“Wait a minute.” Olivia ate a spoonful of her ice cream sundae and propped her feet on Lucy’s coffee table. “So if you didn’t see Graham this morning after all of that, how’d you get your car back?”
“I jogged to get it.”
Liv’s head swung from watching the chick flick they’d seen too many times to count to Lucy’s spot at the other end of the couch.
She looked up from her bowl of ice cream and met her sister’s gaze. “What? It was only a few miles.”
“And Graham was okay with that?” Olivia tapped her spoon against her bowl, brow wrinkled. “Maybe I need to change my opinion of the man.”
“It had nothing to do with Graham. I needed my car. I got my car. I texted him I didn’t need a ride. He probably thought I was getting one from you.”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Good to know that these changes I’ve been seeing in you aren’t all-encompassing.”
Lucy laughed.
“So, did you discuss anything after the kiss?”
Lucy set her bowl on the coffee table, digestion suddenly vetoing the idea of more ice cream. “Just that it wouldn’t be happening again.” Information that hadn’t come as a surprise but still hurt. Graham had told her nothing could come of their kiss.
The man had kissed her until she couldn’t breathe or think straight, then tried to apologize.
She’d wanted to cry and slap him and kiss him all over again. An unusual combination. But she’d settled on accepting. Why? Because she’d known going into that kiss it wouldn’t lead anywhere.
“What?” Olivia shrieked. “You can’t just leave it like that.”
“Actually, we can.”
Flashing blue eyes that were an exact match for Lucy’s bored into her with impressive heat.
“It’s...complicated.”
“Did you at least tell him you love him?”
Good thing she’d stopped eating or Lucy would have choked. “I don’t—” Lucy sat back against the couch cushions. “I can’t love him.”
Liv’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Why not?”
“I’m not...enough. There’s something holding him back. And I’m certain part of it, if not all, is his in-laws. We don’t stand a chance at a relationship with them between us. And...” Lucy trailed off.
“And what?”
“I’m not sure I am right for Graham and Mattie. I want them, but...what if the Wellings’ obvious misgivings about me are right? I’m young and not exactly mature. Could a relationship with Graham and me even work? I mean, it’s not like I’m mom material.”
Olivia let out a disgusted snort. “Says who?” She looked ready to pop up from the couch and hunt down the person who dared to offend her little sister. Bless her.
“Probably everyone. Again, including his in-laws.”
“What did I tell you about that?” With a growl, Olivia set her bowl on the coffee table. It landed with a clatter. “It doesn’t matter what his in-laws think. It matters what God thinks. The Wellings are wrong, Lulu.”
Lucy had her doubts. “Even if that’s true, what can I do about it?”
Silence reigned. The fact that Liv looked at a loss for answers didn’t encourage Lucy in the least.
“I thought you knew everything, big sister.”
“I don’t. But I have learned to pray before doing.” She grinned. “Most of the time.”
Lucy thought she had, too. But it turned out she really, really stank at asking God for help. She still struggled against the tendency to do everything on her own. And whenever she did get into the habit of praying and asking first, she always ended up snatching things back and attempting to do them herself again. Just like after the recital, thinking she could fix everything by not seeing Graham or Mattie. Why couldn’t she just hand things over and trust God? Why did she think she could handle everything on her own? If the past few weeks were any indication, she definitely could not.
“I still think you love him.”
“Like you so willingly admitted you loved Cash? I remember visiting, sister. I think everyone knew you loved him before you did.”
Instead of taking offense, Liv just laughed. “Probably true. Nice try changing the subject.”
“I don’t—” Lucy huffed, ready to deny that she loved Graham, but the words caught in her throat. She hadn’t... She couldn’t...
No.
The realization washed over her with a certainty she couldn’t ignore. Oh, stink. How had she let that happen? She’d known not to let her feelings for Graham progress, but they’d just gone on and done their own thing, tumbling all the way to heartbreak land.
Her eyes closed. “Fine. I love him.” Guess all of that wanting him to be happy even if it wasn’t with her did stem from her growing love for Graham and Mattie. Fluttering started in her stomach. “I love him.”
A smile formed, then dropped like a stone. “But I still can’t have him.” She turned to Liv. “Will you please stop making me feel things? You’re the worst sister ever.”
“And by that you mean the best?” Olivia beamed, and they both laughed, though Lucy’s ended on a pathetic note. She might love Graham, but she didn’t have a clue what to do about it.
As the movie progressed, Lucy’s mind wouldn’t settle. One tempting but nerve-racking idea kept taking hold. There was something she could do with her recently discovered feelings. She could tell Graham. Give him the words as a gift. He might not be able or willing to say them back to her...but wasn’t the point of love to give it away?
