Good thing breathing was an autonomic reflex, because Graham had spent the first half of the performance forgetting to fill his lungs with oxygen.
Mattie had already done one dance earlier in the evening, and she’d absolutely beamed from the stage. She’d even missed a step or two and hadn’t flinched once. Most of the girls in Mattie’s class had forgotten what they were doing for a portion of the dance, stopping to watch the other girls before remembering they were part of it. After seeing that, Graham had finally relaxed. No one was expecting the little girls to be perfect. In fact, their small missteps were endearing.
Now Mattie was back out on stage for her second dance. She looked so happy, and Graham owed it all to Lucy.
His mind flashed back to that day in the parking lot when Lucy had grabbed Mattie’s car seat without asking and completely changed their lives. In the past two weeks, Graham had hoped the feelings he’d developed for Lucy would change.
His wish had come true. They had changed. Just not in the way he’d wanted. They’d increased. And he didn’t have a clue what to do about it. Today had been Lucy’s last day of work at his office—and a half day at that, since she’d needed to prepare for tonight’s recital. On Monday, Hollie was returning from maternity leave and Lucy wouldn’t be working for him anymore. Graham didn’t know her plan. And according to the Wellings, he shouldn’t care so much.
But he did.
To say he’d miss her would be the understatement of the century.
Mattie stepped forward from the line of girls and did a few steps on her own.
She looked so mature Graham wanted to cry. If only Brooke could see her. She’d be so proud. She would absolutely love this moment.
Would he ever stop missing her? He imagined not. She’d been his best friend in every way possible. What would she think of these feelings he harbored for Lucy? Would she agree with her parents? Or would she see what he saw?
The dance ended, and the girls ran from the stage, their little shoes pattering. Thundering applause sounded as the next group of older girls took the stage for their dance.
She would have wanted me to be happy.
The thought whispered in his mind, then grabbed hold with intensity. Brooke wouldn’t have been okay with the tension circling between him and her parents. But she would have wanted him and Mattie to be happy.
The one thought contradicted the other, leaving Graham completely confused. He didn’t know how to handle any of this.
What a mess.
God, show me what I’m missing, what I can’t see. Show me Your way. Mine isn’t working.
The last group exited the stage, and the owner of the dance school came out. Someone presented her with flowers. After that, all of the dancers filed out on stage. Line after line filled the space. Mattie, being one of the smallest, was in the front. The audience gave them a standing ovation as they continued to come out. Mattie’s class kept getting pushed forward to give the others more room.
When the last group walked out, everyone inched forward another step. Mattie was right on the edge of the stage, but she didn’t seem to realize it. When they started to bow, Graham’s nerves went on high alert. But Mattie completed the bow and stood back up, pride and delight mingling on her face.
How he loved that little girl.
The audience continued to clap, and the group on stage started a second bow. Only this time, Mattie tipped forward and lost her balance. She wobbled trying to find her footing, and then she toppled right off the stage.
* * *
Lucy watched it happen. One moment, Mattie was on stage taking a bow with her class. The next, she was gone, disappearing as if she’d fallen off the side of a cliff. Lucy shoved forward through the dancers until she reached the front. At the sight of a crumpled Mattie, she heard someone scream. She jumped off the stage and bent over the little girl.
Mattie was crying, and somewhere this registered as a relief. She was alive. Granted, the drop was only a few feet, but Lucy’s mind had gone wild with fear.
“Talk to me, Mattie Grace. What hurts?”
“My-my-my arrrrrmmmmm.” The last word came out as a wail.
Lucy stroked back curls that had jarred loose. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” The words felt like lies, but she continued to whisper them along with a barrage of prayers.
Please let her be okay. Let there be nothing permanent wrong. Please.
Where was Graham? Lucy didn’t know what to do. Should she pick Mattie up? She’d heard too many stories of injuries that shouldn’t have been moved, and she didn’t want to do anything to make it worse. It was her fault that Mattie was here in the first place.
And then Graham was there, kneeling over the other side of Mattie, asking doctor questions instead of father questions, calm and strong. Graham’s hands checked over Mattie, and her subsequent cry when he reached her arm made Lucy’s stomach lurch.
