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Author’s Note
Dear Reader,
Although I hold an earned Ph.D., my doctoral degree is not in a field relating to psychology, therapy, or counselling, nor do I approach this topic from that vantage point. I offer this appendix as a student of God’s word who has studied homosexuality through the dual lenses of Scripture and personal observation.
Parts of this appendix are my opinion. You may agree or not agree with me. That is your right. As I respect your rights, I expect the same consideration. I wrote this book, not to persuade anyone who does not want to be persuaded, but to hold out hope for those who want to be freed.
I would not deny freedom to anyone who asks for it.
—Vikki Kestell
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Introduction
IN THE LAST FIFTY YEARS, our society has reversed its view of homosexuality. Until 1973, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) categorized homosexuality as a form of mental illness and recognized that sexual orientation could be changed. Today, the APA views homosexuality as a normal and positive variation of human sexuality.
God has not changed. His word has not changed. The findings of science and the medical community have not changed. So, what has changed? Only society’s tolerance for what the Bible calls sin has changed.
Like other addictive sins, homosexuality is the external behavior and symptom of what lies within. It is not, however, as many believe, a biological condition an individual is born with. Proponents of the “born that way” view cite science and “studies”—but what have they found? Categorically, no scientific studies exist that prove or even suggest a biological link to sexual preference or behavior. Not one. The APA, while a leading advocate in normalizing homosexuality, confirms this:
“There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors.” (Link: See subheading, “What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation.”)
The APA states, “no findings have emerged,” because no study can support the “born that way” premise or provide any evidence that it is true. The APA states that the causes of human sexuality, whether it be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, are unknown. What is known (as reported above) is that no scientific evidence exists to support the claim that homosexuality is biological.
In fact, a comparative study of adoptive and biological brothers reported in Science magazine (Vol. 262, page 2063, December 24, 1993) suggests that family environment plays a larger role in sexual development than genetics:
“Research into the issue of the origins of homosexuality suggests that adoptive brothers are more likely to both be homosexuals than biological brothers, who share half their genes, which suggests that homosexuality is not genetically caused.”
This finding prompted Science magazine to report, “This . . . suggests that there is no genetic component, but rather an environmental component shared in families.”
Despite considerable research to the contrary, the media does not report on this topic objectively. Born or Bred: Science Does Not Support the Claim That Homosexuality Is Genetic, by Robert Knight, is a well researched and well documented article. A summary of research into homosexuality, from both sides of the issue, can be found online here.
The book, My Genes Made Me Do It! Homosexuality and the Scientific Evidence, a scientific look at sexual orientation, can be ordered or downloaded free as a PDF file. Another biblical resource is found on Conservapedia.com.
We also know, from the position of natural selection, that since gay procreation is not possible, it is also not possible for homosexuality to be genetically encoded. Because gay procreation is not possible, genes that create homosexuality cannot be passed down, particularly not at the rate of homosexual increase observed in modern societies. In genetic terms, a gay gene would have been “selected out.”
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The Biblical Perspective
HUMAN BEINGS ARE SEXUAL beings, and God meant sex to be a lifelong blessing. However, like everything in this fallen world, sex has been hijacked by sin.
Human sexuality is also a complex topic, not to be exhausted in this short appendix. Sarah Redeemed addresses only a fraction of the complexities found in homosexual tendencies, but it does provide the only sure solution: Jesus. I am not talking about “reparative therapy.” I am speaking of transformation: the miraculous, internal changes only a believer in Christ can experience through complete surrender to him.
One of the most hopeful passages found in the Bible—for all of us, not just those who struggle with homosexuality—is 1 Corinthians 6:9-11:
Or do you not know that wrongdoers
will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived:
Neither the sexually immoral
nor idolaters nor adulterers
nor men who have sex with men
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards
nor slanderers nor swindlers
will inherit the kingdom of God.
And that is what some of you were.
But you were washed, you were sanctified,
you were justified
in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ
and by the Spirit of our God.
That is what some of you were.
Not what some of you are but what some of you were.
Homosexuality and other sexual sins are nothing new. In every culture, children have been exploited for the gratification of sinful, unredeemed, unsanctified men (and women). Men, women, and children have been (and continue to be) trafficked and prostituted for the same. During the genesis of the church, this was no different, yet Paul held out hope: “That is what some of you were.”