* * *
Never had a text sent him into cardiac arrest before, but Graham was pretty sure the one he’d received from Lucy ten minutes ago on his way out of church had done exactly that.
I need you.
Lucy Grayson—the girl who had turned his life upside down, the one he’d kissed two nights ago and hadn’t stopped thinking about since—never needed anyone.
The text had included an address, so he’d replied that he and Mattie would head in her direction. Graham had asked what was wrong, but he’d yet to receive an answer from Lucy. Surely his elevated blood pressure would come down once he found out she was okay.
Graham spotted Lucy’s car and parked two spots over. “Mattie, I’ll be right outside the car. Just stay buckled in.”
“But I want to see Lucy.”
“You will. Just give me a sec.”
He popped out, striding in her direction.
Was she having car trouble? Another flat tire? What in the world had happened?
She was standing by the passenger door of her car. Smiling. Heart attack number two of his day.
“What’s wrong?” He stopped in front of her, grabbing her hands. They were freezing, and it wasn’t cold out. “Lucy, what’s going on? I’m going nuts here.”
Her smile was like sunshine. He shouldn’t look at it, but he couldn’t tear away.
“How’s Mattie?” She waved at the backseat of his car, and Mattie grinned, waving back with her non-cast arm.
“Really?” Exasperation laced his tone. “That’s how we’re going to play a desperate text and me finding you on the side of the road?”
“You didn’t find me. I asked you to come. And I’m in a parking spot, not on the side of the road.” Again, her lips curved as though she harbored a tantalizing secret. “And, yes, that’s what I want to know.”
He knew better than to fight this woman. “Mattie’s great. She did way better than I expected the last two nights. We even made it to church this morning.”
“I know.” Her head tilted. “I saw you across the way, but the two of you were surrounded by a crowd.”
A rush of pride gripped him. “It’s a bit surprising, but I think she might be learning to enjoy the attention.” Mattie was changing, opening up, and most if not all of the credit for that went to the woman currently standing in front of him. The one confusing him with her cryptic texts and giddy behavior.
“Smart girl.”
“So, any chance you’re going to tell me what’s going on now?”
Whatever it was, Lucy certainly found it amusing. “I guess.” She released a mock sigh. “You know how you walk over those grate things in the ground and think, man, it sure would be awful to drop your keys in there?”
“No.” This woman was crazy. “I’ve never thought that.”
“Yes, you have! Everyone has thought that.”
“Lucy.” At her name grinding between his teeth, she pointed to the ground.
“I actually did that. I stopped after church to grab a sandwich and a Diet Coke, and then bam, down they went.”
He glanced to where she was pointing, then bent to peer closer. Sure enough, a pink ballet-slipper keychain was wedged a few feet down in a pile of muck. A bit of trash. Some food.
When he straightened, she was beaming again. Was she going to start bouncing on her toes next? “Did you drop them on purpose?”
“No.” Her eyes widened with innocence. “It was an accident.”
“Then why are you so happy about it?”
“At first, I was just upset. I was trying to decide whether to walk home—if I had an extra set of keys there—”
“Why would you do that? Of course you should call—”
“Wait!” She held up a hand. “And then I realized something.” The look on her face softened from humor to something entirely different. She edged slightly closer, bringing with her the smell of lime and coconut. “I realized I wanted to ask you to help me. I wanted to be rescued. By you.”
His hand lifted involuntarily, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. “You asked for help? And you wanted to?”
She nodded.
Who knew what a heady feeling that thought could invoke? His mouth hovered way too close to hers. “I should get Mattie out of the car. She wants to see you. Plus, I have no doubt if I don’t, in the next few seconds, I’m going to be kissing you.” The past two nights, he’d barely slept between checking on Mattie and thinking about that kiss from Friday night. Kisses.
Goose bumps erupted on Lucy’s arms, and Graham rubbed his hands across her bare skin. She was wearing a sundress, gray on top, colorful zigzag stripes on the bottom. As always, she looked gorgeous.
Graham had spent the past day and a half thinking about her, processing whether a relationship between them might be possible.
Was there a chance for them? The weight of that question rested on his shoulders. He couldn’t tell Lucy how he felt about her until he’d dealt with the Wellings. And he wasn’t exactly sure how to do that. Another thought that had kept him awake.
“Kissing.” Her head swung back and forth and those lips smoothed together. “Can’t have that.”
“Unfortunately not.” Or maybe just not yet.
