almost made it to her car when a voice stopped her.

"Sadie? Are you all right?"

She froze as if staying still would make the person go away. It didn't. She heard the footsteps coming toward her.

"Sadie?"

She looked up to see an old friend that she hadn't seen for nearly a year. Sadie sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Versie!" She did her best to sound excited. "It's been ages."

"Are you okay?" Versie furrowed her brow.

Sadie shook her head. "I've been going through a lot lately."

"I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but I'm always around if you need to talk." Versie reached out and touched her arm. She was older than Sadie. Her children were grown.

"I'll be fine. I need some time to sort things out." They stood silently for a moment. "How is your daughter? Didn't she move to California?"

"Yeah. She moved to San Diego. Did you ever meet Indira?"

"Yes. She seemed like such a lovely girl." Sadie had met Versie's daughter when she was home from college a few years ago.

"She is. I wish she would call more often. Ever since she moved she's too busy to call her parents. I've almost forgotten what her voice sounds like."

"I'm lucky Marcus is still so young. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to him every day." The thought of losing him made Sadie sick.

"You have a long time before you have to worry about that." Compassion welled in Versie's eyes when she looked at Sadie. "I don't know what your struggle is, but I want you to know that it will pass. Whatever is wrong will mend eventually, and you'll look back on this and be glad you found your way through it." She opened her arms and embraced Sadie.

Sadie couldn't help but start crying again. Her body shook, and tears flowed. "Thank you," she whispered repeatedly as she let herself melt into the embrace. She felt as if Versie was gathering up all of the pieces of her that had been slipping away.

When Sadie was a little girl, she imagined having a family. She wanted a son and a daughter, a dog and a cat, and, of course, a husband. She thought she'd be an astronaut who would hurry home from expeditions to the moon to find her loving family waiting for her. Working part-time in a craft store was nowhere close to being an astronaut, but she'd almost had the rest.

 

Kevin's office building was a depressing place. She was always grateful that he was willing to spend his days in that gray cement box to provide for the family. She didn't say it enough, but she was sure he knew. When she scanned the parking lot and didn't see his car she wondered if he had even gone in. The phone in his office rang three times before switching over to voicemail. Sadie didn't leave a message, instead she hung up and called the reception desk. "Hello, Melanie. This is Sadie ... Yeah, I'm doing well. Can I speak to Kevin ... Oh he's home sick ... I left for work before him so I didn't realize ... Thanks."

She sat in the car in the parking lot looking at the front of Kevin's office building and wondering where he was. With the car turned off the heat baked into her. Sweat gathered beneath her thighs and in the small of her back. She turned the car on and put it into drive. There were still a few hours before she'd have to get Marcus from school, so Sadie decided to go home and look for her husband there.