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Dean
Nine Years Ago
A wide grin was freeze-framed on my face during the entire one-hour flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It was Thanksgiving Day weekend, and I’d been anxiously waiting and planning for this weekend for the last few months.
I smiled at the thought of finally holding Katherine in my arms and kissing her. It had been a busy semester of school for her, and I hadn’t seen her since the start of the fall semester three months ago. She said she was going to be swamped preparing for finals during this holiday weekend, so we hadn’t made plans to see each other during the break.
But I had a surprise for her. A big surprise.
I realized in the last three months we were apart that we’d been together for more than four years, and it was the right thing to do for me to take the next step in our relationship. She was my first serious relationship, my first love, and my first lover. It felt right that she should be the future Mrs. Chase.
I touched the breast pocket of my blazer where the box was and tried to breathe as anxiety crashed through me. I heard about how nerve-racking proposing to someone could be, but I never thought it’d feel like this. I had excited nerves running through me but I also felt sick to my stomach.
“This was the natural next step in our relationship. This is probably what she’s been waiting for.” I continued to reassure myself as I got off the plane.
When I collected my luggage at baggage claim, I called her cell phone to surprise her and to see where she was at so I could tell the taxi where to go. But after a few rings, I only got her voicemail.
I tried again. Nothing.
Then I texted her and told her to call me back as soon as she could.
After fifteen minutes, she still hadn’t texted or called back.
“Shit, she must be studying somewhere.” She’d often become unreachable when she studying in the library and had her phone on silent.
I paced back and forth as I waited for her to call me back. Then I remembered I had the number to her landline in her apartment from awhile back. I pulled up that number and dialed it. After two rings, I heard a click and a female voice answered on the other end.
But it wasn’t Katherine’s voice.
“Is Katherine there?”
“Katherine?” I heard the confusion in her question and I immediately checked my phone to make sure I dialed the right number.
“Yes. Katherine Fox. Aren’t you her roommate?”
“Um, I was her roommate but not anymore.”
“What? What do you mean not anymore? Did you move out?”
“Me? What are you talking about? No, I didn’t move out. Katherine did when she moved away. Like at the beginning of the semester. She transferred schools.”
My mind whirled at her words. “What do you mean transferred schools? She didn’t mention this to me! Where did she go?”
“She transferred to San Francisco State University in SF so that she could to be closer to her boyfriend who’s at UC Berkeley.”
“What? She did?” Anxiety began to spread through me as I tried to comprehend what this could all mean.
There was a long pause before she finally spoke. “Who is this again?”
“It’s Dean. Katherine’s boyfriend.”
“Um. I’m sorry, but maybe you have the wrong number.” There was hesitation in her voice, increasing my anxiousness.
“No, I don’t have the wrong number. This is—or was—Katherine’s number. Why the hell would you say I have the wrong number?” I felt my nerves bubbling up inside me.
“Because her boyfriend’s name isn’t Dean,” she replied matter-of-factly.
My body froze and my stomach twisted uncomfortably as I tried to digest her words.
“Hello? Are you still there?” she asked after a few seconds of silence.
“What’s her boyfriend’s name if it isn’t Dean?”
“It’s really none of your business, but if you really must know, it’s Gibson.”
Gibson? My fraternity brother? Could it be the same Gibson?
“And you said he goes to Berkeley?”
“Yeah. They were dating long distance for about six months before she moved. She said she couldn’t stand only seeing him twice a month.”
“They saw each other twice a month?” At this point, fury overtook the shock that consumed every fiber in my body.
“Yeah.” She giggled, completely oblivious to my shock. “They’re so into each other, it’s pretty cute. They alternate their visits with each other so they can see each other every two weeks.”
I drew in a deep breath, trying to stay calm so that I could think through everything she’d said. “So you’ve met him before?”
“Yeah, of course. Pretty much once a month when she was my roommate. That’s why I’m sure you’ve got the wrong number because her boyfriend’s name isn’t Dean. It’s definitely Gibson.”
“Right.” That was all I could utter without lashing out my anger at her.