Somehow, he managed to drag himself away from her, go to his car and open the back door for Mattie. She scrambled out, shooting him a look that said the minute he’d left her in there had been far too long.
She vaulted into Lucy’s arms. “Are you coming to lunch with us? Daddy said I get to have a celebration lunch and I want you to come.”
Lucy had crouched for a hug, and now she met his gaze over the top of Mattie’s head. “I’m not so sure—”
“We should celebrate two things. Mattie’s dance recital and your recent...groundbreaking decision.”
Her eyes crinkled. After another Mattie squeeze, she stood, her hand still wrapped around his daughter’s. A seriousness rare for Lucy tugged at her features. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I know there’s things—”
“It’s just lunch.” That wasn’t true, and they both knew it. They had things to discuss, to figure out, but he just wanted to spend a little time with her. Hollie would be back from maternity leave tomorrow, and Graham likely wouldn’t see much of Lucy this week. The thought was enough to make him consider begging.
She nodded. “Okay. It’s just lunch.”
They loaded into his car. “We’ll have to get a hanger or something to get the keys out. So, food or keys first?”
Mattie and Lucy exchanged a grin, both answering “Food” at the same time.
“Let’s go to our place, Daddy.”
“Which one’s our place?”
“The one we went to with Lucy before. The one with ice cream.”
Our place. Lucy smiled, and Graham wanted to lean over and kiss the spot where it creased her cheek. The idea of it being their place swept in and took hold. Graham was done trying to stay away from Lucy. If rescuing her from lost keys made him this happy, he couldn’t fight how he felt any longer.
He needed to talk to Phillip and Belinda.
After the short drive there, the three of them piled out of the car. Mattie held Lucy’s hand, and Graham barely resisted doing the same.
He wanted this—the three of them together. He just wasn’t sure how to get it. Would the Wellings even listen to him?
His gut churned at the thought. Graham needed to orchestrate things right, because he didn’t want to lose anyone from Mattie’s life. Somehow he had to figure out how to get through to the couple.
They were almost to the register when Mattie started hopping on one foot. “Dad, I have to go potty.”
“I’ll take her,” Lucy said. “Order me that sandwich again.” And before he could protest, they were gone.
He shouldn’t have been surprised when Phillip and Belinda opened the door of the restaurant and stepped inside. Graham knew they ate out every Sunday after church, and—how could he forget?—he’d even run into them here before. Still, when Mattie had suggested it, the Wellings showing up had never crossed his mind.
Of course, he’d been preoccupied with thoughts of Lucy. She had that effect on him.
At first, the sight of them sent him into a small panic. They would be irate about him being here with Lucy after their previous conversation. But then...that fear turned into something else.
Excitement.
He wanted to talk to them. Why not now? Waiting wasn’t going to get him any closer to having Lucy in his life. Graham was done tiptoeing around them. They had to be able to talk calmly and work this out.
He left his place in line and strode over to them. “Phillip, Belinda.” He greeted them with stiff hugs. “Could I speak to you outside for a minute?”
They nodded, looks instantly changing to concern. Once outside, Graham fumbled for words. Perhaps he should have given himself some time to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it.
“Where’s Mattie?”
He hadn’t thought about that question being asked so quickly, though it made perfect sense. “She’s...using the restroom.”
“Oh.” Belinda nodded. “And is her arm okay? How’s she feeling?”
“She’s doing well. We went to late church. She wanted to go, I think to show off her cast.” His mouth quirked at that, but he quickly came back to what he wanted to talk to them about. “But Mattie’s not in the restroom by herself.”
Now their faces twisted with confusion. And really—he resisted an eye roll—he could have come up with a better intro than that.
“She’s with Lucy.”
Phillip glanced to his wife, then Graham. “Isn’t Lucy done working for you?”
What did that have to do with anything? “Friday was her last day. Hollie comes back on Monday.”
“Then why is Lucy here with you? You’re not holding up your end of the deal. You said after Lucy stopped working for you, she’d be out of your life.”
Graham choked on his breath. Scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “I never said that. You assumed. That was never part of our deal.”
“Grandpa, Grandma!” Mattie’s squeal echoed down Main Street. She flew by Graham in a blur, lurching into her grandfather’s arms. He chuckled and began asking Mattie questions about her arm as Lucy stopped next to Graham, confusion marring her brow.
“What did you just say about a deal? What’s going on?”
Panic filled his mouth with a metallic taste. This wasn’t going according to plan. Not that he’d had a great one of those when he’d stepped outside in the first place.
Graham needed to talk to Lucy. Alone.
He tried to steady his voice, though it didn’t obey. “Phillip, Belinda. Can you take Mattie inside and order?”
