32.

 

The weeks after Marcus's disappearance passed in a haze of television interviews and visits from the police. Sadie didn't want to make this a big deal, but Kevin insisted.

Eventually the flowers, cards, and casseroles stopped arriving on their doorstep and Kevin and Sadie were left alone with the empty seat at the kitchen table.

Sadie put a forkful of string beans into her mouth and chewed slowly. Kevin pushed his roasted potatoes around his plate lost in thought.

"Are you okay?" Sadie asked, noticing the far away look in his eyes. He'd been home more since Marcus's disappearance. There were no more late nights at the office. Sadie had heard that traumas like losing a child could tear couples apart, but she found that it only brought them closer together. They talked more and listened more. While everything else in the world around them seemed like it happened in a fog, life in their house seemed more clear than it ever had been before.

"Just thinking." He speared a potato with his fork.

"About what?"

"I just think it's strange that you've been so calm. I was expecting you to fall apart." He put the potato in his mouth.

Sadie thought for a moment. The first time Gloria mentioned Olivia Sadie could feel her life already beginning to unravel. She was so afraid that once it had fallen apart she would never be able to put it back together again, but now here she was eating dinner with her husband and all of the pieces seemed to be falling together.

Gloria told the police about Olivia following them at the museum and stalking her and Jay at the park, but when the police looked for Olivia they found no trace of her. There was an Olivia Penner living in a town just outside of the city, but she was a thin white woman in her sixties with an oxygen tank. It was as if their Olivia never existed. The apartment she was living in was rented to a group of film students who claimed they'd been living there for the past year. The office she worked in was abandoned and according to the security guard at the building it had been that way for quite some time.

Sadie put her forearms on the table and leaned forward a bit. "I am upset, Kevin. Marcus is gone. This is hard for you to hear I know, it's even harder for me to say, but Marcus is gone and he's not coming back."

"You're giving up hope just like that. It's only been a few weeks."

"It's been a month and a half. Honestly, I don't think they're going to find him at all. He's gone."

Kevin put his fork down on the table and sat back in his chair. "You think Olivia's letter was right? You think he disappeared because ... what did the letter say again?"

"... because I no longer need him. He's done what he was meant to do."

"And what's that?" Kevin asked.

"Given me a taste of what I thought I wanted ..." Sadie paused for a moment to think of the right words, "... and helped me see that that didn't change who I was. And that there is no such thing as perfect."

"So you're happy now?"

"No ... This is eating me up inside. My heart aches so badly sometimes I feel like it might burst, but I know I will be happy again someday. I know Marcus is okay where ever he is."

Kevin looked down at his plate, his eyes filling with tears. "But what if I still need him?"

"I'm so sorry, Kevin. All of this hurt is my fault." Sadie reached across the table placing her hand over his.

"I can't blame you. I can't blame anyone."

"Maybe you should."

Kevin shook his head.

"It will hurt less as time passes."

He looked up at her. "Then there's nothing we can do, but wait."