Graham’s parents were right behind him, along with the Wellings. As usual, the couple didn’t acknowledge her, but this time Lucy didn’t care. She scooted out of the way so that Mattie’s family could surround her.
An ambulance arrived, and Lucy backed farther away as they rolled a stretcher in. Mattie would hate all of this attention. Good thing she wasn’t coherent enough to realize a crowd stood around her. Lucy would give anything to be able to protect the girl from all of this and from the pain she must be enduring.
Now Lucy finally understood why Graham acted the way he did about Mattie. After this, she’d apologize for ever doubting him. Maybe they could get Mattie one of those protective bubbles.
The crowd parted as the paramedics, Graham and Mattie’s grandparents exited the building. Lucy spotted something red on the floor.
Mattie’s glasses.
She picked them up. God, I know she’s not mine, but it feels like she is. Please let her be okay. Let her be okay and I’ll leave the two of them alone. I’ll back away.
Lucy didn’t know where the thought came from. She only knew she wanted Graham and Mattie to be happy. And while the thought that she wasn’t the answer to that equation just about killed her, she knew without a doubt that if walking away was what she needed to do...
She wouldn’t hesitate.
* * *
Pain medicine was an amazing thing. Mattie had been in the emergency room close to two hours, and she’d gone from wailing in pain to whimpering, and more recently, to being completely distracted by the dilemma of which color cast she wanted for the hairline fracture in her forearm.
Pink.
She didn’t need surgery, and because the swelling was minimal, they could get it cast in the ER. While the fall had been a shock, she was fine other than an additional bump on her head. Graham could breathe. Sort of.
“Daddy, do you want to sign my cast first?”
“Sure.”
“And then Grandma.”
“I’d be honored, love bug.” Graham’s mom was the one who had stayed with him. At first, both sets of grandparents had been there, but it had been too many people. After everyone learned Mattie was okay, she’d been covered in kisses and then his dad and the Wellings had left.
“I still get to have my sleepover, right?”
Graham exchanged a wide-eyed look with his mom. He brushed some of the loose curls from Mattie’s forehead. “Honey, I don’t think that’s the best idea.”
Tears welled. “But Grandma and I were going to celebrate my first dance recital. And she has miniature teacups and marshmallows.” Even if Graham did have those things, they wouldn’t compare to what his mom had. She was the best at planning special activities with Mattie.
“Maybe we could reschedule?” His mom held Mattie’s cup so she could take a sip of water from the straw. “What if we did it next weekend instead?”
Mattie’s head swung back and forth, eyes piercing him. “Daddy, you said I could.”
“That was before you hurt your arm. Don’t you want to sleep in your own bed?” He couldn’t imagine being away from her tonight. She might not need him, but he needed her. He wanted to check on her fifty times and see her tousled hair on her pillow.
She contemplated that question. “I do kind of want to see my stuffies. They need to know what happened to me.”
He resisted a smile.
“What if I drive you home?” His mom glanced at him, and he nodded. “And we get to have a cup of hot chocolate before bed. I’ll tuck you in, but you’ll still get to be in your own bed...” She smiled. “Where your father can watch you like a hawk.”
“Mom.”
She laughed. “What? You are overprotective. In the best way, of course.” Her hand patted his cheek. “Between you and your sisters, we endured all kinds of nights of worry. And just look how great you turned out. I always had a feeling—”
“No feelings, Mom. I can’t handle hearing about one tonight.”
“Just let me say something about Lucy.”
He shot his mother a look that said she should know better with Mattie in the room. “Nope. Not happening. None of your feelings are allowed. I should have made that a requirement for you being the one who got to stay.”
She huffed, a line splitting her brow. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Warn me about what?” Graham waved a hand. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“Where is Lucy?” Mattie piped up. “How come I haven’t seen her? Why isn’t she here?”
“I’m sure she had to finish up recital stuff.”
“Oh.” Her nose wrinkled. “Okay. But I want to see her soon.”
He saluted Mattie. “Yes, ma’am.”
