Twenty-Four
Chandra stood there alone, ankle deep in the Gulf. The warm salty water stung her freshly shaven legs. She watched the sandpipers run in and out of the surf on spinning feet in the golden glow of the setting sun. She turned and looked back on the expanse of beach behind her. In the distance she thought she could see her mother walking towards the parking lot. Chandra called to her, "Mom." But she didn't hear her and continued walking. Chandra splashed out of the water and ran towards her mother sand sticking to her feet and legs. "Mom," she yelled again. This time her mother heard her and turned around.
"Chandra," she said throwing her arms open.
Chandra fell into her open arms like she'd wanted to for so many years. She pressed herself into her mother and breathed in the familiar smell of lilacs and saltwater. "I've missed you so much," she whispered into her mother's ear. "I can't even describe how much I've missed you."
She pushed Chandra away holding her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "You don't have to miss someone who's right here with you. Don't miss me. I'm always here." She pulled Chandra in to hold her close again.
"I know. I just kept feeling like . . . I miss you so much," Chandra could feel the lump start to form in her throat.
"Well stop it. You can stop it now." Her mother's voice was gentle but stern. "Stop missing me. I'm right here for you, but you have to do something for me."
Chandra pulled away and looked into her mother's green eyes. "What?" she asked.
"Live." Her mother said. She leaned forward and kissed Chandra's cheek. "Get out and live."
Just then Chandra thought she could hear someone calling her in the distance. She turned, looking into the wind for the voice and saw Zade standing by the water. He was motioning to the horizon. "Chandra," he called. "Are you looking? The sun is setting and you're missing it. Come on."
Chandra turned back to her mother with worried eyes and her mother nodded in Zade's direction and smiled. "Go on," she said. "You don't want to miss it."
Chandra turned slowly to walk to Zade.
"I love you," her mother called from behind her. When Chandra turned to say that she loved her too her mother was already gone.
"Chandra, come on," Zade called, waving his arm at her. Chandra quickened her pace until it became a run. The warm sand squished between her toes. When she reached him, she took Zade's outstretched hand.
When she opened her eyes, she was in bed. The light was on and the fan was slowly spinning overhead. Its motor buzzed quietly. She sat up in bed and felt something cool against her chest. It was her mother's locket. She reached behind her neck and undid the clasp. She held the golden heart in her hand and felt the deep scratches on its back. She opened it and looked at the pictures inside. They were vivid like they'd been taken yesterday--her parents so young and so much in love and her own childish face. She snapped the locket closed. "I love you too," she said aloud. This time she knew her mother had heard her.
**
Chandra looked at the clock on her car dashboard before backing out of the driveway. It was six fifteen in the morning. She got out of the car and went to the door. She paused before hitting the buzzer, maybe it was too late.
Zade answered through the intercom right away. "Who is it?" He didn't sound like he'd been sleeping.
"I know it's early, but . . ."
He laughed, "Is it early or is it late?" he asked before hitting the buzzer to let her in. When she got to the top of the stairs he was standing at his door waiting for her.
"You weren't sleeping?" she asked.
"Sleeping? The sun hasn't come up yet." He kissed her. "What are you doing out at this hour?"
"I don't know," Chandra said. "Living."
"Sounds good," Zade said.
"I want to show you something," Zade said. He put some cushions outside on his balcony. The sun had just started spreading its light into the dark sky. "Come out here."
She stepped out into the cool morning air. Zade sat crossed legged on a cushion. Chandra knew the routine well by this time. She sat down and closed her eyes.
"Just breathe," Zade said. "Breathe and think of the sunrise."
Chandra did what he asked. Even though she woke at sunrise almost every morning during the winter months, she was usually so busy getting ready for work and making sure her father had some breakfast prepared that she never really noticed it--not like it deserved to be noticed at least. Thinking about the sunrise, this lovely thing that she normally ignored, made her feel so good. She felt a warmth in her stomach like the sun was rising out from her somehow. She focused on her breath and the image of the rising sun, rising up and away from her. She felt Zade's hand on her arm.
"Now stay calm, but open your eyes," he said.
When she did she could only see blue sky around her. "What's happening?" she gripped his arm.
"Stay calm," he smiled. His brown eyes twinkled with mischief. "Look down."
She looked down and saw rooftops, tree tops, streets, and cars. She held his arm even tighter and took a deep breath.
"Isn't it great," Zade said delighted. "This is it. This is what I've been trying to show you."
The sun was an orange disc becoming brighter as it climbed into the sky. The clouds were wisps of white that seemed close enough to touch. She relaxed into sitting midair over the city that had been her home all her life. "It is. It's great." She loosened her grip on Zade's arm.
"Where do you want to go?" Zade asked.
"Anywhere." Chandra said and they moved across the city toward the horizon.
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