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Not letting my fantasies overtake my truth.
I had this dream once. Chansol and I were stuck on a deserted island, and he was in love with me. We lived happily ever after.
Never have I woken up smiling, but that day, my cheeks hurt from stretching them so far. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not that dream. This is me trying to save my idol’s reputation. I wouldn’t want him ruined over someone as inconsequential as me.
I feel bad I have to take him to the front of the hotel this way, but there’s nothing else to be done. We’re huddled side by side against the building, our arms touching, so we’re not exposed through the windows. It’s a blind spot, and no one can see us unless they came right upon us.
His body heat seeps through my clothes, gooseflesh erupting on my skin. Not a dream, I keep reminding myself, so I don’t get caught up thinking this is anything more than an escape attempt.
My hands wrap around the picture he gave me, holding it to my chest. I’m grateful that at least I have this, and the memory of him, because it’s time to let go.
“Behind those bushes, there’s a fence,” I whisper, releasing one finger to point while turning my head to see him. “It’s a tight squeeze between the building and a brick wall. And there’s a tree in the way. But it will get you out front and to safety.”
“You’re coming with me, right?” he says.
I work to keep a straight face, but inside I’m freaking out. This is totally something Chansol would say in that dream where we’re together. Only, it would be because he wanted me romantically, not because I’m helping him escape.
“I think it’ll be safer if you go alone.” I manage an even tone, despite all the wobbling happening in my stomach. “What if there’s more paparazzi out front?”
“That’s exactly why I need you,” he returns.
I press his autographed photo even closer to my chest. Anything to keep my heart from leaping out of my ribcage.
“What do you mean?” I ask, because I’m still living in that dream where Chansol needs me to be his girl. Even though I’m not.
He’s still so uncomfortably close to me. Yes, we’re hiding, but that doesn’t change what he’s doing to my body. It’s hard to think with him next to me.
“You know your way around this hotel,” he says. “If there’s more trouble, you can save me.”
Right. I’m just the employee and he’s the celebrity. He needs my knowledge, not me.
“Of course,” I say. “Yes, I’ll go with you.”
I’m still surprised how easy the Korean is coming to me, and how much I understand him. I mean, I’ve done well in my practice with my Korean teacher, but I never thought I was this good.
I feel his shoulders relax. “I’ll give you a boost over the fence,” he says. “Since I’m taller.”
Yes, he’s six feet and I’m a lot shorter, but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve scaled that fence.
“Let me show you how it’s done,” I say. I need my hands free, but I’m not losing this picture. I tuck it into the back of my pants and under my shirt to protect it. Then, I run.
The rocks scatter under my feet, but I find enough grip to propel myself forward and take a giant leap, clinging to the top of the fence.
My arm scrapes on the tree bark, but I use the trunk to get a foothold strong enough to propel me over the fence and to the other side. My feet ache and I’m a little scratched, but I did it.
“That was brilliant!” Chansol yells. I can picture his stupid giddy face. Goodness, he’s too much.
“Shhh,” I say, finger to my mouth. “They’ll hear you.”
“Right,” he says, lowering his tone. “I’ll be right over.”
I turn around to get out of his way, but he’s faster than I expect him to be. He leaps over the fence with so much force, there’s nothing I can do to retreat.
He rams into my side and both of us trip. We’re spinning and tumbling toward the ground. He’s aware enough of the situation that he presses my head into his chest and turns us as we’re about to hit, so my weight lands on him.
My glasses fly off to who knows where. He grunts as we land, no doubt the air pushed from his lungs.
Great. I’ve just bruised my favorite idol.
