He woke alone, in crumpled sheets that still smelled like her. A single white feather sat on the pillow beside his head, mocking him. Rafe snatched it in a fist, and then paused. He sat up and opened his palm, looking at the now bent and wrinkled plume, and used his other fingers to smooth out the rough edges he’d created. In one swift, determined move, he rolled from his bed, gently tucked the feather into his already packed bag, and sealed it shut.
He was leaving.
There was no other option.
Not now.
Movements hasty, he threw on his leathers and shoved his feet into his boots. The only time he slowed down was as he strapped the blades to his back, sliding the scabbards around his shoulders and between his wings. It was the only part of that morning that had felt natural, had felt right. The rest was rushed and wrong, and the worst hadn’t even come yet.
Facing Xander.
Saying goodbye.
Forcing a smile to his lips as he lied through his teeth.
That was the part he dreaded, the part that left his insides in knots.
One step at a time, he told himself. Take it one step at a time. Walk across the room. Open the door. Go to Xander’s suite. Don’t think about what to say or how. Just focus on your feet, and on taking one step at a time.
So he did.
He strode across the room, twisted the knob, opened the door, and—
He stopped dead.
Xander was there waiting, a vacant look in his eyes as they lifted to find Rafe’s. Before he had time to gather his wits, Xander stepped past him and made his way inside, attention jumping from the bed to the bags to the balcony, quick, quick, quick, before settling on Rafe.
“Morning, brother.”
The voice sounded unlike anything he’d ever heard from Xander before. A shadow with no color, no light, just dull shades of gray. No life. Just noise.
“Xander, I—” But his own throat choked him, tight and void of both words and breath.
A strange smile passed over Xander’s lips, as though he were laughing at something that wasn’t funny at all. “Are you leaving?”
Rafe’s gaze dropped to the bags on the floor. “I was going to find you first, to say goodbye.”
“How thoughtful."
Though the sentiment expressed was meant to be pleasant, Rafe couldn’t ignore the ominous undertone, as if on a hot summer day a cool lake hid some silent beast, luring one closer before the kill. He licked his lips as he frowned.
Something was wrong.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
“I— I’m not sure where I’m going yet, but as soon as I get there, I’ll write…” He trailed off quietly as Xander knelt, black wings expanding to hide his torso from sight as he picked something up off the floor.
Rafe’s heart dropped.
“Did you know our mothers were friends once?” Xander murmured, still crouching on the ground.
“No,” he rasped.
“Your mother was my mother’s chambermaid,” Xander continued, motionless. “She knew all my mother’s secrets, all her wishes, all her dreams, all her deepest, darkest fears. She was my mother’s closest friend. One of the few people who saw her as just a girl, and not a princess. Not the future queen.”
Rafe swallowed.
Revulsion curled his gut, self-loathing.
“It’s funny,” Xander whispered, tone quivering as though he was struggling to keep it even and emotionless. “How fast things can change. How, in the blink of an eye, someone you thought was your best friend can become a person you hardly recognize, can’t even stand to look at or talk to. How fragile unbreakable bonds can truly be.”
Rafe’s legs grew weak. He wobbled unsteadily as Xander stood, muscles rigid and strong and assured. It was all Rafe could do not to crumble to the ground as his brother spun slowly, holding his left palm open, an emerald ring flashing brightly against his pale skin.
“I’ll return this to Lyana,” he stated, words soft but perfectly clear. “I’m sure she’s worried sick about where it might have gone.”
Rafe’s ears began to ring.
The world slowed.
The light was too bright and the shadows too dark.
He forgot to breathe.
Each step his brother took to the door made him flinch, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything. He was aware and yet not, drowning even as he tried to swim, falling even as he fought to fly, immobile even though every ounce of him wanted to move or shout or scream.
Xander stepped through the door and began to close it.
“Wait!”
Rafe lunged, gripped the edge of the door like a lifeline, and forced it open. Xander paused, glancing back over his shoulder as a violet pain flashed across his eyes.
I’m sorry, he thought.
The words were so insufficient they wouldn’t come, too weak to even speak aloud.
There’s so much you don’t understand, Xander.
But only because Rafe had never bothered to explain, to give his brother honesty or any semblance of the truth.
She saved me.
From the dragon.
From loneliness.
From myself.
In so many ways, she saved me.
It was an excuse—an excuse for a betrayal so deep, Rafe knew in his heart there was no excusing it. The magic didn’t matter. Nor did the fact that he'd fallen for her before he'd even realized who she was, and that as soon as he had, he'd tried to keep his distance, tried to stay away.
Because he'd failed. He'd known what he was doing last night, and all the nights before. He'd known, and he hadn't cared.
If he were to be honest, he would do it all again.
Rafe had his answer—love was worth any cost. Even when it was a brief star shooting across the night sky, gone before he could even hold it for a moment. It was worth it. The way she’d looked at him, as though every adventure and dream and desire lived within his gaze—he would never forget it. The memory would burn in his heart until the day he died, more powerful than any magic he’d ever known.
“Forgive her,” Rafe whispered. He didn’t deserve forgiveness, but he wanted them to find happiness together. “I won’t— I won’t be coming back.”
Xander looked away and left without saying another word.
Rafe stared at the empty spot where his brother had just stood. He stared, and stared, and stared, until his eyes burned so badly, he thought they might bleed. Then he turned, picked up his bag, and left, needing to make one final stop before he said goodbye to his homeland for good.