“I’m not leaving, Ida Sue. You’re pushing me away. You’ve got in your head that everyone left you, but Orville didn’t, right? He gave you beautiful babies and a ranch that will take care of you the rest of your life.”
“He left, too.”
“He died, Darlin’, there’s not much you can do to stop the sands from moving through that hourglass. When it’s your time, it’s just your time.”
“I guess,” she says, her voice sounding unbelievably sad.
“Ida Sue, can you try to see this from my point of view? I don’t have one thing to offer you that you need. Nothing. I feel like there’s not one reason for me to be here. I was trying, because you needed me to take care of the ranch, but you don’t need that anymore. I can’t stay here, sleeping with the woman I love, but not having any claim to anything or anyone.”
“You want me to put your name on the deed? Because if that’s it, Jansen, I’ll do it—”
“Fuck, no. I don’t want your ranch, Ida Sue. This is land you got from your late husband. It’s hard enough sleeping in the bed you used to share with him.”
“Is that what all this is about? Your pride is hurt because your hotdog is sliding into a used bun?”
I shake my head. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to this woman.
“Can you never use hotdogs and buns as an example when we talk about me making love to you again?”
“That should be easy enough, since you’re leaving.”
“How is it so easy for you to put my name on a deed to land that you’re getting an obscene amount of money from and not marry me? I don’t understand.”
“Every time I try to reach for happiness it disappears, Jan. Every single time.”
“Ida Sue—”
“You’re not sharing the bed I had with Orville. Orville and I didn’t share a bed.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I let it go and just wait. My feet walk to her corner though, without thought and I find myself sliding down the wall to sit beside her. My hand reaches over to capture one of hers and our fingers twine together and rest on my leg. Then, I just let her talk.
“We had sex. In his bedroom, which is Maggie’s room now.”
“I don’t really need to hear—”
“I loved Orville and he loved me, but it wasn’t… it’s not…” She sighs, seemingly unable to find the words. I just stay quiet and wait, knowing she needs to get it out and also because I need to hear it.
“He was lonely. I needed someone to save me from drowning, and I was drowning, Jan. Some days, since his death, I feel like I still am. I hate admitting that. I hate that I feel weak. I can’t be weak. I have nine kids and none of them asked to be here, I brought them into this world and I’m glad. My children are beautiful, smart, loving and these complicated individuals that deserve all the good in the world. They’re the reason I keep getting out of bed every morning.”
“Ida Sue, you’re about the farthest thing from weak as I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Jan—”
I reach over and cup the side of her face, turning her so she’s looking at me.
“Honey Girl, you’re so strong you’re a freaking force of nature.”
“Don’t leave me, Jan. I’m begging you to stay. How is that for strong?”
“Will you marry me?”
“Jan—”
“Not now, Ida Sue. But in the future, once I’ve proved to whatever demon lives in that head of yours that I’m here to stay, will you finally marry me?”
“Someday, maybe. But you do know that Texas is a common law state. Technically, if you stick around we will be married.”
“You’re stubborn, Ida Sue.”
“I’ve been told that before,” she says with her first hint of a smile. “Actually, I think you said that just a little bit ago,” she adds, her grin deepening.
“I’m not going to stop asking you, common law or not, Darlin’.”
“I guess I can deal with that,” she murmurs.
“It’s going to be hard working in Lawson and coming back here every night. But I reckon’ we’ll muddle through.”
“Why would you work in Lawson?”
“That’s where the job is Ida Sue.”
“You have a job here.”
“Darlin’ I can’t keep working here. I haven’t even cashed the last two checks you paid me. I’m not going to sleep with the woman who is signing my checks. It feels too much like you’re paying me for services rendered in the bedroom.”
“Bullshit. Besides if I was doing that, then I’m severely underpaying you.”
I laugh and it’s the first time I feel like I’ve laughed in weeks.
“Except for lately, you’ve been slacking on the job,” she says with a grin.
“You’re insane, Darlin’. Damn good for my ego, but definitely crazy.”
“That’s okay, it will just keep you on your toes.”
“I got to admit, I do like that.”
Ida Sue moves then, straddling my lap and sitting down on it so that we’re facing. It seems unreal that after the emotional talk we’ve just had that something that simple could make my cock go instantly hard, but I do, my dick immediately pushing against my jeans to connect with her heat that I can feel even through our clothes.
“Then, I’m going to make a promise to you, Cowboy.”
“What’s that?” I ask, my arms going around her.
“I’m going to make it my mission to keep you on your toes for the rest of our lives.”
“Is that a fact?”
“Definitely.”
“That sounds awfully permanent, Ida Sue.”
“Jan, it’s taken me thirty-eight years to find love. If you think I’m going to give it up now, you’re the one who’s crazy.”
“Give me your lips, Honey Girl.”
“Always, Jan. Always,” she whispers as she bends down to press her lips to mine and I let go of the last little bit of doubt I have.