CHAPTER 10

THINGS

Our idea to get my bike back wasn’t perfect, but we really hoped it would work. I was so nervous and excited that I was buzzing.

The second I stepped back into my house, however, my brain handed me a reminder.

Hairy! I ran to the bread box and threw it open. He wasn’t there. I dashed around the kitchen, frantically throwing open cabinets and drawers. Nothing. I could hear the TV on in the family room, and when I looked around the corner, there was my dad sitting on his favorite chair and eating the last bite of a sandwich while watching one of his shows.

There was no way my dad could have gotten bread without seeing Hairy. I stepped in front of the TV.

My dad’s eyes lit up.

For some reason, my dad loved it when his kids wondered. He always hoped that we were wondering about grand things like the universe or playground equipment. Of course, he was usually let down when the things we were wondering about weren’t quite that important.

My dad looked pretty disappointed. He reported on his sandwich but didn’t say anything about having seen a small creature in the bread box. I asked him if there was anything besides bread in the bread box.

I shook my head and asked him if there had been anything besides bread or bagels. He said that the only other thing in there had been one of Tuffin’s stuffed animals. He added that he had taken the stuffed animal out and tossed it into Tuffin’s room.

I was too busy running to Tuffin’s room to wonder about Tuffin’s shoving habits. I groaned, worrying about Hairy and how messy Tuffin’s room was. My little brother hates it when people touch his stuff. He won’t even let my mom clean his room. He stacks everything he owns in piles and covers most of the piles with blankets and sheets to make it look like a mountain range.

I knew that if Hairy had been thrown into Tuffin’s room, there was a good chance that he was now uncomfortable and disoriented. I pushed open Tuffin’s door, expecting the worst.

Hairy wasn’t lost or disoriented. He was standing on a pile of junk and doing some sort of spell. Tuffin’s toys and blankets were flying around the room. I stepped in and quickly closed the door as a plastic dragon flew by me followed by a toy Millennium Falcon. Hairy was smiling and chanting something in Latin. I looked on in awe until a basketball slammed me in the face.

I tumbled and fell backward, landing on Hairy. Everything dropped to the ground as the two of us rolled down one of Tuffin’s junk piles.

I brought Hairy to my room and told him all about our plan. I told him how Wilt would be by the single tree in the clearing at the Temon Cemetery at nine p.m. I told him how we were going to wear robes for disguises and tie a bunch of sheets together to make a long rope. I told him how when Wilt showed up, Rourk would signal with a duck call, and we would run around the tree and wrap him up it so that I could take my bike back.

Hairy spotted a problem—if Wilt didn’t bring my bike to the tree, then I still wouldn’t have it. I smiled and told Hairy how seeing him fly those things around Tuffin’s room had given me an idea.

I didn’t want to bring Hairy with me, but it seemed like he was just what we needed. I explained my new idea to Hairy, and he asked me all kinds of questions about Wilt. He was confused at first. Then I told him that Wilt probably would have been in Slytherin or fighting with the Empire, and he seemed to understand. I explained bullies and how it was necessary for us to teach Wilt a lesson because he made everyone miserable.

Hairy seemed incredibly willing to help.

Hairy and I talked until my mom came home and called me to come to dinner. I put Hairy into my pillow to keep him hidden while I ate.

For dinner my mom had brought home tacos from a fast food place. The food was pretty good, but the conversation was painful. My mom and dad kept insisting that I include Tuffin on my team for the Average Chef tryouts. They kept trying to convince me that he had some really good ideas. I politely told them no way.

I also tried to explain that Tuffin was too young. I thought I had them with that argument, but then, Libby ruined it.

She was right, but the five-year-old had been a supergenius from New York who was raised by chefs and lived in an old restaurant that was supposedly haunted by other dead famous chefs. I tried a different argument.

I needed a sister more noble and supportive, like Princess Leia. Libby was making things awful. I wanted to fling taco meat at her like a monkey flings its waste.

I knew, however, that I needed to play it cool. There was no way I was going to include Tuffin, but if I was too mean about it, I might not be able to go out later tonight to take on Wilt. I tried to look pathetic and sad to get some sympathy.

My dad was falling for it, but my mom wasn’t so sure. She tried one last time to guilt me into saying yes.

I told her how sorry I was, but that this might be okay, seeing as how sometimes life is hard and this probably was a good lesson for Tuffin to learn. Tuffin didn’t look very grateful at all.

After rinsing off my plate, I went to my room. Hairy was still in my pillowcase, talking to himself about casting a spell on Darth Vader. We went over the plan again and what his small role might be tonight.

Hairy was beginning to sound more and more like Dumbledore from Harry Potter. He would say wise things, but they were never quite right.

I didn’t care—I liked Hairy a lot. In fact, I was beginning to hope that my closet would never open again and that Hairy might hang around for good. I glanced over at Beardy. I think he was listening to what Hairy and I had been talking about.

I was hoping that the smile on his face meant he approved of our plan.