“Okay, well, I gotta go. I hope you find the right number—“
“Wait!” I stopped her before she hung up, knowing that I needed to ask her one more question. “Is this Gibson about six feet two with blonde hair and green eyes?”
“Yeah! How’d you know?”
“Lucky guess. Thanks for your help. Bye.” I hung up on her before she could ask me any questions.
I stood motionless outside the arrivals area of the airport for another fifteen minutes, stunned by this new revelation. The box inside my breast pocket felt heavy and painfully hot against my chest. Rage and pain overtook my every thought. She’s been dating my fraternity brother and close friend right underneath my nose. She’s been living in San Francisco for the last six months without even telling me.
Just then my phone started to ring. It was Katherine.
My body stiffened as I answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi, baby. I saw that I missed your call. What’s up?”
I took a deep breath and steadied myself before responding. “Nothing much. Just wanted to call and say hi and see what you’re up to.”
“Oh. Just studying. The usual, you know?”
“Where are you?”
“Just at the library?”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yup.” There was a pause and then I thought I heard a muffled giggle. “So what are you up to?”
“I’m on my way to the library to see you,” I lied.
There was silence on her end.
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” I added.
“Wait, you’re in LA?” she finally asked.
“Yeah, I’m here. I wanted to surprise you.” I felt my blood boil over at how stupid I’d been for not seeing the signs.
“W—why, I mean what are you doing in LA?”
“I wanted to see you. Isn’t that enough of a reason?” I challenged.
“Uh. Yeah, of course, but...”
“But what?”
“I’m...I’m not in LA.”
My jaws tightened as I heard the truth come out of her mouth.
“Where the hell are you then?” I heard her inhale sharply when she heard the harsh tone in my voice.
“What do you mean?”
Her fake innocence grated against my waning patience.
“I spoke to your old roommate in LA. She told me everything.”
There was a long stretch of silence and I heard a distant muffled conversation in the background.
“Cut the fucking crap, Katherine! Tell me the truth!” I felt myself snap as I gave in to the rage that engulfed me.
“Do you really want to know the truth?” Her calm and casual tone fueled my anger.
“Yes, I’d would like to know the fucking truth,” I barked back at her.
“Well, finally. You’re finally being an asshole.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She sighed as if I was the last person on Earth who didn’t get the joke. “You’ve always been too nice. Too accommodating. Too blah! We’ve never argued, and you’ve never gotten mad at me, even when I’ve done things or acted in a way where you should have.”
“That’s because I love—loved you!”
She snorted. “Who are we kidding? You still love me, but right now, you’re just too fucking hurt to admit it. I’m sorry, Dean. I know I’m being a royal bitch right now, but I really just couldn’t hold back my feelings for other men anymore—men who had some balls, who showed some manly emotions. What I’ve been waiting for and craving all through our relationship was for you to push me up against the wall, ignore my resistance, and fuck the shit out of me. I want a strong, aggressive man who can take control. I want passion! And let’s face it, that’s the one thing you’re missing.”
“So you decide to fuck my friend? My frat brother?” I spat out.
“We’re not just fucking! We’re in love. Can you accept that?”
“No, of course I can’t fucking accept that! Are you serious?”
I heard her sigh as if I was being unreasonable. “Look, Dean. Can I be honest with you?”
“Well, that’d be a refreshing change. Sure, why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” I felt bitter and vengeful for the way she’d treated me.
“Dean, I think deep down, you know we’re not right for each other. We want different things, and our personalities clash. I know we’ve been together for a long time, and in the beginning, we did love each other. But in the last year or so in college, I feel like we’ve drifted apart. I think we’re both changing and growing up, and ultimately we want different things. Look, I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry that Gibson is your fraternity brother. But I’m not sorry that I fell in love with him.”
“Do you seriously think this is making me feel better?”
She sighed again. “Look, I’ve learned one thing through all this. Dean, sometimes the most important things in life will happen when you least expect it. So who knows, maybe someday you’ll meet the most important person in your life on some seemingly ordinary day without even knowing it. I mean, that’s what happened to me when I met Gibson. I wasn’t seeking him out or looking for another relationship. But it just happened.”