Note: Just so we are clear on this passage, the NIV has a footnote that reads, “The phrase, nor men who have sex with men, is translated from two Greek words that refer to the passive and active participants in (male) homosexual acts.” I have studied this passage in the Greek for myself and found the footnote to be accurate.
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Breaking It Down
IN MY OPINION, HOMOSEXUALITY can be broken into at least three primary issues: 1) same-sex attraction, 2) emotional need/attachment, and 3) gender confusion/rejection.
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SAME-SEX ATTRACTION
“Same-Sex Attraction” is a term used to describe an individual who finds other individuals of the same gender sexually attractive and arousing. It is important to understand that sexual arousal itself is, in great part, a learned response.
Learned Responses. Every happily married couple knows what “floats their partner’s boat.” Over time, your intimacy grows sweeter because you know each other’s wants and needs so well. You have “learned” each other sexually.
People can engage in damaging behavior—or can have damaging acts perpetrated on them—that become part of what they have learned sexually. Males, in particular, are aroused by what they see, what they touch, and what touches them, but females are, too, to a lesser degree.
Children who are sexually molested can become aroused because they are being touched, even while being victimized. The child may feel guilt for the experience, but it is the first step in “learning” arousal. Repeated encounters reinforce that arousal until it becomes a learned response. Once a response is learned, it is often difficult to unlearn.
This is why pedophilia is a plague upon any society: Innocent children, boys and girls, are damaged in their childhood and struggle for years to overcome the guilt, shame, and learned responses of those encounters.
We see the same effect with pornography. First, a spouse who “indulges” in pornography commits a form of adultery by replacing their husband or wife with another person’s image or video and by performing sexual acts in response to those stimuli, acts that are outside the sanctity of marriage.
Second, the image that arouses him or her is “better” than his wife or her husband. Men who view pictures of model-perfect women become aroused by their physical and sexual perfection and then find it difficult to respond sexually to their real-life wives who carry stretch marks and a few extra pounds. Similarly, women who view male porn stars find their overweight husbands unattractive or repulsive in comparison.
Men and women who watch pornography have acquired a learned response to a fantasy and have lost their taste for reality. The result is that that their spouse can no longer arouse in them the same sexual gratification they receive from the pornography.
(Pornography is a sin that defrauds a wife of her husband and a husband of his wife, and the spouse who uses pornography commits adultery. The only solution to pornography addiction is deep repentance and sexual abstinence until husband-wife sexual relations can be relearned and trust rebuilt.)
In addition, depictions of and participation in sadomasochistic sexual acts can arouse both men and women and cause them to no longer desire normal, caring, monogamous sex. This is another type of abnormal learned response.
Sexual Abuse. We all know that sexual abuse is devastating to a child. It steals their innocence, warps their concepts of sex, and damages their emotional and sexual development. Even the early sexual encounters that seem so common in our culture are very damaging. God in his wisdom wants us to wait, marry one person, and enjoy sex only within that precious intimacy.
In the gay world, monogamous sex is nearly unheard of, and many gays had very early encounters, sometimes as victims seduced by experienced gay partners, sometimes in mutual sexual experimentation. These experiences all have damaging impacts on learned sexual response, how people perceive themselves and their gender, and on their emotional needs. God will need to reach deeply into these areas to heal them—but he is able to heal them.
Whatever we do sexually in our lives becomes part of our sexual library. This is one reason God tells us to keep ourselves pure, because a marriage is happiest sexually when the husband and wife only “know” each other. They are not competing with memories or learned responses from other sexual encounters, fantasies, or deviances.
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EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT and Need
The intact family is the building block of society and the church. It is the depiction to children of the Fatherhood of God and his union with his Bride, the church. Children who grow up in a godly, intact family (I am not talking about a dysfunctional religious family) have a basis for relating to God. Children see, in action, godly role models for both genders.
Emotional attachment to someone of the same gender is most often the result of damaged or unmet emotional needs in childhood. People are never perfect, so families are never perfect. As we grow up, even in some very good homes, emotional needs are sometimes not met, and gender validation is sometimes damaged.
Personality matters. Some children have a more sensitive personality or nature, too. What is shrugged off by a sibling may be devastating to the sensitive child.