She laughed, gluing back together the pieces of his heart that had shattered when she’d fallen off the stage. But the smug look his mother wore wasn’t giving him any peace. He should have had his dad stay.
Thankfully, Dr. Kent chose that moment to reappear. “The good news is we have pink. The bad news is I got caught with another patient. Sorry about that.”
“No problem. We don’t mind waiting.” When they’d left the recital, Graham hadn’t known the exact nature of Mattie’s injury or if it would require surgery. The fact that they’d arrived at the ER to find Dr. Kent—the best orthopedic specialist Graham knew—already on call because of another patient had practically brought Graham to his knees with gratefulness.
An hour later, Mattie’s arm was cast and they were ready to head out the door. Pretty impressive by ER standards. No doubt they were getting the royal treatment.
He picked up an exhausted Mattie from the bed and she wrapped around him. He kissed the top of her hair as he walked, feet grinding to a halt when he caught sight of Lucy in the waiting room.
She was curled into a horribly uncomfortable-looking chair, head tipped to her shoulder, sleeping. If his heart could jump from his chest, it would have.
His mom pried Mattie from his arms. “Go.” She nodded toward Lucy. “I’m driving Mattie home, remember? Don’t mess this up. Not everyone gets a second chance at love.”
“It’s not like that.” His words fell on an empty waiting room as his mom and Mattie disappeared. Graham walked slowly to Lucy, his pulse erratic.
He sat in the chair next to her and allowed himself to slide a hand along her cheek. “Lucy, honey. Wake up.”
Her eyelids fluttered open, lips curving in a soft smile. “Hi.” Those same eyes widened. “How’s Mattie? I was waiting for so long, I just thought I’d rest for a minute and then—”
“She’s fine. Just a hairline fracture.”
A crease cut through Lucy’s forehead. “Just? Just? If I hadn’t forced her into dance class, none of this would have happened. You warned me. You said she always got injured in sports, but I told you to let go. I—”
“You were right. I did need to let go.”
Her head shook quickly. “No. Not true. We need to get her a bubble or something. I can’t handle her being hurt, Graham. I get it.”
His lips slid up. “We’re not getting her a bubble.” We. He liked the sound of that. As if they were a team. “Though it’s not a bad idea.”
Tears slid down Lucy’s cheeks. “Why do my eyes keep doing this?” She swiped away moisture. “I’m not a crier, but my eyes keep leaking. It’s annoying.”
He reached to the side table and snagged a tissue for her. “After all of my worrying, she did get injured, but you know what? She was still full of excitement about her first recital once her pain medicine kicked in. She wouldn’t have traded tonight for anything. She was even telling me about how she could dance with a broken arm and how she was glad it wasn’t a foot. If I’d kept her from doing it, she wouldn’t have learned all she did these last few weeks. She’s really come out of her shell.”
Lucy sniffled. “She has. But I’m still so sorry. I wasn’t even going to come here, but I just had to know if she was okay. Guess I’d better follow through on my promise.”
“What promise?”
“Nothing.” Lucy grabbed her purse and stood, her body swaying.
He jumped up and put an arm around her. “I don’t think you should be driving, Duchess. You look a bit out of it.”
“I’m fine.” Her eyelids slid shut and she leaned against him. “It’s annoying you always smell so good.”
His mouth hitched. “I apologize.” He didn’t know what had got into her, but Lucy was acting all sorts of strange.
“I didn’t sleep well last night. I was thinking about the performance and going over things in my head.”
She shuffled her feet, and Graham tightened his hold around her as they walked out the doors.
“I don’t function well with a lack of sleep.”
“I’m gathering that.”
Her arm tucked around his back. “Did I mention you smell good?”
“Once or twice.”
She moaned. “It’s like I don’t have a filter right now.”
“Then I should come up with all kinds of questions to ask you.” Graham got to his car and opened the passenger door, almost getting Lucy inside before she balked.
“Wait. What are you doing?”
“Driving you home.”
“Absolutely not.” She backed away from the vehicle. “I have my car here.”
“We’ll get it tomorrow.” He nudged her into the seat. Amazingly she went, though she grumbled the whole way.