Her words stung me more than I could bear. “Shut the fuck up, Katherine! Just shut the fuck up.”
“Come on, Dean. We can still be friends.”
“The hell we can! I don’t ever want to see you again, you fucking whore!”
Before she could respond, I hung up on her and turned off my phone.
A wrath of fury crashed through me as my hand gripped tightly around the phone, revealing the whiteness around my knuckles. I reached for the box that burned against my skin.
I looked at the box and for the first time in my life, I saw myself for who I was: the biggest fucking fool in existence.
Without another thought, I threw the box into the nearby wastebasket.
As I walked back inside the airport, I made a vow to myself. I hadn’t just thrown away a ring inside of that box. No, I’d thrown away much more than that. Along with that box, I threw away the last four years of my life—the person I was, the hopes I had for the future, and all of the emotions that had brought me to this point.
From now on, I wouldn’t let any woman fool me again. From now on, I wouldn’t believe in love. From now on, I would be a changed man.
***
Present Day
I must be the only person in the world who hated Thanksgiving. To everyone else, it was a time of love, reunions, and thankfulness. But for me, it was a time of darkness, betrayal, and regret.
So I was not in the greatest mood on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving when Damian had convinced me to have dinner with him and Alexis. As I sat at the bar area of the restaurant waiting for them to arrive, my mind wandered to the one person that’d consumed my mind in the last month or so. Blair.
I wasn’t sure how she’d gotten under my skin, but she had. But I couldn’t allow myself to accept the feelings that I seemed to have developed for her. I couldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable the way I had with the Blonde Bitch. I couldn’t allow myself to become a weak, blind fool again.
“Hey, buddy!”
I turned around to see Damian walking over with Alexis, who was carrying Isabella in her arms.
“It’s been too long, man.” I gave Damian and Alexis a hug before we were ushered to our table.
“So how are you?” Damian asked after we placed our orders with the waiter.
I shrugged. “Eh. Nothing much to report.”
Damian raised his eyebrow and snorted. “I know that look, and it ain’t nothing. What’s the problem? Girl trouble?”
I forced a laugh. “You know I don’t do girl trouble.”
“Are you sure, Dean?” Alexis looked at me with doubt in her eyes. Then she looked over at Damian and smiled. “Damian claims he didn’t have any girl trouble until he met me, and look at him now.” She leaned over and Damian kissed her.
“God, you two are too much. Don’t ruin my appetite.”
Damian chuckled. “Come on, dude. You’re thirty years old. I know that Katherine—”
“Don’t call her by her name. She’s the Blonde Bitch to me.”
“Language, Dean.” Alexis motioned to Isabella, who had a crayon in hand and making circles on what looked like a Frozen coloring book.
“Oops. Sorry.”
“Okay, I know the Blonde Witch really messed you up in college, especially when the other guy was Gibson. I still can’t believe they both did that to you. But dude, that was almost a decade ago. It’s really time to get over that.”
“I enjoy being single.” I watched as Damian and Alexis looked at each other, and it was almost as if they were communicating to each other with their eyes.
“So who’s the girl?” Damian finally asked. “You can tell us, man. We’ve been good friends for over ten years.”
“She’s a client.”
“Oh,” Damian and Alexis said together.
“It’s not a big deal,” I said quickly. “I don’t even know if I’m really interested.”
Damian laughed. “You’re definitely interested if you’re saying that.”
I groaned. “Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”
“So what’s the problem?” Alexis asked.
“I don’t want to be interested in her.”
“Why not?” Alexis looked confused.
“Because I enjoy being single. It’s not complicated and you don’t have to worry about someone else’s actions and feelings.”
Damian shook his head. “Dude, I know this is going to sound nuts—especially coming from an asshole like me.”
“Damian!” Alexis berated her husband and glared at him as she gestured at Isabella.
“Oh, right. Sorry, babe. But she’s only one. She doesn’t know what that means.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, you promised. We need to get into the habit of not using those words now or we won’t be prepared.”