If I am a young girl and I do not receive an appropriate amount of my father’s love and care, I could grow up to be sexually promiscuous, “looking for love in all the wrong places.” We don’t have any difficulty seeing the connection here.
In the same way, a young girl who receives the wrong kind of male attention at a young age (from someone sexually or physically abusive to herself, her mother, and/or her brothers and sisters) may reject her femininity because it is not a safe or desirable state. She may reject her female gender for a male or “other” role. If she adopts a male or an “other” gender identity, she will likely seek emotional validation from a woman who needs her in her “other” or male identity.
In the same scenario, the girl might keep her female gender identity but seek out a female partner who has adopted a male or an “other” gender identity. The girl would feel “safe” with this partner in every way: sexually, physically, and emotionally.
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GENDER CONFUSION AND Rejection
Gender confusion and transgenderism are labeled gender dysphoria, “a conflict between a person's physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.”
Seems like only yesterday that gender dysphoria was a psychiatric illness. Oh, wait. It was just “yesterday.” While the American Psychiatric Association still uses the term and definition of gender dysphoria, they have moved off the premise that the condition is something to be treated and “fixed.” Treatment now consists of resolving the stress, discomfort, stigmatization, and discrimination related to the patient’s preferred method of coping with gender dysphoria, whether it be medically transitioning, socially transitioning, cross-dressing, or other preferred methods.
If ever Pastor Carmichael’s message on “delusion” was timely, it is now.
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Examples of the Complexity of Homosexuality
NONE OF THE THREE AREAS I very briefly described operates on its own. They overlap and reinforce each other. What is important to acknowledge is that an individual struggling in these areas operates from a position of unmet need. The lie, the deception they embrace, can be identified in the claim that the only solution to that need is an improper relationship. Yes, “we are all broken in one kind or another,” but the answer is to call upon God to fix what is broken, not to seek solace in sin.
Example 1. A woman I know shared with me her struggle with gender identity. This wife, mother, and grandmother said that throughout her childhood and through her teen years, she wanted to be a boy, so she dressed like a boy and acted like a boy.
She did so, she said, “Because I felt that I would be safer from the abuse if I were a boy.”
Her sentiments echo exactly one of the points I am making here: She did not feel safe as a woman, so she rejected her female identity and determined to be something else. Thankfully, later in her life she found the safety she needed and learned to embrace the woman God had made her to be.
Example 2. A boy with a tender personality may have a father who is “a man’s man” and who belittles, criticizes, or in some way expresses disappointment at his son’s tenderness, when he should bring his son alongside him to learn godly manhood. A boy who experiences male rejection (real or perceived) may relate to his mother’s gender rather than his father’s and may a) adopt his mother’s feminine traits, b) experience anger, resentment, and hostility toward his father, c) long for the male affection and acceptance his father did not give him, and d) seek for that acceptance and love from older male sexual partners.
A boy with extreme anger toward his father, particularly if there is male violence in the home, may reject the male role model altogether and, thus, reject his own maleness. He may embrace a female gender or an “other” gender.
Fathers Are Essential. A child growing up in a single-parent home can struggle with the same issues listed above. Both boys and girls need a safe male role model and a father’s love and acceptance. Absent a father in the home, children may look to find a father’s attention elsewhere. Girls may seek a man’s love “in all the wrong places” and become promiscuous; boys may seek male affection through male sexual encounters.
The varied “pieces and parts” of a bad or missing father relationship (absent any godly male role model) can wreak havoc on an adolescent youth’s sexual and gender identity.
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Conclusion
AGAIN, THIS BRIEF APPENDIX is not intended to be an exhaustive treatment of homosexuality, but I would like to conclude with two observations. First, childhood and sexual development are complex, intertwined processes, but the family has everything to do with producing well-developed, well-rounded adults.
Second, no single experience or set of circumstances produces homosexuality. Family dynamics and dysfunction; how children perceive (translate) and internalize those dynamics; emotional attachment and bonding; how children observe gender roles played out; whether they identify with, are accepted into, or reject their biological gender role; early sexual trauma or experiences—desired/undesired/abusive (heterosexual or homosexual); and individual personality all impact sexual development and personal maturation.
Due to humanity’s fallen nature and the influence of sin upon the world around us, not one of us has a perfect childhood or is a perfect parent. Life manages to break all of us in some manner or fashion.
The answer to every kind of brokenness is, and always will be, Jesus.
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