He walked around to the driver’s side and got in.
She dug through her purse. “Here.” She handed him Mattie’s glasses.
“Thanks.” He put them in the console. “I wondered what happened to those.”
“And I can’t see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” He started the car and drove out of the lot. “Why not?”
“I’m not going to see you or Mattie. I told God if He would help Mattie not to be seriously injured, I’d get out of your lives.”
Panic kicked in. “That’s not how God works, Lucy, and you know it.”
She crossed her arms. Stared out the window. “I know,” she whispered, voice burdened with sadness. “But I just needed to feel like I was doing something to make her better. I just need to feel...useful. I don’t like waiting for things to get better on their own.”
“I know. You’re my fix-it girl. But you can’t stay away from me and Mattie. We need you... I mean, she needs you.” The correction was a lie. He did need Lucy. But what could he do about it? Talk to the Wellings? They didn’t show any signs of changing their minds. Tonight, even with how proud they’d been of Mattie and knowing Lucy had been the one to get her into dance, they hadn’t mentioned her once. Not one thank-you. Not even an acknowledgment of all she’d done for their granddaughter.
He felt helpless. As though he had two paths before him and he wanted them both. How was he supposed to choose between Lucy and Mattie’s grandparents? It was impossible. He needed to drop Lucy off as fast as possible and then run from her. Literally. Even if he had to get out of the car and sprint. Because resisting her was not something he could accomplish right now.
After a few instructions, Graham pulled into the driveway for Lucy’s apartment, past the small red house near the street. He parked beside the garage, then shifted toward her.
She wouldn’t look at him.
He slid a hand under her chin, gently turning her face to him. “Lucy, you’re the best thing that’s happened to Mattie in years. Stop beating yourself up about this.”
“I’m trying.” She mirrored his position, her shoulder against the seat, her face mere inches from his.
He wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But how could he do that when he knew it couldn’t go anywhere? It would be torture to feel her lips on his and never have that experience again. It had been hard enough the last time, and that lip-lock had barely registered on the kissing scale.
Graham grasped for something to veto the thoughts running through his head. The other week, Lucy had mentioned a date. Was she still dating someone? Though the thought shattered him, it would give him the strength he needed to step back from her.
“Lucy, are you dating someone?”
Relief and frustration warred at the thought. Please say yes. Make it easier for me to walk away from you. Although, really, would anything make that easier for him to do?
Her head swung from side to side. “Not anymore. You kind of ruined that for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
Her eyebrow quirked. “Really?”
A wry laugh slipped out. “Not really.”
When her lips curved, he couldn’t tear his eyes from them. From her. “Lucy.” His voice was hoarse, pleading. “I need you to get out of the car.”
She didn’t move.
“Duchess, for once in your life...” He tried to infuse humor into his tone, but it just came out threaded with desperation. “Will you please listen to me?”
* * *
He was asking her to walk away, but how could she?
Graham studied her with serious eyes, and Lucy could see the truth in their evergreen depths. Something—someone—still held him back. Was it Brooke? The Wellings? She only knew whatever it was would break her heart. But even still, she couldn’t force herself to run for safety.
Which meant Lucy would be crushed. She should listen to Graham and get out of this car right now. She should yell about the unfairness of it all. Or cry. Definitely cry. But more than she wanted to protect herself, she wanted him.
In this moment, even if she only had this moment, she just wanted to believe they had a chance, that his in-laws or Brooke didn’t stand between them.
That she was enough.
She slid one hand across his cheek, fingertips meeting smooth, close-shaved skin. He stayed still, watching her, his breathing as shallow as a Colorado creek bed during a drought. She inched forward. Touched her lips to his. Waited while indecision warred on his face.
And then her name was a groan, and he was kissing her with such tenderness that new tears sprang behind her closed eyelids.
His arms went around her, and she sank into the essence of Graham. The way he smelled, the taste of him. Her fingers roamed behind his neck, sliding into his hair.
She could drown in his kiss and not regret it.
Until tomorrow. Tomorrow, the memory would haunt her.
But tonight...tonight she planned to live in this moment.