“Yes, Mom.” Damian playfully nudged her with his arm.
I saw the hurt expression flash in her eyes. Apparently, Damian saw it too.
“Hey,” his voice softer than before, “Sorry. I didn’t mean that. You’re right.” He reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly. She met his gaze and the hurt and annoyance that were once on her face immediately melted away like they were never there to begin with. In their place was a smile on her lips. As I watched Damian lean down and kiss her forehead, I found a part of me yearning for the closeness and love that they had for each other.
As if hearing my thoughts, Damian turned to me. “Anyway, I know this may sound crazy coming from me, but I think you should go for it with this woman. Who cares if she’s your client? I haven’t seen you dwell on a single woman before until this one. Who knows? She may be the one.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “That’s just crazy.”
“Dean, seriously. You know I use to be like you. I know how you think. I want to tell you now that you’re wrong, just like I was wrong. You think love is a weakness, a burden that you have to carry. But you’re wrong.” He turned to look at Alexis and then at Isabella. “Love is strength. It’s possibly the strongest thing that could exist. It can shape you, change you, and guide you to be a better version of yourself. And being loved by those that you love...well, there’s nothing like it. It feels incredible.”
I watched Damian look at the two loves of his life, and I saw something I’d never seen in him before Alexis came into his life. There was a gleam in his eyes that I’d never seen before. He seemed to be happier than I’d ever seen him.
Do I want that?
***
After my dinner with Damian and Alexis, I felt more confused than ever. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew what I wasn’t willing to give to any woman. I thought that after the Blonde Bitch had ripped out my heart, I had nothing left to give to another woman.
But when I watched Damian’s and Alexis’s interactions with each other, when I heard what they had to say, something had shifted inside me. I wasn’t sure what all this meant, but I knew that I had to see Blair in person to figure it out.
I drove to her place and parked. I looked at my Rolex. It was 8:35 p.m. I wondered if she was even home as I knocked on the door.
Anxiety churned in my stomach as I heard footsteps walking toward the door from inside.
My breath caught when I saw her standing in front of the doorway in a simple white t-shirt and shorts. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and it looked like she had just returned home from an evening run. She looked gorgeous, and I had a feeling she didn’t even know it.
“Dean? What are you doing here?”
Her question took me by surprise, because it was the same question I had for myself. I didn’t know why I was there. I didn’t know why I needed to see her. All I knew was that I had to.
“I...” Our eyes met and all I could think about was how amazing her eyes were. “I just wanted to see you.”
My honesty must have caught her by surprise. “I thought I would never hear from you after you turned me away last week.”
Behind her sarcastic teasing, I knew I had hurt her that night. She had opened up to me and I had rejected her. A pain I’d never felt before radiated through my chest as I realized that I had caused her pain.
I closed the distance between us and walked up to the doorframe. I wrapped my arms around her waist and felt her body tense in my hands. I leaned in and whispered, “I’m not ready to let go of you.”
“But...”
I put a finger to her lips to quiet her. “Invite me in for some coffee.”
Her chest heaved as she drew in a deep breath. I smiled at how her body responded to my suggestion.
“But you rejected me...” she continued to resist. She walked backwards into the house, and I followed, closing the door behind me.
“I was stupid for doing that.” I grabbed her and pulled her back into my arms. “But now you know how I felt every time you tried to reject me.” I smirked as I devoured her with my eyes.
“But you deserved that,” she threw back, her eyes challenging me as she bit her lips.
Catching her by surprise, I grabbed her hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her toward me. I licked and nibbled her earlobe. “Well, baby, let me show you exactly what you deserve then.”
She gasped as the heat of my words teased her ear and neck. As she arched her pelvis against the throbbing growth in my jeans, she moaned and ran her fingers down my back.
I moved us to the living room and lowered her to the couch as my mouth explored hers. My hands moved under her shirt and immediately found her breasts. She cried out as my fingers flicked and twisted her nipples.
“We really shouldn’t,” she begged again as she writhed underneath me. “It’s not a good idea for either of our careers.”