The couple stared, their wounded looks flashing between him and Lucy.
“I’ll be right there. Please.”
After what felt like an hour, they acquiesced. Graham waited for the restaurant door to shut before facing Lucy.
He reached for her hand. Held on. “Remember when the Wellings were upset the night they came over and you were there?”
She nodded.
“They were concerned about me dating.”
“You said that.”
A sigh rumbled through his chest. “But I didn’t tell you the rest of it. They said if I dated you, they’d walk out of Mattie’s life. And I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t let her lose another person. And so I promised not to date you.”
She pulled her hand away from his as though his touch scalded. “You...you made a deal over me?”
“It wasn’t like that.”
A wounded sound tore from her throat. “Did you or did you not make an agreement with them about me and then not tell me about it?” Though quiet and controlled, her words pierced like a knife.
He wanted to lie so badly. He needed time to explain. Needed her to stop looking at him with so much hurt bursting from her blue eyes. “Yes, but you have to understand—”
“I understand.” Her wooden response slayed him. Tears glistened, but she blinked them away, replacing them with a vacant look that scared him even more. “I knew I wasn’t good enough for them. But I had no idea you felt the same way.”
“That’s not true.” Graham’s world was spinning out of control. “You know I don’t think that way about you.”
“If you were willing to use me as a bargaining chip, then yes, you do.” Fingertips pressed against her lips. “And I had to go and fall in love with you.”
What? His throat constricted, but she didn’t give him any time to deal with that comment.
“I’d wanted to tell you, wanted you to know how much I felt for you even though I knew you couldn’t say it back to me.” Her eyelids momentarily shuttered. “Now I know why.”
His fingers itched to reach for her, to hold her there. Knowing she wouldn’t tolerate his touch, Graham fisted his hands by his sides.
“I was going to tell you that you should move on without me. I wanted you to be happy. To find someone they approved of.” She motioned toward the restaurant. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t go back to the place you were in before, that you’d get married and have more kids.” Her head shook as though she could wish away the pain written on her face. “I knew better. I knew better than to fall in love.”
She took a step back.
He panicked. “Lucy, please listen to me. I didn’t know what else to do. They didn’t give me any choice. I couldn’t—”
“Goodbye, Graham.” She turned and walked away. With each step, a piece of him crumbled.
“Wait!” he called out. “Your keys. We need to get them out. At least let me drive you—”
She whirled in his direction, what felt like miles of sidewalk separating them. “Don’t worry, noble Graham. I’ll take care of it myself.” Her shoulders straightened, mouth weighed down with sadness that resonated in his bones. “I always do.” She sounded hollow. No tears. No yelling at him.
He wanted to go after her, to make her listen. He wanted to be the person she called when she needed help. But he’d ruined any chance of rescuing Lucy. For the rest of my life?
Had he lost her forever? That goodbye had been full of finality. Graham shook off the thought because it was drowning him, snaking around his chest and squeezing until he couldn’t breathe.
He got out his cell and texted Cash.
Your SIL is walking down Main near Adams. Needs help getting keys out of a drain.
The next bit was harder to type.
Won’t let me help her.
She would have, five minutes ago. Before Graham had thrown away any hope of a future between them. He couldn’t believe he’d failed her.
And the fact that she loved him...had loved him, at least. What was the point of doing life without Lucy?
Mattie.
He dug his fingers into his temples, but nothing quieted the humming pain that had taken over his body.
Mattie would be distraught. She loved Lucy fiercely. He’d done all of this to prevent Mattie from losing another person, yet now that was exactly what had happened.
He wasn’t the only one suffering in this scenario.
His phone buzzed with a reply text.
Got it. Liv’s on the way. Trouble between you 2?
A wry breath puffed out of him.
Something like that.
Cash’s reply came quickly.
Been there, done that. Hang in there. Grayson girls usually come around.
Graham wanted to believe his friend so badly, but hope felt too far out of reach.
That was that. Olivia would help Lucy. Graham was no longer a necessary part of her life. He had been for about two minutes. And maybe it would have lasted if he’d handled things better or stood up to his in-laws earlier.
He should never have let things escalate the way they had. Though he still didn’t have answers, he only knew he’d failed to figure it out before it was too late.
A failure. He knew the feeling well. He let it wrap around him, accepting the blame he deserved.
All of those things Lucy had said about him moving on and not going back...getting married. Having more kids.
What she didn’t know—what she would never know now—was that this time he didn’t need a few hours to process. He already agreed with her. He was meant to do all of those things. He was just meant to do them with her.