“Maybe we can work something out?” I looked at her and wondered if she was really more important than my career. “Blair, I think there’s something here, something worth fighting for.”
Her eyes glistened when she heard my words. “I...”
“Shhh,” I insisted. “For tonight, let’s just be Dean and Blair. Let’s just be two strangers who met without any obligations or ties to one another. For just tonight, let’s forget I’m your client and you’re my lawyer.”
I pulled off her t-shirt and bra, and took one of her breasts into my mouth. I heard her whimper as my tongue circled, sucked, and flicked her erect nipple. In responses, she quickly unbuttoned my shirt and jeans, and reached inside my boxers to pull out my rock-hard cock that was begging for its release. I threw my head back as her feather-like touch along my shaft seem to ignite a raw desire in me that I’d never felt before. I’d never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her at that very moment.
“God, baby. I need to taste you now.” I reached for her shorts and with one swift yank, I pulled her shorts and panties down her legs. “Fuck!” I groaned as the sweet aroma of her scent hit my senses.
“I need you now,” she began to beg as she grabbed my hands and guided them down her stomach toward her pussy.
My eyes grew wild with desire the second my fingers reached her warm wetness. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I grabbed her legs and spread them apart as I bend down between them. “Some say I have a fucking sharp tongue. Why don’t we put it to good use?”
She whimpered as her hips moved up toward me in agreement, desperate for me to taste her.
Needing no encouragement, I started kissing up her leg toward her pussy. I felt her body tense up and move beneath my tighten grip as my five o’clock shadow brushed along the side of her inner thigh. When I reached my destination, I wasted no time and began to devour her pussy with my mouth and tongue. I smiled as I felt her sweet spot quiver in my mouth. Like putty in my hands, I thought to myself in triumph. As her pussy began to tighten violently against my tongue, I knew she was close to coming. I immediately stopped, emerging from her pussy with her juices all over my face.
“I’m not ready to give you what you want. I’m not ready for you to come yet, baby.” My cock throbbed in agreement. “My cock wants you all for itself.”
She gasped as her eyes landed on how large my erection had become for her. “He can have me all for himself,” she said breathlessly.
I reached for a condom from my jeans and put it on. “Are you ready for me, baby?”
“Yes!” To my surprise, she grabbed me and pulled me onto the couch. “I want to ride you until you groan out my name.”
My breath caught at her words. “Is that a promise?”
She nodded as her lips curled into a dangerous smile. She hopped on top of me and eased herself on top of me. “Baby, when I make a promise, you better believe it’ll happen.”
I threw my head back as intense throes of pressure greeted me as she rode me like no woman had ever ridden me before. Within minutes, I reached my climax and felt my body spasm uncontrollably. “Fuck yeah, Blair! I’m coming.”
“Yes, come for me.” I felt her purposely tighten her pussy around me as she moved faster up and down my cock.
“You better fucking come with me, baby.” I grabbed her hips to take control over the situation and began to thrust up deeper inside her pussy in time with the movement of her hips.
Finally, I felt her convulse around me, encouraging me to pump into her even harder and faster until we both found our release.
***
Half an hour later, I was still wide awake as I listened to Blair’s soft, deep breathing against my skin as her body was wrapped around mine. As I watched her peacefully sleep in my arms, I knew that she trusted me now. I knew that this was exactly what Trent wanted. I knew that this was when I had to make my decision about what to do next.
I reached for my phone from the coffee table and sent Trent an email.
To: Trent Parker
From: Dean Chase
Re: Opportunity
Trent,
We need to talk as soon as possible.
Dean Chase, Esq.
Associate
William & Sutter LLP.
To my surprise, Trent responded immediately.
From: Trent Parker
To: Dean Chase, Esq.
Subject: Opportunity
Dean,
Great to hear from you so soon. I look forward to hearing about your progress. Stop by first thing in the morning.
Trent
Trent Parker
Acting CEO
San Francisco, CA
When I put the phone down, I wrapped my arms around Blair and wondered if it was possible for me to live without her in my life.
